Why do some women "parent" their partner?

Question

Sometimes she acts and treats me like she's my mother. The question naturally applies towards men who act fatherly towards their wives and girlfriends.

CubsterShura · Accepted Answer

Because these girls grew up seeing their fathers and brothers being babied by their mothers. And think this is what they need to do. And they take the idea of men seeking women that resemble their mother a bit too literally.

I definitely don't think there is anything wrong with a woman caring for her man or being nurturing, I think the parenting part comes when the man starts feeling like he is incapable of thriving without her or having his own independent abilities being underestimated.

Let's have a hypothetical example. Suppose I'm married and my husband recently gained some weight that makes me worried that he will get overweight/obese if this goes on. If I was the mothering type wife I'd probably tell him he needs to lose weight and things like "why don't u try keto" "you should really give up sugar" "walking is the best exercise!", but if I don't want to be like that and still be an honest but caring wife as well, I'd simply let him know that his weight gain is concerning me and I'd like him to do something about it. I won't dictate for him what approach should he be taking, he's a grown ass man who surely knows a thing or two about weight loss. But where does the caring nurturing role come then? I believe it's in showing support in whatever decision he takes (as long as it's not something harmful like drugs of course!!), so if he's on a diet then I make his favorite meals in a way that it fits within his diet.

The difference to me is in the fact that the former is you making decisions for your partner and the latter is you supporting your partner in whatever they decide to do for themselves so they can excel.

sejla · Accepted Answer

A. It's a bad habit

B. The guy isn't being mature, responsible, taking risks or not taking just normal advice which bugs the heck out of their female partner. So for the best of all she says something. It could be something that puts her finances and well being at risk too.

C. The guy just continues on the really wrong path. She has three options. Suggest a third party-therapist, leave or nag. Once you hit nag she might as well leave.

D. Advice him once, let him mess up and don't clean it up for him. Maybe then leave.

If a woman tries to parent a perfectly ok guy then it's overkill.

If a woman falls into parenting because the man doesn't have it together and it's affecting her life then she needs to end the relationship.

simplelikeme · Accepted Answer

Because they still have not graduated into adulthood. It sounds mean but it is true. But there is nothing wrong with giving each other advice and constructive criticism to strengthen the relationship. Because you are communicating and that is a good thing. I'm a firm believer, when we are born we are all born honest, it's the surroundings that key chest to be dishonest. We all know what is right and what is wrong, some people just choose to do what is wrong because they don't care about anyone but themselves. I hope that anything and everything that I say helps as many people as possible.

Dongtai · Accepted Answer

You might find the answer by observing how her mother treats her dad. Children more often than not mirror their parents behavior, habits and mannerisms. Girls take after their mothers (most of the time) and boys take after their father (most of the time).

PrimalInstinct · Answer

There's a difference between "parenting" because of legitimate care. I "parent" my guy - prepared lunches, etc. - because he happens to work a physically demanding job which means he can be up at 5am and not back till after 4pm. Sometimes he's not back to after 7pm. He's dead on his feet & only a dimwitted moron would think he's the energy to look after himself beyond the very basics.

Acting like a parent in intervening or controlling a partner's life is just unhealthy. It shows a lack of trust, it shows a lack of respect for the fact the partner is an adult, it shows a lack of respect for the partner's own abilities, etc. It more or less conveys that the "parent" partner thinks the other partner is incompetent & untrustworthy. On the reverse, it conveys that the "child" partner isn't mature enough to be responsible or even in a relationship.

VIVANT · Answer

I think partners are naturally nurturing I’d they are good partners.

if it respectful it is not a problem in my opinion. and it is a prize to fund that in a partner.

If it feels like it crosses a boundary, it should be discussed until resolved to a mutually satisfactory outcome 😊

BitterSweetApplePie · Answer

It's in a women's nature to nurture. ❤

Sometimes we really can't help it. We care about you, your well-being - so we are going to worry and want to help you do what is best.

I understand how it can seem like we are smothering you, but we don't indeed to unless it's being done as a way of trying to control you.

I do it all the time with my boyfriend, but I don't smother him; I simply suggest healthier food options instead of bags of chips, tell him to get more sleep or take a break from video games because he is prone to migraines. Everything I suggest is only to help him and his health.

Katebfun · Answer

You have to remember that women are natural nurturers. we are literally programmed to take care of others and to have empathy and compassion. but yet we have to be at all we have to be the Sex Goddess and Superwoman all in one package. so sometimes women lose their spark and end are more maternal when they need to be more sexual and deviant.

Kata1899 · Answer

She trynna impress and show you she’s wife material without realizing she’s being annoying. She’s just trying to hard perhaps she feels insecure and feels as though she needs to behave in that manner to fully have you. Or... it could be that’s just her way of loving and needs some work to do in order to learn that a relationship shouldn’t be that way. That you’re his partner and that’s it and that she shouldn’t be acting like she’s your mom cause you already got one and trying to act like one it’s just too weird. If that’s the case then she should need to go to therapy or something

CharlieUnicorn · Answer

Because she's covering a base in which you're lacking and still kind of like a kid, but don't fret. Rational women don't mind this in an equal exchange. You likely have other sides to you where you're the adult and where you shine. Areas where you're the adult and she's still the child.
We got to take turns being adult and child. No way we can carry it all by ourselves.

nathanp97 · Answer

Because they want things done their way. For instance, guys clean and cook for themselves when they live alone, but lots of women have a higher standard of cleanliness than guys, so they think they need to be at their level of cleanliness. I personally think it is more about control and having things their way.

Dav1ss · Answer

A lot of women do it just because typically yes this is a generalisation bite me but mostly I'd say girls are closer to their mom then guys are to their dad and normally people marry people who are simmilar in some way to their parents so it kinda makes sense in my head

Lovely15678 · Answer

Thank you for asking this and is that wrong because I find myself doing that quite a bit but get scared that I might be pushing him away by doing it, but then again he is also younger than me and I have heard that even men are just like little boys that need to be cared for? I myself tend to act very young also and have needed and desired/liked that somewhat fatherly presence, but then again I might know why. I think it all depends on our upbringing or lack thereof.

Massageman · Answer

There's a difference between "healthy support" and being a surrogate "helicopter mommy" to someone. Depending on the people involved, it could be anything from a huge power struggle from either direction, down to an accidental misunderstanding. If someone is going to persist in this type of behavior, they won't have me for a friend.

WhiteShoulder · Answer

Maternal instinct. I've been guilty of that once in a while, but the person was never unhappy with it.

Apple1996 · Answer

Personally I like taking care of my man. Not sure why it happens tho I think it's just natural for women to be really caring towards the ones they love💕

Anonymous · Answer

I don't know. I'm nothing like that and feel extremely turned off by men who need to get babied. I've been told though by others that all men likes when a woman is nurturing a motherlike but it doesn't come naturally to me to behave that way. I like men who can take care of themselves everything really puts a test to my already non existent patience.

BlackRoseFairy · Answer

Sometimes we do it without realising... I was told by guys before that I sound like their mother and it hit a bit badly tbh.. After all I just care about him when I say "drive safe" for example... I try to limit it to not make my S. O. Uncomfortable

R_ūshī · Answer

My boyfriend and I are both like that with each other. It's very unnatural for me to be like that with someone.

He started being like that on our second date then I took on some of his habits ig. But it's nothing too motherly or fatherly

SarahsSummer · Answer

Whether mothering a man or fathering a woman, it largely comes down to, they allow or encourage it.

SirRexington · Answer

According to many psychologists most people look for a partner that reminds them of their parent or the parental figure they wished they had. And many people have protective and caregiving instincts more so than others which causes them to be that way in a relationship.

AzureGirl · Answer

The instinct to nurture maybe? I know I can get that way with my fiancé.

Can_I_Get_a_Do-Over · Answer

Women are natural nurturers. A man has to let a woman nurture him and sometimes this feels like parenting to a man.

Laozi · Answer

In a relationship, you have to play different roles. Partner, friend, mother, daughter (for women) and partner, friend, father, son (for men).

Why do some women "parent" their partner?

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