How long should I wait to be asked on a second date?

[girl1411]

I went on a date with a guy a few nights ago and it went really well. We ended up staying in the bar for 7 hours, the chat was great and I felt like he was really keen. When we said goodnight he told me he wanted to see me again and took my number (we were previously talking on tinder). He text me the next day all day, and all of today. The texts have been really good, lots of questions and flirting but no mention of a second date. In my experience, when a guy is interested, he locks down a second date before the first is over, or within the first few text messages. So is hope lost, or should I carry on the chit chat?

Updates

+1 y

Thanks for the advice everyone! I took the majority advice and asked him for a second date. He said yes and we had a great date last night!

[XSolivagantx]

Thats so limiting to think that all men are going to lock it in by end of night. I keep my thoughts simple.. here are my guides

1. I text/call whenever i feel like. If a guy us interested then itll be cool, if a guy isn't, doesn't matter he wasn't interested after the date.

2. I put effort in asking the guy out after the first date/hang out. If he likes me he'll put in effort too, if he doesn't, nothing i said or did matters. Its a two way street. Of course, do it in a way thats not too agressive or to unsure. Just be casual about it. there's no need to get overly sentimental about every single minute detail. Takes the fun out of it.. let your heart out. (Not you specifically )

3. Ill have sex with the guy once i feel a bond. Not limiting to some nonsensical time frame to avoid looking like its too much.

Bottom line, live boldly, give freely, express yourself in your actions, needs etc. Be your own co creator. If you like him go ask him out. Worried about being needy or not having a life or too easy? Depends on the guy, if he likes you just for sex, none of this matters

[seregunda]

It depends on who initiated the first date.

If he asked you out the first time, and it went well, he probably thinks you're aware that he likes you. He might be respecting your boundaries and allowing you to make the second move seeing as he has already made the first.

I'd ask an open-ended 'are you free this weekend', and if he says no then leave it be. He'll offer up another date if he's interested, if not no need to pursue. Seeing as you're making the second move and not the first, as far as I am aware, it's totally socially acceptable to ask.

[PinkMichae]

Hopes not lost as he's still talking. He might not know when he'll be free yet or he might be playing the dating game which I've always thought was stupid. I read this book called The Rules and it explained things like wait 2 days to call the person etc... I think it's better just to do what feels right. If you are really into someone then say so. I think if you don't talk to the person they will think you lost interest. My advice would be to ask him.

[Xoxocutekitty]

8 hours is a very long first date if you’re just talking. He should have made follow up plans by now... I remember I had an 8 hour date and halfway through I got bored, but didn’t want to show it since I didn’t want to be rude. It felt like I had wasted an entire day

[alextheokay]

Well you could take the high road and just ask him out, it works more often than you may think. I know I've spent way to much time trying to plan out a perfect date and more often than not just given up. On the other hand if you want to be mildly devious (always fun😈) find something that is very accessible cheap and fun, find out sometime he will be available and a couple days before drop an "Oh I really wanted to do this but my friend all Bailed and I don't want to go alone, so dissapointed" if he is interested he will jump on it immediately. Best part is it's not that dishonest it's just pointing him where he needs to go a little.

[OlderAndWiser]

Some guys buy into this dating game of not letting a girl know how much you like her and waiting a few days just to keep her from getting over-confident about you or thinking that you are desperate. If I go out with a girl and it's a great first date, at the end of the date, I will say "I hope I can see you again," and if she says, "yes," then I say, "I'll call you within a few days to set up our next date. And then we both go home knowing exactly where we stand with each other.

[Longshanks68]

Sounds like a game, everyone needs to just be real and forget trying to or not to appear something that you’re not

[OlderAndWiser]

RESPONSE TO UPDATE: I'm glad that you took the advice and did not worry about following "the rules." Don't be afraid to let a guy know how you feel; if that scares a guy and makes him run, you probably didn't have much future with him anyway. Good luck!

[Logorithim]

Rather than waiting for him to get around to it, take the initiative and suggest something, e. g., "why don't we talk about this on Thursday at Bar XYZ?"). I'd have thought that he would have asked you on a second date by now, but he clearly likes you, so feel free to suggest something to him.

[Omarion94]

You should wait and see if he will message you again. If he doesn't forget about him, lots of fish in the sea ;). Have self confidence and love yourself, don't care about if the guy doesn't't want to see you again, it's not the end of the world. He doesn't't have to lock a second date directly after the first one, maybe he is waiting for you to make a move like message him, hey, how are you? :) so in my opinion if you didn't ask about him after first date, make a move and show him that you care at least 40%. Its not always the guy who has to work hard for a girl, peace.

[MusicMayhem]

The fact that you said he was texting you all day after the date makes me think he likes you but is too scared to make a move and ask you out.

But, it could also be that he could just have been texting you cause he was bored and the reality is that he thinks he's the catch out of you two so is going to date other girls and maybe see you if you ask him out if he's free.

So you can:

A. Stop being a pussy and ask him out and find out if he's keen (and if he's not you stop wasting your time and emotional energy)

OR

B) Continue texting him as a penpal, whilst he goes out on fun dates with other girls, escalating with them physically, kissing, and sleeping with them etc.

[CindyRuns]

Girl... this is the 21st century... take matters into your own hands... if you like the guy and want to see him again ask him out... he'll be flattered.

I made the first move on a guy about 5 years ago... and now... he's my husband... and I love being married to him... some guys are a bit shy and nervous about asking girls out !!!

[slatyb]

Waiting implies sitting around. Don't do that. Don't wait, don't expect anything, do whatever you would be doing if you hadn't had the first date. Or just get it over with and ask him yourself and find out if he's still interested. In the meantime, if another guy asks and you are interested, go.

[PhilTee]

I'd say that you should suggest it if he hasn't within a couple of days. I reckon if you ask him he's got to accept or come up with an excuse if he's not keen or he's just messing with you. Endless texting just keeps you in the friendzone forever lol.

[PhilTee]

Great to hear it worked out for you, here's to the 3rd one! 👍🙂

[D_Bone_Steak]

So let me get this right. You're enjoying the chit chat... yet wonder if you should terminate interaction at all based on 2nd date probability? something you seem to want, but are not initiating yourself either.

Literally just waiting for him to make that move, he's taking too long, and so now you're considering just cutting ties despite everything doing so well otherwise...

... interesting.

[spiderweirdo]

Dont wait... I think its better to 'date around' and not hang on to one. Untill you have a ring on your finger or are in a committed relationship I truly believe it opens up your world to more potential suitors 👍 and you dont have to sit at home hoping one person will text and make your night 😊

[lastchancemotel]

No you do not need to have the second date pre-planned like that. Our lives are constantly changing and things come up, or he may be waiting on pay day to make sure his bills are paid. Normally if your still talking after the first date, you have 2 weeks to set up the next date until things progress to in your own living areas

[Kev600]

He's got time to text you for that long but not arrange a date? Even for the following week or two..

If I was you I'd tell him you'd love to see him again. Then stop messaging him.
If he can't take the initiative and arrange a date then either he has something to hide or is unsure of himself..

[Tuomaaash]

Don´t worry. Guys hate to look desperate so it might take some time before a second date. As for me, I usually agree on the second date roughly 5-7 days after the first date. If you want to test the waters, you can ask him what he´s doing next weekend. There´s no reason why you couldn´t ask him out. If he really enjoys your company, it´ll just be really nice for him. And if he doesn´t, well you´ll know immediately and then you can move on quicker. Anyway, don´t sweat it.

[gwail]

I suggest you wait. Cuz he is talking to you. Maybe bring up a restaurant or my favourite thing is on Instagram I see an ad for a restaurant or event happening and I tag said guy in the comments and say 'omg that looks cool' and they usually say wait yeah lets go there. So they think it was their idea. But it was really you

[PartyMan40]

Give it at least a week depending on the guy he might want to do something other than drink and chat. It takes time to figure out what to do. If a couple days pass and you want to show him you're into him ask him! Most guys will say yes if a girl asks them!

[TFXNYC]

How many days has it been? Be patient if it's only been a few days. Best thing to to do is back off the chat. Take care of your daily responsibilities and don't dwell on what he may or may not ask. Now, that doesn't mean ignore him or play games, just keep conversations short. He will crave your time more.

[Analinda1999]

They both have take care of daily repsonsibilities. If that meant no time for thinking about whether they see each other agin nothing would happen... so why is it dwelling if she thinks about it.

[TFXNYC]

@Analinda1999 I never told her not to think about it. Just to be more patient. She should try to avoid appearing too anxious. It would probably freak him out. If a guy REALLY wants to see a girl, he will do everything he can to make sure that happens. She's already made it clear to him she's interested.

[Analinda1999]

What makes you think if a girl is interested she won't make sure it happens?

they have BOTH made their interest clear. your response implied her acknow;edging things or doing anything is some way irresponsable, whereas if he does he's just taking care of thingas. that is why i response to the daily responsibilities' they both have them. if she thinks of him she's too anxious but for him to ask her out hed have to think of her.

you -and many others- set it up as if women are flawed if they are not passive whereas its normal for a guy.

if he contacted her you would not say he's being impatient, so why is it she's impatient for wanting to know what is going on.

the person who goes to ask a person out doesn't need to wait or wonder bc they know what they will do. she's not wondering bc she's impatient she's wondering bc she's put herself in the position of doing nothing.

if she 'planned' to ask him out next week that would not be rushing- nor would she be left to wonder. im not against

[Analinda1999]

patience--im all for it. but why should patience be confused with passivity when it comes to women.

[Analinda1999]

also regardless of gender, if a person likes another person why would they be SCARED off. if its too soon you can always say im free next week or the week after, but why should being asked out be 'scary' if you like someone. and you ant to date. it isn't. if its scary he's not interested in dating or he does not like her.. and why should she wait around guessing about that when she can just clear it up for herself?

put yourself in the position of 'waiting' its a big waste of time. since you see men as the ones who should act you might not have considered how absurd it is to be expected to wait.

[Analinda1999]

#TFXNYC

just to be clear im not saying you should personally do things differently than however they work for you... I was just responding to what you said based on what i think/ do, and i wondered if you had thought if things from a different perspective.

[TFXNYC]

@Analinda1999 You have valid points, however, I still stand by what I suggested. Unfortunately, you have over-analyzed what I said. We can just agree to disagree.

[Pyrofox]

You could be brave and ask him out XD. Of course then you have to pick a place that relates to you. And then you can share something special about why its a special place to you. And he will be also so impressed that you were brave enough to take the lead.

Or you can wait XD. But if you wanted him to get true feelings fast of how you feel about him. By all means do my idea XD.

[GingerGuy]

He might be afraid of coming on too strong too soon. Some of us worry about "looking desperate" as well. Things went well and you are still talking, yes absolutely keep it going. He will eventually I'm sure. But why don't YOU ask? Just say something like "so, when are we going out next?". Nothing wrong with that. He might still be trying to gauge your interest in him, especially if you haven't really shown it. If you like him enough, ask! :)

[Robsinsf53]

I have always asked for the 2nd date on the first text or call following the 1st date. Actually when I've had a date that you described, all day chat and all, I've secured the second date before the first was over, lol. Hope lost? Chit chat? Would you let it go without sayin "aren't you going to ask me out again?"

[Robsinsf53]

Bravo, congratulations. Did you two already make plans for a third? Don't wait around... LOL...😂

[Anonymous]

I was asked for the second date on the first date lmao because he was the right guy that's why.
If he is making it hard he isn't the right one...
Soulmate is someone who doesn't make you have lots of questions not feel sleepy at night and worry is not the one who lets you wonder why... when... what... is the one that makes things flow and feel at ease and loved

[Chofny]

chat a little and then talk about the date that it was fun you ahd a great time. and hope for the best if he does not bring it up then you be the lady all man dream of and ask him out. if he says no its a shame but you are a lady many man wait in line to date with you

[Analinda1999]

why do you need to sit around and wait for him to do anything. if you like him ask him out. if he's is or is not interested, you'll have saved yourself time.

[JSmuve]

7 hours? That's fucking crazy. I'd be bored after 1. 2 tops. Shit, what do people have to talk about for 7 hours? I could figure out someone's life history in less time than that. Jesus.

Anyways, I don't see a reason to stop messaging him, especially if he's continued messaging you.

[Rounds]

Ask HIM on a date!! Trust me, it’s empowering and guys love it! It lets him know you feel the same way!

[DigitalSchism]

I think you should carry on with the chat. A lot of guys avoid to ask for a second date right away, to not give the impression of being too clingy.

Also, who set the first date? If it was him, and then he continued to seem engaged in the conversation afterwards, there's an high chance he'll ask for a second one, trust me.

[crazy8000]

Show initiative!
He probably waiting on that you show you have a own drive to make it happen, participant, you aren't like the rest, real interest, that it is a 2-way thing instead of what many girl's usually do that he should make things happen.

In short terms.
Woman up and take what you want!

(If he runs for that he is a mismatch)

[motownplayer2000]

Whenever he is ready he will set it up. You can inquire, be bold and see if he's thinking about going out. Would be nice if more women had the courage to go after what they want... But those are few and far between. If he hasn't asked. Then he will in his time. If you are too anxious to go on a date and inpatient to wait on him... Find someone else.

[MrQuick]

Well, giving that you met on Tinder..., do you like the guy? Is he attracted to you? You to him? Social media and online profiles have all but killed the old fashioned ritual of the courtship and everything else with it. Basically, it is nearly 2020 so time to be progressive like everything else and just ask him out if you like him.

[zahriawalker]

Carry on the chat , not every guy is the same. And don’t overreact before it could or could not happen. If he texting everyday, then he’s interested. You never know he could be busy or trying to save for the next date.

[Hal2002]

Carry on the chit chat, and see where it leads. Not all guys are fast movers, and it could be he does not have the funds to date right now.

You could drop hints about seeing each other again, and see how he responds.

[madhatters4]

i think you can start talking about a second date any time. when i was dating if a date went really well i'd usually broach a second date during the date or text the next day saying 'i had so much fun. when can we do it again?'

[MarshallAllister]

It's not over. It's also not always his responsibility to initiate a date. If you like him, ask him on a date. I'm old fashioned, but this is something I'll be progressive on. Girls asking the guy out is cute.

[spartan55]

There is no rule that says you can't ask him out on a date. And to be honest, many men find it flattering.
Bonus: if you ask him out you will find out very quickly if he is interested.

[Justacatlady]

If your interested, why don't you ask for the second date?

[Shadow44]

I'd say just ask him. Guys don't mind a woman being forward. If you want a date don't be scared to ask for it. It's better than waiting around,

[reixun]

I feel like if you like each other you should mention the next date within ur first date convo, like when you talk about one of the things you’ve wanted to do then they go “ive wanted to do that too, we should go together”

[johned]

2017 lady! all the stress of dating is now 50% a lot of men looking for leading girl depending on your first date your able to know what he want with the question he ask you. And trust me is not about the confident or lack of balls! If the guys want to build something serious for shure he look for a partner not a follower...

[windhound]

Maybe he's having trouble getting reservations at a fancy restaurant or maybe he just doesn't want to seem too pushy about the second date cuz his last partner liked to take things slow.

[chaoticwings]

Patience. 2 - 3 days and you could always be forward about it. I never really get to a second date. If we click then we hang out talk chill. So good luck.

[PunkinPie]

Within a week. Personally, I often won't know my own schedule definitely for the coming week right away, depending on commitments with work or other people.

[Alstar16]

The guy might have lost interest in you for some reason, but unlikely. Instead of just waiting for him to ask you out on a second date why dont you try hinting it to him when you guys text each other? That way depending on how he responds you will know for sure whether he is still keen, but hesitant for some reason or has lost interest.

[talltree1985]

There no real wait time. Some people like to play the game and keep a girl waiting or not show all his cards at once... definitely hold off for a week if nothing happens just ask him... Some mean like a girl that knows what she wants

[contemplator]

Do not worry yourself with the dates. He is probably planning something big. Or sorting out his issues before bringing you into his life. Enjoy what you got going, and don't rush things.

[herecomesdehzao]

Why he should be the only one interested in setting a second date? Why he should be the only one to take risks?

[Yug29]

Why don't you call him on date take an initiative even my girlfriend calls me on date of her own. You are a girl this does not mean that every time boy will take initiative to get close why don't you discuss him about next date?

[Cosytoasty]

Why don’t you ask him for the second date?

Besides, he might be busy exploring other leads at the moment, if he wants you he’ll get back to you.

[AyushMate]

If he is not asking then you ask for second date. It's not mandatory that boys should always ask for date.

[Adelina_N]

You should not!!! If he hasn’t already spoken about and he let you guessing then: “he is no that much into you “

[Bodhi_Stinson]

Actually 3 hours after the date to 2 days after.

If he doesn't try to talk to you after the date or talks in a less flirty way he is not interested in you anymore

[afron]

As long as he asks you for the second date. Don't show any desperation or else you'll be taken for granted all the time.

[Longshanks68]

How does that show desperation, it shows interest

[WalterRadio]

"he locks down a second date before the first is over"
You are right. It sounds like you are just one in a string of tinder hookups.

[Jesslin412]

Say in a few day what are you doing this weekend. Works good lol

[Jesslin412]

Woo! Congrats on the second date

[SarahsSummer]

Carry on the chat with the key question, “so, when are we gonna get our second date?”

[VeryConfused987]

Trying asking him on one? He might be waiting for that

[thenewgirlll]

I think you should wait at least a week, to give yourself and him time to see if you really want to meet him again, the same for him.

[TacosRAwesome]

Casually ask him out. Waiting around is stressful. And if he says no , you kbiw where you stsbd and can move on.

[bloodyrevenge]

Carry on the chit chat. Obviously you both are into each other.

[Megatrizzle]

Try asking him out or suggesting doing something together?

[keaycbizz]

He's waiting for you to make a move if he did the first most dudes Dont like to initiate too much at the beginning because we need to see she's interested

[dgizzle]

Carry on the chit chat. If the convo was good and he gave you the right vibe I think you should go with it. He may be trying to plan something really nice before he locks down date number two.

[MrHungwell]

I dunno... If I'm into a girl there is no 2nd date... It's just a continuation of the 1st date. We're usually so into each other it just flows from one day (te) to the next.

[soulless17]

If you are really wanting a second date, don't be afraid of asking him out. Traditionally, guys do the asking out, but we really love it when a girl asks us out on a date.