25M on the verge of dating a 17F?

[totesmagotes]

The guy I was seeing decided going for another girl back in his home town is better since she's the same race as him and his family isn't very accepting in terms of him dating outside his own race. Except this new girl is 16 turning 17 and he's turning 25. I don't know if he knows she's that young (I know because she followed me on instagram for some reason. ) I can't imagine what there would be to talk about. Homework?
What do you guys think?

[vincjh]

There is definitely a huge gap in what they can talk about. Unless she is really really mature for her age which is unlikely in terms of just general life experience. Plus at that age, teens just want to club and party while he might just want to settle down.

But in some way I can understand him wanting someone his own race. I don't however agree to the age gap though. I doubt she's the only one of his race he can find for now. Perhaps he is just rushing to settle down.

[totesmagotes]

I can understand the race thing but he didn't even give us a shot. He didn't even try and see how his parents would react. We have a lot in common and have potential to be so much. I just don't get it.
He told me she's very into him and he's open to giving it a try since it's the easier option.

[cptknuckles669]

After my 23 years old girlfriend of 2 years left me to be a mistress of a 46 years old married guy, I don't even find this strange... And kind of same situation, we were far away and different race, they live same city and they are same race. Although our families were ok with it as we were already planning marriage.

[totesmagotes]

I'm sorry mate. I know how much it must suck :( I wish I knew what I could say to comfort you but I don't even know how to deal with the situation myself.

[cptknuckles669]

Haha not an issue :) for now i have my plans with my situation, and I will try make them come true. For you I also don't know what to advise as I don't know the full story, but if there is no other possible way to stop him then maybe try find something or someone and let him be. If you two meant to be then he will come back and realize what he had done, if not then the sooner you can get over it the better. Anyways I am here to talk and try to give advice if you wish :)

[totesmagotes]

Tbh I don't feel like he's very into her at all. But I could be wrong. Of course I'm still very much in love with him and I feel like he still has feelings for me but I don't know what the best solution would be.. to remain friends? Confess my undying love? I really don't know :/

[cptknuckles669]

Staying friends might be an ok option. Confessing i don't know. For me it didn't help much as she said she needs someone to be there physically too. For me at least I know when i'm with her i still have a chance, even if slim. For you if possible arrange a meeting or stay with him for a while to see how things go between you. But if that's not an option then maybe discuss with him and explain your feelings and try to ask for another chance. If he says no way then maybe you should start to move on. If you think he is still worth fighting for and you have a plan and power to go through with it then do that. Noone can be smart in this situation and noone can know what will happen. Every situation is different unfortunately

[totesmagotes]

Fair enough. The funny thing is.. We live in the same commune. It's a double story house and the girls live downstairs and the guys live upstairs. I see him all the time but I feel like being friends is quite hard. I don't know.

[cptknuckles669]

Being friends is extremely hard when you have to see him with the girl or hear stories about them together... But for me that is the only way now. I can't just let her go and I know this is worth fighting for as in my situation they can't really be together seriously or have future, and in a few months I will move in with her and her family because of work. And after our breakup i flew to her and spent 2 weeks with her during which interesting things happened... so when i am near her I am confident i have a chance still just the distance makes it hard to compete with the guy. In your case tho if you two live that near just give it a shot hang out with him if he wants to and talk to him. Maybe give hints that you still feel for him and you would like to give it another go. His reactions will make it clear to you if you stand any chance still or not

[totesmagotes]

I won't have to see him with the girl or hear stories because he wouldn't tell me and she lives in another city that's about an hour and a half drive.
I have been hanging with him for now but I'm afraid I'd be too available or trying too hard. He hasn't been denying any of my intents and actually wants me to keep finding him with help regarding studies and when I don't see him, he'd come looking for me. So it's very mixed signals and I'm unsure of what to do.

I'm glad you've got a plan worked out and that you're confident in it. I also don't see a future for him and this girl unless they manage to not engage sexually for 1.5 years until she's legal but I don't see him having common ground with her or anything. It just doesn't make sense to me.

[cptknuckles669]

If you think he gives that much mixed signals, then maybe the best thing would be to sit down and clear it up. Explain to him how you feel, what you would like to do and also tell him that you feel he is still giving you signals and all that. Let him clarify what he really wants and means by doing all this. Then if you seem fit you can ask him for another chance.

[totesmagotes]

He doesn't know what he wants most of the time. He's very indecisive. So I don't know what the best decision would be

[cptknuckles669]

Sounds familiar... well but with this he will have to make some sort of decision, he can't just have both. And he will just end up hurting you more and more this way. Unless you are a patient idiot like me willing to wait and work for months for someone hahaha... but in your situation i think firstly it would be the best to clarify with him. From there it is easier to decide what to do: start again, be patient or move on.

[totesmagotes]

I don't entirely want to make him feel like I'm forcing him. That's why I've kind of been waiting. Waiting for a moment better than the current situation. Hoping that it would give him time to gather his thoughts and settle nicely since university only just started for 2 weeks. There's a lot to do and to sort out.

[cptknuckles669]

Then be patient for now and focus on your tasks first :) Once you feel more comfortable and settled down a littlebit, and you still feel for him, try to have that talk.

[totesmagotes]

I guess that's my safest bet for now.. I just can't stop but wonder about the other girl as well though :/

[cptknuckles669]

I feel you... but there is nothing you can do about that. And if you interfere anyhow you are just digging your own grave with him

[totesmagotes]

True story. I'm kinda glad that you understand but I'm also sad that you're in the same boat 😭

[cptknuckles669]

It's ok. I'm very stubborn and she was my one and only girlfriend who we were planning marriage with. I can't just let that go like this. For the next few months i got to be strong and endure and work, but for now all i can do is hope that once we will live under the same roof things can change. So at least i can hold on to a tiny string of hope for now. If i didn't have that i don't know what would i do... probably something very very bad.
I just wish you can also hold on tight now and get through this. Either ways eventually i will get better i believe :) and you can share with me if that helps a littlebit, i will listen gladly.

[totesmagotes]

Hahaha my level isn't high enough to PM you. I thought I added you as a friend 😂

[cptknuckles669]

Haha you followed me. My level also not high enough. But i don't know how this app works, i registered tonight hahaha

[totesmagotes]

Hahaha same. Oh well we'll learn I guess

[cptknuckles669]

Yeah maybe hahaha

[Astoriana]

So, maybe tell him that she’s underage.

If he does know, you can call the police because that is almost certainly statutory rape.

[totesmagotes]

How would I bring it up?

[Astoriana]

“So you know your new girlfriend is 16, right?”

[totesmagotes]

Wouldn't that come off as nosey and also a bit bitter 😂

[Astoriana]

If a child’s safety is at stake, I don’t think that matters.

[totesmagotes]

The legal age is actually 16 here..

[Astoriana]

There are usually caveats surrounding the maximum allowable age difference when someone is underage. For example, it’s illegal to have sex someone underage in the province of Ontario if you are more than two years older.

[totesmagotes]

Hm, I guess I should definitely raise the concern then.

[skytatoe]

Yeah commonalities can be an issue with a big age gap, can be hard to relate on many fronts.

[totesmagotes]

I don't understand the appeal though?

[Emilykat]

That’s not a good idea. At all