Which is worse, being rejected right away or being led on by someone who is too nice to be honest?

[PunkinPie]

Being rejected is worse

Being led on is worse

They're equally bad

I don't know

[Starrk]

Being led on is way worst. When a someone leads you on, you're feelings for that person starts to develop pass the infatuation stage and you seriously start to imagine yourself being with this person in a committed relationship.

As a result you stand by their side for an entirety waiting for them to finally seal the deal, but that never happens because the person in question don't see you in a romantic way. This leaves you in this never ending cycle of trying to gain the love of someone who will never love you back.

I'll rather be rejected right away, because at least I'll know with certainty where me and her stand. The sooner she reject me, the sooner I can get over her and thus the sooner I can start looking for someone else.

Being rejected does sting for a while, but I'll rather walk away with a sore ego then to walk away looking like a complete fool who was played like a puppet.

[ArrowheadSW]

Well if someone does reject someone, it probably shouldn't be real quickly on. Sometimes people are just being friendly and if someone rejects them thinking they were showing romantic interest, it comes across as "weird". For example, I belonged to a club and I met up with a lady who was a member of the club for an outdoors event. She was "cold" and lacked eye contact the entire time. I was trying to be friendly and discuss my involvement with the outdoors event. When I got home, there was an e-mail that said that she hoped I realized this was "just friends" and that she has other men who are just friends... Kind of a weird thing to say on her part for just going going to the same event. And heck, she agreed to meet up with me. LOL

[PunkinPie]

OMG that's crazy

[ArrowheadSW]

LOL I know. She did other things that were weird socially after that also. A couple of years after that incident that I described above, we actually did hang out and were involved with the outdoors hobby together, then she got weird again... Last I saw her though she was fine so I'll be optimistic and say she's better now... LOL

[mak_1]

I've never been led on by anyone, but some guys have told me that I did that to them and I think it's really awful. I would never do it intentionally, but I really hate immediately rejecting someone. I think it is better to just let people know up front that you have no interest in them though because it gets a lot messier once they become emotionally invested in you.

However, from the other perspective, sometimes you don't mean to lead someone on even if you are getting to know them after initially thinking you would never want to date them. Often once you learn more about someone and who they are as a person, they become a lot more attractive. If they don't know, it may seem like you led them on from the start when really you were just trying to feel things out and it just ultimately didn't work out.

[PunkinPie]

Yes, this is what I was trying to get at. People who mean well but they aren't sure yet or just hate rejecting people outright and try to do a slow fade.

[Fitness-Fanatic]

By being led on, because they've manipulated you into believing you mean something to them. When in reality, you discover you mean nothing to them at all

If you're rejected right away , you know exactly where you stand. Whereas being lead on, you develop feelings and envision a future together. It can make a person feel humiliated and a fool for being taken in, and believing in lies. Their dreams become shattered

It's easier for most people to move on from someone who rejected them right away. Being led on causes trust issues in a lot of people. They question their own perception of others , and their own ability to see through lies

[Fitness-Fanatic]

Thanks for the MHO 🌷

[Js138]

Being rejected up front isn't nearly as bad as being led on and then turned down. If you've been seeing a guy for a while, your feelings start to grow and rejection at that point would hurt much more. A good guy will be honest about his feelings and intentions from the start. Sure it might take a chip out of your self esteem, but it's easy to dust yourself off and get back out there.

[MarianneF]

Being led is a trust issue, so it's not just finding the truth later, it's the other person that has been lying during all this time. Unless that lie is actually producing real positive results (and that is why I am using so many words for the "unless" part) there is no excuse for deceiving people.

[PrincessPie]

Being led on, i might end up getting feelings and get hurt.
If i'm rejected right away then i'd be less bothered by it.

[genericname85]

you know finding out if someone fits or not is not always immediately apparent... you may need to see someone for some time to be sure so you can't help but seeming like you're still interested, cause you actually are xD it's not always clear as night and day but if you grow sure they don't fit to you, you have to move on and that may seem to the person who wasn't on the same page with that as though you did that on purpose just to make them sad, when actually there was just no way around it in order to be sure.

[random56286]

There is nothing that bothers me more than the look of disgust as if I am a preditor. Any more, I'm afraid to even say hi to an attractive woman but at least with someone who leads me on, I am able to feel some amount of acceptance.

[PunkinPie]

But, are you a predator?

(kidding!)

[random56286]

Never have been. I run a soccer pickup and last week, there was a kids practice before our pickup. I made a comment about one of the drills they were running. This women glanced then turned and faced the other way. I had been interacting with several other people. This seems to be worse after the sexual abuse cases in the news.

[PunkinPie]

I'm confused. Why do you think she assumed your soccer comment was sexual?

[random56286]

The problem is, the more this happens, the more withdrawn I become and the more likely I am to be seen as a preditor simply because I will become more awkward.

[random56286]

I have no idea. Her reaction seemed as if I was making an unwanted advance even though all I was doing is talking soccer. It was a similar reaction you might have if a bum approached you asking for money.

[PunkinPie]

I wouldn't read too much into it. It seems to me like you're overreacting from a look. She might have disagreed with your opinion about the soccer, she may have been looking past you towards the parking lot for her husband who was late picking them up, or any number of things.

[random56286]

I read recently that more women die of heart attacks because CPR is not administered than men because men who are available to perform CPR don't for fear of being accused of sexual assult. I don't really take this personally but all the little things add up and I am not the only person who seems to be negativity affected by the attitude. Just venting though.

[PunkinPie]

I still think you're jumping to conclusions if you were talking to other people and this woman just happened to glance your way and glanced back.

[lovelyhoneybones]

I'd rather be rejected. There's been too many times I've been led on and it's not a good feeling. One, you're wasting my time. Two, you're playing with my emotions. I don't need you to pretend to be into me to be polite. Either you like me or you don't. It's simple.

[Chaz269]

There's no such thing as being "too nice to be honest". Lying, deceiving, misrepresentation, even the deliberate omission of the truth are terrible things to do. Especially to someone who thinks enough of you to risk rejection in order to get to know you better.

[Billyscotter]

“Being led on by someone who is too nice to be honest”?
I’ll lie to you, because I’m just nice like that.

This poll is kind of garbage. Of course the results will be skewed when you word the question the way you did.

[PunkinPie]

Really? Hm. How would you have worded it?

[PunkinPie]

I'm trying to get at the idea that the person means well but just hates rejecting people so they fumble around half-heartedly

[Billyscotter]

Girls tend to find rejecting guys unpleasant. They don't enjoy it much. The problem with people who lead someone on: usually they're legitimately attracted to the person and want the person, so act in a way that invites the other person to make a move. Maybe there's something getting in the way of them following through, like a boyfriend is in the picture. But the result is that the recipient often feels played and confused, and the confusion is what hurts the most (and the confusion makes being led on harder to get over than just being rejected quickly).

[amotemerara]

If you're rejected then you immediately know that person isn't into you and you can move on but if that person leads you on, it'll feed you thoughts and feelings that aren't going to be reciprocated and what started out as a crush could turn into you falling hard for that person only to be told they were never into you and that stings way more than rejection because you had time to soak it all in and believe them

[Cowardcrybaby15]

I'd highly appreciate it if the guy told me head on that we would be nothing more than two people hooking up for the mean time, rather than letting me believe that we can be something more than that.

[CHARismatic110]

Being led on. HANDS DOWN. No compeition. Being rejected hurts. Being led on IS being rejected AFTER being made to think that feelings were reciprocated.

[matheus_mb]

Being led on is way worse. Rejection gives you an imediate closure, being led on can create false hopes and give you a big pain later.

[mysteriousGirl28]

Being lead on, because you thought he liked you, he made you believe that he liked you too but no intentions to love you.

[zahriawalker]

Being led on is worse because they accept you and let you go over and over again

[Sienna-Rose]

Being led on is definitely far worse. People can deal with the truth that much easier.

[xoxofan]

Aw man I picked the wrong one. Being lead on hurts more

[anametouse]

Led on easily worse. Honesty is the best policy. I can respect upfront rejection, but letting me think you are interested just to shoot me down? Shit's not cool fam, I have a heart too

[Robsinsf53]

Led on gets called names, even by me maybe. It's happened to me a few times and I call them cunts and move forward. "too nice to drop the person, like I know we're through".

[Longlegs1979]

Being lead on thinking there something then it was just a game is worst then being rejected.

[gobsmacked3]

being led on for you play a huge part in facilitating this

[cutemz]

Being led on because it could be pretty embarrassing

[alex1987xx]

Being led on is worse because you develop feelings for that person.