Getting a girl that hasn't been in a relationship before?

I'm a middle-eastern boy who likes a middle-eastern girl who is two years younger than me ( I'm in college, she's in highschool). I work part-time with her and we've only worked together a few times, and I wasn't interested in her too much at first. she didn't seem to be my type in the beginning, but she's been telling me a lot of key things about herself. My first impressions were that she's gorgeous but potentially high maintenance, into really popular guys, and so forth. However, she seems to make it a point to tell me things about herself whether we're talking alone or within a group. She hates guys at her school/guys her age, she hasn't had a boyfriend before, she says she's shy and is only really outgoing at work, she told me she isn't a 'popular girl' at school, and other things that contradict my initial impression of her.

I'm now very interested in her as she seems like a gem. She also plays lacrosse, which is cool.

I'm sure I come across as a 'different' guy to her. We've talked about how guys can be dumb when getting girls drunk at parties and making out with them, and so forth. I'm sure I have this vibe she doesn't get from other guys, which is good. However, she's tricky because, while I've never seen her be shy before, she states that she is and maybe the mixed messages I've been getting are a testament to her shyness. She usually seems outgoing, but sometimes she'll walk away or won't hold eye contact. However, we usually DO hold eye contact and so forth.

She also hugged me the last time she came into work, but so did the other girls she came in with.

I'm thinking of asking her to get coffee before we go into work, but I don't have a way of contacting her. She doesn't use her facebook, and I don't have her number. The work environment has put me off of 'coming on' to her by asking for her number and such. I also don't want to seem like just another guy by moving too fast, but I feel I should move fast (at least to the dating stage) because I am confident.

I could go on and on about this. I feel really intoxicated by this girl (proof: my sex drive has diminished. lol), and I crave to hold her in my arms, but I'm not going to be naive enough to pretend that my feelings are all that's needed to get this relationship going. She's generally not interested in a relationship now and that's because she's not into guys her age, and has had bad experiences in the past with them. Also, while not a big deal, the fact that her facebook says "Single" and "looking for: friendship" is kind of a 'tell'.

How do I make sure I'm the guy who sweeps her off her feet? How do I show her I'm the one for her, as I believe? If we get a coffee or something, I'm thinking of turning up the heat physically (touching) and seductively, and hopefully that won't be seen as moving too fast. Heck, the fact that I, a college guy, is taking her, a highschool student, out for a coffee is attractive. No? :P

sorry, my name's tom. didn't mean to post as anonymous
wow this was a month ago. I've posted more about it here: We've worked together twice since then. LolThings are more comfy now, just not sure how she feels


Most Helpful Guy

  • Dude I know a girl exactly like her and trust me I know what you mean. The main thing is to communicate. Considering she shares her life's pointers with you, should give you a major clue that she's considers you out of all the other guys. That's a good thing. Seemingly, you are really into her. Now the thing is you gotta make sure she knows that you will stick around long enough to let her come out of her shell. I agree with LeftEndtails with the "Sticking around" part. The minute you give up on her, she'd think of you as some jerk and probably won't be interested.

    From what I am reading, she's interested in you, the fact that she's shy is unwillingly stopping herself from being so open and seductive toward you is a clue on all by itself. I think by letting you know of the fact that she is shy and in all telling you about herself is a major hint that she secretly is interested but is wanting for you to make the move. She's trying to make you understand that she isn't like other girls; the ones who can are outgoing and preppy. She is hoping for an open-mind.

    Now, go ahead and ask her for some coffee (As you have said) and if she does turn you down, stay put. To show her how you can be the guy that sweeps her off her feet? That would be in the fact of actually listening to her and like I said before, sticking around. Add in some fun as well ; Joking around, being confident (which you are), and adding a flare to the day to day convo is a great start. Go for it.

    • Great answer. I am just like that girl and that is exactly what gets me.

    • Thanks for that. On monday at work, I'm thinking of asking her out for coffee before work on tuesday (we work together the next day). I'll also get her number.

      anyways, yeah, if anything I'm getting mixed signals. Sometimes she talks to other people a lot when I'm there, and sometimes she doesn't 'stick around' me, but they contrast to our other casual encounters, so I'm thinking that's her shy side kicking in. Also we've only talked in the workplace, so I can't expect myself to be a knight yet.

    • I called her sister and talked to this girl yesterday. I asked her if shed like to get some coffee before work, and she said "if I get home from six flags, then yeah sure". I told her to call me back.

      She didn't call me back. I saw her at work and I asked her how six flags was, and she said she didn't go.

      What do I do if she's dodging giving me her number... I asked her today at work and she pretended (pretty sure) that she didn't hear me.

      She didn't even say bye.

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What Girls Said 3

  • Shy girls are normally pretty hard to crack (I should know, I am one myself). If you want to be different than the other guys, do not give up on her. So many times I've had a guy interested in me, but then give up because they felt like it was going nowhere. They were usually the one who asked me out. They were usually the one to call. They were usually the one to start a conversation. So they figure I'm not that interested or never going to return the effort and so they leave. The guys who really impress me are the ones who stick with it.

    Even if she turns you down for this coffee date or backs off if you make a physical move, do not get discouraged or frustrated. Just go back to square one and keep talking. Talking to her, even if she doesn't really say that much back, will most likely make her feel like she can be closer to you.

    In the beginning you may feel like those other guys who think they're getting nowhere, but in the end it'll be totally worth it.

    Also, definitely get her number. If she's comfortable enough to hug you and not be that shy around you, I don't think she'd have a huge problem giving you that.

    • Wow! I think I that that is what I did to my friend that I like! awesome answer...good to know...hope I can fix it now...yikes! sucks he's shy too...hmmm.

    • Show All
    • It may have been weird/too much for her. This is why shy girls are difficult - kinda hard to see exactly why they do the things they do.

      Maybe the if she still acts odd towards you, ask her if you did something. Just kind of reassure her the coffee thing was not gonna be a big deal or anything, you just wanted to hang out outside of work. Maybe try to set it up with her so that the offer still stands, but she can choose what day you two get together so she can control the speed of things a bit.

    • Yeah I said sorry if I made things awkward. I've posted a new question about this, we can discuss it there

  • I am jealous because I really liked a guy who went off to college this year but things didn't work out between us. I don't understand myself why we aren't friends anymore but he just dropped me as a friend when things got to much.

    Anyway about your issues lol

    I think asking her to get a coffee is a great starting point in getting one on one time with her. Usually when a girl says she doesn't want a relationship is usually out for attention because that's what I do. It brings guys to wonder why I'm not ever interested in them but it works. So don't think for a minute that just because she says she isn't looking for a relationship doesn't mean you should give up on it. Don't go to fast because it may look like your just desperate in getting a relationship. I would just flirt a little, like smile and compliment her on something that your impressed with. Then at the end you should try the physical stuff not really deep but like hug her really tight and give her a kiss on the cheek or if your bulled then go for the lips.

    • Thanks for the advice. I'm not sure how far I should bring the forwardness and flirting/physical contact, but I'm sure it will be clear when it's all happening. I'm just trying to figure out if I should bring us to the 'dating' level right now, or if I should just keep playing as the 'interested' guy.

      I'd like to bring it to the 'dating' level, and where I'm looking for advice is how to do this without coming off as a typical teenager.

      Romance is probably the answer.

  • hey tom.

    well I think that seeing she hasn't dated anyone to go slow I would ask her out to coffee but what if she doesn't like cofee? what if she perfers icecream instead? lol jk jk

    but anyways I think you should take her out and just talk to her and have a good time and then ask her on another date and maybe then you can do a little foundaling I think that you should take it slow though seeing that she says that she is shy and what not.

    good luck let me know how it went!

    • Thanks for that briekittie. I'll take it slow and be sure not to come off as strong. I know confidence is key, I've just got to keep myself paced. If that means going slow, then fine, but I can't see myself waiting too long to make some sort of move or gesture, or else I'll fall into friend territory and that's not where I want to be.

      I'll take it slow, but I feel like I need to / want to become an item with her. I'll try to do this while taking things at her pace. That's kinda where I'm stumped

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