Guys, how important are looks to you really?

I'm ugly, no two ways about it. And there's no way to change it or make it better, but I really don't want to be alone forever, so I'm wondering how important are looks to guys really?
I have a lot of guy friends and can chat to guys no problem but I won't flirty with them because I'm ugly and there's no point ruining a friendship when there's no way they would like me anyway. But I wondered if guys could overlook ugliness for someone they get on with well?
  • Very important
    Vote A
  • Somewhat important
    Vote B
  • Not important
    Vote C
Select age and gender to cast your vote:
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Updates:
Also should note here that I am 25 and iv never come close to a relationship

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Most Helpful Guys

  • Ugly women are pretty much the most unfortunate of the leagues. They have it the worst of any other group. But, game will beat type every time. Cleopatra was said to be ugly. Yet, she is wildly considered one of the most sensual, seductive women in all of history.

    That should answer your question. Yes, it can be overlooked, but you have to have other skills to make up for it. You're going to have a higher bar than more attractive women.

    Men are also default attracted to 80% of women. Around 80%, 70%-90%. So, while you may think you're ugly, it really depends "how" ugly. Essentially, women are bumped up one league from where they actually are. So, if you're just kinda ugly, you'll actually be considered more like "average" by guys, in general.

    Of course, this will vary from guy to guy. And, porn can also significantly skew a man's perception of female beauty, so much so to the point where they don't even find the most semi-perfect models attractive.

    But, generally speaking, yes, just like Cleopatra, it's entirely possible for you to find a proper mate. Just learn how to be sensual and seductive, alluring. Embrace your femininity and exude it. And learn from other women who are good at doing so.

    No matter what it is, crash and learn, don't crash and burn.

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Most Helpful Girls

  • Guys will say looks aren't important...

    They are. I know that sounds callous and blunt, but it's how humans are- looks DO matter (to an extent). I'm sure the same goes for most females.
    Looks are just not -everything- when it comes to dating! There are guys out there that value personality, intelligence, and confidence in a woman; it's just finding them.

    I'm similar to you: I have several guy friends, and we get along great! But I never bothered flirting or tried to date them because I just don't see myself as that attractive, or figured they would just brush me off. However, the fact you get along so well with guys is a good thing!
    If they're comfortable enough chatting and being themselves with you, that shows they like you and your personality- that is a great start! Some of your guy friends might like you and you don't even realize it.

    Try subtly flirting with some of your guy friends and see how they react. Nothing major- maybe dressing up, teasing them, something like that.

    But as for looks? I doubt you're as ugly as you say you are! You're your own worse judge when it comes to looks.

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  • Where do you live? Have you or do you plan to travel? Culture has a big influence on the standards of beauty. What is considered attractive in one area may not be in another.
    I live in Texas; being a woman of color my looks do not fit the standard. But when I visited New York and DC - I fit in and there were many people who thought I was very attractive. Same when I lived overseas. So it just depends on who you're comparing yourself to or what the expectations of beauty are where you live.
    Men have always been attracted to my personality more than how I look, which I've always appreciated. To me, that attraction is more meaningful and substantial that someone only drawn to my face or body. Those relationships I've truly cherished.
    I don't know if you'll spend the rest of your life alone, but I know that having people appreciate the person you really are instead of what you look like is a real gift.
    Good luck, honey.

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What Guys Said 149

  • Looks are very important, that does not mean you should not be trying with your male friends, If you don't flirt with them then they will just assume that you are not interested in them. They are your friends so you want to be low - key about your flirting, then you can judge their responses. Looks are very important to me, but I have talked with girls that I have thought to myself were very hot - And they feel they are ugly! See different guys like different things about girls, You may have several of your male friends already interested in you right now. If they give you the time of day -- They like you more than friends. One girl I know * Who does not dress sexy and is not interested in me and is not a " Hot girl " by my standards " Takes my breath away " every time she gives me a few moments of her attention. I have spent a long time just getting to know her as a friend and she is very important to me - She
    doesn't flirt with me and has no Idea how I really feel about her except that she has called me a
    " Really good friend. " to her. I want to be so much more to this girl, but I don't tell her. -- I tell you this to give you an Idea of what some of your male friends maybe thinking about you. -- You don't want to hurt any of your friendships and you don't have to, just flirt a little with each guy you talk with - be very suttale with your flirting and only when you are alone with a man - doesn't matter his age or if he has a girlfriend, all guys love it when a girl flirts with them. You won't risk any of your friendships and your male friends will like you even more. -- But for you -- doing this will let you " Test the water " with each guy you know, even if you are not interested in them, you get to practice your flirting skills. The most important thing to remember is how a guy treats you -- Never accept bad treatment!

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  • Some guys, myself included are a bit stiff. We don't really care about looks. Nobody that passes us by are instantly attractive to us, because we don't know them.
    A guy like that would go into a relationship with you if you two think alike, understand each other and have mutual interests.

    Fair warning though, this guy can never make you feel pretty or hot. Because that's something he doesn't do to anyone, period. He's not into that game. Some ways into the relationship, he probably will consider you cute though because he loves you but ultimately, looks is still not a factor for him.
    You could find a guy like that but then you have to resolve the problem for yourself about feeling ugly. Do what you have to do, start considering it a worthless currency and a bad weakness needing to feel hot in front of others. Look for other things to take pride in.

    Just don't bring these feelings into a relationship.
    If that remains a big deal to you, you'll probably ruin it eventually. That would be all because of your insecurity, jealousy and bitterness, nothing about your looks.
    Fair warning, because a relationship doesn't magically change all aspects of your life like that. You still have to deal with yourself.

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  • There does need to be some level of physical attraction, just being 100% honest. However, having something in common with someone, being a decent person and having a good personality does amazing things. If you build up a good rapport with someone, looks become only a small part of things. You just need to find confidence in yourself and learn to appreciate yourself. Everything else will follow.

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  • Quite important, but so is personality. It really comes down to the person as a whole, and although looks might form an initial connection, it is personality that nurtures the connection.

    For instance, I know a lass who is considered by many to be conventionally attractive. However, her personality is absolute ass because she is very conceited and has no consideration for other people.
    Despite her physical appearance, her personality has shaped my opinion and cognition of her differently, causing me to view her as monstrous and artificial.

    Conversely, a close friend of mine would be considered by many to be average and unremarkable in looks. She is a very charming, kind, and supportive person, however. This, combined with the bond I have formed with her, causes me to view her as perfect to me, conventions be damned.
    Another close friend has an unfortunate amount of acne, but he's hilarious, a smooth-talker, and unbelievably reliable. I love both of these people dearly, so they are the standard of beauty to me.

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  • I want a face I can wake up too. She doesn’t have to be a model or a goddess.

    But her personality means a lot to me. Which is why I’m big on knowing so much about a person. I don’t want to be surprised with the “real” her later.

    I use the initial attraction to gouge whether or not she’s worth it. Unless she makes a move on me because that’s a great trait.

    If her personality takes a turn later, all the physical attraction disappears.

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  • Physical attraction is the premier criteria for choosing a mate for all seeing people, no exceptions.
    Fortunately, it's not the only criteria. If you have guy friends, then you can have a romantic relationship. A lot more guys are saying, "I want my girlfriend to be my best friend," than ever before. You'll obviously have to work on your attitude a bit. No more "there's no point in trying..." hooey. Can't score if you don't shoot. Build up your confidence in other areas. Interestingly, confidence in your appearance is likely to improve. There's research to support that. Know your worth, and don't let people take advantage. Some guys might think you're desperate because of your looks, and sometimes desperation makes people lower their own value. Don't do that. Finding love is just trial and error, really. It's a matter of being approachable and approaching others and trying things out until you find the other half of your puzzle. It's time consuming and frustrating. Sometimes it hurts, a lot. But if having a special partner in life is important, there's nothing more satisfying than finding someone special. Good luck!

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  • It's subjective to a guy. Some guys will only give importance to looks and would not mind greatly compromising on personality/nature of the woman.

    Whereas for men who have high standards, they will give equal importance to both looks and personality, personality a little more but both are important to them.

    Some men won't bother about looks so much and would only give importance to a woman's personality.

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  • It is important but it is not fixed
    The beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, and for that I might count you as beautiful while others don't
    It is simple, I have seen many beautiful girls with guys looks like crap, While I never crossed their minds and it works in the other direction as well.

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  • Me doubts this is about looks. Something else going on here.

    And a homework task for you... :)
    Go to the busiest mall in your locale, find a seat in the busiest part of it, and sit and watch all the people going by. You'll be amazed at all the ugly people walking by together holding hands, smiling, obviously in love.
    No, love isn't about all the beautiful people, we have so much of this celebrity worship that average people are somehow just displaced. It's just not reality.

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    • another almost sensible statement. you're growing on me browneye

    • Show All
    • @wootamandawoot41 - Well, the bottom line is asker is confused about relationship dynamics. And she's likely not as ugly as claimed - people who do this are either generally in denial, one way or the other.
      There are likely any number of suitable men that would date her and love her if she just got off the 'whoa is me' routing and found them interesting and desirable. Guys are WAY more interested in a woman's level of attraction and desire for HIM than ANYTHING else. Everything else is secondary, even her looks.
      And any woman can benefit from a make-over. If a girl needs help then get some. A little make up, a new do, some clothes, and voile - a beauty!

      New homework task... watch the movie SHREK. :)

    • agree to only partly agree.

  • Both are important looks and personality , if do not match on those 2 things we just cannot be together , im not gonna date girl tha is lower looks / intelligence then me , just NO

    Yes LOOKS IS important and just deal with it both for males and FEMALES ALSO!!! , and dont believe they are not

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  • It completely depends on the person. Personality is a factor, looks are a factor, economic status, emotional availability, and even where you live / what you do can be a factor. I really think it depends on the person. With this being said, Looks are not everything. Sure, humans generally find people who are attractive in "looks" to be initially attractive, but it isn't everything, and people who are shallow / only look for physical appearances can treat you wrongly. If you truly think you are that ugly, there are things that can be done no matter what you look like, trust me. If you are overweight, there is exercise. If you are underweight, there is exercise and eating healthy for either or. If you have bad acne, there are face routines. Honestly, if you are feeling bad about yourself, realize there is someone for you no matter who you are. As cliche as this may seem, it is true. If you want to become more attractive, do it for yourself. NOT someone else. The best way to do that is by eating right, excising (even just a little everyday), drinking plenty of water, basic hygiene, and a good mindset knowing there is someone for you, because looks aren't everything. Hope this helps :D

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  • Attraction is a complete package - face, body, personality, character etc. You will have your best parts that seem attractive to guys, some will just be attracted to you only by the fact that you cared for them at a certain time. You can work on your best parts and then flirt and see, you can understand the increased interest. Also, if women judge themselves then they will always be ugly and fat lol.

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  • Looks are undoubtedly important!! But this isn't just your face and stuff, its overall. Physical attraction is hugely important for initial attraction and attention, but once you properly love someone, looks are merely a bonus.

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  • Hate to put it this way, but since you're so down on yourself, there are plenty of ugly people in hapoy relationships right this second, so either they weren't all that ugly, or they found someone that didn't care. It's just a downer to hear people talk about themselves this way, and often THAT'S why they can't find anyone

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  • Looks are not the most important but they matter. Guys are visual. Even if a guy thinks personality is the #1 thing you will not get a shot as a total stranger if you make zero effort in the looks area plus have bad face/body.

    Make sure you are in good or better shape physically.

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  • You probably have one or two that secretly like you but like you don’t want to take the risk of losing friendship.

    You don’t have to be physically attractive to be an attractive person, for someone to love you! Looks fade, just look at all those celebs that spend thousands trying to keep their looks but end up butters af?

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  • Here's my view. Good looks will get my attention. Good personality will keep it. A good person who truly appreciates me and cares about me can have my heart. I can get past looks if the woman in question gets my attention. This however I am not gonna lie would require some outgoingness on her part. If she is shy as well as physically unattractive getting my attention may be difficult.

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  • You know looks are important. But the appeal of certain looks varies man to man. All I can say is that I have seen many couples with one partner being really good looking and the other really unattractive. So love does cross all boundaries. They had to date first. Flirt just a little and see how it goes.

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  • If looks weren't important I would date a man. With that being said, looks are very important. It's the most important difference between a man and a woman. Now there are idiots who will say that I am saying looks are the only thing. I never did. I am just saying that it is the most important thing, but not the only important thing.

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  • its 50/50... looks/personality.
    equally important, not one more than the other... and by looks we dont mean the most handsome or sexy girl in the room --> we mean someone that works for us... which can be attractive to us but not others...

    at most its maybe 40/60... looks/ personality... so maybe a bit more for personality at times.. it really depends

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  • I am 31 and no close relationship even though my most opposite sex friends compliment s me every time... To be true for me good look needed initially to start conversation but later It is okay for me if I know the person.. Still long-term relationship is not possible with a girl that is less attractive to you because she would always be insecure about the relationship

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  • First I have a hint for you. Be a good girl, good wife, learn to cook, tidy up, just be a perfect wife and it is only a matter of time that somebody will crave you, because there are men, mostly these who have more brains and less hormones, who will appreciate that over beauty.

    As per beauty, it depends. Practice, eat healthy (vegetarian if possible), do not be too fat or too slim and there is no way you can be ugly. There is a way to look good. Always.

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  • Assuming that what you say is true. I have a friend she is super ugly (sorry not gonna sugar coat) like literally like a 1 out of ten in face no joke.

    She worked on her body and she literally has slept with soooo many dudes it's not even funny. Last I heard her number was like 55 guys no joke. She has been married twice has 3 kids and still cheated on her husband.

    Her husband is no lie pretty good looking and tall. So if she could do all this you can snag a guy.

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  • B
    sometimes rarely it helps getting sexually
    in the mood
    in for another round
    then pure aesthetics can pick up many a bad or poor weather day

    You could also ask about vocals, since that can drive some of us away (many Friends episodes), esp. to think of that noise for rest of life

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  • the look is the first thing you see about somebody. So even if you are great (personnality), I am sorry but look is important.
    Some people can overlook this, but this people are not numerous in my mind. Sorry and Good luck.
    I don't know if it helps but ugly people had it hard since the beginning of times : you're not alone.

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  • Well it differs some will put a lot of stock on looks others won't
    Personally looks are mainly an attractor for those I don't know
    Someone I don't know or barely know
    The more I get to know a girl the less it matters
    So if I got to know a girl who is sweet kind wonderful and makes me laugh I would not really care about her appearance

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  • Looks are important, but for one, you most likely aren't ugly (perhaps just a little plain), but a good sense of fashion, good grooming habits and above all an excellent attitude, personality and self esteem will outweigh all of that. So, try meeting some new guys, finding common interests and being a little bit flirty. You will do it eventually.

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  • In a guy's world, there's what you call a "Respect Meter". This meter affects how other guys treat you.
    If you hang out or date the hot girls, every guy will bow down to you. They will not make fun of you. You will fit into any group.
    If you hang around with girls perceived as ugly, other guys will often make fun of you, tease you etc.

    We also have standards.

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  • Quite important to me.. I would never go out with an ugly girl... even though I'm ugly myself lol, but I don't give a fuck.. I'm selfish hahahaha. .. anyway. ... can u send me a picture of u please? U might not be as ugly as you think.

    I am the most brutally honest person in the world who is not afraid to hurt people's feelings.. so when I give you a rating.. you can believe it's true and I'm not jus saying it to give you confidence. .. I will rate you 1 if I have to

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  • I'm sure you are being a little harsh on yourself. If its a weight thing, its just fitness and training, to shape your body, and a little bit of time with a hair stylist, and a beauty therapist, you will by surprised with what they can do, you have to get out of your current mindset, otherwise no one will want to be with you because you're not comfortable in your own skin.

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What Girls Said 28

  • Girl, you can't be any more ugly than I am. Fortunately, guys don't count looks at being at the top of the list because they know these Instagram models are as vain and fickle as a sour pickle. At least I hope they see it that way. Plus who is going to treat their man like a king, a beautiful girl or a plain looking girl?

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  • Don’t talk about yourself like this darling. We are all beautiful in our own way. Want confidence? Lift some weights and get an irresistible body 😏 and be your awesome self. That’s all you need. F#%* what men want or think.

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  • I'm not a guy... but having tonnes of guy friends and based on observation... it's pretty important that HE finds you attractive. That doesn't mean you have to be conventionally beautiful or even necessarily linked to the looks... for some guys attractive could mean a kick-ass personality... for others attractive includes some elements of subjective good looks...

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  • I’ve seen guys date from ugly fat and poor to gorgeous with a perfect figure.

    Honestly, men say they’re pretty visual and then date a woman that is anything but good looking.

    It really really comes down to what type of person he is. It’s not just men in general.

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  • I’m not exactly beauty queen 2018 but I go for personality. If the personality is a 10, their appearance is a 10.

    But they need to have good personal hygiene and do look after themselves

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    • That's right!

    • For me guys don’t have to exactly be models for me to like them. I start liking guys because they know how to make me smile and laugh and just talk to.
      Appearance doesn’t matter overall, I just wouldn’t get with someone with yellow teeth and smells foul... general hygiene is a must for every future relationship 😂

  • It's EXTREMELY important. To tell you otherwise, would be blowing smoke up your ass. Having said that... keep looking. Your prince is out there.

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  • As long as someone looks like they're taking care of themselves it's fine in my opinion. You don't have to be a fullblown 10 but having plucked brows, good hygiene and brushed hair it's fine.

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  • I’d like to know what you think is ugly - just to put it in perspective. I understand if you didn’t want to post but can you thjbk if anyone you think you look like?

    I also think everyone is lovable to someone and looks fade soul remains. Some people make a point of overlooking personality a point of overlooking looks but I do know whoever you are when you make a connection they will all in love with your eyes. People fall for the soul the rest is lust and it fades. Not to be trite but in a way there’s a benefit to not having looks to cover up who you are. You know sonene is with you for you. Plus take care of yourself be kind and healthy and put your energy into the word.”— you will attract people.. not shallow ieoooe bjt solid people. attraction is something beyond looks.

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  • Just find an ugly guy to date you. Ugly people go together

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  • Beauty lies in the beholders eye , for you never know what tomorrow brings. Your mindset changes or your fortune changes your mindset ;)

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  • Very important, I don't have a check list or shit but I do want someone I find attractive

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  • Everyone's ideas of beauty is different !!! Even though you may not find yourself attractive, someone else sure will no doubt about it. Learn to love yourself babes <3

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  • I think looks are the most important for men and for females we are more interested in the emotional side of things. Is he trustworthy and he don't cheat? Does he treat is good? Stuff like that. With men, they can date you and even get serious with a less than perfect looking girl. But, they will never be 100 percent all in write it in the sky kind of love with anyone that they don't think is their version of perfection. It's all to sad that men mislead less than perfect girls. Just for pleasure or to waste time. If she is not perfect to you in every way. Pass her up and don't waste her time and energy by fucking her. There are many girls you can have that you actually do want forever. Ok, hope that helps!

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  • Very important. If I see someone In not gonna say "he has such a hot soul".

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  • Looks don’t really matter to guys trust me it’s easy to get one.

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  • Very. Just as much as his character is. They're twins really. I can't have one without the other.

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    • Even if they would only care for your personality, how do you expect it to work if you keep monopolizing every chance you get cause YOU say that's how it's gonna go.

  • Personality comes first then you become attracted to them based on a good personality.

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  • Maybe you're not giving yourself enough credit. You're just used to your own features that's all. Even of you don't fit your definition of beauty, someone somewhere finds you attractive. Sometimes I think I'm ugly then other times I like how I look. In high school I thought I was ugly as hell because I heard people say it, especially other girls but it was just that I focused on the negative so much that there were a bunch of people that found me attractive and I didn't realize until later. You probably look bomb dot com, you just have to tell yourself daily.

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  • I don’t think it’s important to most guys.

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  • Average importance

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  • I can relate I'm gross looking

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  • You are beautiful

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  • Honestly, to guys? More important than it is to girls.

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  • Guys still bang fugly girls so... anyways you're bound to be attractive to somebody

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  • The most shallow boys are the ones who deny that they are, lol

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    • Yep. My boyfriend was a player, swore he wasn't. He approached me like that, I had on black leggings and stayed poker faced. He looked down, tho he tried not to. Ended up😮😮, and I just stayed😑😑and he gave up the act and admitted it after that.

  • How can you know if you’re really ugly? Ugly doesn’t exist remember beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Some person might think you’re pretty and someone else won’t.

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    • I'm sorry but ugly does exist. There are physically attributes that are recognized universally as beauty. Google "golden ratio"

    • @Fredde199 yeah there might be a golden ratio but that doesn’t mean everyone finds it attractive

    • Get a thousand guys and ask them if lets say "Victorias secrets model (insert name here)" is beautiful 100% of them would say yes. When it comes to what humas find aesthetically pleasing in human faces directly correlates "attractiveness or beauty" im pretty sure there have been a lot of studies done on this... these days however people seem to think that millions of years of evolution doesn't have anything to do with what we are today and how we behave. I hear a lot of people who don't even seem to think that we are actually animals.
      To that i say... imagine if the electricity was turned off worldwide... then the true animal nature of mankind would be evident.

  • Guys are more visual in attraction.

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  • There aren’t that many ugly people.

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