Just be yourself. Good or bad advice?

Question

SomeGuyCalledTom · Accepted Answer

Well, telling someone to be fake and "not themselves" is NOT good advice. But that doesn't mean the inverse of "be yourself" is good advice, either.

The problem with "be yourself" is that it doesn't provide any new insights into your own nature, or how you can better operate within the world and towards your own life goals. All it does is state "A=A".

But if you want to become "C", then the formula might look like "A+B=C". Which suggests some kind of change, which in turn suggests a "journey" of sorts-- a progression of events that precipitate and enable change. Knowing that "A=A" doesn't give us any new information to work with; it's the laziest kind of confirmation bias dressed up self-acceptance.

And yet, "being yourself" is still a worthy aim in itself. I do believe there are certain aspects of a person's nature that cannot change with any amount of self improvement. Sometimes A+B=A. So it's instructive to figure out which parts of your nature are fixed, and which are fluid. It's perfectly admirable to truly OWN the fact that A=A. You shouldn't be trying to "fix" an equation that doesn't need to be fixed, and which cannot be alitered by its very nature.

For example, I'm an introvert. I CAN add on more "outgoing" dimensions and expressions to my personality and behaviour. I can go out more. I can meet new people. I can plug in these ancillary components to my personality, even though the "core" of my introverted self will never really change. So it might be something like A = A + (b + c + d…). But if I resist my introverted nature to the point of denying it altogether-- declaring myself "the most outgoing party-boy of all time!", and trying to erase that introverted nature from my existence altogether-- then it will bring only stress, failure, and misery.

So the trick is to INTEGRATE the fixed aspects of our nature... along with the self-improvement and all the changes that come with that outwards journey. As we go outwards farther, we must go inwards deeper.

nightdrot · Accepted Answer

Voted "other" because "just being yourself" is too simple a formulation. It takes no account of other factors extraneous to oneself.

If being oneself means being the best person you can be. Striving constantly to be better and to improve yourself both for the benefit of yourself and for those whom you care, then yes, "be yourself."

If, on the other hand, you expect others to accept you for your worst habits. For the large community to accept you for your laziness, vulgarity, crude manners or whatever other faults you may have, then no. Not only is "be yourself" bad advice, it is inflicting the worst of a flawed human nature on others and expecting them to absorb it, take it or leave it.

That is not only not workable, it would make civilized living impossible. "Just be yourself" is the hopelessly romantic idea that we start as good and pure and that we are only later corrupted by the inauthenticity around us. It is pure drivel.

If just be yourself presumes that you are obliged, morally and practically, to strive to be better and to constantly improve yourself, then by all means. Men and women are neither perfect nor perfectible and within certain bounds and limits they deserve to be accepted by their fellow imperfect beings.

However, the obligation to be accepted means that those who wish to be accepted must be, at some level, to be acceptable. Just being yourself, then, requires more than - either at the individual or social level - just showing up and expecting others to take it or leave it.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Serial murderers are just being themselves. Jerks are just being themselves. Pervs are just being themselves. Hermits are just being themselves. In short, there really are in my opinion, limits to such advice. I've dealt with thousands of personalities by virtue of my former jobs, and of those thousands I got to know over time, the ones that were consistently universally disliked by women, children, men, everyone, were those that were rude, mean, angry/bitter all the time, inconsiderate, loners, or weird-gross. Friendships and relationships with others are two way streets.

There has to be a give and take and some form of ability to relate to others in a positive way. Those that don't have that or don't want that drive people away. Those that are not willing to share some part of themselves with others make it virtually impossible to get to know them or want to. I don't believe our personalities are stagnant and people most certainly have the ability to say work through personal issues to become better human beings that people want to get to know.

Cynicaldreamer · Accepted Answer

See, this is one of those trick questions...

If you're yourself, obviously not everyone is going to like the real you. Which if you're trying to find a partner or even friends, can make it a long, painful, lonely process finding the right person that likes and accepts the real you.

If you put on a facade to impress others and a date, yeah it can work! But then you're not being true to yourself and you'll wind up miserable just for the sake of not being lonely or single the rest of your life. Plus if the real you does come out, they might not like certain facets of who you are.

So I'd go with just being yourself, BUT give yourself a self evaluation: your good and bad features.
If there's something you want to improve about yourself, such as your style, weight, confidence? Work on it! But it has to be because you want to, not to impress others or make someone else happy.

aWes0MeNeSs · Answer

Good and bad.

Why it can be good: You shouldn't completely change who you are and try to be someone you're not to please others. You can't be happy that way.

Why it can be bad: If there are character flaws about yourself that you have the ability to change or improve on, you should work on them and try to be the best person you can be. You should always be trying to improve yourself rather than just settling for "this is who I am". There are many negative traits that can be changed or improved on.

However, there's quite a bit of difference between improving yourself and completely changing who you are.

I think what most people mean when they say to be yourself is to be true to who you are and to not pretend you're someone you're not.

ChronicThinker · Answer

My old man always said: "Being yourself is great... unless you're an asshole."

EmbraceThePain · Answer

Well, it’s somewhat of an open-ended statement that can be wrong and right at the same time. If being yourself means being lazy, unhygienic, amoral, antisocial, etc. then I’d say to not be yourself and fake being something else more pleasant for the benefit of others and yourself. So, if I frame it like that then the “Be Yourself” advice would be ill-advised. Now, if by “Be Yourself” you’re talking about a reasonable and sane person not faking who they are and lying constantly about various things, then I’d say that advice would be good. There’s countless interpretations to this so without specifics then it seems that it is open to wide interpretation.

Sammy6Gunz · Answer

Definitely always be yourself, in any situation and any given time of day. Other wise you are practically lying to everyone around you and mainly, yourself. If you are a nice person then you can light up people's lives, if you are a douchebag then be that douchebag but learn to tone it down. We can't all be good, we can't all be bad, could you imagine if we all were the same? It would be one messed up world if we were.

We are all unique and beautiful in our own ways, you just have to learn to embrace who you are.

Y3llow · Answer

I think that's a good idea, as long as you are truly happy with who you are. My most important motto in life is "If you don't like something about yourself, you have two options. 1. Learn to love and embrace that fault. 2. Change it." If you do not like who you are, then something needs to change.

Creepazoid · Answer

I'm gonna say be your best self but emphasizing the best qualities about your personality and accepting yourself as in embracing your morals, views, and hobbies. if your not a good conversationalist, insecure, severely shy, afraid to escalate sexually in any way - these are the traits that need to changed, alongside being unhealthy due to weight problems

DiscomfortZone · Answer

I voted "Other". I believe "be yourself" should be a good advice, meaning that we should all strive towards being good enough for ourselves. When you're ssufficiently strong and fortified (mentally, emotionally, intellectually etc.), you stop caring about others' opinions of you. You know that you are you, for better or worst. But if how others perceive you is more important to you - you need to change. And I don't mean change as in try to he who/what/how they want you to be, but rather change as in improve your own confidence and integrity so you know you are good enough, that you never need to be more than yourself. You could always improve/enhance/"upgrade" yourself, ofc, but you should still be yourself in the core.

westwordbound · Answer

If you are struggling in dating this is likely bad advice.

With that said; do most people “be themselves” around people they are attracted to? This is especially true for guys. We are more nervous and for legitimate reason. We care more about how that girl feels about us than the average person. Unfortunately her intuition picks that up as insecurity and she often rejects (usually by friend zone).

You got to treat all women the same. That’s easier said than done but I heard some real good advice once. If you see an attractive women try to focus on one her flaws. It could be her nose, the way she dresses, an annoying laugh, there is always something. Realize they are human and treat them as such

lucian_lucian_123 · Answer

It is a very bad advice, especially for children and young people that can wrongly understand that. If you are always just yourself will be no room for education, change and evolution. We can name all these as the human being spiritual evolution during life. Nobody has born already mature or knowing anything, we are learning every day until we die. If you are stuck in some initial ideas and you are even stubborn to follow those ideas, there is no hope for you as person to have good spiritual evolution. Sometimes we are wrong and we need to change. To have doubts about things and yourself is a very good thing. To have no doubts is a very bad thing. To search you own path in life is one story, and to say just be yourself is completely other story.

BeardMagic · Answer

It's valid but from being myself the last years and being free from the idiots that judge and attack people for breaking the mold I say, be true to yourself.

I understood from life lessons, I don't have to prove to people that got zero value to me what I stand for, what I am to the ones I love and care for and last but not least to the guy I see everyday in the mirror, when the sky gets dark and cloudy I always say to my reflection, you're ok you'll get through the storm.

Rica_ChicaUSA · Answer

Be yourself! You can’t hide yourself for long, and the only way someone can love you unconditionally and right is if they know the real you and love you for it.

Applers64 · Answer

It depends on the person you are around and if they have an open mind about to people being different, personally I've always hid my self, anytime I've been my self none likes it so i keep it hidden seems to be best for me, unfortunately a lot of people hate or think its weird to be your self, but this is a trick question, i could go on about it but my words would be too long.

N192K001 · Answer

It's worse than bad advice to me: It's MEANINGLESS advice to me.

You're already you automatically, just by being you. Hell, you could be on witness-protection, live under a different name, totally overhaul your personality, rewrite your entire past, or even move in another country, change your citizenship, and never speak your original language (s) again… and you'd still be you, because you are still you.

You might as well has told fire to be hot! It's a waste of breath.

Grande_Beefy_Swirl · Answer

Be yourself. It's the only way you can actually see which parts of you are shitty and which parts of you spark joy in others.

It's absolutely necessary to change as a human being, but you can't make any meaningful change until you understand who you are and what you want.

ShadowofRegret · Answer

Welcome back Coach!

I think one should be him/herself, even with ones flaws, it is better to let them show so that a person who is interested in you knows what they are getting themselves into, I don't think anyone really likes 'those' kinds of surprises.

Anonymous · Answer

It's neither.
Just look at what "just be yourself" really means: Don't be fake.
In that sense it is really good advice as if you're fake people will most likely find out sooner oe later and then it was all for nothing.
But does that mean it is good advice? No, it doesn't. Because if people don't like you they just don't like you. Being yourself can't possibly change that.

I suppose the main problem with it is that people assume that it will solve all their problem, because those who give it as advice usually don't give any other advice additionaly. "Just be yourself" and that's it. It may prevent you from making it all worse, but id you solely rely on being yourself you will not be prepared and most likely fail at whatever you're trying to do - unless you were gonna make it anyway in which case you didn't even need advice to begin with.

Passinggas · Answer

If I am myself on here, I am blocked a lot. If I say what everybody wants to hear as many do such as yourself, then the popularity increase. I spend my life telling everybody what they want to hear because that is what I get paid for. Being myself, completely un-tethered, is not something most want to be around. Therefore, for me specifically, it is BAD advice.

ShadezMcgee · Answer

It's good advice, but the downside to that is people will hate your guts for staying true to yourself and what you believe in

Dystopian · Answer

It totally depends on who you are, what situation and what company you're in.
Some people don't like people getting all familiar with them and in some situations it's definitely not a good idea to just be yourself because you're supposed to behave a certain way there (like a funeral for example).
Also, there are times when just being yourself is a bad idea simply because you have to appear different for them to want/like you, like a job interview for example.

Exterminatore · Answer

Depends on the situation. For most guys if they’re trying to get laid in the more immediate future, bad advice. If they want a relationship, good advice... she’ll figure out who you really are eventually. During job interviews... bad advice. This list could go on and on but overall in most situations it’s good advice. I say be you and who cares what others think of you?

Satsujin · Answer

Be yourself is great advice because it's quite easy to tell when you aren't yourself. Additionally, if you aren't yourself, then you will likely not find as much satisfaction in your friendships and relationships. This is because they won't love you for you and you won't be able to act the way you would normally like.

NavyVelvet · Answer

Yeah, but I'd recommend to anyone that they read some articles on how to dress well, how to pick up on social cues, social norms, etc., so at worst you can be seen as a quirky individual, not a weirdo.

ChiTown33 · Answer

Generally good advice unless you're an a**hole. I mean i'd say take a look at your life. Is your social life pretty avg? Well then be yourself. But if people avoid you like the plague you might just want to entertain the thougjt that you might be an a**hole. So it probably wouldn't hur t. vg to NOT be yourself.

gym4ever · Answer

Im always my self. I pretend to be someone else and on end person will eventually find out. I decided to be my self and totally open to everyone. And trust me people will respect you more, maybe it will be hard to find right people but when you find them you won't regret.

talloak · Answer

Who you are is going to come out eventually. If you pretend to be someone you’re not, the deception will likely end any relationship. That doesn’t mean you should be too forthcoming early on. That comes off as too intense.

DorkVader · Answer

Always be yourself. Unless you can be Batman. Then be Batman

McKellar · Answer

Always be yourself. If people like you for who you are, that's a bonus for you considering they have acknowledged your personality & have accepted who you are.

If they don't like you at all,... tough shit for them. Your life will still be great without them.

PrinceNeo · Answer

It depends what you're looking for. If you're looking to smash of particular person don't be yourself be whatever they're attracted to if you're looking for a relationship then you should just be yourself cuz then you'll attract someone that I should like you for you and that's something that'll last.

ToastyTimothy1828 · Answer

It is circumstantial. If we're talking about someone like Mohammad Samji, for example, I would suggest you contextualize it (e. g., the work he did as a surgeon was great, but the way he murdered his wife put into question his reputation as a professional).

diphylleiagrayi · Answer

good and that means people support you. and turns bad bcs you ignore and not trying so maybe afterward you say it was hopeless after all, and you saying there was no people helping you but some of they already did.

DiamondHu · Answer

Bad advice, act the way that you should.

With respect, people can be pretty messed up in the head and being their selves is just dangerous for everyone including themself.

Everyone should act respectful and not rude.

Anonymous · Answer

Insert clip of Star Trek TNG Picard 'If we are going to be damned, lets be damned for what we really are.'

Anonymous · Answer

Mostly bad advice, depends on gender though.
With girls, unless you're a toxic bitch, then you're fine being yourself.
For guys, you begin from a position of being seen as flawed by your nature. Divergence from expectation is chastised and corrected. They only want your to be yourself insofar as "yourself" is everything they want you do be. If being yourself does not meet requirements then you're out, so obviously you have to find a work around for that.

auditya · Answer

The world is changing, so should you. Don't be yourself, instead, be better. Think about yourself right now, your achievements, your goals and your ambitions.

2 months from now, think again about yourself. If you're any closer to those things than you were 2 months ago, you are better.

So, don't be yourself, learn from surroundings, learn from others, improve and improvise.

DonovanHarris · Answer

I get the sentiment, because putting on a facade isn't something you can maintain forever. Though at the same time sometimes who someone is is the problem.

LoU_Hades · Answer

Why pretending a better self to impress someone who wants you like you're? "Just be yourself" sounds like an advice for people who no one takes under account as acceptable partner anyway.

NYCstreetPhotog · Answer

Well that depends, if yourself is a douche, probably better to not act that way, but then again it makes it easier for others to figure out if they do or don't want to be around you, so maybe it is...

NineBreaker · Answer

It's great advice. If you're good, them being yourself is good. If you're not good, it'll motivate you to be good so that you cam feel comfortable being yourself.

BestUserName100 · Answer

Good advice because then you will lose all the bad ones and ones you aren’t meant to be with. Plus if you lied they’d like you for the wrong reasons and eventually they are gonna find out.

Rangers · Answer

Good advice for maintaining control of yourself, but bad advice if you want to be in a relationship, so you'll have to decide which is more important while keeping in mind that being someone else will far from guarantee you a girl.

Avicenna · Answer

It's generally good advice. Its much easier to be yourself than something else and makes it easier to find someone compatible

andreasderjuengere · Answer

It is only a good advice when a person has an understanding about their own 'yourself'. Kids, or certain teenagers don't have a complete 'yourself' yet.

TheRealRubyRoo · Answer

I say yes, but the hardest thing for guys is actually realizing what yourself IS...

A. a strong, masculine figure

or

B. not that

I personally am not a "strong masculine person" and you know, i'm okay with that...

sapphireruby · Answer

If I can't be my self around you then I don't want to be around you at all.

LalaMeme · Answer

Great advice as long as you’re willing to feel the pain of rejection

RaindropSparkle · Answer

Good. If you try to be anything but, it won’t last anyway.

Hurlyburly · Answer

Depends on your personality. If you're an arrogant jerk it'd be better to NOT be yourself I suppose.

R_ūshī · Answer

It's a good advice... except if you're a psychopath, a pervert, a pedophile and some shit like that.

purplepoppy · Answer

I'm not always being myself, sometimes I pretend to be normal

Curabyron · Answer

Being yourself is better then showing a completely fake side and dissapointing the others, plus you make good friendships with people similar to you

Alearu · Answer

To be honest it's only a good advice if you fit the criteria of certain people. Be yourself only if you have likable personality. Can't be anymore honest than that.

TheLawAroundHere · Answer

This can get tricky. Its not always the best thing to show off your quirks, jjst yet.

victorvolf · Answer

It's not enough, we need to be ourselves while also actively working on bettering ourselves.

HonestWeirdo · Answer

I believe you should but in reality people that are fake and tell people what they want to hear and can blag it seem to be the ones who end up better off

YHL6965 · Answer

Only you knows what you like, what you want and what makes you happy so listen to yourself, be yourself otherwise you are bound to suffer from being someone you don't really want to be.

roland77 · Answer

Be yourself means you show yourself who you really are. This implies being authentic which is good.

TacosRAwesome · Answer

It's alright advice for someone who is functioning but if not then there is no harm in evolving.

Nikunj70 · Answer

Be your self but with that we have to analyze our self too Each and every time that we are in right way or not...

Scarecrow13 · Answer

Generally good advise but it depends on what kind of person you are. Of course if being yourself is a problem, maybe you should change.

Shamalien · Answer

Worst fucking advice I've ever heard in my life as it is utterly unhelpful. Who the hell even knows who they are anyway?

Just be yourself. Good or bad advice?

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