I'm in a vicious cycle of being ghosted all the time. How do I break it?

[Megannomiddlename]

Broke up with my ex boyfriend in the beginning of the year and a few months later decided to give online dating apps a try

Been finding that I speak to these guys on the online dating apps, we move to iMessage/WhatsApp and in the middle of a conversation or a plan to meet I stop getting replies from them and never hear from them again.

How do I break this cycle? Is it my texting style? Am I looking for that someone in the wrong place?

[Anonymous]

Have you actually tried talking to any of them?

I have the same problem.

I dont really buy into this idea of ghosting, i kinda think its bullshit.

Alright it happens but what I am getting at is that I think it becomes a self forfilling prophecy? Or that the ghosting meme actually creates problems where there shouldn't be problems because everyone starts thinking omg i haven't heard anything they are ghosting me so i will give up

I can tell you with absolute certainity that it is a mistake to assume to know anything when you are dealing with people.

Until you know why someone hasn't messaged back you dont know why they didn't contact you and I would suggest that its a bigger cost to you to lose a person for a lack of reaching out than it is to what? appear needy to someone who isn't going to be part of your life anyway?

I dont give a fuck what that person thinks? Why would i? Its important to remember that in that scenario they are the uncivilised cunt who couldnt have the decency to just say sorry i met someone or I lost interest when i you told me you had a cat because cats used to piss in my face every day when i walked to school as child.

Maybe that person was in an accident or someone died or they lost their phone or were robbed or maybe they did meet someone and it all went wrong in a week but now they are too embarrassed to say something?

The possibilities are literally endless so if there is someone out there who you want in your life that you want to know, reach out to them and just keep trying, ok not every 5 seconds, but keep trying until you really have an answer.

And say things like i have just said if you want?

If you aren't interested can you just let me know because its weird that i didn't hear from you, I dont like to make assumptions etc blah blah.

A longer message is better than lots of short ones so think about what you want to say and then say it.

I have a phone full of flakey women or women i ghosted without meaning to for whatever reason.

You know?

Nothing for ages and then you have 10 at once, mistakes are made.

[talloak]

I don't think this is a cycle. That is, I don't think something you're texting is suddenly causing them to change their mind about you. More likely, they are in contact with someone else they prefer to pursue. They probably don't see any sort of relationship that requires them to end things in civil way.

I think you should treat this as a good thing because it's a filtering mechanism. Regardless of why they are ghosting you, they are probably not guys you want to date. They may be rude or inconsiderate or shallow or disinterested; it doesn't matter. Any of these things rule them out. Being ghosted is hard at the time but it would be harder still to learn about these qualities after dating them several times. Worse yet, after starting a committed relationship with one.

[Ekafay33]

Not that hard, if they stop talking to you then u are not important to them, just find people who care to you, okay

[Clockface]

This is the right way to respond to someone that ghosted, but doesn't answer why it's happening.

For guys this is a common occurrence, we just shrug and carry on. Girls don't really experience it anywhere near as much, so maybe it's something she's saying to them.

[Guffrus]

The problem is that that is not always the case and assumption is the mother of all fuck ups and you just dont know.

[OlderAndWiser]

Maybe guys lose interest because they want to actually meet someone and you may be looking for a pen pal.

[Knightend]

Online dating is... hard.

I can't say that it is your texting style, but I doubt it is. It could be you just aren't what they are looking for and it takes a bit of conversation to figure that out. People don't appreciate manners these days or are just scared. So it's easier to just stop talking than to gracefully exit the conversation and not leaving you wondering if you did something wrong.

It's less of a matter of breaking the cycle than it is persevering on through the 'ghosting' and rudeness of ignorant people.

There is no 'wrong place' to look for people. I usually suggest though, if you are feeling down about it take a break. Say, 3 months, where you won't look for anyone. If someone comes after you, so be it, but don't seek anyone out.

I hope I answered your question well. I sincerely wish you good luck in your future conversations.

[xkildy]

Sounds like (cat fishing ) they are only interested in the information you tell them. They are very very very good at there job at tell you there information (that's false) then as a courtesy you do the same trying to get to know them better. Afterwards when they see that your not giving out any details that they want and you would rather meet in person. That's when they leave cause the fantasy AKA is over with and without the help and protection of a computer or phone screen there caught. So one of the two ways there either cat fishing or just plain trolling out information and asking to meet is what breaks the deal. Personally when I was dating I would rarely get anyone to text me much less be interested enough to meet me hahaha.. I don't see why any man turns down a lovely lady

[Guffrus]

This shit happens all the time.

We need to start finding and killing these people.

[xkildy]

🙈🙈🙈

[dontgofalling]

It could be you getting too connected to the person too early which can tap it's way into the conversation, making the other person uncomfortable.
Could also be in your photo or status, you expressing yourself in a different way than what they expect which could also be a turn off.
It may also just be that they're not attracted to you.

If it's the first scenario, try to not get too attached and connected to the person, express yourself and enjoy the conversation but don't get depended on him and don't look desperate.

If it's the second one, express yourself in your status and photo, the way you'd like the guy you'd like to, and don't look too cheery or depressed.
If it's the third, well, move on.

Good luck 😉

[VikingDude]

I have Personal experience of dating sites. Dobt let the guys drag you too far in. A lot of them are married/attached guys just looking for a fling. As soon as it gets anywhere near seriously meeting someone, they run.
I know you don't want to be chatting to someone forever but if someone is serious you will know.. .. I met my ex on a date site. We spoke every day and most of the night. After 3 weeks we arranged to meet and it worked out fine.

[Guffrus]

So, you are dating guys on these dating sites?

[VikingDude]

So what if I am?

[Guffrus]

The problem is that Im pretty sure you are completely full of shit.

[VikingDude]

Well I can't help you with your problem. It's not my problem if I prefer guys to girls 🤷🏻‍♂️

[Guffrus]

Yeah, maybe.

But I dont think so.

[Guffrus]

Because you see, the trouble is that same sex marriage has only been possible in the country that you live in for like 5 years and there are only about 7500 marriages a year for same sex couples and only 45% of those are men.

So you, I have to wonder how many cheating married gay guys are there in the entire country?

Not many.

[VikingDude]

Ok well you have a nice evening. This seems to be a really pressing issue for you that gay men apparently don't cheat on their partners too. You can throw as many numbers at it as you want. It doesn't mean it doesn't happen.

[Guffrus]

But the numbers do mean something.

They mean quite a lot actually.

I am not, as you well know making an argument which says that there are zero guys who are married and gay and cheating.

What Im saying is that in the entire UK there are less 50k guys who are gay and married.

How many married gay guys cheat?

All of them?

I doubt it.

I would have thought that gay men would be pissed off that there is a sterotype that they are easy and sleep around and that actually the guys who got married they probably really did want to get married and bear in mind we are talking about less than 5 years ago, they are quite newly married, this isn't 20 years down the line, grown apart, none of that shit.

But yet you want me to believe that you personally been led on by an endless fucking stream of them.

So Im calling bullshit.

[Guffrus]

You can fuck off with your homophobic slander too.

[VikingDude]

Haha, seems you do have a serious problem. You can't actually read... my original comment actually states married/attatched. And just because somebody doesn't look gay doesn't mean they are not. You need to pay more attention to people's actual posts and give them real advice instead of criticising and hating on other peoples comments.
And I'm single by the way if you're interested 😉

[Guffrus]

Oops.

And there we have it.

Gay guy trolling for striaight dick because you dont know what straight means and you are a creepy rapey piece of shit.

So thats game, go fuck yourself.

[VikingDude]

You think I'm trolling you? Please !! Do me a favour.
You come on here slating my comment because you can't believe gay men cheat. And IM the troll? Get a life bitch and go hate somewhere else. You're worthless ass ain't welcome here !!

[Guffrus]

No, I think you are trolling on those straight dating sites where you had all the experiences you referenced and lied about.

[VikingDude]

Oh ok so you're saying that there are no gay dating sites now. You are seriously deluded now sir. Go and find someone else to play with... you're boring me now.

[Guffrus]

Of course there are, but as I have already established there aren't enough married gay men in the country to provide the endless stream of disappointment you claim to have experience.

It has also been established that you dont care if the guy you are hitting on is gay or straight because you are creepy, lying, rapey fucking piece of shit.

So you aren't just on gay sites, you are on straight sites, pretending to be a fucking women and trolling for dick pics and hoping to find a bisexual guy whos dick you can suck.

Im not boring you, Im shaming you, there's a world of difference.

[VikingDude]

You're seriously picking a fight with the wrong person. I'm not ashamed to be gay, nor am I ashamed to say I'm on dating sites. Im also not certainly pretending to be a woman hence why my name is in blue not pink. Dick picks are not my thing, I've seen enough wrinkly dead bald moles to know they are all alike. Although some are bigger than others it's clear you feel very inadequately proportioned. At 43 I've simply joined this to offer my advice to those who ask the question. Yourself being 40, should also know better and stop being so childish and immature.

[cavmanier]

They probably just aren't that into you. You can call that texting style but it's probably more the information you given them send how they think about you overall. you just have to keep trying. I'm surprised those guys aren't sleeping with you and then ghosting you.

[Magicstar]

Sound to me like they are phishing. Looking for a way to get info on you. I've experienced the same with women from POF, and other dating sites a few years ago. I do not do online thing anymore... this was a site I though was for dating.. I'm just here now to chat in-between life. I don't think dating sites are a good choice anymore. To many fakes, and it's too easy to be rude to other people. Be safe out there.

[automatic812]

The problem with the internet seems to be people disappear and we get no indication for why. I think it's up to you if you are ok with accepting this is out of your control and if you are clicking with someone they will not ghost you. Keep it light and don't get too wrapped up in the ghosting and just be yourself. Good luck!

[whysoserious12]

By the sounds of it, they all want something from you, as some guys on those apps do... Guys can be very cowardly, they'll act the part online and run when it comes to meeting.

Don't get hurt over it, if it didn't happen, it's probably not meant to be! Chin up, you'll find love 😁

[crazy8000]

Welcome to many guy's experience with female's online 😉

Un less you want to be someone you aren't and be those individuals great entertainment it's better to move on to next person.
Doesn't surprise me you usually go for those shallow immature individuals that lacks social skills since they usually put up a appealing shallow front that profile their body parts to attract,.

[SquidwardsmellsGOOD]

Get off dating apps and online dating. That is why you get ghosted because it is online. meet people in real life and that won’t happen because it can’t happen they won’t be able to ghost you

[maxgdek]

To break that cycle the other person that you're talking to has to go past question in there minded... ... do I really want to go out with this girl or am I just talking to her... the other person you're talking to has to get past that question among others questions that make them more serious than just talkin about dating.

[BrotherFrost]

Dating aps are a "cast a wide net" kind of a thing. It's a game where you are always looking for an upgrade, and the lower ones become a nuisance after you catch a "better" one. Note that better can mean anything from more attractive to willing to jump to bed sooner.
So unless you're looking for a series or one night stands you are on the wrong place.

[ohshee]

I would have to know how u are chatting and what ur chatting about. I have what's up send a private message let's add and find out

[trent7957]

I 100% feel your pain. I'm dealing with it myself. Every girl i talk to has ghosted me. Even the 2 of them that i met in person ghosted me after a little while. I hate wasting my time but it doesn't seem to matter to them

[quipjohn]

doesn't seem like it would be your texting style. Is your picture posted up front? Are they in your age group... if i think of anything else ill let you know.

[colin77]

don't look for love, love will find u... and with patience, and humbleness u will see th one... u don't need to go on all these sites for that u might look alittle desperate... get to know u first and things will change

[MannMitAntworten]

What changes between the dating app and iMessage/WhatsApp? I cannot imagine anything being different, maybe something does?

[D3V1N]

Stop using dating apps and go talk to real people you'll probably have better luck

[dudeinohio]

Been there. Ghosting seems to be a way of life on dating apps. Give it time and be persistent... it'll pay off in the long run.

[YHL6965]

Have you found a pattern to it that would lead to ghosting? What do you want from these guys before they ghost you?

[McKellar]

That's okay. I get those all the time. All the more reason why I just quit talking to women.

[Cowboy6666]

Same things happen to me that's why I'm still single and searching lol

[G-spot]

Wow I feel the exact same way ! That's me your talking about right there !

[G-spot]

I mean that's also happens to me talk for a bit then boom gone

[Anonymous]

We'd need to know some examples of what you're saying/doing

[Dongtai]

Stop meeting online and meet guys during the day.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like a personal problem...

[COMMODOREII]

Find guys willing to be a friend. Like me. Lol

[DavidEtn]

Tough question, keep trying is all I got for you

[DavidEtn]

Maybe they're playing games