Why does she text me EVERYDAY asking how my day was but not commit to going out on a 2nd date with me? Why does she keep in contact w/ me?

[Anonymous]

I’ve had a thing for this girl for sometime. She recently split a/ her dude and I was finally able to take her out. I am somewhat friends with this guy but he treated her crappy throughout the 8 months they were together. She says she wants to get to know me better and take things slow being she just went through a breakup. I get that. But her actions towards me seem odd. Any clarity or help would be greatly appreciated. I can’t ask anyone in my circle because we’re all friends with her ex. So anyway, here’s the story in a nutshell... We went out on a date 2 weeks ago. Had a great time. Canoeing and a Brad Paisley concert, she stayed the night, no sex - did get a few kisses which was cool but overall a great night. Dropped off some lunch to her Friday and she surprised me by laying 2 kisses on me while I was sitting in the car. However even though we’ve stayed in contact and talk everyday, we see each other through mutual friends but it’s always a casual hey’ here’s a hug and go different directions. I’m sure none of her friends (all mutual friends w/ me and her ex) don’t know anything about us. Recently saw her at the lake this weekend, even though I was looking for her I wasn’t on a mission to find her. Then all of sudden in a sea of rafts she swims up to my tube. We hang out a little, then she leaves on a boat w/o even looking back once. I’m so confused. Any advice? Why won’t she hang out more? Why’s she text me everyday and ask how my day is w/o replying to the last text she left on read? I’m so confused by this. Is she just testing the waters and wanting to take things super slow with me? Is she actually interested? I’m 39 w/ a teenager and she’s 30 if this helps. Just trying to figure out if I should just give up all together or if this is something worth sticking out to see where it goes.

[baIIoons]

As you stated she is intrigued by you but she'd like to take things slow. I think she definitely does like you but she is afraid to commit fully. She mustn't want to be hurt. Make sure to let her know that you're going to be there for her. Express to her that she can open up to you if she needs anything. You already know more about her than most (assuming she doesn't tell everyone about her relationship with that past guy.) So she's obviously interested but presumably isn't exactly comfortable giving so much of herself after having a bad experience in her past relationship. Additionally when it comes to her leaving you on read, or the little things such as the amount of kisses you have I really wouldn't think too much about it. I found in my relationship it's best to not overthink the little things. However if they do become bothersome communication is key. My boyfriend has stopped saying I love you to me which has concerned me. I know he doesn't like anyone else because he hates texting and talking to new people so it cannot be that. But i've found if this sort of thing is really stressing you. Do not just keep telling people about it. It won't get solved unless you talk to her. It doesn't have to be 100% direct. So if you're going for something more subtle just try assuring her you have her back! Good luck. Lmk if you have anymore questions and tell me how things go. :-)

[Asker]

Thank YOU! I feel like you may of nailed it. Hopefully this is exactly what’s going through her head.

[baIIoons]

Yeah because she may just have lots of things going on and just needs a support system. You're welcome and thank you!! You can get through this! If not there are plenty of people out there who can love and appreciate you!!

[Mr_Flint]

Brotha im goung to preface my response because this is text and I dont want to come off wrong. I want you to know I am saying this with love. And respect from one man to another.

First of all its hard to really know if she's really into you for ypu, or if she's into you so the other guy she use to date can see she's has options. This whole charade could possible have little to do with you in the at all. You are allowing her to have way too much control over the way the two of you interact.

Women are masters of robbing men for attention when it suit them. Put it this way if you wanted to be with her, love her, have sex with her you could not do that against her will right, because that would be stalking, that would be rape. Well, what she doing to you text you when she wants, responding when she wants, be intimate when she wants, she's RAPING YOU'RE TIME! You have to put a stop to that man!

This girl is stringing you along because youve given her way too much power over the situation and she knows whenever she feels like dealing with you, you answer the call without hesitation.

Kick her to the curb man move on!

[StormCOGy]

TLDR

She's trying to control you. She's just come out of a relationship, people usually (unknowingly) have a power vacuum. They try to get a bit more control in their life.

She's texting you every day and you respond because you're in her pocket, she knows if she wanted to, she'd have you.

Do you want this girl to go on another date with you? That's simple, get out of her pocket. Don't text her back, leave the messages read, or don't read them at all. You're not being an asshole, you're showing that you have other options.

[Asker]

I appreciate this response.

[ecfresh]

When you asked her out on a 2nd date how did she turn you down?

[Asker]

I’ve tried more than 3 times and she always says “ok” then the day of comes and you hear nothing. So there’s never an immediate rejection.

[ecfresh]

My rule is 3 strikes and you are out. She clearly understands you are interested, so it’s time to pull back a bit and see what happens. Maybe she does want to take things slowly but to ghost more than 3 times that’s fishy. If she keeps texting everyday don’t say as much and see if she changes her pattern. Otherwise it sounds like she likes the attention at this point but might be afraid of jumping into a new relationship