How long should I wait to be asked on a second date?

I went on a date with a guy a few nights ago and it went really well. We ended up staying in the bar for 7 hours, the chat was great and I felt like he was really keen. When we said goodnight he told me he wanted to see me again and took my number (we were previously talking on tinder). He text me the next day all day, and all of today. The texts have been really good, lots of questions and flirting but no mention of a second date. In my experience, when a guy is interested, he locks down a second date before the first is over, or within the first few text messages. So is hope lost, or should I carry on the chit chat?

Updates:
Thanks for the advice everyone! I took the majority advice and asked him for a second date. He said yes and we had a great date last night!

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Some guys buy into this dating game of not letting a girl know how much you like her and waiting a few days just to keep her from getting over-confident about you or thinking that you are desperate. If I go out with a girl and it's a great first date, at the end of the date, I will say "I hope I can see you again," and if she says, "yes," then I say, "I'll call you within a few days to set up our next date. And then we both go home knowing exactly where we stand with each other.

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    • Sounds like a game, everyone needs to just be real and forget trying to or not to appear something that you’re not

    • RESPONSE TO UPDATE: I'm glad that you took the advice and did not worry about following "the rules." Don't be afraid to let a guy know how you feel; if that scares a guy and makes him run, you probably didn't have much future with him anyway. Good luck!

Most Helpful Girl

  • He either lost interest, or he doesn't want to seem too eager so he's making you wait

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 161

  • Waiting implies sitting around. Don't do that. Don't wait, don't expect anything, do whatever you would be doing if you hadn't had the first date. Or just get it over with and ask him yourself and find out if he's still interested. In the meantime, if another guy asks and you are interested, go.

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  • I'd say just ask him. Guys don't mind a woman being forward. If you want a date don't be scared to ask for it. It's better than waiting around,

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  • You could be brave and ask him out XD. Of course then you have to pick a place that relates to you. And then you can share something special about why its a special place to you. And he will be also so impressed that you were brave enough to take the lead.

    Or you can wait XD. But if you wanted him to get true feelings fast of how you feel about him. By all means do my idea XD.

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  • Don´t worry. Guys hate to look desperate so it might take some time before a second date. As for me, I usually agree on the second date roughly 5-7 days after the first date. If you want to test the waters, you can ask him what he´s doing next weekend. There´s no reason why you couldn´t ask him out. If he really enjoys your company, it´ll just be really nice for him. And if he doesn´t, well you´ll know immediately and then you can move on quicker. Anyway, don´t sweat it.

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  • The fact that you said he was texting you all day after the date makes me think he likes you but is too scared to make a move and ask you out.

    But, it could also be that he could just have been texting you cause he was bored and the reality is that he thinks he's the catch out of you two so is going to date other girls and maybe see you if you ask him out if he's free.

    So you can:

    A. Stop being a pussy and ask him out and find out if he's keen (and if he's not you stop wasting your time and emotional energy)

    OR

    B) Continue texting him as a penpal, whilst he goes out on fun dates with other girls, escalating with them physically, kissing, and sleeping with them etc.

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  • No you do not need to have the second date pre-planned like that. Our lives are constantly changing and things come up, or he may be waiting on pay day to make sure his bills are paid. Normally if your still talking after the first date, you have 2 weeks to set up the next date until things progress to in your own living areas

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  • He's got time to text you for that long but not arrange a date? Even for the following week or two..

    If I was you I'd tell him you'd love to see him again. Then stop messaging him.
    If he can't take the initiative and arrange a date then either he has something to hide or is unsure of himself..

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  • i think you can start talking about a second date any time. when i was dating if a date went really well i'd usually broach a second date during the date or text the next day saying 'i had so much fun. when can we do it again?'

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  • He might be afraid of coming on too strong too soon. Some of us worry about "looking desperate" as well. Things went well and you are still talking, yes absolutely keep it going. He will eventually I'm sure. But why don't YOU ask? Just say something like "so, when are we going out next?". Nothing wrong with that. He might still be trying to gauge your interest in him, especially if you haven't really shown it. If you like him enough, ask! :)

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  • I'd say that you should suggest it if he hasn't within a couple of days. I reckon if you ask him he's got to accept or come up with an excuse if he's not keen or he's just messing with you. Endless texting just keeps you in the friendzone forever lol.

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    • Great to hear it worked out for you, here's to the 3rd one! 👍🙂

  • So let me get this right. You're enjoying the chit chat... yet wonder if you should terminate interaction at all based on 2nd date probability? something you seem to want, but are not initiating yourself either.

    Literally just waiting for him to make that move, he's taking too long, and so now you're considering just cutting ties despite everything doing so well otherwise...

    ... interesting.

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  • Why don’t you ask him for the second date?

    Besides, he might be busy exploring other leads at the moment, if he wants you he’ll get back to you.

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  • Patience. 2 - 3 days and you could always be forward about it. I never really get to a second date. If we click then we hang out talk chill. So good luck.

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  • 7 hours? That's fucking crazy. I'd be bored after 1. 2 tops. Shit, what do people have to talk about for 7 hours? I could figure out someone's life history in less time than that. Jesus.

    Anyways, I don't see a reason to stop messaging him, especially if he's continued messaging you.

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  • Show initiative!
    He probably waiting on that you show you have a own drive to make it happen, participant, you aren't like the rest, real interest, that it is a 2-way thing instead of what many girl's usually do that he should make things happen.

    In short terms.
    Woman up and take what you want!

    (If he runs for that he is a mismatch)

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  • You too can propose a date.

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  • I have always asked for the 2nd date on the first text or call following the 1st date. Actually when I've had a date that you described, all day chat and all, I've secured the second date before the first was over, lol. Hope lost? Chit chat? Would you let it go without sayin "aren't you going to ask me out again?"

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    • Bravo, congratulations. Did you two already make plans for a third? Don't wait around... LOL...😂

  • What prevents you from asking him out?

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  • There is no rule that says you can't ask him out on a date. And to be honest, many men find it flattering.
    Bonus: if you ask him out you will find out very quickly if he is interested.

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  • You should wait and see if he will message you again. If he doesn't forget about him, lots of fish in the sea ;). Have self confidence and love yourself, don't care about if the guy doesn't't want to see you again, it's not the end of the world. He doesn't't have to lock a second date directly after the first one, maybe he is waiting for you to make a move like message him, hey, how are you? :) so in my opinion if you didn't ask about him after first date, make a move and show him that you care at least 40%. Its not always the guy who has to work hard for a girl, peace.

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  • Rather than waiting for him to get around to it, take the initiative and suggest something, e. g., "why don't we talk about this on Thursday at Bar XYZ?"). I'd have thought that he would have asked you on a second date by now, but he clearly likes you, so feel free to suggest something to him.

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  • Don't wait. Ask him out.

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  • chat a little and then talk about the date that it was fun you ahd a great time. and hope for the best if he does not bring it up then you be the lady all man dream of and ask him out. if he says no its a shame but you are a lady many man wait in line to date with you

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  • It's not over. It's also not always his responsibility to initiate a date. If you like him, ask him on a date. I'm old fashioned, but this is something I'll be progressive on. Girls asking the guy out is cute.

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  • If you are really wanting a second date, don't be afraid of asking him out. Traditionally, guys do the asking out, but we really love it when a girl asks us out on a date.

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  • How many days has it been? Be patient if it's only been a few days. Best thing to to do is back off the chat. Take care of your daily responsibilities and don't dwell on what he may or may not ask. Now, that doesn't mean ignore him or play games, just keep conversations short. He will crave your time more.

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    • They both have take care of daily repsonsibilities. If that meant no time for thinking about whether they see each other agin nothing would happen... so why is it dwelling if she thinks about it.

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    • #TFXNYC

      just to be clear im not saying you should personally do things differently than however they work for you... I was just responding to what you said based on what i think/ do, and i wondered if you had thought if things from a different perspective.

    • @Analinda1999 You have valid points, however, I still stand by what I suggested. Unfortunately, you have over-analyzed what I said. We can just agree to disagree.

  • Why he should be the only one interested in setting a second date? Why he should be the only one to take risks?

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  • Carry on the chit chat, and see where it leads. Not all guys are fast movers, and it could be he does not have the funds to date right now.

    You could drop hints about seeing each other again, and see how he responds.

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  • Whenever he is ready he will set it up. You can inquire, be bold and see if he's thinking about going out. Would be nice if more women had the courage to go after what they want... But those are few and far between. If he hasn't asked. Then he will in his time. If you are too anxious to go on a date and inpatient to wait on him... Find someone else.

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  • Well you could take the high road and just ask him out, it works more often than you may think. I know I've spent way to much time trying to plan out a perfect date and more often than not just given up. On the other hand if you want to be mildly devious (always fun😈) find something that is very accessible cheap and fun, find out sometime he will be available and a couple days before drop an "Oh I really wanted to do this but my friend all Bailed and I don't want to go alone, so dissapointed" if he is interested he will jump on it immediately. Best part is it's not that dishonest it's just pointing him where he needs to go a little.

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What Girls Said 41

  • Ask HIM on a date!! Trust me, it’s empowering and guys love it! It lets him know you feel the same way!

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  • Thats so limiting to think that all men are going to lock it in by end of night. I keep my thoughts simple.. here are my guides

    1. I text/call whenever i feel like. If a guy us interested then itll be cool, if a guy isn't, doesn't matter he wasn't interested after the date.

    2. I put effort in asking the guy out after the first date/hang out. If he likes me he'll put in effort too, if he doesn't, nothing i said or did matters. Its a two way street. Of course, do it in a way thats not too agressive or to unsure. Just be casual about it. there's no need to get overly sentimental about every single minute detail. Takes the fun out of it.. let your heart out. (Not you specifically )

    3. Ill have sex with the guy once i feel a bond. Not limiting to some nonsensical time frame to avoid looking like its too much.

    Bottom line, live boldly, give freely, express yourself in your actions, needs etc. Be your own co creator. If you like him go ask him out. Worried about being needy or not having a life or too easy? Depends on the guy, if he likes you just for sex, none of this matters

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  • why do you need to sit around and wait for him to do anything. if you like him ask him out. if he's is or is not interested, you'll have saved yourself time.

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  • It depends on who initiated the first date.

    If he asked you out the first time, and it went well, he probably thinks you're aware that he likes you. He might be respecting your boundaries and allowing you to make the second move seeing as he has already made the first.

    I'd ask an open-ended 'are you free this weekend', and if he says no then leave it be. He'll offer up another date if he's interested, if not no need to pursue. Seeing as you're making the second move and not the first, as far as I am aware, it's totally socially acceptable to ask.

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  • If your interested, why don't you ask for the second date?

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  • Why don't you ask him? Gender equality: use it!

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  • Girl... this is the 21st century... take matters into your own hands... if you like the guy and want to see him again ask him out... he'll be flattered.

    I made the first move on a guy about 5 years ago... and now... he's my husband... and I love being married to him... some guys are a bit shy and nervous about asking girls out !!!

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  • 8 hours is a very long first date if you’re just talking. He should have made follow up plans by now... I remember I had an 8 hour date and halfway through I got bored, but didn’t want to show it since I didn’t want to be rude. It felt like I had wasted an entire day

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  • Just st go ask him out.

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  • Carry on the chat , not every guy is the same. And don’t overreact before it could or could not happen. If he texting everyday, then he’s interested. You never know he could be busy or trying to save for the next date.

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  • Don't wait and just ask him?

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  • Dont wait... I think its better to 'date around' and not hang on to one. Untill you have a ring on your finger or are in a committed relationship I truly believe it opens up your world to more potential suitors 👍 and you dont have to sit at home hoping one person will text and make your night 😊

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  • Be a powerful woman and take charge. Take him out

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  • Carry on the chit chat. Obviously you both are into each other.

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  • Hopes not lost as he's still talking. He might not know when he'll be free yet or he might be playing the dating game which I've always thought was stupid. I read this book called The Rules and it explained things like wait 2 days to call the person etc... I think it's better just to do what feels right. If you are really into someone then say so. I think if you don't talk to the person they will think you lost interest. My advice would be to ask him.

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  • I suggest you wait. Cuz he is talking to you. Maybe bring up a restaurant or my favourite thing is on Instagram I see an ad for a restaurant or event happening and I tag said guy in the comments and say 'omg that looks cool' and they usually say wait yeah lets go there. So they think it was their idea. But it was really you

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  • Casually ask him out. Waiting around is stressful. And if he says no , you kbiw where you stsbd and can move on.

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  • 1 year

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  • Carry on the chat with the key question, “so, when are we gonna get our second date?”

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  • Say in a few day what are you doing this weekend. Works good lol

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  • I think you should wait at least a week, to give yourself and him time to see if you really want to meet him again, the same for him.

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  • Carry on the chit chat. Just be patient. He'll ask eventually.

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    • I wanted to explain my uncharacteristic answer. I answered a binary question: is all hope lost, or should I wait for him to ask me out? Given those two choices, I advised waiting for him to ask her out. I was busy and tired when I answered this question, so I didn't think out of the box and offer a third alternative: why don't YOU ask HIM out?

  • Why not just ask him on a second date?

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  • I feel like if you like each other you should mention the next date within ur first date convo, like when you talk about one of the things you’ve wanted to do then they go “ive wanted to do that too, we should go together”

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  • Within a week. Personally, I often won't know my own schedule definitely for the coming week right away, depending on commitments with work or other people.

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  • I normally go 3 days after the first day

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  • The guy I went out with asked me after our date lol. Just do it girl, you got nothing to lose :) Just say "hey wanna go here this Tuesday with me?" Or something along these lines

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  • You shouldn't. If he didn't already say fuck off and move on. Simple.

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  • I would say wait a couple days, all guys work their mysterious dating ways.. haha

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  • As long as he asks you for the second date. Don't show any desperation or else you'll be taken for granted all the time.

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