After 3 dates and planning a 4th, guy says he's "not seeing a future" via text. How should I respond?

[annmarie93]

I (27F) matched with this guy (30M) about 5 weeks ago on Hinge and we have a ton in common and get along really well. We went on 3 dates and at the end of our last date last week, I told him I had a good time and he responded that he did too, and that next week (this current week) we should go hiking somewhere. He said he'd give some options for where we could go. When we were texting yesterday I asked what the rest of his week is looking like, and he asked if we could go over the weekend since work is busy for him this week. I responded this morning at 9am saying the weekend works for me, yada yada. Then he didn't say anything until 5:30pm and said this, out of the blue.

“Hey I really don’t want to play games at all with you. It’s been fun hanging out, I’m just not seeing a future here and I hate when I think I’m wasting someone’s time. I had a good time getting to know you”

I have to respect that, but I'm so confused. Why even mention a 4th date last week? Why suggest the weekend to me yesterday? Like I'm legitimately so upset. I really enjoyed our time together every time we've hung out and he's the first guy I've had real feelings for since my last long-term relationship ended just over a year ago.

Should I ask him why he feels that way? Or just how should I respond?

It's worth noting we haven't kissed yet, though I didn't find that unusual since I didn't kiss my ex until the 4th date (he didn't want to seem creepy by doing it too soon and wanted it to be the right time). So I know it's better he said this before things went too far, but still. This just wasn't the text I was expecting to get.

[jkm1864]

He found someone whom will give Him the pussy quicker so don't respond at all. A decent guy wouldn't do that and honestly He would take as much time as You need because if He really liked You He would think the end result will be worth it. I wouldn't get upset because honestly You dodged a bullet and You will realize it later.

[anothrjestr]

Maybe he was done with the wait and wanted some more physical. He may be a nice guy but with a different thought about wait until "X" time to kiss or whatever and he got tired.
That's my guess, it does not mean that is what he really thinks, for sure.

[annmarie93]

I was really hoping he'd go in for a kiss on the 3rd date (or earlier), but the timing was weird because we were around a ton of people at the end of the date. Was so excited to do something more remote for this 4th date. :(

[anothrjestr]

Got it, but if he'd want it, he had to. Well, that's what I think. In that case, you could gave him a hint (you know, sometimes we are a little fool). How you've related it, that seems was going to be more like a friendship than other thing. Furthermore, both already hang in a "date", it's kinda obvious that someone had to gave the step.

[annmarie93]

How would you say I should respond? I'm trying to figure out my response, but I feel blindsided by the whole thing.

"Well, I'm not entirely sure what to say. I have to respect that, but it also feels very unexpected."

I really want to know why he feels the way he does, but don't know if that's an acceptable thing to really ask.

[anothrjestr]

Look, if you want to, ask him the reason why. Like, what he expected from yours. Or just reply "well, I was havin' fun too. Good luck/see ya'", and that's it. If you think it could really go to somewhere, try to find answers in the first way I said. If you think the opposite, don't. Put the cards on the table and ask to yourself "this could be something else or I should take another path?". If I was in your shoes, I take the last one, trust me, the most important thing will always be you.

[annmarie93]

I'm very much an over thinker, which should be pretty apparent. I was thinking maybe this as my response. “Well, I’m not entirely sure what to say. I have to respect that, but it also feels very unexpected because I thought things were going well. But thank you for being honest”

[anothrjestr]

@annmarie93 Try with that one. It's honest and came out from you. So, is a decision you should take. I understand what it is to overthinking once and over again everything, don't go for that way. Relax, close that book and start a new one. Whatever you need, you can mail me: matias. ez. caceres@gmail. com

[anothrjestr]

Without the space after the dots, it was automatic, lol.

[jkm1864]

Honey it's not like there is a written rule on when kisses and sex are appropriate. I say for Me I feel about three months is enough time to get to know someone but with My EX it was practically the first date and it just happened. Now I did know Her for a year previously and We were friends so there was that. I sure as hell don't have a set rule but I feel it should happen and when it does it shouldn't be forced it should just happen naturally.

[LifeEqualsLove]

I think he at first he was willing to go through the dates if he was benefiting from it.
Not the one. I vote don’t question it and leave it alone.

[1truekhaleesi]

I wish I could say there's a way to get a closure here but I can confirm there isn't. You just have to create your own closure

[annmarie93]

This is what I ended up saying - “Well, I’m not entirely sure what to say. I have to respect that, but it also feels very unexpected because I thought things were going well. But thank you for being honest”

Not sure I want or even expect a response from that. There were just definite mixed signals. If I wasn't interested in someone, I never would have brought up next date plans without being prompted like he did.

[Anonymous]

You should ask him about it; but realize that you probably won't change his mind.

[annmarie93]

I don't necessarily want to change his mind because then I'd always be second guessing our relationship if we moved forward. But I just want to know why he felt like there wasn't a future if he's the one who brought up plans for our 4th date and just yesterday suggested a day. It was just so out of the blue.

I texted him back around 20 minutes ago - “Well, I’m not entirely sure what to say. I have to respect that, but it also feels very unexpected because I thought things were going well. But thank you for being honest”

[jkm1864]

It's simple He was playing the field and He was juggling more than one woman and another was more desirable for what ever reason. I wouldn't get upset because look You young and You apprently want to find love so a better man will present himself shortly. You just need to understand that a lot of men will not be meeting Your standards and try not to price Yourself out of the market. As far as money if that's a standard just realize that many men are not going to meet Your requirements in Your age group because many of them are early in their careers.

[dudeinohio]

Dont respond. He's dumped you. Move on.

[In_Trance]

There's no need to respond. That's it; you're done