Boyfriend traveling abroad with ex girlfriend - does he still have feelings for her?

[Blastfromthepast]

I've been dating this guy for 6 months. 2 months into the relationship, after he met my parents and just before I was about to meet his parents, he told me that he felt guilty because he had booked 2 trips abroad with his ex (one in August and one in October). He insisted on taking the trips, told me that he's just friends with his ex. They dated for 5 years and broke up 3 years ago. The odd part is he told me that he didn't want to tell her about me (he told me they don't discuss with each other who they date), told me that he would be sharing a hotel room with her (to save money) and he hasn't had a relationship with anyone other than me since they broke up. He also won't add me to facebook - I know he uses it (he's been on it around me). My thoughts are that he has many pictures with his ex traveling abroad (they've been to several countries together) and he doesn't want me to see them. This whole situation is odd - he told me that they didn't work as a couple and continued to date mainly so they could continue to share their passion of traveling. He did however tell me that they fought on their last trip back in August. Why continue something with someone if you can't get along with that person and why hide/jeopardize promising new relationships?

[SarahsSummer]

Excuse my language but THAT IS TOTALLY FUCKED UP!! he’s insisting on taking trips with his ex? WRONG ANSWER! He doesn’t want to tell his ex he has a new girlfriend? WRONG ANSWER! If he loved and even cared about you and this relationship he has with you, he’d 1), want to take you on the trips and 2) want to tell everyone he has a new girlfriend. Please don’t be so naive as to think this is a good relationship for you to be in. He doesn’t think mush of your relationship and by extension doesn’t think much of you except he must be thrilled he can reationalize his shitty behavior and have you accept it. Don’t.

[widdershins_]

I agree 100%. He's not even trying to pretend that the relationship is his main priority. He's blatantly putting his ex before her and she should stop letting him waste her precious time.

[miiszmel]

AGREED!

[BystanderSyndrome]

People shouldn't be together all the time. Men work so our time at home can be more valuable and precious.

[SarahsSummer]

@BystanderSyndrome what on earth are you talking about? do you often post irrelevant answers to questions you didn’t read?

[daffodile]

I couldn't agree with you more!!

[LunaJ]

i'm only going to point out 2 things:
1. he doesn't event mentioned you to her.
when I'm only a friend with a guy, we talk about our relationships too. i have more male friends than girls.
2. they "broke up" 3 years ago. yet they go to program only the 2 of them. private, intimate program.
and you don't find it suspicious⁉❔❓❕

[LunaJ]

😦 what happened with my English 🇬🇧

[RJGraveyTrain]

Yeah that's fucked up. I would not be okay with that at all. If he's hiding you and insists on going on trips abroad, sharing a room with her, and insists on keeping you a total secret... sorry, but that smells like "scumbag."

[AlphaM1]

Lets go over what you said. Dating 6 months, he felt guilty, he had booked 2 trips with his ex. Told you he is friends with the ex (5 years in and broke up 3 years ago) first question he booked the trips 3 years ago? The odd part he didn't tell her about you, sharing a hotel room together with her. They continue to date mainly to share their passion of traveling. I'll stop here and tell you. something is wrong big time because if he is sharing his passion with someone else and not you then there is a problem. Either you talk to him and tell him to tell you the truth or if you can tolerate it then go ahead.

[jdashado]

Did you offer to buy the trip so he could pass on going? Its expensive to travel. Should he just eat the loss so that you're insecurity is pampered? Just a thought. He's not married and he's paid for the trip. I see nothing wrong with it. Whether you tolerate it is your decision.

[BystanderSyndrome]

This also

[jdashado]

Well truth hurts dont it.

[Blastfromthepast]

You know - I think I'm a fairly reasonable person. My immediate response to him was: "If you want to take these trips then we need to just casually date until these trips are over." He was extremely upset, broke down and told me he didn't want that. He didn't want me to date other guys. I requested to meet his ex but he didn't want that either because he thought it would be weird. And I don't expect people to throw away money (especially since he did book the trips before we met) - it's the other things (hiding me, not wanting me to meet the ex girlfriend, feeling guilty about it) that bother me.

[jdashado]

Maybe she's done damage or caused trouble to other relationships? My ex went out of her way to call everyone on my FB and tell them i was crazy yada yada yada. Im still reeling from her meddling and ill never allow anybody the access or trust she had ever again because of it. It may be a blessing? Some people are real fucking psychos that will lash out at a stranger because it pleases them ylto do so or the mood for the moment called for it.

[jdashado]

by the way it was fairly reasonable the offer to casually date. I guess its kinda like putting your vagina on the market to the highest bidder whos most submissive to your demands. Not very mature though. Its like he should have been grandfathered in and if there were a Union protecting the rights and interests of both sexes this one would be a doozy and make press.:)

[spuitkaas]

Very shady. Why does he travel with her and not with you? You might like traveling as well and you're his girlfriend.

He doesn't really respect your feelings to be honest. He must understand that he's hurting you by doing this. It sounds like other things in his life are more important than you.

[BystanderSyndrome]

She has to tell him she's uncomfortable with this. If she says nothing, he'll never know. We don't pick up on stupid shit. Also, people must spend some time apart or they'll go crazy. Even best friends aren't with each other all the time.

[spuitkaas]

Ofcourse she should tell him, but if he really doesn't understand that this is very uncomfortable for her then he must be autistic or something or doesn't take the relationship seriously.

Sure, but then you don't go traveling alone with your ex for a long time and sleep in the same hotel.

[jdoutworld]

Ok. So generally I look at things and say when a guy wants to keep a relationship a secret. I am not down for that. Traveling abroad on a trip or two with an ex booked before you met. Ok. Not telling her... not ok. Not at least letting friends on Facebook know about your relationship... not ok. Not showing you pictures they took... not ok.

This stinks. I'm not saying he's cheating or doing anything with her but there are correct ways to run a relationship and he isn't doing those things.

[WalterRadio]

Were you born yesterday?

They are going to sleep together.

[Anonymous]

Oh gosh. He is your boyfriend. And he is not acting like one! I would be so so so so so upset. Not the part that he's traveling with his ex. But, why he seems so strange and hides everything! If i were you, i will ask him to told me everything (honestly) why he do what he did or i will just end it.

Really, girl, you deserve better.

[Mado108]

I cannot believe what I just read! Girl, please go far away from him... He is playing with you, he is still with that girl. They are going sleep together. You’re going to be hurt.

[Wonderingfool]

he's going to try to get with her at some point during that trip; even if he honestly isn't planning to now :)

[Idontknow012]

Really?

[Mado108]

Me too! This is beyond madness

[QueenofCups]

Sounds like he still likes her. Also, I have NEVER booked a trip three years in advance. Sounds suspicious to me. Why doesn't he just cancel and get his money back?

[Richareens]

This is some shady shit. Just when you're about to meet his parents. Dump his ass.

[Richareens]

And not telling her he has a girlfriend. OMG HE CAN FUCK OFF ALREADY. SIKES, I FEEL BAD FOR YOU. You're probably just a rebound, sorry sweetheart. But damn I'm fucking annoyed at this dickhead for leading you on. Please please please dump his stupid ass.

[miiszmel]

AGREEEDD!

[daffodile]

Something seems "fishy". No mention of you. No Facebook. Personally the whole thing doesn't sit well with me. 😞

[Kuraj]

I think you need to reevaluate the extents of your trust in people.
Also, dumpity dumpity your boyfriend.

[TacosRAwesome]

Why would someone book a trip with someone who they've not been with for 3 years? I'm willing to bet that you're the side piece and meeting the parents was an act.

[BigBadBo]

Look... You might dislike me for saying this... But he's playing you... Hard..

[BystanderSyndrome]

Depends if they act like brother and sister now. If she's basically family, you'll be fine. If they don't even talk much, you should worry.

[Blastfromthepast]

They don't - they barely see each other except to travel

[BystanderSyndrome]

@Blastfromthepast Okay, now it's suspect.

[tuxedochimp]

Just start dating other people and tell him they're your friends. You might as well do what he is.

[BystanderSyndrome]

Very quick way to end a relationship.

[Anonymous]

Girl, that's bs. Don't hate me for saying this. That man is selfish. They're planning to go f*** in a different country. Sounds like a honeymoon to me. If he hide you from his Facebook, what else is he hiding?

[chrisbigman]

Possibly. Why is he traveling with her? Yeah, I'd say he still has feelings for her. What he's doing is VERY strange, for someone in a relationship.

[Anonymous]

Too many red flags here. If I had to hedge a bet I'd go with they'll end up sleeping together.

[DesiBeautyLover]

I would say so. No one travels abroad with their ex.

[brlucas92]

Run. Run far away and never look back.