Is it a red flag if a guy avoids talking about a particular ex?

[Anonymous]

It’s usually a red flag when a guy constantly talks about his ex but what about if it’s the other way around? When you’re dating someone it’s not uncommon for the topic of exes to pop up, I just think it’s a bit shady when a guy avoids talking about his most recent ex yet he’s completely fine talking about the other ones.

Updates

1 y

Okay turns out he was still secretly talking to that one ex that he refused to talk about 👍🏻 It all makes sense now

[_Maya_]

Maybe he had a particularly tough breakup or something with that ex and it isn't worth bringing up. You never know the circumstances of that relationship. Let's put it in perspective since you don't know anything about her since he doesn't want to talk about it. What if she is a pyscho that he has a restraining order on? Let's reverse rolls and say that was your ex. Would you really want to talk about it? Now I am not saying that is the case here but just using it as an example. It could be any number of things that happened that he just doesn't want to bring up. That includes something he did. You can't just look at it from one point of view. It may be something he did that he is afraid to tell you because it will make you wonder if he will do it to you.

[Asker]

He did tell me about why they broke up and how the broke up went (when we started dating early on). I do get a feeling that he’s still processing the break up…

Great points that you brought up though! He openly talked about his psycho exes, even the ones that stalked him. But this particular one is just I don't know, I feel like he’s shielding his ex.

[HusamRocks]

It's not clear to him yet which means there is a chance they might get back together again
Or
He had a bad experience probably he's ashamed of it

These r the most common reasons 👍🏻

[Asker]

I kinda feel like he’s still processing the break up even though it’s been years… don’t want to overthink it though. He did tell me that the break up was amicable and that the entire relationship was very cold/distant

[HusamRocks]

Well my advice is not to dig into his past because he would have talked about it but he didn't, yet 👍🏻

[Emmytexrex]

Lingering feelings but there is no need talking about ex what's the point

[Asker]

That’s what I suspect as well. We were just talking about what we learned from our last relationship, he refused to talk about his ex from his last relationship and just kept on talking about his other relationships.

[Anonymous]

Nah i hate that bitch. I don't spend my breath on her

[Asker]

Justified

[spartan55]

So, in other words he can't win.

[Asker]

He can! I’ve opened up the convo and he wasn’t talking in eggshells with me in any way. He’s usually very open with his pasts, he also wants be to be open. So it was very unusual for him to be secretive over just that one ex.

[spartan55]

Oh well. He isn't obligated to share everything with you. Since you don't even disclose who that guy is, it's difficult to make an informed opinion.

[Asker]

Oh he's my boyfriend and we've been dating 3 years now. He asks about my exes a lot and would sometimes get mad or accuse me of not being over them if I refuse to talk about them so I expected the same thing from him

[spartan55]

So he acted unreasonable and petty about your exes so you just assumed by not saying anything good or bad about his exes was an issue? Woman logic at its finest.

[Asker]

No. He refused to talk about that one ex completely, whereas he was very open about the other ones. He would even get irritated and defensive about her. But anyway it doesn’t matter, found out that he was still talking to her.

[spartan55]

Ohh, that would explain it. What a dumbass.

[Danny_dan92]

Depends on the context.

[Asker]

How so?

[Danny_dan92]

If you genuinely ask to know what happened between him and his ex and he refuses to share then that’s a red flag.

But in general that’s the rule of thumb, only speak about an ex when asked about it. Otherwise that means you’re still clinged onto that ex

[Asker]

That's fair and very logical. We were talking about my past relationship and what I learned from it because he was curious (he even asked about the sex in detail) so I thought it was only fair for me to ask him back in return and yet he avoided talking about his most recent ex. He talked about his other exes just fine though

[Danny_dan92]

Yeah. Not a good sign honestly

[Asker]

Yep, my hunch was right. Found out he was still secretly talking to her.

[Danny_dan92]

Told you.