Why is it a red flag when a guy talks shit about his ex?

Question

rjroy3 · Accepted Answer

Because he is showing you his character as a man.

1. He talks about people behind their back
2. He speaks about people negatively behind their back.
3. It leaves you to question how he speaks about you to others and how much or little it takes for him to start speaking poorly of you if you happen to get into an argument
4. Someone who does this effects your reputation with others who take his word seriously. Friends, family, whoever. What he says effects your reputation with them all.
5. Not having good things to say about exes shows lack of maturity. Because no matter what he says bad about her... and he stayed with her for how long? If she was really that bad, why did he stay so long? Did he not have a spine to leave? Was it about just sex?

However talking shit about the ex manifest can say a whoooole lot about someone's character. If a girl completely demonizes an ex on every level, to me she is a no go for this very reason. It shows she's a low quality individual.

Having raw emotions about an ex makes sense, especially if it was recent or particularly bad in a breakup. Painting them as Satan incarnate, leveling their reputation to the ground in the eyes of whoever will listen is another thing entirely.

Bananaman177 · Accepted Answer

It depends. If it's the first thing out of his mouth or he just won't shut up about it, that's a very bad sign.

But if you ASK him about his ex and he has nothing good to say about her, but then changes the subject, that's fairly normal. There are horrible women out there who hurt and betray, and it's normal for a guy to be coming out of a bad relationship, it happens.

But he should be way more interested in what's new than yesterday's news. If he keeps bringing it up, the guy is bad news. It shows he's narcissistic, if nothing else.

Life is tough all over, everyone gets wounded by the slings and arrows of life. We all have our turn. But if somebody can't get over it or at least pretend to be over it, that's a sure sign that they have a bad personality.

AmandaYVR · Accepted Answer

"Why is it"? I would say it is not necessarily a red flag. If he is still all-consumed by his anger for her, or thoughts in general of her, well that's an indication he may not be ready to be in a relationship with someone else. Though I would say it's also not untrue that a good way to get over someone is to get with someone else. (Depends on the circumstances.) Love and relationships are emotional. It's understandable that people have things to say about their exes, their past. Maybe they got lucky and they were pretty compatible with people. Maybe they were unlucky and had a lot of differences and conflict to work through. Maybe they don't pick compatible people well (that ones needs further exploration.) But I don't believe all talk about the past needs to be off the table. It makes us part of who we are. And you learn a lot from what they say about it.

DorkVader · Accepted Answer

Why is it a red flag? Because it means they are still not fully over the situation and not ready to move on. It may be because the wounds are fresh, or because they can't let go because they feel they were betrayed or lost something somehow. Sometimes they do this to their own detriment, as feeding a sad-on will push away the next good thing staring them in the face.

btbc92 · Answer

It depends. Why judge somebody for talking bad when we all never really know what happened in the first place? I don't find it a red flag to express yourseld. What you should find it to be a red flag is if they can't get over what the ex did because often times it means what did THEY do to the ex. Never be quick to judge. But do take notes.

markscott · Answer

For two reasons. It raises the possibility that he is really the problem, not the ex. And it also raises the likelihood that he is not over his ex, when he talks about her. And nobody wants to hear about an ex on a first date. They want to have a little fun.

bubbles328 · Answer

Lack of respect. There’s talking a bit of shit because you dislike them and going on full on rants about them. I don’t understand heavy hatred for the ex I don’t understand how people can be in love with someone then despise them. I think heavy hatred to the point where they talk shit means they are still not over them. Comes across as bitter to me

bamesjond0069 · Answer

1. Means you aren't over them.
2. Means you are immature. You wanted to be with them at one point they must have some redeeming values yet all you do is talk negative.
3. Means you dont have any sort of decency. talking shit about someone not present is trashy not classy.

TheFlak38 · Answer

it's a red flag for both men and women to talk shit about exes unless you're discussing the topic with your company of best friends. You dont throw all of your emotional garbage on the table when you're with someone else. No one forced you to be with that other person and if it turned so bad for you then you're partially to blame for staying and ignoring all the red flags.

Gunnar1978 · Answer

Because this is a sign of a bad character. Of course it depends on what exactly he says. But even if a relationship has broken up there should be some respect for the personality rights of the ex-partner.

BCA6010 · Answer

It means he's still dwelling in the past and/or trying to justify why he isn't still with her. Guys don't like it when girls talk about their exes either, just FYI.

winterfox10 · Answer

Depends on how much shit and why he's talking it. It's mostly just a sign that he hasn't really let the past go, and that he may or may not accept responsibility for his role in things falling flat.

zant_eli · Answer

Because he is a classless scumbag who speaks ill of the people behind him and more than who gave him his confidence.

JermalTheBlackDog · Answer

Because, his emotional. . . Just like you and when you and that man you been fucking break up, he will talk shit about you, too

Anonymous · Answer

It's a red flag when people talk shit about others regardless of genders. First if they have something to say say it to the person's face second they should improve their own flaws first before going around talking shit for free.

little_bird1 · Answer

Not a problem to me. I think shit of all my exes so it'd be nice to be honest.

outside_Toronto · Answer

Good indicator that he still has feelings for her. He's hurtin

genericname85 · Answer

cause guess who's gonna be the next one he's gonna talk trash about... xD

lernulo · Answer

Two reasons: 1. He hasn't finished with her 2. He blames her for his hurt, so most likely will blame you too.

Gedaria · Answer

Why would she want to know this. He should be concentrating on her , not the last one..

Avicenna · Answer

Because it means he isn't fully over her

babybae96 · Answer

It means he isn’t over her

Exorcist_Rampage · Answer

He may can‘t accept the blame.

GreenGold1992 · Answer

it means he's not over her

Agem123 · Answer

Cause probably he's been the shitty one.

Jmmmfi4 · Answer

Who doesn't do that?

Why is it a red flag when a guy talks shit about his ex?

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