Guys, your opinion of a shy girl with no experience?

[Anonymous]

So, I'm a 24 year old woman and I've never dated. Virgin, and I haven't even had my first kiss yet.
The most I've ever done with a man is holding a male friend's hand on a scary ride once.
I feel like I've missed my chance.
Men terrify me, for no other reason other than being the opposite sex.
As a teen, I used to have romantic dreams about my crushes. Only to die half way through and for my dream to carry on without me like my existence didn't even matter. This is how I always viewed myself, as an afterthought.
I always felt inferior and so I worked so hard to try and be someone worth while in the eyes of those I loved, only to be abandoned anyway.
My mother was criminal and a drug addict, in and out of prison my whole life. My elder sister left home the second she turned 18 to live on the other side of the country with her online boyfriend. At the time she left, my mom was in prison and her boyfriend decided that having me around just gave her a reason to come back into his home. So I was kicked out at 15 to fend for myself.
There was no time for that awkward teen romance.
And now that my life is stable and I'm ready to try and experience a relationship I'm just not what men want. I don't think.
I'm pretty, not gorgeous, but pretty enough to get the occasional compliment. And guys have asked me out.
My concern is, what would they think once they find out I've got no experience. Guys in my age range expect certain things early on. Or at least early in my opinion. Things that I'm going to need time to get used to, like simply normal affection. I'm not used to physical contact. I crave it and want to be able to give it to someone. But I feel as though no man would be willing to be patient with me and if they at first seem to be, I'm worried that he'll grow to resent me for it.

[4pple]

I can understand how you feel, I relate to some parts as well. My advice would be to not rush anything, be firm and stand by what you think is right and what you feel most comfortable with. It's true that many people in our age range are mostly interested in sex, or see sex as the main aspect of a relationship, but there are a lot of guys who want an emotional bond in a relationship, who'll respect your individuality, your wellbeing, and who'll go out of their way to make sure you feel comfortable without ever trying to force you to anything.
You need to have some initiative in this aspect though, for example say you're dating someone and they're pushing you to have sec with them after merely a few weeks of knowing eachother, you should be honest and upfront with them and say you don't want to do that so soon, that you want to take things slow and steady. If they can respect that, see how it goes, but if not, then you're likely better off with someone else who won't push you too much

[ak667]

I'm the odd one who shied away from virgins a lot. And the reason is not because I found them unattractive or anything like that, but because my intentions aren't so noble, they were based predominantly on "fun and good times". I might sleep with them and then find there's no chemistry there and want to go our separate ways. I liked to generally keep things at a "friends with benefits" level with women who can handle that, since I don't want to risk them catching feelings if I don't as well. I have a view, accurate or not, that a virgin might handle our separation a lot worse, than she's more vulnerable to "catching feelings" from sex than someone used to it, and I don't want to risk hurting her that way if I can't develop the same sort of feelings for her.

[ak667]

I started to adopt an approach of "sex first, love later", and "love" only if there's a boatload of chemistry (including in the bedroom, but outside as well). I was always that approach could end up really hurting a virgin who might potentially fall in love through sex, even if sparks did not ignite, since I was her first, and I would rather her first be special with someone who maybe took more of a "love first, sex later" approach.

[ak667]

I was always [worried] that approach could end up really hurting a virgin [...]

[ak667]

I did start off more "love first, sex later", and back then probably wouldn't have minded, perhaps even desired, a virgin. But after a few girlfriends where we dated for months prior to sleeping with each other, only for sparks to not ignite and for us to separate ways (and initially with some pain there for me at least), I stopped being so serious and embraced the whole "fun, partying, sex, good times and company" sort of lifestyle, pushing love to a much lower priority and just letting it happen after sex and after company instead of trying to pursue it so hard in advance. But that shifted my preferences towards women who could handle that sort of thing without being upset if I felt no love, only friendship.

[Asker]

I appreciate your honesty. It's guys like you that I'm most afraid of. I want a relationship and I think that a lot of guys my age have this mentality of fun first, and not all of them are going to be as straight up with it. I really don't want to waste my time and effort on a guy who doesn't want what I want. I don't see anything wrong with the "fun first, love later" mentality as long as both parties are on the same page.

[ak667]

The ones who do it deceptively are also ones I find very bad for vulnerable women. I always tried to at least be conscientious and honest about this. I didn't find a need to deceive and cheat to have good times with women, but I was careful to try to avoid the ones that might inadvertently get hurt in spite of it.

[Logorithim]

There are guys who won't be bothered by any of that, so don't worry About undateable because of your past. The biggest danger is that you will be taken Advantage of by some slick Player who is just interested in sex or some guy that would not respect you and perhaps be abusive. That's what you've got to avoid.

Rather than just taking any guy that pay attention and seems to accept, you need to be a bit demanding in the sense that a guy will have to prove he really wants to be your boyfriend, not just has sex with you and leave or to take advantage of you.

[just_moody]

Keep few things in mind at beginning.. Don't get attach the way you explain that's gonna be the first problem you face when you "successfully" met someone, guys at your age mostly up for short hookups so it's better if you don't get attach to much. I suggest try some online dating first so you get used to talking and sharing then go out take one step at a time. Maybe guys at your age won't truly appreciate you now. But when you meet a real men he'll respect your value let you take your time but till then try live just don't get attach much and remember doesn't matter what happened in past right now things are good you sound like a gem. Never compromise. All the best dear 👍

[MindTime]

I think you just need to be straight up with guys about your past and your feelings. Some may not like it, but some will be patient with you and try to make you feel comfortable before doing anything. Just because you are inexperienced doesn't mean that you have less worth as a person, we all start out that way. Just always be honest about how you're feeling.

[irrationally97]

Sounds like you had a pretty fucked up past. Perhaps you should see a therapist so you can work on that poor self-esteem. You aren't going to do well in a relationship when you only see yourself as an "afterthought".

[Asker]

Therapy isn't exactly affordable. The hope that I would eventually have enough money to afford some help, honestly was an excuse I was using to justify not dating. After several years with that mentality I've realized I just need to put my big girl panties on and try.

[irrationally97]

You can try but it'll be much harder if you don't work on your self esteem first. Try finding some self-help material online if you can't afford therapy. You need to be able to be confident in yourself before you start dating.

[Celtero]

Don't be worried about that, just take your time picking out the guy to be in a relationship with.

[ArmaniX]

sheesh , open up to someone and just be you , be honest and talk about anything and everything

hmu xx

[HereIbe]

So don't target little children (guys in your age range).

[david9854]

Every one have their first time in a certain field so dont worry.

[Anonymous]

Doesn't bother me