My boyfriend always makes plans with his friends without telling me. Should I be upset?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I live in different towns. I meet him through mutual friends that I’m not close to anymore, but he still is. Most of the time, when he comes to see me, he makes plans to also see his friends. At first he would invite me to tag along, but now he makes the plans without even telling me. It makes me a little upset because I feel like he doesn’t take me into consideration when doing that. I invite him to plans that I may have and part of me thinks he should do the same. I’ve talked to him about it and he knows it makes me upset. his reasoning is that he spends almost all his time with me when he’s here and he just wants to spend some time with his friends. Am I making a big deal out of nothing? What do you guys think?

[ecfresh]

You need to talk with him and tell him you feel disconnected to him when he doesn’t let you know about his plans with his friends. Reassure him that of course you agree he deserves to spend time just with them and you just want to know the plans because you are in a relationship with him. Let him know you will do things with friends that don’t include him but you will communicate what those things are because you don’t want to keep secrets from him. Once he feels the freedom to go do his own things and doesn’t feel like being in a relationship with you is somehow trapping him, then he will open up completely and share everything he is planning ; knowing he can be independent with your blessings to do so.

Does that make sense?

[Tyler131]

I personally think that he should at least give you notice that he's going out with his friends. It is fine that he wants to have some time out with his buddies, but if he isn't even communicating properly, that's annoying and can lead to trouble.

[markscott]

He should let you know what his plans are, ahead of time.

[Neptunsheart]

Yes, I think you are making a big deal out of nothing.

[Avicenna]

Yeah, that's something you should be upset about.