How can I help my boyfriend impress my parents?

[KitKnickKat]

My boyfriend is really shy to be honest with some. When I’m at his house with his family and his mom is there, we don’t really talk at all. I try and make small talk but she doesn’t put in the same effort. My boyfriend told me that his girlfriends never talked with his mom, so I’ve put in more effort than his ex’s. I’m trying to make a good impression.
However, when we are at my house and my parents are there, my mom tries to make small talk with him and my boyfriend answers but doesn’t talk much, just like his mom. Then we go to the basement to watch movies and well, you know, have privacy and don’t go back upstairs until he has to leave. So he pretty much says “Hi” and “Bye”. I try and add a conversation with my mom that he could join into but it still doesn’t work. He’s polite and has manors though.
My sister is having a birthday party at her house so I invited him to that, then he can meet a bunch of family members and friends at once... would that help him become more comfortable with my family? Or are there better options? I really want my parents to get to know what a great guy he is so they don’t assume things about him because they started to do that.

[DocDunn]

It's good that you want your boyfriend to get to know your family but if your boyfriend doesn't like being around your family then that isn't something you should force him into, of course I'm not implying that he doesn't want to, he may actually want to get to know your family but as you said, he is shy. To solve this you said you tried getting your mother and your boyfriend to talk, but he may have difficulty knowing what to say. Try getting them involved in a conversation, but about a topic that your boyfriend is knowledgeable about and is interested in, this will make it easier to talk about that subject and he will have more to say.

It's definitely a good idea to give your boyfriend a chance to get to know your family through your sisters bday party, but after he's gotten a chance to get to know your family it would be a good idea to ask him if he likes being around them because if he doesn't want to then you shouldn't push him into it, but before you ask him, it's important to let him know that it's important for him to be honest with you because communication is important, but it's even more important, when communicating, to be honest.

Be sure you give your boyfriend enough time to properly give your family a chance so he can get to know them, and when you ask him if he likes being around them, try asking him over an email or text. This will ensure he has enough time to give an honest answer that won't confuse you by accident.

[Greenbeen3]

I dislike when people try to make me do things I clearly don't like doing, I was in a similar situation not to long ago, my then girlfriend wanted me to get along with her family and everyone, but I was and still am a shy person when it comes to new people, and her family were all the loud outgoing type of people, I honestly tried, its just that I had nothing in common with them and I'm not a really talkative person to people I'm not comfortable with, I felt nervous and I wanted to try and talk but I just never got along with them, then she cheated on me because her mother suggested someone else would be better than me, so morale of the story, I understand that your family and stuff is important and you want them to get along with your boyfriend, but don't try and force anything on him, he will get more comfortable over time and will open up more

[KitKnickKat]

Thank you so much for your personal advice. I appreciate it! I agree, I honestly don’t mind that he’s shy. I love him the way he is and I get annoyed half the time by my family anyways. But my mom said she was mad that my boyfriend doesn’t have a good relationship with her and she said that if he wants to continue dating me, he has to make a good impression for her... which is rude. She can’t control who I date but still, she keeps saying that I should find someone else as well. Just like what you said above. I won’t listen to her. I’ll try and help him become more comfortable as best as I can but I won’t force him. Thanks again

[Greenbeen3]

That boyfriend of yours is a lucky guy, I hope he opens up in the future and I wish you the best ☺

[KitKnickKat]

Aw thank you so much!! You as well 😁

[Greenbeen3]

Thank you very much, you are one of the good people on this site

[KitKnickKat]

So are you to be honest! I just got on here but I already like it so thank you for that 😊

[random56286]

Perhaps your parents might get farther with big talk. Small talk is just chitchat, noise to fill the air. Start with things the two of you talk about and expand on that.

[KitKnickKat]

I’ll try that. He’s really big on sports so I try and bring that topic about, but he still doesn’t talk a whole lot. I’ll try and think of something. Thank you!

[random56286]

There is an art to conversation. You have to find a common subject that both parties can feel comfortable talking about and he is already very uncomfortable. You can also try to ease that by getting him to laugh. If anyone is good at getting laughs, that will help the most.

[KitKnickKat]

Laughter is a really good point. Thank you!

[random56286]

Actually, if you can make people laugh, you have all the magic you will ever need.

[LeoZay]

Wherever it is that he likes to talk about is something you could suggest to your mom to bring up, let her know he is shy and think of things you know that he is really interested in.

[KitKnickKat]

I’ve brought up a few topics to my mom and she does try to talk about them with him but he’s still a little shy. I’m just going to have to tell her that it’s just the way he is right now. Thank you!

[Sspaulding728]

It takes time. sometimes. I'm always quiet and reserved when i meet the parents for the first time. I dont ever wanna say something that makes them go WTF? or makes me look bad. because I've done a lot of shit and i have a lot of off the wall stories of situations I've gotten into. Im always respectful though and do my best to maintain a conversation though because its just rude not to.

[CrazyTurboBeast]

Your parents only want the best for you, but should understand and respect your choices in life.

It does sound like you are both fairly young, so perhaps this may change in the future. Age brings maturity and confidence.

You can talk with your parents and tell them that he is shy. We all have boundaries and it will help him feel more comfortable if his are respected.

The main thing is that he has manners and is respectful of your parents. They will appreciate that.

[TripleAce]

Pick up his plates after dinner
Have a one on one mano et mano talk with the old man. Just casual stuff. Maybe a beer if pops has one
Bring you home on time
Bring the family a house warming gift. Food items for dinner is good. Like dessert
Be respectful

Seriously. Do that and your parents will adore him

[Danish_Junejo]

Every one likes the person who is alike... thinks alike... and behaves alike...

Observe your parents... how they talk... sit... eat... behave... their mental approach... their physical approach... their attitude towards people... their likes and dislikes... and ask you boyfriend to copy same in front of your parents...

I bet he will ace on his interview 👍

[chris1965]

What's wrong with being shy. Tell him to be himself.

Then tell your parents I like him, I love him, I am dating him. So grow up and get over it.

[KitKnickKat]

There’s nothing wrong. I love him the way he is. I’m just trying to tell my parents that he is a great guy even though he hasn’t opened up yet. Thank you!

[Anon-ymous1]

Hmm. Well just give him time. It may take a while until he's comfortable with asking them about their lives and you could suggest to him that he could ask your mom how things are going with her, then she'll respond and they can start a conversation. It'll get easier for him.

[vick98]

I dislike your mom.. she’s judgmental and thats really bad.. she wants everything to go her way.. I would tell her straight up to accept who you are dating as long as you’re happy and he treats you nice.. maybe if she was less expecting with the whole idea, your boyfriend will open up

[jersos1]

Ah feels like he is like me! Poor him! I feel whats going on in his head! Guys like us don't get to express and people think they are boring..
Lucky him that he has gotten someone like you, who understands his greatness!

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

Tell him to give you roses in front of your mother or his mother
or do some other forms of generosity to show he loves you.

[dizmuhjam]

I think that is a great way to get them a little closer.

[maddd4ever]

Being his self is the best solution. No acting.

[KitKnickKat]

I agree. I don’t want to change him, but my mom told me she was mad that he doesn’t have a good relationship with her or my dad. She said that if he wants to continue dating me that he should make a better impression... which is rude but that’s my mom.

[maddd4ever]

I mean your parents are kind of strangers to him. It's understandable if he isn't so friendly to them. Just have him and his family in your parents house, that's be nice after a couple of meetings.

[KitKnickKat]

That’s a good idea. Hopefully we will get to that point soon. Thank you!

[JubbyJub]

Threaten to break up with him, really drill it into his head that if he doesn't impress your parents you're through. If he breaks down and cries I think you need yourself a new man.

[Anonymous]

Takes time to be comfortable around them, especially when he may feel intimidated by them.

[Anonymous]

you do all the talking about how good he is and stay quiet

[Playero_Culebra]

Tell him to not talk 😂😂😂

[Danael31]

Yeah, good idea, but calm down you're only 18 lol

[Revolver_]

You can't, parents are parents

[frankinla]

Have him be himself and get him to relax