Why do *some* men get offended when a woman offers to pay? (Page 2)

[pizzalovershouse]

Cuz if they ask you out they want youto feel they can providw for a girl things they like

[Asker]

From my point of view it seems like I'm being treated like a child. I really, really don't want a "daddy". I want to feel respected, I'm not asking for permission when I take out my wallet and yet I'm not "allowed" to use it unless I'm willing to start an argument. It's so frustrating ☹️

[AmeerX]

I like to take care of the girl. If she like to pay then she should be okay cooking for me too😅

[Asker]

how is that related?

[AmeerX]

I mean I like to eat her hand made food more than her paying for the restaurant food

[Asker]

it's not about what kind of food you like, it's about respecting a woman's choice to afford her own coffee or meal

[AmeerX]

I respect the woman. I just can't let her pay. I think I want to take care of her. I think it is sweet thing I want to do for a women. Would you break my heart by paying for meal just that one time?

[Asker]

I never went on a second date with somebody who didn't let me pay my half on fhe first date, even though I always insisted ☹️ To me it means that he isn't interested in what *I* want and that he wants to "take charge", no matter what I say

[AmeerX]

Don't be too hard on yourself

[Pulseofsulfur]

Honestly I've got no problem going Dutch on a date or at least pay for most of it.

[Kit_Kat88]

I think it's good if they refuse your offer but give in if you insist

[Kit_Kat88]

They want to feel masculine

[Twalli]

It's still a societal norm that men lay. I think men should pay for at least 60% if the dsters they go on. As well as 100% of the first dates

[Tiffyk]

I agree

[schattenherz]

Flip the genders and say
A men offers to pay, would you not assume is thinking that you as a strong indipendet woman can't fend for your self?

[PatStClair]

Men use to pay out of necessity back in the day when women didn’t work. Now that most women work, it’s up to each couple to work this question out to their own satisfaction.

[Anonymous]

I guess they consider it emasculating and shaming. Society does not look upon penniless men the same way they do women.

[soleil6997]

It can come across as deception - women are perceived to be using things like that as tests.

[WowwGirl]

I'll pay 1/4 of the time just to show him I appreciate him

[Jamie05rhs]

Omg. That's so petty. He probably has control issues or something.

[jizzyjay]

He is insecure about his manhood and wants to show u he provides for u

[DaMack999]

That's unmanly. A women receives gifts and gets doors opened when on a date with a guy. Imagine a girl opens doors for a man and then pays for the dinner. Who is the man in that relationship?

[Asker]

Please read the men's opinions on this 🤦🏼‍♀️
Nobody has to be "the man". I hold the door open for my boyfriend and wink at him because it usually gets stares from people like you. There's nothing "manly" about opening a door or acting like a sugar daddy

[DaMack999]

So sad you wear the pants in your relationship.

[Asker]

I wear my freedom, not the "pants". So sad to know more men might think like you

[DaMack999]

Right and you also grow the beard too lol you're hilarious.

[Rebeccalions]

Because you are demasculating them. Stop turning dudes into chicks

[Inbox]

And turning women in men nowadays

[Asker]

I demasculate a man because I can afford my meal and a trip? They're not men then, barely boys

[Rebeccalions]

Yes you are. Men like to give and support, pay for dates, open doors for us, etc, while sometimes allowing the woman to pay. It's masculine.
Boys like to take money from women. They would love to be supported by a woman. They will gladly take you up on a free vacation.

[Rebeccalions]

@Inbox yup. Just like the girls who get mad if a guy opens a door for her. Then men quit being chivalrous. Fuck that

[Asker]

I don't need a man to "allow" me to afford my own shit lol
Also, I hold the door open for people out of respect. There's nothing remotely masculine about it. A lot of people seem surprised -except the elderly- and everybody says thank you and smiles politely. Some men feel the need to grab the door anyway, such a fragile masculinity...

[Rebeccalions]

No guy is telling you how to spend your money or what you can afford. It's obvious by your responses that you want to be the dude in the relationship. So there's your answer. Go ahead and be the dude, but stop shaming men for being chivalrous

[Asker]

Did you read? Guys did tell me how to spend my money by not letting me use it. One guy went as far as to take my money off the table and repeatedly tell me I "could not" pay and didn't give it back until the waitress left with his money. There's nothing manly about that, it's a display of dominance. I do not want a Dom, I want a partner. I couldn't care less about "chivalry" he either respects me or doesn't, and he clearly didn't give af about what I wanted to do with my own money

[Rebeccalions]

I don't see how that's controlling. He doesn't want you to pay, he is treating you. It's not like he's telling you how to spend your money and what clothes to buy. You must live in a bubble if you think that's what controlling is.

[worldscolide]

Not a clue.. I appreciated it honestly.

[Waz2020]

Because of their macho pride

[Hunter7754]

Its probably only really insecure men that do this

[Anonymous]

Patriarchy..

[Asker]

Yup. That and stupid gender expectations

[Opinion Owner]

Well said OP 👍
They afraid of being seen as "less manly"

[Dave31989]

I want her to offer to pay, but I don't want her actually paying

[Asker]

why not if she wants to?

[Dave31989]

Man always pays. That's how it is.

[Asker]

Not for everyone. When I dated was because I was genuinely interested and not being "allowed" to do something so simple so as to pay for my own coffee really puts me off. I take it as a preview of what a relationship would be, we're not even together and he already wants to take control? Nope, def nope, I want a partner not a "provider"

[Dave31989]

No hun, for everyone

[grega239]

Because of chivalry. It's considered unmanly to allow a woman to pay

[Asker]

It's unmanly to give a woman freedom of choice when going on a date? 😑 I just wanted to pay for my own coffee, it's my coffee, my money, it should be up to me. I shouldn't have to put up a fight for such a simple thing

[grega239]

It has nothing to do with your choices. Men are told it's what they have to do.
You don't have to put up a fight, shut up and let him pay.

[Asker]

It's what I did. Also I didn't go on second dates with men like that. My boyfriend was the first one to say "Oh, ok" and smiled when I put my half on the table. To me it's unmanly to try and take away a woman's choice over such a trivial thing. Manliness has nothing to do with how men use their wallets

[grega239]

It has nothing to do with taking aways women's choices. We are told as boys that we have to do it. Treat a woman to dates. pay for all the stuff because that's what real men do. So when a woman offers to pay half or full , I guess it triggers something in our minds that contradicts with our upbringing.

And 2. The rule is , the one who invites, pays.

[Ripper_E]

Probably feels inadequate for you.

[Anonymous]

The know it’s more often a shot test to see if “he is cheap” and if he says ok, she will look down on him for it or lose interest.

[Asker]

and that's a bad thing because? she won't like you if you don't spend on her? that's a huge red flag for me

[Opinion Owner]

It’s a bad thing because shit tests show immaturity and being a golddigger shows shallowness.

[SexyAshh]

Probably because those guys are actual men.

[knight2468]

I won’t take a penny from her. It’s my job to take care of her. I find your boyfriend a gentle man

[Asker]

Because he was a "gentleman" I spent a whole summer at home. Our second summer together I decided that if he didn't want to come with me I'd leave said "gentleman" behind and ended up going with a friend 🤦🏼‍♀️

[knight2468]

Be smart and find a clever solve like convince him to sell something for a trip and u send someone buy it with your money

[Asker]

I would never EVER do that. No trust, no relationship
also, my boyfriend gave in and he just said he'd "make it up" ... there's nothing to make up for bur ok 🤷🏼‍♀️ I won't complain like he did lol

[knight2468]

That’s deadend

[Cryptic-Game]

It makes him think that he can't provide for her.

[Anonymous]

I don't know it's utterly bullshit mindset

[Flakey-Flake]

No clue

[Tim-loves-it]

No idea.

[robocop666]

I dont