Would you rather be rejected or ignored?

[Insightfull]

You want to get to know someone of the opposite gender. You reach out. Would you rather be rejected or ignored and why?

Rejected

Ignored

Not sure

Updates

+1 y

I have solved my problem with being ignored, and come up with a saying:
"Sure, you don't have to respond, and I don't have to like you"

[newblinds]

Rejected.

Recently I contacted a person who made some content that I enjoyed and who were coming across as someone who "gets around" a lot, and open with sexual stuff.

So, I said I enjoyed their content and they replied within the day, but then later I also propositioned them if they would be into some of the sex stuff they were going on about, I felt I should be honest since I hadn't only contacted them because I was a fan of their content.

They said they weren't here for that stuff, but their messages were also strange because they were sending barely legible messages with huge spelling mistakes but their content is written normally. Ok that's fine they weren't interested, but then I asked if they weren't here for just normal questions I could ask to know them in general.

This time they did not reply, but then a while later they added an unrelated comment to one of my questions, so I replied about the message I'd sent them... they still didn't reply.

After maybe one or two weeks I left a follow up message, just asking if they were there... still no reply after quite some time.

I very much resent this person for ignoring my effort to get a resolution, I don't think my actions were out of line or were deserving of me being ignored. Some people would even try to take revenge on them after being ignored.

It would have been good if they had done the courtesy of saying they didn't want to talk to me since I'd propositioned them, or whatever the reason was. Since I was the one putting myself out there and not being rude about it, I think I deserve to be able to talk through it so it's ok for both of us.

People say you should get the hint if you're ignored, but non communication isn't the way to solving problems in a healthy way for everybody. But I think these types of people were raised in a way where they were ignored, or have a genetic component to not empathize with others, so they continue the toxic behaviour and are unable to see it as a wrong thing for them to do.

[meesegoMoo]

A rejection would allow me to keep respecting the person. No ill will there. Ignoring somebody is both inconsiderate and immature, she's gonna lose some of my respect and likely any chance of friendship.

[arasu3]

Yup, being rejected is better than ignored. ignored is inconsiderate and it shows that she has no respect for you, besides the point she has no interest in you.

[mrfoox]

Rather rejected I believe. Even if they aren't completely honest, then I'd get an answer. Being ignored is never fun, very few people like being treated like air.
In the end I think it's easier to move on by getting a 'no' as well. It's easier to work through and get over. Getting no answer, your mind may still linger on it, wondering if maybe they will answer you, or maybe the message just didn't get through and so on... It's not good for your feelings, I'd rather be a little hurt, work it through and then be on my way

[Cynicaldreamer]

Both options are terrible really. But if I had to choose, I'd say ignored. If someone ignores me enough, I get the hint they're not interested or want to date me and I'll stop talking to them or flirting with him.

Rejection, they flat out tell you they don't like you or want to date you. Which tends to hurt your self esteem more.

[Insightfull]

I think being ignored hurts more because it's sending the clear message that I am not worth responding to

[Cynicaldreamer]

True, but I'm just looking at it from my perspective; I know it differs per person. By ignoring me, it shows he's not interested, much less wants to talk to me. So I'm not even going to bother pursuing or flirting with him anymore.

If he flat out rejects me... well look at it this way: imagine flirting, teasing, and going out of your way to impress a girl only to be shot down. You've put in all this work assuming they like you.

At least if they give you the cold shoulder off the bat you KNOW it's not worth wasting your time on him or her. And you can move on to someone else, before you invest all your time and energy into someone not worth the effort.

[Insightfull]

@Cynicaldreamer I see where you're coming from. I can easily relate to flirting and going out of my way to impress a girl, putting myself out there, only to be shot down.. it has happened so many times that it doesn't affect me anymore.

And just because she's not interested in my sexually doesn't mean that she's not worth keeping in my life. Maybe we'll be friends. That's not a waste of time.

If they give me the cold shoulder, then we definitely won't be friends. Rejection can be warm, or at least not cold. Being ignored is always cold and disrespectful.

[little_bird1]

Well, try being ignored IN A RELATIONSHIP. Fun times! The ignoring/ghosting has some to such a level that it has become ABSURD. Nowadays people don't just ignore flirting, they took it to the next level by ignoring their partners as well, hoping they will "get the hint". Even long-term friends do this! I simply have no comment for today's society.

[Cynicaldreamer]

@little_bird1 Okay now THAT is disrespectful and a whole another rant! Yeah I've been there, especially friendship wise. Rather than talk to you or ask to end things, they just ghost or "forget" about you, hoping you'll get the hint and move on 😡

Remember when people were considerate or said when they had a problem? I miss those days.

[little_bird1]

@Cynicaldreamer Yes, it's unbelievable. Some even "inform" you that you are done by simply blocking you off social media or your number. One tap on the button and done. Like wtf?

I miss the old days, call me old fashion but I don't remember being like this back then. Back then it was a HUGE insult even breaking up over text, everyone would curse at that person. Now it's the norm, you're lucky if you get a text at least.

[Cynicaldreamer]

@little_bird1 It's this lazy, selfish mentality people have now.
People are too afraid of confrontation and accepting responsibility for their actions. So they hide behind their phones and computers instead! "I don't want to deal with her drama. I'm going to ghost her instead... she'll get the hint! Smh. I wish there were consequences for doing that to someone.

I remember last year this guy I liked gave me a breakup... OVER TEXT. The ultimate insult 🤦‍♀️ And people wonder why I'm so cynical? People made me that way!

[little_bird1]

@Cynicaldreamer Well, my most recent ex gave me a breakup by GHOSTING me. So yeah, I feel ya.

[Cynicaldreamer]

@little_bird1 Are you serious?
Jerk. You dodged a bullet if he's that way. Still, sorry that happened.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

I think it's nicer to let someone down gently than to just ignore them. Now if you've nicely rejected them and they still don't get it or still won't give up, then that's when I'll just ignore.

[Insightfull]

@Brainsbeforebeauty yea totally. It seems fair to ignore someone if they don't give up after rejecting them. Hypothetically, I would be increasingly direct and less friendly. (like the way I rejected @MelissaFlori's 3 spammy comments ;)

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Lol right

[ManOnFire]

This is a really good question. I actually voted B, simply because if you ignore me then I already know where you stand so I don't need to bother approaching you and get rejected.

[Insightfull]

Thanks!

[little_bird1]

It's sad how this is even a question.
I go for rejection, every time. Simple, kind and direct. Ignoring someone or someone's humble advances just shows lack of respect. By ignoring you are leading them on, emotionally abusing them and giving them false hope. You are also wasting their time. How can anyone know what you're thinking about if your not vocal about it? Haven't people learned that ignoring is rude? It's a general discipline. I applaud parents who didn't teach their children this. This world would be a better place if people simply knew how to communicate.

[Insightfull]

It is sad that this is even a question..

[LEETSBEREAL]

Mmm going back to the days I actually gave a crap I would not mind either because either way you know it's clear. But rejection is best. Did it happen? Of course not just constant stringing along which I don't fucking have patience for. So all that happened is I ended up making the decision for them! They got a month And if I end up making the decision for them, their loss don't be expecting any kind of relationship of any format later coz I lost all respect for them the minute they thought wasting my time was acceptable behavior.

[KeziL]

This guy kept intermittently ignoring me. Like sometimes he'd talk to me, snap me once a day, annoying. I got fed up because I'm someone who would rather just know what's up and then I can deal with it. So I asked what he wanted, basically got rejected, that was fine, at least I knew. Now he's back to his dumb snap me once a day games, and normally I'd just strategically ignore the boy at this point until they give up, but I don't know I'm struggling to make myself do that with him.

[Insightfull]

Sounds like he might be playing games with you. It's theoretically possible to make a woman want you by pushing them away. It seems like an awful thing to do to someone.

Or he doesn't know what he wants. Or he regrets rejecting you. Maybe when you asked straight up he panicked from the directness and pressure of making the decision in that moment.
Yea. That seems more likely than playing stupid push-and-pull games

[KeziL]

We're freshmen in college (my age on here isn't right). He mentioned that when I asked him, wrote out some explanation. "it's freshman year and I'm not ready for commitment and won't be for a long time, if that's what you're asking, blah blah so let's just be friends." Like he just wants to be a freshman guy and hoe around and that's fine, but I don't understand why he keeps playing games with me if he doesn't even want anything out of it. (he definitely was not trying to be just friends over the first couple months we knew each other). I tried. It's his turn to actually try if he wants something, but I guess not.

[Anoniemus]

I don't care. If they reject me, that's fine, and I move on. Does it hurt? Sure, but it's nothing to become bitter about.

Ignored? I wouldn't talk or approach in the first place so I don't care. I'm excellent at ignoring people back so it truly doesn't matter.

[Iwjwmsmsnsjsns22]

Yeah I've been ignored before i guess (fade out) and at first it made me so ridiculously angry. It was insane and i after wards realized it was kinda unjustified to be that mad. People have a right to not be forced to talk to someone and i dont know why he chose to fade away. I have had to ignroe people as well whether in dating or other situations and i did not want them to be angry at me for it. There could be so many reasons someone ignores someone else so i dont wanna judge and get angry about it anymore. And we have the right to avoid someone. Who knows maybe someone is scared or highly uncomfortable with talking to you and you can't see why that would be... But respect their wishes. Ignoring can be seen as rejection. So its the same thing.

[Mustachekitteh]

Being strung along not knowing where y'all stand would be AWFUL. Rather just be rejected than to be ignored so I'm not wasting my time waiting around for someone that I don't have any chances of being with.

[Insightfull]

Yea you're right. It is

[lifelearner011]

I prefer to be gently rejected. It takes courage to approach someone an respect to clearly and in a kind way let the person go.

[Insightfull]

I so agree. Gentle rejection all the way lol

[emmamarie]

rejected because at least it’s more straightforward. If I’m just being ignored, that makes it even worse bc I would just be assuming things and would never know the truth

[SarahsSummer]

is there a difference? In both cases you are not getting the interaction you hope for.

[Insightfull]

Rejected is "we don't match"
Ignored is "you're not worth my time"

You can't fault someone for not being interested, but you can fault them for being disrespectful by ignoring you. It also leaves no room to move beyond the rejection, for example to friendship if appropriate to the situation (I usually try to be friends, as there was something about that person that I like in the first place). If they just ignore then it's difficult to keep respecting them.

[SarahsSummer]

yeah, you're right. Ignoring someone is devoid of all human decency.

[ghost_101]

I feel like being ignored is rejection lmao. They’re both pretty bad

[Insightfull]

It might be, but you don't know for sure. And there's no way to move beyond the rejection. Maybe you would have become friends.

[BeanieCoatman]

Ignored, being ignored is jus saying you dont like mr without an insult,
But rejection is when they let you know they dont like you, combined with an insult, like “go away creep”
If rather jus be told to go away without verbally telling it and no following insult

[backinblack22]

Treat people how you want to be treated. Be polite yet direct. Say “thanks for reaching out to me but out of respect I’m going to be honest, I’m not interested.” Leave at that. 95 percent of people will get the message. For the other 5 percent you can rude if you have to. But always give everybody one chance.

[TacosRAwesome]

I think being ignored is being rejected, at least for a woman.

[Insightfull]

@TacosRAwesome what do you mean "for a woman"? As in, when a woman is ignored or ignores?
Do women get ignored often?

[chubbychintu]

It's better to shut your mind from his/her thoughts than constantly lingering for his/her answer and lowering your self respect even more

[BobbyC65]

Both are vary bad to go through. it's heart breaking. :(

[Insightfull]

@MelissaFlori Previous comment seemed like a good example, but maybe you actually are a scammer?

[anon1903]

Def ignored. Cuz I myself do not have what it takes to reject somebody. I've never rejected anyone so that'd hurt me ten fold.


PS. I know I'm terrible but ignorance is really a bliss.

[Insightfull]

@anon1903 like this:
Hey, you wanna go for a drink? I'd like to get to know you.
"Sorry.. You really like a really sweet guy, though. I'm sure you'll find someone :)"

[Insightfull]

If there's something in particular that you found to be offputting about a particular guy, you could tell him what it is and that would help him for next time.
(For example, see my responses to @MelissaFlori's spammy comments lol (which I think are trying to make a point)

[anon1903]

I think I'd stick to ignorance.

[anon1903]

woah you know her? dude.

[coolhandroo]

Hell of a question. Seriously telling in terms of deep personality psychology I would imagine. That being said I would personally rather be rejected if I couldnt use a loophole like lying to myself and saying I wasn't ignored they didn't see me or recognize me or blah blah blah.

[zed-789]

Rejected. I don’t even need an explanation. Just say ur not interested.