Why is it so easy for some people to get dates or boyfriend/girlfriend and for others so difficult?

[Anonymous]

Why is it so easy for some people to get dates or boyfriend/girlfriend and for others so difficult?

[caiti-j]

Its all about how well you know yourself and how well socially assimilated you are (which relates back to how you know yourself and if you are comfortable being who you are) and how often you leave the house for social opportunities.

Mostly those who get dates and relationship opportunities are not necessarily the prettiest, funniest, or richest, etc people they are just people who know themselves well and have some sort of self-insight due to the richness of the experiences they've had in their lives. If you are insecure, not confident, and don't know how to hold a conversation or extend yourself even lightly with someone new you are not going to make the other person feel comfortable enough to want to know more about you (insecure people are very difficult and draining to be around). Also if you don't make yourself go out to parties or social events or have the courage to stop hiding in the corner or in your room for most of the week you are not even making yourself available to the hundreds of people you could be meeting at any given month. So you're doing it to yourself in that regard.

if you want to participate in life you have to at first 1) get out and have some experiences which lead to 2) self insight and gaining the experience necessary to become comfortable with a) who you are and b) how to manage yourself appropriate and positively with others, which leads to 3) more social opportunities, connections, dating, and a well rounded self esteem and happy, meaningful life.

Its not about other people being better than you or having more than you, its about who you are to others. And that all starts with you. How much effort you are willing to put in to do the correct emotional work on yourself that will make you comfortable being alone and therefore comfortable being with others and thus how comfortable others are with you.

If you are not getting what you want out of life with other people its not because they have something you don't or the world is against you etc. It is because you haven't done gained the self-insight necessary to make yourself available to LIFE.

it all starts with you!

[SujanTM]

That's a really great answer! Might have helped me out quite a lot there, kudos! :D

[Anonymous]

I think some girls are easier because they know what they want, and who they are. I didn't really know what I wanted or who I was until I was like 24ish. The thing is, some girls don't know what they want or who they are, but they act like they do and they just go out there and make a mess of themselves. But those who are super shy and are scared to make mistakes and such, those are the ones that usually end up single the longest (like me I think).

[Anonymous]

they have charm. they're able to talk to people and be interesting

[Quadrophonic84]

It's different for guys getting women versus women getting guys. 99% of the time the guy's problem is his approach and at least 50% of the approach issues are about confidence. A guy could be a really ugly bastard but with the right approach he can have a hot girlfriend. He just has to act like he's the man and he'll find a woman who goes along with it. It's natural instinct. The other 50% is about different bad behaviors - clinginess, disrespectfulness, or just being plain boring.

It doesn't seem hard for a girl to get a guy to be with her. It might be hard for her to find a guy she LIKES, but girls can just walk into a bar and tap a guy on the shoulder and bam, she's got some sex.

[Asker]

That's is too hard to believe, actually getting any girl you want just by self confidence hmmmm seems too good to be true.

[Quadrophonic84]

Haven't you seen ugly or fat guys with hot or at least cute girlfriends before? It's about talking to women the way they need to be talked to. You're the man. Take control.

[cyrus7]

meh, some guys are just meant to be alone I guess... :/

[CuddlyCarla]

Because some people are assertive and some people aren't.

[Anonymous]

I'd say more guys struggle than girls do, I believe in the statement that 20 percent of guys get 80 percent of the girls

[honeyltsme]

it's more like 10/90. I know a friend that if he has fewer girls than there are days in a week it's a bad week. Very attractive and horny and no regrets about dumping girls. For him at least. Amazing thing is girls are not very angry at him (I guess if dumped quick enough they are not as invested) even if he says things like "I already forgot you while I was still in you". One girl was like, "he'll come around I'm sure".