Just be yourself. Good or bad advice?

[coachTanthony]

Good advice

Bad advice

Other (left my "two cents" in the comments below)

See poll (be yourself because everyone else is taken)

[SomeGuyCalledTom]

Well, telling someone to be fake and "not themselves" is NOT good advice. But that doesn't mean the inverse of "be yourself" is good advice, either.

The problem with "be yourself" is that it doesn't provide any new insights into your own nature, or how you can better operate within the world and towards your own life goals. All it does is state "A=A".

But if you want to become "C", then the formula might look like "A+B=C". Which suggests some kind of change, which in turn suggests a "journey" of sorts-- a progression of events that precipitate and enable change. Knowing that "A=A" doesn't give us any new information to work with; it's the laziest kind of confirmation bias dressed up self-acceptance.

And yet, "being yourself" is still a worthy aim in itself. I do believe there are certain aspects of a person's nature that cannot change with any amount of self improvement. Sometimes A+B=A. So it's instructive to figure out which parts of your nature are fixed, and which are fluid. It's perfectly admirable to truly OWN the fact that A=A. You shouldn't be trying to "fix" an equation that doesn't need to be fixed, and which cannot be alitered by its very nature.

For example, I'm an introvert. I CAN add on more "outgoing" dimensions and expressions to my personality and behaviour. I can go out more. I can meet new people. I can plug in these ancillary components to my personality, even though the "core" of my introverted self will never really change. So it might be something like A = A + (b + c + d…). But if I resist my introverted nature to the point of denying it altogether-- declaring myself "the most outgoing party-boy of all time!", and trying to erase that introverted nature from my existence altogether-- then it will bring only stress, failure, and misery.

So the trick is to INTEGRATE the fixed aspects of our nature... along with the self-improvement and all the changes that come with that outwards journey. As we go outwards farther, we must go inwards deeper.

[nightdrot]

Voted "other" because "just being yourself" is too simple a formulation. It takes no account of other factors extraneous to oneself.

If being oneself means being the best person you can be. Striving constantly to be better and to improve yourself both for the benefit of yourself and for those whom you care, then yes, "be yourself."

If, on the other hand, you expect others to accept you for your worst habits. For the large community to accept you for your laziness, vulgarity, crude manners or whatever other faults you may have, then no. Not only is "be yourself" bad advice, it is inflicting the worst of a flawed human nature on others and expecting them to absorb it, take it or leave it.

That is not only not workable, it would make civilized living impossible. "Just be yourself" is the hopelessly romantic idea that we start as good and pure and that we are only later corrupted by the inauthenticity around us. It is pure drivel.

If just be yourself presumes that you are obliged, morally and practically, to strive to be better and to constantly improve yourself, then by all means. Men and women are neither perfect nor perfectible and within certain bounds and limits they deserve to be accepted by their fellow imperfect beings.

However, the obligation to be accepted means that those who wish to be accepted must be, at some level, to be acceptable. Just being yourself, then, requires more than - either at the individual or social level - just showing up and expecting others to take it or leave it.

[Anonymous]

Serial murderers are just being themselves. Jerks are just being themselves. Pervs are just being themselves. Hermits are just being themselves. In short, there really are in my opinion, limits to such advice. I've dealt with thousands of personalities by virtue of my former jobs, and of those thousands I got to know over time, the ones that were consistently universally disliked by women, children, men, everyone, were those that were rude, mean, angry/bitter all the time, inconsiderate, loners, or weird-gross. Friendships and relationships with others are two way streets.

There has to be a give and take and some form of ability to relate to others in a positive way. Those that don't have that or don't want that drive people away. Those that are not willing to share some part of themselves with others make it virtually impossible to get to know them or want to. I don't believe our personalities are stagnant and people most certainly have the ability to say work through personal issues to become better human beings that people want to get to know.

[Cynicaldreamer]

See, this is one of those trick questions...

If you're yourself, obviously not everyone is going to like the real you. Which if you're trying to find a partner or even friends, can make it a long, painful, lonely process finding the right person that likes and accepts the real you.

If you put on a facade to impress others and a date, yeah it can work! But then you're not being true to yourself and you'll wind up miserable just for the sake of not being lonely or single the rest of your life. Plus if the real you does come out, they might not like certain facets of who you are.

So I'd go with just being yourself, BUT give yourself a self evaluation: your good and bad features.
If there's something you want to improve about yourself, such as your style, weight, confidence? Work on it! But it has to be because you want to, not to impress others or make someone else happy.

[coachTanthony]

So just be your "best self" would be the go to?

[Cynicaldreamer]

Bingo!

[DorkVader]

Good answer! My work here is done

[danelenova]

Hello

[ChronicThinker]

My old man always said: "Being yourself is great... unless you're an asshole."

[Mamamialetmego]

women always go for aholes

[aWes0MeNeSs]

Good and bad.

Why it can be good: You shouldn't completely change who you are and try to be someone you're not to please others. You can't be happy that way.

Why it can be bad: If there are character flaws about yourself that you have the ability to change or improve on, you should work on them and try to be the best person you can be. You should always be trying to improve yourself rather than just settling for "this is who I am". There are many negative traits that can be changed or improved on.

However, there's quite a bit of difference between improving yourself and completely changing who you are.

I think what most people mean when they say to be yourself is to be true to who you are and to not pretend you're someone you're not.

[EmbraceThePain]

Well, it’s somewhat of an open-ended statement that can be wrong and right at the same time. If being yourself means being lazy, unhygienic, amoral, antisocial, etc. then I’d say to not be yourself and fake being something else more pleasant for the benefit of others and yourself. So, if I frame it like that then the “Be Yourself” advice would be ill-advised. Now, if by “Be Yourself” you’re talking about a reasonable and sane person not faking who they are and lying constantly about various things, then I’d say that advice would be good. There’s countless interpretations to this so without specifics then it seems that it is open to wide interpretation.

[Liston]

Indeed... what could a question mean. Who is oneself? It is like the statement... be honest with yourself... what if you are a psychopath... could you even know?

[Sammy6Gunz]

Definitely always be yourself, in any situation and any given time of day. Other wise you are practically lying to everyone around you and mainly, yourself. If you are a nice person then you can light up people's lives, if you are a douchebag then be that douchebag but learn to tone it down. We can't all be good, we can't all be bad, could you imagine if we all were the same? It would be one messed up world if we were.

We are all unique and beautiful in our own ways, you just have to learn to embrace who you are.

[Y3llow]

I think that's a good idea, as long as you are truly happy with who you are. My most important motto in life is "If you don't like something about yourself, you have two options. 1. Learn to love and embrace that fault. 2. Change it." If you do not like who you are, then something needs to change.

[Creepazoid]

I'm gonna say be your best self but emphasizing the best qualities about your personality and accepting yourself as in embracing your morals, views, and hobbies. if your not a good conversationalist, insecure, severely shy, afraid to escalate sexually in any way - these are the traits that need to changed, alongside being unhealthy due to weight problems

[DiscomfortZone]

I voted "Other". I believe "be yourself" should be a good advice, meaning that we should all strive towards being good enough for ourselves. When you're ssufficiently strong and fortified (mentally, emotionally, intellectually etc.), you stop caring about others' opinions of you. You know that you are you, for better or worst. But if how others perceive you is more important to you - you need to change. And I don't mean change as in try to he who/what/how they want you to be, but rather change as in improve your own confidence and integrity so you know you are good enough, that you never need to be more than yourself. You could always improve/enhance/"upgrade" yourself, ofc, but you should still be yourself in the core.

[westwordbound]

If you are struggling in dating this is likely bad advice.

With that said; do most people “be themselves” around people they are attracted to? This is especially true for guys. We are more nervous and for legitimate reason. We care more about how that girl feels about us than the average person. Unfortunately her intuition picks that up as insecurity and she often rejects (usually by friend zone).

You got to treat all women the same. That’s easier said than done but I heard some real good advice once. If you see an attractive women try to focus on one her flaws. It could be her nose, the way she dresses, an annoying laugh, there is always something. Realize they are human and treat them as such

[lucian_lucian_123]

It is a very bad advice, especially for children and young people that can wrongly understand that. If you are always just yourself will be no room for education, change and evolution. We can name all these as the human being spiritual evolution during life. Nobody has born already mature or knowing anything, we are learning every day until we die. If you are stuck in some initial ideas and you are even stubborn to follow those ideas, there is no hope for you as person to have good spiritual evolution. Sometimes we are wrong and we need to change. To have doubts about things and yourself is a very good thing. To have no doubts is a very bad thing. To search you own path in life is one story, and to say just be yourself is completely other story.

[BeardMagic]

It's valid but from being myself the last years and being free from the idiots that judge and attack people for breaking the mold I say, be true to yourself.

I understood from life lessons, I don't have to prove to people that got zero value to me what I stand for, what I am to the ones I love and care for and last but not least to the guy I see everyday in the mirror, when the sky gets dark and cloudy I always say to my reflection, you're ok you'll get through the storm.

[Rica_ChicaUSA]

Be yourself! You can’t hide yourself for long, and the only way someone can love you unconditionally and right is if they know the real you and love you for it.

[Applers64]

It depends on the person you are around and if they have an open mind about to people being different, personally I've always hid my self, anytime I've been my self none likes it so i keep it hidden seems to be best for me, unfortunately a lot of people hate or think its weird to be your self, but this is a trick question, i could go on about it but my words would be too long.

[N192K001]

It's worse than bad advice to me: It's MEANINGLESS advice to me.

You're already you automatically, just by being you. Hell, you could be on witness-protection, live under a different name, totally overhaul your personality, rewrite your entire past, or even move in another country, change your citizenship, and never speak your original language (s) again… and you'd still be you, because you are still you.

You might as well has told fire to be hot! It's a waste of breath.

[Grande_Beefy_Swirl]

Be yourself. It's the only way you can actually see which parts of you are shitty and which parts of you spark joy in others.

It's absolutely necessary to change as a human being, but you can't make any meaningful change until you understand who you are and what you want.

[ShadowofRegret]

Welcome back Coach!

I think one should be him/herself, even with ones flaws, it is better to let them show so that a person who is interested in you knows what they are getting themselves into, I don't think anyone really likes 'those' kinds of surprises.

[Anonymous]

It's neither.
Just look at what "just be yourself" really means: Don't be fake.
In that sense it is really good advice as if you're fake people will most likely find out sooner oe later and then it was all for nothing.
But does that mean it is good advice? No, it doesn't. Because if people don't like you they just don't like you. Being yourself can't possibly change that.

I suppose the main problem with it is that people assume that it will solve all their problem, because those who give it as advice usually don't give any other advice additionaly. "Just be yourself" and that's it. It may prevent you from making it all worse, but id you solely rely on being yourself you will not be prepared and most likely fail at whatever you're trying to do - unless you were gonna make it anyway in which case you didn't even need advice to begin with.

[Passinggas]

If I am myself on here, I am blocked a lot. If I say what everybody wants to hear as many do such as yourself, then the popularity increase. I spend my life telling everybody what they want to hear because that is what I get paid for. Being myself, completely un-tethered, is not something most want to be around. Therefore, for me specifically, it is BAD advice.

[GreenPenguin]

If you get blocked a lot for being yourself, maybe it's time to look at yourself and see if you can improve what you see?

Even though we should be ourself, we should also remember to work on ourselves. We need to find our faults and become better, not by faking ir, but genuinely become a better person.

[Passinggas]

@GreenPenguin Sounds good, I will go take some nice pills.

[ShadezMcgee]

It's good advice, but the downside to that is people will hate your guts for staying true to yourself and what you believe in

[Dystopian]

It totally depends on who you are, what situation and what company you're in.
Some people don't like people getting all familiar with them and in some situations it's definitely not a good idea to just be yourself because you're supposed to behave a certain way there (like a funeral for example).
Also, there are times when just being yourself is a bad idea simply because you have to appear different for them to want/like you, like a job interview for example.

[Exterminatore]

Depends on the situation. For most guys if they’re trying to get laid in the more immediate future, bad advice. If they want a relationship, good advice... she’ll figure out who you really are eventually. During job interviews... bad advice. This list could go on and on but overall in most situations it’s good advice. I say be you and who cares what others think of you?