I was talking with a friend and I told her that I only date men who are 4years older to 3 years younger than me. Im now 22 and there is this creepy 31 years old man who kept hitting on me! He’s nice, good looking and financially stable but he’s too old for my taste and he keep telling me that I should give a try, that age is just a number and that an older man is soo much better for me. I was embarrassed for him, so I asked him to fuck off, in a harsh way so he would leave me alone.
But my friend and my cousin told me that it was kind of rude, and that I shouldn’t reject him just because of his age! I told them that maybe he should’ve asked a woman his age, then they told me it’s natural for him to be attracted to me cause I’m young and pretty, but that it’s shallow for me to want a guy who’s also young and attractive! Wtf?
Tbh I usually always get hit by men my age and I find them to be more charming and pleasuring to talk with than older men, but peoples keep telling me that I should find older men more interesting, but I don’t! Is it weird?
Is it ageist and shallow if I refuse to date older men and I find them unnatractive?
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Anonymous
(25-29)
+1 y
No, there's nothing wrong with having preferences (provided it's a consenting adult). You can't really help what you're attracted to or not attracted to, and there's nothing wrong with wanting to date men closer to your age.
You also don't need to give anyone a chance you don't want to. I know some people find it cruel not to, but to me it's worse to give someone a chance that you're not interested and it will not go anywhere. Trust me, I know this from experience because I felt bad about rejecting a guy in high school, so I accepted when he asked me to give him a chance, and I felt in a way like I led him on, though I was naively hoping I would eventually develop an attraction. But, I didn't, because when something is missing from the start, it doesn't just magically appear. I feel that there were more hurt feelings and mistakes giving someone a chance I wasn't interested in than there would've been if I would've just told him "Sorry, but I'm just not interested" again.
I don't think it is ageism. I thought the same thing when I was your age. I thought men in their 30s were too old for me plus I looked extra young at the time. If a man tells you that older men are better than younger men that is a red flag for sure. That could mean he's one of those guys who only dates under 25.
I don't think age gap relationships are bad as long as both people are on board with it and the older person isn't purposely targeting younger people to date. Age is only a number if both people are ok with it.
Some men won't take no for an answer so harsh is sometimes the best answer. My daughter started working in a restaurant when she was 16. She's now going to be 20 and she has started telling me some stories about the men who come in especially around the bar. A lot of them are older men like in their 50s but most are in their 30s and 40s.
"my friend and my cousin told me that it was kind of rude, and that I shouldn’t reject him just because of his age!" Somewhat rude I guess, but people have hang ups and sticks up their butts about different things and if you've got a stick up your butt when it comes to age then that's just life and unless you come to change your perspective then we have to just deal with that.
"I told them that maybe he should’ve asked a woman his age" Respectfully, this is a common response and also dumb. It's like, 'well why don't I just ask a guy? Or an older woman who might appreciate it? or whomever else is around? Obviously it's because I don't want them I want you, dingus.
That's a good thing. I hate when young women prefer older men, and I can't imagine dating a younger woman. Too much of a difference in life experience.
Plus if he goes for young women your age... What happens when you get older? Will he throw you out for the newer model?
Applaud your preferences. It's perfectly healthy to want to be with someone your age.
7
2 Reply
Asker
+1 y
Thanks. Wish other men were as healthy minded as you. Too bad the creeps around here will call you a beta cuck or a white night for not jerking off to teenagers. Ugh.
What's this equation that you have given yourself to only date 4 years older and three years younger? Wait til you're 31 and you'll see how ridiculous that is... He's not even an "older man"... he's just older than you.
Anyway, no you're allowed to be attracted to whatever you find attractive. It's not shallow, it's human nature.
No! Let them stay in their place. People like that are desperate for young fresh meat thinking your too naive to see their agenda: to make other older women his age bitter and jealous. And usually they can't date a woman his age because either they're too experiences or they just don't like him.
And replace your friends if you have to. They just want to see you end up in failure not for your own vest interest and it won't last. Plus he had no respect for you and continued to harrass you. Red flags. Your friends are crazy. I may not agree with your stance with attractive men in general, but again, it's your choice and never wise to just end up with anybody. He mainly wants sex like any other guy. Just be careful how you come off to people and men, and be careful who you attract.
2
2 Reply
Asker
+1 y
Tbh I felt the same thing. For me an older man who only hit on younger woman is a red flag that he’s shallow and superficial! Oh and j hâte when they use biology and fertility as a reason an decide because we all know that their main goals isn’t to have kids! They fear about getting someone pregnant and yet have the nerves to use that as an excuse for chasing younger women, while most women in their early 20’s don’t want to be moms and even men have a biological clock because their sperm’s quality start to decrease at 35. So if I’m ready to have kids at 25 this dude’s sperm will already start to loose quality. I just hate how women pamper these old creeps by saying that they love older men, while most old men just see them as object that will get replaced by another younger model
Agree! If a man is of valor, they would accept that such an age gap may not be appropriate. But if the love really there for the woman and the guy, then who are we to judge? But this guy clearly had it in his mind to get sex. Not for something special. They would befriend you at least first.
Even if it is ageist and shallow, idgaf. I prefer someone within 3 years of age or less. I often fell for people in my classes and that was more than likely someone close in age. I didn't have super old or super young classmates outside my age range until college but even then i hardly paid them attention. Is it bad that i see men in their 20s as more fertile? Maybe. But thats how i see it. And then people love to say older guys are more mature but nah i know some just as immature as the rest so i dont base maturity off of age
And for those who say younger men have not envolved. I know plenty who got their crap going and have been in longterm successful relationships and marriages and haven't even turned 26 yet. I have faith in meeting/dating someone like that
@DizzyDesii same here lol. I know a guy who’s 23 but who have his shit together, a home and a stable job, and who wants to get married, plus of being college graduated. He was born In a poor broke home and he had a shitty childhood, so it wasn’t out of luck that he became financially stable and mature. Instead of using his past as an excuse to be shitty it just made him wise. Tbh he’s even soo much wiser than many 30+ guys I meet, plus of being good looking. Too bad we couldn’t date because of the distance, but now I see him like a big brother who always give me advices. So no.. younger men aren’t officially immature, sometimes I think it’s just a think that older men invented to make themselves more attractive
Tell them to shut the f up. You are 100% right and you were not rude in any way. It's very normal to prefer someone close to your own age. "then they told me it’s natural for him to be attracted to me cause I’m young and pretty, but that it’s shallow for me to want a guy who’s also young and attractive” hypocritical af.
4
3 Reply
Asker
+1 y
Ikr? I never understood where did men believe that they age like fine wine cause it’s untrue.
I just don’t understand why is it sooo much bad eyed that a woman want a man ON HER OWN AGE RANGE but it’s totally normal for a dude to want a girl who was potty training when he started to be sexually active. Weird.
Everyone have his own preferences but I don’t want to be in my late twenties when this guy will be close to his 40’s. Especially that if I want a baby at 25, It will be more dangerous because it has been proved that women who have kids with older men have a bigger chances of giving birth to autistic kids or experiencing a miscarriage. I even learned in college that even if women were getting married at 16-18 in the old days it wasn’t with men in their 30’s like creeps wants to make us believe, but with men who were also in their late teens and early twenties!! So in the old days you will more likely see a 16 years old girl married to a 18 years old boy!
And even when the woman was younger and the guy older you’ll notice that they don’t have many kids, because a lot of them died during a miscarriage if it’s not the wife.
You are 100% right on all those things. Old men feel superior cause technically they are still fertile, but I heard about the possIble health issues for the babies too, they think they can fuck barely legal girls until they are 50 and then maybe marry someone who is 21 and have a family cause they can. Sure they can, but they won't be in their prime as they believe.
They can? XD in their dreams. We all know that a 21 years old only will only accepte to marry a 40-50 years old man if he’s rich as shit, and she’s able to live a life where she will have to fake her orgasms. Not to mention that he will end up being cucked by young hot guys behind his back, cause she will soon or later be tired of his old dysfunctional dick.
Please don't take this personally. YOU may be the exception, but I read so many questions on GAG that seem to be from people who've already made up their minds and are just looking for others to make them feel good about their decisions.
Since I don't think my opinion matters where your life is concerned, I'll just point out that, being 22 myself, some day, if we're lucky to survive, we won't be 22 anymore. Given that we're both girls and women have a longer life expectancy (US), we're going to be on the receiving end of that age bias sooner than we might like.
It's ultimately up to you. But, no, it's not shallow and he should respect that. Glad you got harsh. A truly good guy would've understood and moved on. Yes age is just a number, but that varies as you get older. The other thing to consider is the reality of social and biological difference. Is his age /era he grew up in, too different for you to have much in common to enjoy each other's friendship? And is he going to want kids before he's much older, making you a mother before you'd prefer? (It's especially true in reverse, due to the dangers and defect risks with women getting pregnant in their late 30s.)
Summary: Yes, age is just a number, but it's a number on the historical, social, and personal biological timelines, and THAT is what makes it not always compatible.
Side note: ALWAYS try a good sexless friendship for a while first, before dating. You're not only getting a screening and trial period, but testing TRUE compatibility.
I don’t think it is ageist or shallow to have a age range you would only date within. It makes sense that you would connect better with men your own age as both of you are at the same life stage. A 31 year old has already done all the things people in their twenties usually do.
The guy should have accepted your rejection and stopped trying to convince you to go out with him. I don’t know if you politely told him you aren’t interested already but if you immediately just told him to ‘fuck off’ then I would say that was a harsh way to reject someone.
The better approach would have been to explain to him how you simply are not attracted to him and that it would be a waste of both of your time to go out on a date when you have no intention of taking it further.
You should also say to your friend and cousin that whilst you appreciate their advice you know what your personal preferences are and that this guy simply is not what you are attracted to.
Lordy! You're attracted to men closer to your own age. You SHOULDN'T feel obligated to TRY anything you're not interested in. What I don't understand is why your friends urge you to do this. The guy who kept hitting on you got a fuck off because he wouldn't stop! HE was the rude, pushy one. Stick to your guns. You've got plenty of time to broaden your interests if you ever want to.
Men aged 18 to 25 are usually worthless as dating material. They haven't evolved enough to learn how to properly treat a woman. I'm 33 and I dated a 23 year old. It's becoming a more common thing as women are starting to realize that men in their early twenties just want one thing, another notch on their belt. I can make these claims because I was that age once, and the amount of understanding of female psychology has increased tenfold as I hit my early thirties. In a nutshell, your friend is wrong. A 23 year old dating a 17 year old, all bad, but once two people are old enough to drink, follow your heart, pursue who you have a connection and attraction with and to heck with what society thinks. Most couples I know have a 5 to ten year gap in age
She does not want an older man. Yes people evolve with age in many ways but not all early 20s guys are that scattered. She is also young so probably looking for fun too and not someone " too evolved"
@Porcelaine Using the maturity theory it would make sense for a 30 year old man to date a 30 year old woman if both want mature people. I have no problem with age gap relationships but I have a problem with men targeting women who are 25 and younger
It is not shallow. If you don't feel comfortable around a man he's not right for you. No matter his age. And I'm not saying this as a cliché, I mean it. Even if he's 23 and handsome and all, if you're not feeling good around him, leave. Don't let anyone push you into a relationship you don't want.
This is YOUR preference. So no, I dont consider it wrong. I think maybe you could have dealt with it in a better way tho. This is a huge compliment and shouldve been taken as so. I agree 100% with your friends. I find older men very sexy. They are stable, mature, charming, and most are out of that childish selfish stage, secure in their jobs and have their shit together. Dont count it out. I think u should seriously give it a try, only if you wish to do so. Good luck :)
Shallow, nope. Ageist, also nope. It's your preference, it's not like you're able to change it and it also isn't like you're actively hindering them from being able to be people.
A lot of women (and also younger girls) are more interested in having a partner that is quite a bit older because they're attracted to experience. Same with a lot of guys. There's no problem in not being interested in older men, just do you, most guys your own age would also thank you for it.
You feel what you feel and like what you like. You can't help it. I don't date bisexual men though plenty of them are amazing. It's unfortunate because, reportedly, they are better lovers than straight men.
Not at all , it's your own personal choice. I don't date as I'm a single dad and want to stay single for a less stressful life , it also works both ways... I would have little - no common ground with a woman your age , and would certainly NEVER attempt to hit on them.
You're entitled to your preferences about this. But having said that, if you do have hopes and plans for a long term committed relationship/marriage, I hope you will let your boyfriend know upfront that if you guys stay together when he gets to age 31 you won't find him attractive anymore.
Not necessarily. She doesn't find that age attractive NOW because she is early 20s. She prefers someone close to her own that's it. I'm the same way, when I was in my early 20s guys in their 30s were a huge no no. But now guys in early 20s seem childish both in looks and character and guys close to 30 I have more in common with and they seem sexy too.
Don't worry about what others tell you to find attractive. Age is not just a number. I'm attracted to Jennifer Lopez, but I wouldn't date her. She's 50 years old. I feel comfortable dating someone 8 or so years older, but not everyone feels comfortable with that or finds it attractive.
I don't think it's shallow. Date who you want to date. People who date older typically expect the older person to be more financially and emotionally stable. So dating people older than yourself can be seen as shallow too.
Why is he creepy... just because he's 31, or is it because he's creepy? You like what you like, but what I hear you saying is you're more concerned with how OLD a guy is than with how much you like him. So for example, you hit it off with a guy who "looks" like he's 23, has everything going for him that you want, and you are into him. Then you discover "holy fuck, he's 30", and that changes everything because you're 22. Yeah, tell me what that says about YOU, huh?
It was rude and pushy of him to incessantly keep hounding her, so she FINALLY said fuck off. She TOLD him she wasn't interested. He refused to stop! So she was harsh with him. Some people don't believe it when you say no, so she said FUCK no.
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