I have been celibate for 4 years. Should I give up hope on finding love?

[Anonymous]

I’ve been celibate for too long. It’s because I just want someone who would love me too, but it seems like all guys just want to do is fuck me. The guy I really liked just told me he has a girlfriend and then proceeded to ask me if I wanted to watch him jerk off because it wouldn't be that bad of cheating. I really liked him and was crushed and disappointed. I was also raped a few months ago when I was roofied on a first date. I’ve never had a boyfriend in my life. The last time I had sex the guy was just a fuck buddy and I just know I can't handle a casual sex situation ever again. I just want to love someone. I’m getting bitter towards my girlfriends who ALL have boyfriends and want to talk about their boyfriend problems.

[btbc92]

No you haven't been celibate for too long. Your celibate by CHOICE. The thing is simply this. There is no such thing as FINDING love. You must have LOVE within you. And you don't. You don't love yourself. Not just by you having premarital sex before marriage, but by seeking attention in places that you shouldn't. You need to WORK on yourself. You also have to get HEALED from the rape incident and get some help. Also to add, your friends life is just their life. You don't want their life and there is no guarantee that their relationships are REAL relationships and unless you have religious of god fearing friends, it is just as sexual relationship that will fail eventually if it doesn't change. So being envious of them is pointless.

Plus, your not celibate. Celibate is who I am. Somebody who is not interested in dating, sex, and refrain from those experiences and choices. You are just unavailable and have attachment issues due to your poor experiences with men and sadly picking the wrong kind of people trying to get one. You have to figure yourself out. And learn from your choices. Not avoid them.

[Asker]

Um you dont know enough to say I need to figure myself out. I love myself and am whole on my own.

[btbc92]

I can tell that you don't. You do need to figure yourself out. Because if you have you wouldn't be having this question. You would have already found somebody you are compatible with and would treat you right. It is a choice. There is more to life than what you say you want to pursue. It's better, to be honest than to lie to yourself. I am highly intuitive and sense things about people. And I know you're being very defensive. I highly suggest you stop and really take time to understand what is important to you when concerning having a partner. Because what you wrote, your history says another.

[btbc92]

I don't have to know enough about a person all the time, to know what needs to be done. Its a matter of you willing to listen and doing or ignoring and cursing. I am 27 years old and have been on my own since forever. I think I would know more than enough to say what needs to be said.

[Asker]

Yeah but we all have weak moments, im not perfect

[btbc92]

No you're not perfect. But you have to learn to fully accept and love yourself instead of making excuses for it. The same way I've been through, what I have been through, and I have been through a lot. I also know that if I really want something I go after it. I was taught that by my late mother. You deserve better, but you got to change. And seek healing from God and let God lead you to do what's right for your life and stop constantly trying to make it like you're in control. Because the one that's in control is God. But you have to allow him to put you in the right direction. Is not going to be easy in this life, but you can make it easier.

[btbc92]

I'm not perfect either, but I don't use that as an excuse to not strive myself to be perfect in Christ. That's how I was able to get where I'm at today. Because even though I never been in a relationship, I can actually say I'm doing a hell of a lot better than most of those who are in it.

[btbc92]

You got to look at the positives of your singleness and not all the negatives.

[Asker]

I do all the time! I say what im grateful for every day about being single. i really like spending time alone and taking myself on dates

[btbc92]

I don't just new that. I mean that you have to stop allowing your negative emotions control the good things in your life. You can't just say it you just got to do it. In the more you do it the less you have to worry about it. But the problem is you allowing yourself to worry about it, instead of just a lot of things to go at its own pace. You have to make some friends and get to know them as people. Once you find somebody who equally desire what you want then see how it goes. Stop looking at time.

[btbc92]

Mean that*

[GhettoGirl]

"I just want to love someone", got to love yourself to love and be loved, I dont think you're there.

[Asker]

but i do, i just traveled solo and got back and felt like i just want to share life with someone and care for someone

[nerms123]

These guys sound terrible. Maybe you need to move to a different area or something

[Asker]

NYC... guy friends tell me there's always just another girl around the corner so they could fall in love with anyone if they wanted to there's no one person for anyone

[nerms123]

Yeah I can understand that situation. Maybe consider moving

[RobLovesDemi1234]

Wow shit sorry to hear you got raped. That's real fucked up shit. But getting back to the 4 year celibate thing, I can do 4 years standing on my head easy. The last time i even kissed a girl was back in January 2005 yes that long ago. so 4 years is nothing. and as far as watching the guy who has a girlfriend jerking off yes it is that bad its still cheating and a real shitty thing to do to someone behind their back. Just start looking more serious into guys you like and don't count out guys who may seem nice and genuine. Most women will pass up on them because they like the bad boy. Heck i just answered one woman who was whining about her ex being in prison and still wanting to know if he thought about her sexually. Don't be like that. Look for good quality guys who will treat you right and make you happy and dont take that for granted

[DracosBF]

Find a way to go around your group of friends, meet friends of friends, or even find new people.
Sometimes we need a fresh start to pudh confidence back up.
About the guy you liked, I'm just disgusted by that proposal...
Remember to actually kerp sn open mind in terms of love tho, you never the day after tomorrow!

Best of luck.

[JohnUity]

Maybe you should take a break and focus on something else. There are a lots of beauty beside romance.

[Asker]

Yeah i was going to start focusing back on career. i lost a lot of motivation for that

[JohnUity]

Yes, also get a hobby, regular friend, anything fun/safe

[Asker]

im marathon training so thats perfect. this month is the peak of my training so im gonna focus on that

[JohnUity]

Nice, thats the spirite👍

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry about all that happened. I don’t think you should give up on love 💕

[Asker]

thanks girl

[Jersey2]

Ask your girls friends who of their boyfriends friends would be a good match for you. Then ask for help in getting a date with him.

[Anonymous]

nah you'll find somebody, but niggas got needs bih.

[NerdInDenial]

Where do you meet guys?

[Anonymous]

Yes you should nobody like a man complainer

[Anonymous]

yeah