Why is my friends with benefits so adamant in coming to my house and spending the night?

[Mandy6999]

So i have this friends with benefits situation, Today i tell him I wanna meet up he’s fine with it, so it’s set. I later ask if we can change the time since I have to get up early the next day so he tries to cancel. I insist I want to come over but he says I’ll just find something else to do then. I persist then he says “I didn’t want to come to my house and get together anyways so it works, you never offer for me to come over”. I tell him I don’t because it doesn’t feel right, I want someone that I have something more with to come over. So then he tells me he has a girl that wants to go on a date with him not just sex so I’m gonna take up her offer and take her on a cute date. I get upset I don't know why he even said that, I don’t need to know this? he says all you ask for is sex she actually wants to go on a date with me. I tell him we can do that along with sex then he says we can’t be together but I should ask him on a date but nothing more so he’ll cancel with her and come to my house if I don’t flake I tell him not to cancel with her because who knows it may turn into something special, we’re just fucking. Then he says he didn’t cancel but ok there was never a date but okay.. then tries to act like he did not just say that and at this point I’m done and tell him he’s confusing so he says have a good night. I didn’t respond so he kept texting and I ask what he wants then he says “nothing lol” So I’m just like, you could have been here but you’re confusing me you can still come tho, but he says he’s going to bed and to have a good night. At this point I’m just like fine, then he says he wants my mouth on his dick. Wtf he could have been over here, but in reality I don’t want him over, what’s the problem with just being at his house and I leave but he always wants to come to my house and make it a sleep over type thing. I don’t get it friends with benefits don’t do this. Why is it so complicated. Shouldn’t he just want me to do a quickie and leave? How do I change this?

[winterfox10]

You know what's funny? As I read this, I was just thinking that I would want you to spend the night too. friends with benefits relationships are always so weird; it's never just sex. You can't have "just sex" with someone more than once. As you build that intimacy and rapport, you want to feel connected with the person, even if you aren't committing to each other. I know that my ideal friends with benefits would be a woman that I take on friend dates, dote on, go places with, have quasi-monogamous sex with; but with the understanding that either of us is free to walk away.

[Mandy6999]

See that’s the thing, as friends with benefits I don’t think it’s smart to do all that “boyfriend/girlfriend” stuff.. just makes it difficult when someone does choose to walk away. I’m starting to see what you mean, it’s sort of impossible to not want more especially when it’s something that has been ongoing for a while. I think I need to stop being selfish and call it quits..
Thank you for your response :)

[winterfox10]

Well, call it quits or go with the relationship (if that's even an option). Some times the idea of a relationship freaks people out, but they get into quasi-relationships all the time without realizing it.

[Mandy6999]

Yeah, that’s pretty much where I’m at with the situation is to call it quits. Anything more and it’s not friends with benefits for me and neither want a relationship it’s just gonna turn into something weird in the middle of friends with benefits and a relationship lol
Should I tell him or just let it go and not respond

[winterfox10]

I know that if I were him, I would want to know that you were formally ending things.

[Mandy6999]

You’re right... I just gotta tell him
Thank you

[Mandy6999]

I tried texting him to tell him in person and he’s jumping to saying I know your not pregnant so don’t even try that wtf!🤷‍♀️ Yeah I’m just gonna let this go without explanation lol

[winterfox10]

Guys have a saying that you don't stick it in crazy. I'm sure that girls say that you don't let crazy stick it in you! Seems like you have dodged a bullet here

[A-kay]

Well boys do play different at times and it’s because they’re sometimes not sure about what they want. I’m not saying he’s confused but I think, talk and behaviour noticing can answer all your questions. From what it looks like is he’s feeling bad as treated like a dildo. This to be honest is a good thing. If he’s not a playboy from inside.

[Mandy6999]

I get the impression that he wants me to chase him or something, or wants to be wanted? like another time I was going to let him come over but he started getting weird and saying “it’s not about sex we’re gonna mainly connect when I’m there” so I canceled then he makes it more weird saying “I just wanted to lay in your bed and feel your presence” like seriously? When it’s his house we’re good, just sex then I leave but whenever I say my house he gets weird so he hasn’t even been over

[A-kay]

You’re right. The difference in when you are at his house it’ll always make him feel like you belong to him. But when it’s your. He’s under your command of when to leave and when not to. He surely wants more from you. More than sex.

[Mandy6999]

You think when I’m at his house he feels that’s the case because I took the effort to go to him? Like, why such a change in attitude just based off the location.. do you see any way to change this towards just being at his house, I’m running out of excuses and he seems to be getting fed up with me canceling

[A-kay]

Simple answer? TALK!

[Mandy6999]

You’re right 👍

[livingthelife19]

Where are y'all from? Do you have a boyfriend or you single? How long has this been going on?

[Mandy6999]

Lol we’re from Cali.. does that matter? 😂 and I’m single, I’ve been single for about 3 years now and was previously in a long term abusive relationship so I’m not ready to have anything serious at all.
We have been strictly friends with benefits for about two years.. we weren’t friends before this and met while working.

[Avicenna]

Set the boundaries. If he wants to have sex with you, he'll have to go along.

[Mandy6999]

True, plain and simple
This shouldn’t be complicated, I think he’s being difficult in attempts to get his way.

[COMMODOREII]

Well i had 2 fwbs. One i didn't feel comfortable staying the night but the other one always welcomed me to stay. So it just depends on the set up and how you both feel. But you are right he asking for more than fwbs. That is his problem.

[Dean269]

Is he suffering from Ed and dsnt want to disclose or something

[Mandy6999]

😂 I highly doubt it, never had a problem in that area.. our situations purely sex lol

[Dean269]

Hahahah thn is he gettng bored of u

[Mandy6999]

I’m not sure where you took that out of my question 😂 my problem is him wanting to come over and spend the night but do elaborate I’m curious as to your reasoning 🤔

[Danny_dan92]

He wants that pussy

[Mandy6999]

Aha he’s got it, that’s not a problem for me
Just the fact of him coming and spending the night and playing mind games.. it’ll just make things complicated