Is jealousy a deal breaker?

[Anonymous]

Is jealousy a deal breaker?

[Anonymous]

Jealousy in and of itself is not a deal breaker. If the jealous person is constantly like, "Who are you texting?" "Where are you going". Then that would be a deal breaker. Then it takes a normal question that is asked out of curiosity into a question that is perceived to be intruding on someones privacy. If a girl is constantly asking me these questions then I feel suffocated when it comes to talking to her about anything because I'd fear that she would take it the wrong way and start accusing me of things. And i wouldn't want to be in a relationship like that.

That kind of jealousy can also ruin friendships outside of the relationship. The victim would get so accustomed to those accusatory question that a friend could be asking a simple question and they get defensive over nothing.

So, if you're going to be jealous, don't show it. Maybe if you guys are sitting down having a serious conversation and it comes up then maybe admit to you being a little jealous but try to keep as much of your jealousy to yourself.

[SteveSmith1985]

Depends on what you mean by jealousy. If it's unreasonable, then yes, deal breaker. The question is whether it was reasonable to feel jelous in any particular case. What's the case?

[Asker]

My situation is that I'm insecure and jealous. I trust my partner but when it comes to other girls I don't. I should because he hasn't given me a reason to not trust him. He's wonderful but back of my mind, I worry he's going to cheat on me or whatever girl he is hanging or working with is going to make a move on him.

[Asker]

I've been cheated on in the past and although my new boyfriend is nothing like my ex, I can't help but feel how I feel and fear what I fear

[SteveSmith1985]

I can relate. I think this is a PM conversation for me though. I think you'd have to message me because you're anonymous

[smalls95]

It may not be a good time for you to be in a relationship. It seems like you need to take some time to heal from your past relationships because you don’t want to punish your current boyfriend for the wrongdoings of your past relationships. That’s unfair for him.

[Afrenchgirl]

Jealousy is good sometimes, because it makes you feel important to your boyfriend / girlfriend. Everyone appreciate some jealousy at a certain level. But when jealousy is everyday, for any single detail and that your partner is doubting about you, it is a huge deal breaker. It shows that your partner doesn’t trust you. Trust is absolutely important in a relationship. And then, you also suffocate by possessiveness. You cannot go where you want, when you want, you cannot wear what you want, etc. And you end into fights with your lover. At this very moment you know it is a deal breaker and you should not accept that. If your boyfriend is too jealous, have a talk. Reassure him that you love him and that you don’t care about other men. If you are jealous with him, then ask yourself what makes you having doubts about him. And let go your insecurities.

[OrangeBoy2]

So true and well said.

[btbc92]

Always a dealbreaker. If one cannot be honest about their insecurities to you, it can come of as controlling, obsessive and possessive behavior. Jealousy is NEVER okay. And that fact people even finds this endearing is disturbing. One can love without being jealous. Jealousy, when its on purpose are signs of deeper issues. But if you try to make your partner jealous, your evil. I would rather not enrage another person, and I don't want that person to do that to me. I don't get jealous, I get sad and disappointed and feel I am not enough.

[lumos]

I'd say in general, yes. Jealousy usually stems from insecurity and trust issues. I can handle a bit of insecurity, however, I will not tolerate trust issues. I will never do anything behind my partner's back that's either super shady or just outright cheating. I'm not that kind of person. I'm very open and honest. If there's an issue in our relationship, I want to talk about it and solve it. Not run away and hop on the first dick I see. I make this very apparent in my relationships, always. Unless I give my partner a reason not to trust me (which I never will), I have no interest in a jealous partner.

You can't sugarcoat jealousy either.
"Oh, I'm just scared of losing you",
"It's not that I don't trust you, I just don't trust other people",
"I have bad experiences with people cheating on me in the past" etc.
It's all bullshit. If my partner is scared of losing me, he should talk to me about it and explain why he feels that way. If my partner fully trusts me, it doesn't matter if there are 10 dudes in a line who are all trying to hit on me - he should KNOW that I will reject every single one of them, so literally, where is the problem? And whoever might have hurt him in the past is not me. He should not be pinning his past baggage on me, when I have done nothing to deserve it.

Jealousy is not cute. It's not a way to show love and affection. It's not a way of being protective of your partner. It's ugly, rotten, and what ultimately can kill a perfectly good relationship. It's when you let your insecurities and trust issues get the best of you. My tolerance for jealousy is very low. I see it as a personal attack on my character. I'm not the type of person who's just going to stand by and think it's cute when my partner very obviously doesn't trust me. Trust is one of the most important things in a relationship, and if he proves to me that he doesn't trust me, then I'm not interested in putting any more time into being with him.

[Chris00987]

Depends on what type of jealousy.
I had a woman that didn't get jealous about other women.
She was literally jealous of me. She didn't like that I had a good life.
She didn't want me to be happy.
She wanted to drag me down.
That kind of jealousy is a deal breaker for me.

[love_ly412]

No, as long as it's not excessive like saying you can't hang out with this person bc they're jealous and can't trust you. Otherwise, I think it's flattering in a way - like you're scared to lose me? Does that make sense?

[Asker]

Yes it makes perfect sense, thank you!

[Melshmallow046]

There's a mild, healthy jealousy that means you care about a person enough that you don't want them to be with someone else. Then there's a possessive, unhealthy jealous that stems from insecurity in a relationship. The first is fine and the second is a sign to break up.

[debi2622]

I can put up with very minor jealousy. But anything consistent and irrational is a deal breaker. I've never cheated, never thought about it. And the last thing I need or want is someone accusing me (verbally or mentally) of cheating.

[smalls95]

For me, yes. I’ve seen jealousy consume too many relationships. If I’m with someone that doesn’t trust me and has to control the relationship so that his jealousy doesn’t get out of hand, I’m out of there.

[AuroraRoseat]

It can be. I don't do well with insecure men. I understand being jealous about somethings--I have no issue with talking it out with them. There are times though that people are jealous over irrational circumstances in my opinion.

[Miristheiss]

No, not really. At least unless she is over the top jealous. I'd say my fiancé has just about the right amount of jealousy. She doesn't try and stop me from doing the things I like but she would call foul if I decided to go to a strip club.

[alohaahyes]

Depends on the level of jealousy. A little jealousy can be attractive but I would rather him trust me. I don't want him to think that I'd cheat on him or anything.

[Egoless_M0rtal]

Depends on how intense the jealousy is. Some jealous is normal and healthy but if its controlling and obsessive getting into abusive jealousy then yes its a deal breaker

[Iron_Man]

If they stay faithful and loyal and do the right things in life there's nothing to be jealous of and the relationship continues on but if they start talking to other men and flirting with them and going to clubs and dancing with other men it's completely over

[almondcake]

Yes. In my experience jealousy means the jealous one is a cheat and worries the other will do the same. I mean in life we assume people think that we all think and feel the sames things all though we do not really

[almondcake]

I just read your other replies and your not worried about someone else being jealous you are worried that you might be jealous now because of the past. Sorry I didn't think of that scenario. But my situation very similar but rather than get jealous I build a heart of stone untill I know there is trust and love there. Maybe I will find it one day lol

[BlackRoseFairy]

It depends. Jealousy by itself is not, but if he is insecure, controlling and abusive because of his jealousy then yes. It is.

[xLivingLifex]

You’re only jealous because you’ve been hurt in the past. He should definitely understand that. And being insecure is natural

[Anonymous]

It is normal to be little bit jealous, if they wasn’t I would wonder if they even cared. Not jealous in everyday life, I mean if there is real reason for them to be jealous, like if they see someone hitting on you, or you did something (which I wouldn’t do, very faithful and loyal). It would be a dealbreaker if it was the paranoid, controlling, possesive kind of jealousy.

[fueledbythc]

100% a deal breaker. i pride myself on being faithful and loyal so i dont put up with jealousy even at its slightest. i dont even like jealousy towards anything and make it a point to call it out.

[Anonymous]

I feel most people in love would feel some certain degree of jealous or insecure. As long as they are mature human beings and can communicate effectively , I don't see it as a deal breaker.

[gorman24]

A little jealousy isn't so bad, but it becomes a deal breaker when the jealousy turns into a possessive behavior.

[bklynbadboy1]

Nope not for me it's how you handle yourself after you get jealous that's gonna be the deal breaker for me.

[MariaJaneW]

No, I don’t think it is. However, if it got really extreme to the point where there’s no trust, then yes it kinda should be. I consider myself a jealous person but I trust my boyfriend completely to do the right thing if a girl ever hits on him.