Ladies, in early stages of dating, is it odd to invite a guy to meet your male friend?

[Apope16]

I went on 2 dates with a girl. We kissed on the second date. The COVID19 shutdowns happened. We have been having weekly 2 hour phone calls ever since.

She says to me, "Maybe with the nice weather, you can come over this weekend for some responsibly socially distant drinks. :) "

I kind of continue flirting with her about how we might break that and be affectionate. She says, "We might... or I might be too much. I've been told that too."

So I go on flirting and she all of a sudden says:

"It's been a long time. Maybe a video call would be good? Or if you'd be good with a social distancing bbq this weekend with my best buddy, Jason, we can see each other then. haha"

See how she shifted things from it sounded like us being together one one one to all of a sudden having some guy in the mix?

She goes on to explain,

"Jason, I've known for years. We met on tinder and the dating thing didn't work, but we became great friends. I think you'd like him. He's a very fun version of me. haha."

The whole exchange was so confusing. I tell her to get back to me about it later. But somehow I felt that it was all made up bullshit. That there was no event coming up. I knew this Jason guy existed because she had told me about him and how they had originally met on Tinder before (on the first date).

Anyway, the next day, I am planning my weekend trying to choose between which ladies I will hang out with. I ask her if things were a go. She says, "... it's not going to work Saturday. My sister asked that I babysit my niece that evening."

Am I wrong to think this whole thing was odd? Is she shit testing me? Is she just not ready for a situation that could lead to us having sex? Is she trying to friendzone me? Or is she trying to get her male friend to meet me and approve of me?

She is testing you to try to get your reaction

She was honest and probably wanted her male best friend to meet you to see if you were a good guy

She was nervous about sex and used an excuse to get out of that situation

Other... this is super sketch

Other... this is no big deal. Relax

[Flower7]

It sounds like she's nervous about getting physically intimate. That was the point in your conversation when she switched to talking about video calls and barbeques instead. Or she could possibly be extremely worried about COVID-19 and not want to get too close to anyone because of that.

The guy friend really doesn't sound good. The fact that she calls him her "best buddy" by definition means that they are very close. She is raving about his personality, saying that he has a lot in common with her and that he is fun. It's strange to meet someone on Tinder of all places, and then start hanging out with that person as a friend. Tinder is known for being a hook-up site.

I wonder what happened to make them decide to not date, but to still stay friends. That must mean they liked each other's personalities a lot, to still want to stay in each others' lives. But for some reason, they chose not to continue seeing each other romantically. They were attracted to each other at some point to decide to try dating. I'm guessing that at least one of them was disappointed by the other's appearance in person since they met online. But that doesn't mean the other isn't still interested.

It also isn't good that you're just now hearing about him. From your other posts, it seems like you and this girl have been having conversations for a while now. It seems strange that she never even mentioned a person who seems to be such an important part of her life. But he was randomly brought up for the first time when you were flirting with her about being affectionate.

There are more than a few red flags in this situation.

[Apope16]

In my post above I mention that it was not my first time hearing about him. She actually brought him up during our first date. I think we talked about friends. I told her most of my friends were the opposite sex. She brought him up and I just forgot about him because she doesn't talk about him much. But basically, during out first date she told me that he liked her a lot but she cut it off with him. He was too similar to her and there was things about him that she didn't find attractive. I wish I was a better listener so I could remember everything. But that was the gist of what I got. I think the impression I got was that he was definitely not a "looker" and that he came across as one of those needy guys who didn't have game.

[Flower7]

Oh, ok. Sorry, I misunderstood the part about you hearing about him before. Are you comfortable with her being close friends with someone who is attracted to her?

[Apope16]

Yes. I am comfortable as a man. I have been the best friend in those situations and nothing has happened. I wouldn't want them hanging out going to bars late at night. But I wouldn't be threatened. If she actually like him she would be dating him. So there's something wrong with him that she doesn't like. Its not strange to me because I have a female best friend. She would turn to me for relationship advice all the time. Boyfriends felt threatened but nothing happened between us even though I had a crush on her.

[Flower7]

Why has nothing happened between you and your best friend? It seems like that would be hard since you had a crush on her. Are you still interested in her?

[Apope16]

Funny. I just saw her yesterday. Its up to her. I think we kissed once at a party 10 years ago. She came to my apartment and we spent the entire day together. Had a walk along the water. We do everything a couple would do except physical intimacy. And I say this as a ladies man who has fuck buddies. So I dont know. We talked about sex and our relationships. I am like a girlfriend with a penis basically. For whatever reason I am friendzoned and she feels like to kiss me is like to kiss a relative. you know? Uhm.. hmm.. i have another female best friend who is gorgeous and we spend entire days together.. but I have no desire to date her.

[Flower7]

Just out of curiosity, why aren't you interested in dating the gorgeous female friend? I hope I'm not asking too many questions, but this topic really interests me. I'm always trying to understand male/female friendships. I've always been jealous when guys I've dated have had close female friends. They always claimed the friendships were only platonic and that they didn't see the girls in that way, but I was always suspicious about that.

[Apope16]

The gorgeous female friend is a Latina who is my best friend in the world. All the guys like her. But she is very Catholic. I am not religious. She also is a bit pretentious as a woman. Like she is very old fashioned in her dating. I am very modern. So for example, she expects the guy to buy her a drink, to take her out to dinner and buy everything. Me? Hell no. I prefer splitting the check or like buying our own drinks etc seperately.

She likes to be more of the center of attention. And she used to be overweight in high school and now she is a bombshell looking chick. But just never was interested in her or saw her as a romantic partner. I know that sounds weird. But as a ladies man.. I have options. She is such a good best friend though. She has just been there for me in tough times.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like she had a change of heart. I guess she’s the type of female that wakes up everyday with different feelings. And this whole Jason friend thing is odd to me as well.

[Apope16]

She has a kid and claims to be nervous her kid getting the coronavirus because the kid stays with the grandparents... do you think she just made up this Jason friend thing? I just get this strong sense that she completely made that up to see how I would react or change her mind. I dont know.

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah either he’s she’s psycho and Jason is her imaginary friend, or she’s a liar and Jason is really her boyfriend. I don’t know. But it is strange. Most times girls aren’t just going to be that detailed and throw their male friends name around like that so randomly and casually in conversation. So she could very well be attempting to make you jealous.

[Apope16]

Okay. Gotcha. Because last week she sent me a text message that said that a whole bunch of her ex boyfriends from years ago were messaging her now because they were lonely during coronavirus.

[Axel624]

You know this situation was similar to mine when I first started dating my girlfriend, she had a guy best friend and they were very close and in high school hed always be around and st the parties wed go to and they were close and I actually hated his guts and then I don't know what happened but soemthing clicked he changed or I changed and now were best friends and my girlfriend and I have been dating for 4 years going strong... sometimes girls have guy bestfriends, it might seem weird at first but there's nothing wrong with it in my opinion

[Apope16]

Thanks man. You give me hope.

[Iron_Man]

Yes big time

[Apope16]

Yes big time as in odd?

[Iron_Man]

Yes its very weird its like bringing in a friend to Analyze you to see if your worth her time or not. Also its almost like she has nothing in her life going on and she's real excited about you where she has to bring in her friend to check you out, she sounds desperate one of the two scenarios.

[Apope16]

Yes. I honestly dont give a shit about analyzed. I get a long with people and I am not intimidated by that. All I want to know is if this is a sign of a romantic interest in me still or not. You seem to indicate my initial instincts that it is. So to me.. thats actually good technically.

You are correct that she has really nothing much going on in her life. She basically tells me that on the phone and she admits to being a homebody who knits most of the time and takes care of her kid.

[Iron_Man]

Yeah she's definitely interested in you

[Apope16]

Okay man. Dude. thanks a lot. Seriously! big time. It really takes a man's perspective to help out with some of these lady situations.

[Iron_Man]

I hear you brother and you're very welcome

[Apope16]

Dude. She basically told me she doesn't want to come visit me. She said shed rather social distance because there are "probably" other girls I would like to see. She's like trying to find out if there are other girls or is she saying dhe wants to ghost me? How do i play this?

[Iron_Man]

Tell her this. Are you kidding no way I want to see you I am very attracted to you. I am not interested in other girls I am interested in you. When the virus is over I want to meet you please

[Apope16]

Thanks man. Do you think that by asking that she is saying she is done with me? Or do you think that she is interested and is just insecure and jealous.

[Iron_Man]

She sounds like a flake really and she's insecure

[Apope16]

So you are guessing she doesn't really like me? And yes.. insecure for sure.

[Iron_Man]

she's to afraid to risk it

[Anonymous]

More money

[Apope16]

Huh?