Would you date someone who works 60 hours or more a week?

[Logorithim]

[Anonymous]

I work 35+ hours a week and my boyfriend says he doesn’t love me as much anymore because of that.

But he works about 60 hours and I still love him and want to date him still because I know he has worked hard for that job.

[MsMusic]

That is so unfair hun

[witherwing]

Oh god no. What would they even do with all the extra money, when they have no free time? 😬 I'm all for minimum work hours, as long as I can afford living.

[Jamie05rhs]

And yet I bet you wouldn't marry a man that makes under $30,000 a year.

[witherwing]

My boyfriend is unemployed and I'm still marrying him. 🤦🏼

[aussieguy12354]

I'm all for minimum work hours, I work 36-44hours a week and pull in 8k a month.
I'm good looking, single and still can't find a date in my town of 5000 people. Good thing I travel often and hopefully meet some nice foreign girl overseas

[Jamie05rhs]

Wow, Witherwing. It appears that I have judged you wrong. My apologies.

[WhiteSteve]

I’m doing like 80-90 right now, and i sure wouldn’t date me lmao. Especially since I’m on salary, not like I’m even being compensated for the extra time, and I wouldn’t date a sucker, which is apparently what I am nowadays lmao.

[Glue-Sniffer]

Why do you work so much if you are not even being paid for your time? Is that an American thing?

[WhiteSteve]

@Glue-Sniffer Well, I don’t know how it goes elsewhere, but in the US, you generally work either for an hourly wage or for an annual salary. I’d say most hourly-paid jobs are less lucrative, it’s usually paid to lower-level employees in a company, and is often more manual labor/service type (“blue-collar”) jobs. So (not exclusively, but just as a generalization to illustrate the point) at many businesses, the management will be paid an annual salary, and the employees under them are paid by the hour. The trade off is that the hourly employees get paid for their time, but the amount of time (and thus, money for that pay period) isn’t guaranteed, they work however much the company schedules them for, based on company need and staying within a labor expense budget. On salary, I know I’ll get exactly the same amount each paycheck, but the trade off there is I’m being paid to make sure the overall work for the business gets done, whether that takes 40 hours or 80 hours. These are usually higher-level jobs that pay more, so I make more money overall, but situations like mine can arise where I’m really making less money per hour than the hourly paid employees, because I’m technically only paid for 40 hours a week... but if I just call it quits at 40 hours and the business suffers, I’ll eventually lose my job in favor of someone willing to work those long hours and get the company the results it expects. So no one says “Steve, you HAVE TO work 80 hours this week”, it just works out that that’s how much time it takes for me to get everything done, and my overall responsibility, ultimately, is to make sure that the job gets done, come hell or high water.

In my specific case, I’m just in a bad situation, because I don’t have enough employees to cover all my sales routes, and the grocery stores on those routes have to be covered at all times. So when I don’t have an employee to do it, I have to do it, on top of my management responsibilities. And in my case, (continued...)

[WhiteSteve]

@Glue-Sniffer... the sales routes are in multiple states, and I’m down multiple sales reps. So everywhere there’s not a sales rep, I have to be there, working a full day, and these areas are anywhere from 2-5 hours away from me. On Thursdays and Fridays, I have to cover one area all day, and then drive 4-5 hours depending on traffic, to cover the other area at night, rushing to get it all done before the stores close. I have to do this two days in a row, because of limitations on our shipping and some logistical issues, we have to send deliveries 1/2 and 1/2 to both areas. So in those two days alone, I work 36-38 hours and drove 1,100-1,200 miles. These would be normal amounts of time if I lived anywhere near these places, but a normal 6-10 hours of work is bookended by having like a 3-5 hour commute on both ends. Absolutely crazy right now, haha, I’m quittingnif it does get straightened out soon, because at some point I just need to recognize a bad deal, haha. I’ve been trying to get people hired by no one will take the job because it’s all based on commission, because my company is cheap and doesn’t want to pay the reps for how long it takes them to work, just based on how much money they make for the company. So I have people interested in the job, then it comes to “so how much does it pay?”, and I have to be like “wellllll... I can’t really say for sure...” Who’s going to take a job under those terms?😂 So I’m stuck covering four areas in three states right now, I should have 3-4 reps covering all this, so including my own job, I’m giving my company the work of five men for the price of one. For SIX months now. So these guys have until there are leaves on the trees to get this sorted out or they’ll be trying to cover all that and MY job this summer, and I’ll be at the beach, lmfao

[Glue-Sniffer]

That sounds like a lot of *unpaid* stress. And I don't think it's sustainable on a long term basis. 😵
Here in Europe, if you work in the free market section you usually work for fixed hours. Somewhere between 35-40 h/ week depending on your contract. If there is work and you work over time it gets paid extra or you get compensated in form of paid vacation hours/days however most employees would be reluctant to do the job if they wouldn't get money for it.
If you work for the government you have to clock in 8 hours per day even if there is nothing to do and if you go above that you usually won't get paid but you can get days off. As a student I did an unpaid internship for a government organization and my boss would come in at 6 am until 4-5 pm and he'd reach 40 h/week on Thursday so on Friday he was collecting extra hours which he would later get vacation days for.
The downside is that you will have to pay 35-45% of your income for taxes. If you become an official government worker you don't even pay taxes but most people are just contractors.

[WhiteSteve]

@Glue-Sniffer oh, you’re absolutely right, my situation is absurd right now, lmao, and it’s not the way it’s meant to be on paper, I SHOULD be able to work 40 hours a week, and if I wanted to say “fuck it” and just let some of my stores go to hell, I guess I could, I’d probably just be replaced eventually when the sales numbers dropped. American business owners are RUTHLESS, haha. I like the sound of the European model a lot better. Met someone from Ireland once, and I think they get like six weeks a year of “holiday”, or vacation as we call it, mandated by law I believe. Meanwhile I JUST qualified to get two weeks a year because I passed five years with the company. You only get one week off per year before that, and I’d have to hit TWELVE years with the company to earn three weeks of vacation per year😒 And then after that, that’s it, you could work a hundred years for them, and it’s still a max of three weeks vacation. They only give three sick days per year too, but my branch gets five because our state laws mandate it. But yeah... they don’t like you taking time off or making too much money in this country if your just part of the working population. Business owners get spoken of like a special class of citizen around here, it’s pretty wild haha.

[WhiteSteve]

@Glue-Sniffer not to mention, I’ve NEVER taken my vacation with this company, because the way we’re run, I’d just come back to too many problems, the whole thing would fall apart without me. It’s not even because I’m so good at what I do, but it just relies so much on SOMEONE to do what I’m doing. So I’d take a week off and have to work like 100+ hours and still not get everything done. No thanks, haha

[MusicMayhem]

I'd be concerned they are a hardcore feminist that insists on working ridiculous hours to prove her worth as equal to men. Someone like that, well they are all work and no play so I'll pass.

[MsMusic]

I've worked 80 hours a week before. Last spring I worked 60 hours a week on average, took double credits at my college, and got about 10 hours of sleep a week.

I'm not even close to a feminist

[MusicMayhem]

@MsMusic not all long workers are, but there's a good chance she is. That means she is so focused on career and proving she can look after herself that she won't allow a man to get close to her.

[Iwant2kno]

I would, but first I need to understand why is he working so much for. Is it a career goal? To be able to make ends meet? To save money for some other goal? It’s important for me to know if I could be of any help as well and to understand his mind and priorities.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

I easily reach up those hours since I often bring the work home, so I'd be an hypocrite to not date someone who does the same.
That said, my girlfriend doesn't work that much and has the mentality that when the shift is over, the work it's over.

[StingRayxoxo]

Yes, even though it would be difficult to not have a lot of time to share with them.

[Desconhecida]

Only if I was in the mood for the worst LDR ever!

[Anonymous]

"Working more than 40 hours a week is associated with increased alcohol and tobacco consumption, as well as unhealthy weight gain in men and depression in women. Little productive work occurs after 50 hours per week. ... Those who work 60 hours per week have a 23 percent higher injury hazard rate."
www.inc.com/.../...this-number-of-hours-a-day.html

No... no thank you.

[worldscolide]

Hmm I work 60 hours per week and I have none of those problems.. and you got your data from a blog not an actual scientific paper.. automatically false.

[englisc]

@worldscolide

The blog itself used statistics from the CDC, which are valid.

[Hidden_P]

My ex worked 40 hours a week and I worked (officially) 60 hours a week (adding in my night work it was around 80 hours).

Honest answer? If I had normal hours then yes I would. The hours I had? No.
My hours off was devoted to my partner and my family. Usually cooking for both, but my partner completely understood when I would collapse in his arms and I felt so safe. He would use my work hours as game hours so it worked out fine. When he moved in with me he helped me with chores while I looked after my dad.

[Lilyanony]

He was a decent guy, well at least while you were together (you said ex)

[Jamie05rhs]

Yeah. What Lily said. He sounds like he was a great guy (and you were a good girlfriend, doing all of that cooking, even when you were working so much already.) Why did you break up?

[Hidden_P]

@Jamie05rhs @lilyanony he was a fabulous guy. As much as I want to hate him I can’t. Even our break up was heartbreaking.

We broke up because of my mental health. Just before we met I was drugged and raped but I was already a carer for my dad and working two jobs and my semi paid music career. Eventually it all became too much and crashed down on my head. He stayed for a while but sex and intimacy disappeared and then he left me because I was “too much”. After he left I became very ill and was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes and they think I might have other things wrong. It’s why I haven’t reached out to him... I’m even more of a handful than before!

Right now my focus is trying to get better. I’m lucky that even though my dad needs me he’s able to support me. Aka he saves on paying others for chores in return for keeping me and I do a lot for him. Realistically I don’t think me and my dad will ever live apart. My plan is a main house and a separate annexe for my dad. He doesn’t need carers he just needs help

[Lilyanony]

Wow that's a lot miss, I'm so in awe of your strength despite all youve been through and continue to go through. I think you should at feel some type of joy knowing you're still going and fighting you know. As for the guy he's young as are you, 20's we're still trying to manage and understand ourselves. So noone can blame him for his hinesty even though it hurt, the words were harsh but he was honest, you were at least given an explanation. You have a lot of years left so you are doing the nest thing for you, i wish you and your father better health, all the best x

[Hidden_P]

@Lilyanony trust me I have been very close to suicide.
My ex is 30 now. He’s 4 years older than me (almost to the day, his birthday is the day before).

He didn’t leave me because he didn’t love me, he left me because he couldn’t stand seeing me so mentally conflicted and I can never blame him for that. Even if we never come back to each other he will always have an extremely special place in my heart. He wasn’t perfect but he was honest even if it hurt.

Life is a bitch!

[Lilyanony]

😘😢

[Jamie05rhs]

Wow, Lily. You have been through so much. I can't even imagine. Don't feel bad about the mental issues; that isn't your fault at all. Just continue the treatment and you will get better. And I know it sucks that you guys broke up but it was probably good for you to give you a chance to focus on yourself and work through everything. And that's so great that you can be there for your dad and you can support each other in that way.

[Hidden_P]

@Jamie05rhs @lilyanony thank you both. It’s been a long time since I’ve been shown kindness on this site, (it’s partly why I became so bitchy on here!!) and it’s honestly really touched me that you’ve both been so supportive of both me and my ex.

This site used to be filled with people like you both but sadly has become overrun with people who are... not.

Please don’t change.

[Jamie05rhs]

Aww. Thank you for the compliment!

[Lilyanony]

Aww im glad we were able to brighten your day. Take care x

[guy222]

It's hard to say.

I probably would not, only because I wouldn't see them very often because they'd either physically be at work and, because they work so much, they'd also be at work mentally probably for just as long.

I've known people who consistently work that many hours or more per week and I don't know how they do it. Most of the conversations they have seem to only be about work or work-related (admittedly I do hear some pretty funny "today I had a customer who..." stories). There's never any non-work-related conversations. Additionally, there's very little time to do anything fun, like go out to a movie with them or enjoy dinner because they're always plugged into work and expected to be on call 24/7.

So that being said, I probably would not date someone who worked that much because it would be boring and I would not see them much.

[prettynormal]

It would depend on two factors:
- If he has kids, no. I’m not against dating guys with kids, I have kids myself, but 60 hours of work a week plus kids... leaves practically no time for anything else. So, no.
-The type of job he has. If he has a job that lets him keep in touch with me through the day, sure, why not. But if he’s let’s say a surgeon, who has to be out of reach for hours, pretty much the 60 hours he’s working... no. It’s not going to work.

[Vanillachoc88]

I do about that many hours a week. My ex couldn’t deal with it, I always tried to compromise, and organise stuff to do together. But it didn’t work. Now I have nothing else so work actually keep me busy. But I’ll definitely cut out hours when I’ll find someone.
Find the right balance and keep the relationship going.

[Mickey9999]

Depends. Long work hours aren’t good for anyone. Especially as one ages. It would be most dependent on whether I was a priority or not. Working long hours is one thing but avoiding other aspects of life is another. Quality time is more important than quantity so most likely yes I would

[ChiTown33]

That would depend. Why? Call me lazy if you want but i just don't have any desire to work more than 40 hrs. A week. If i had toi would. But if ican afford my lifestyle with 40 i'm not going to work anymore. And i wouldn't do well with someone who was really matwrialistic.

[Klara-Hitler]

My guy does.

Can't say it's easy. It was a lonely Shabbat today because he had to travel last night.

But he has to work, and my duty is to support him. I just try my best to make it easier for him and for both of us.

[dannyboy1999]

Yes I would, it wouldn't always be easy but if I loved them, I'd make it work. If they love their job then I can't complain, it's up to them how they want to work. If they hate their job then I'd try my best to help them find a more suitable job.

[MsMusic]

I work 35-80 hours a week. It'll be less this summer due to circumstances 😋😁. But I just worked 50 hours in 4 days. Approximately 70 hours in a week's time total this week. (rolling week, Wed-Wed).

But I don't pick up extra shifts as much when I want to spend time
with someone. I'll be working less than 50 consistently for the next few months now

[Levin]

I'd like to hope that you can earn a pretty decent salary doing less than 50 hours per week. Ideally less than 40.

Problem is, if you factor in commuting, and extra study, then it really does suck up your day. I don't think I'd date a total workaholic. I'd find it too frustrating, I'd want some quality time. There's definitely more important things than work. It's about balance.

[MindYourEyes]

I have and it isn’t that great. Because I rarely saw him and whenever we finally got to hang out he always ended up sleeping most the day. He didn’t want to go out or anything which I understood. But it wasn’t much of a relationship. Just there to cook and then see him sleep.

[Melshmallow046]

Yup. My boyfriend works 70 hours plus a second job on the weekends. I don't see him as often as I'd like, but usually a few times a week, even if it's only him stopping in for an hour to have supper with me last minute.

[Anonymous]

If her pay rate is also good, yes. If not and she is working 60hours a week because she struggling the only way that relationship is ever going to work is she cuts down to 38hours a week and moves in with me, I'll pay her living costs on the condition she educates herself in the other 42 hours per week

[NineBreaker]

As long as our schedules sync up, that's OK because I dip work 60+ hours per week. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to, but I have to.

[Sheyhoney]

I currently am and its kinda hard bc ion see him as much as id like, but im also a very busy girl so we go together and make time for eachother (: