Why do *some* men get offended when a woman offers to pay?

Question

I'm all for equality, I always try to pay my half -I insist especially when I'm not sure I'd like a second date- but men don't seem to like it. Even my boyfriend didn't want me to take him on vacation. I had been asking him for a year and a half. He wouldn't let me pay and he didn't have enough for a trip. The second summer I asked him I got mad at him "so, you wouldn't take me on vacation if I couldn't afford it?" and he said "no, of course I would and I wouldn't take a no for an answer" so I asked "what's the difference?" and now I ask you people the same.
Do you let your date/partner pay if he or she wants to?

Why do *some* men get offended when a woman offers to pay?

Vencam · Accepted Answer

I think the only reason why one would get offended is because of pride. Thoughts like "does she think I don't have any money?" or "doesn't she believe I can provide for her?"... Or like some already pointed out "is this a test to see if I'm a REAL men?"
I won't comment on these thoughts, but I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing as long as it doesn't really influence the relationship. To give an example, my thoughts about your boyfriend were pretty neutral until you said he wouldn't ALLOW the both of you to go on a trip if he wasn't the one paying for it. There my image of him became a quite bad and took a nosedive when he said he "wouldn't take no as an answer" if he wanted to have a vacation with you (while paying, ofc)
I get that it may hurt his pride allowing uoh to pay for him, but refusing to go in a trip for so long despite you clearly wanting to do so and insisting on it is nonsensical and even disrespectful in my opinion
I'm quite curios to know how he answered your question, though, would you mind continuing the story up to there? ^^

OlderAndWiser · Accepted Answer

I expect to pay for everything on a date regardless of how long we have been dating and our relative financial positions. Two or three times, a woman has offered to pay her share from a sense of obligation, feeling that it is what she "should" do. I have responded, "I'm a very traditional male, I came to this date with the expectation that I would pay for everything and I am fine with doing that. I don't think that buying you dinner obligates you to do anything for me in return. You aren't obligated to hold my hand, give me a goodnight kiss, and you certainly aren't obligated to do anything more than that. I'm just a traditional guy and this is how it has always been for me. But if paying for your share is very important to you, you can do that, because I would never let something like that be a source of conflict for us. . . but it's really not necessary." After that brief speech, they put away their credit card. And they held my hand, and gave me a good night kiss, freely and willingly.

Xoxocutekitty · Accepted Answer

*Some* men got it stuck in their heads that relationships "Work" a certain way and that's how it's gonna be. Like men gotta be the providers and pay the bills. But life ain't like that.

There's no magic formula that says women are gonna go along with all your expectations that probably haven't been communicated out loud. When women offer to pay, *some men* feel that their internal schema for how relationships "work" is being threatened, and I guess if you go around expecting everything to be done your way, you're gonna encounter a lot of road blocks.

Seriously though, relationships are a war, not a battle. If he wanna provide, save up for the wedding cuz THAT's expensive. Or he can get used to being treated like a king, cuz modern women are queens and they know things girls weren't allowed to do in previous generations ;)

sheikalana · Accepted Answer

LOL this happened to me once. This guy was western european and he was new in the country, we went out for drinks one night and talked for hours. In the end I asked for the bill and he was ready to pay but I didn't give him time to do it and instead I payed for both of us I noticed he was a bit confused and I told him it's okay you're new here next time you pay. Never heard from him since then lol. I guess he didn't like it.

_piotr · Answer

In one of the opinion exchanges you wrote that <<You see, I don't want a "provider" I want a partner.>> I am really moved by this! It's so rare for women to act like that. This shows that you are indeed a great, decent person. A lot of females are attracted not to a men itself, but only to his wealth, power, status and so on; so that they could exploit it and live an easy life. But you are different. You stepped down from a pedestal the western culture placed you as a woman on and desire a true affection, regardless of your boyfriend's financial situation. The fact that you are even ready to share your resources and take a man you love for a vacation is something that transcends a typical entitlement mentality that many girls posses and is a clear sign that you want two-way street type love, i. e. a mutual one.
Society brainwashes men from young age that they are a disposable resource, that they should put women on pedestal, treat them like princesses and of course pay for everything, since she is doing them already a big favour that she graciously allowed them to spend time in her presence and entertain her. (In past centuries men were mostly the ones who work and have money so it was more natural and just that they were required to pay but it isn't like this anymore since both man and woman can work nowadays.) I think that is why your boyfriend rejects your offers - he might not feel worthy of it, afraid that he will be spurned by others for that or he has what society taught him imprinted in mind so strongly that he firmly believes that accepting something costly, such as a vacation, from a woman is awkward/unnatural and unmanly.
I really, genuinely, wish you good luck and all the best! Stepping down from that aforementioned pedestal exalts you, at least in my eyes, above the women that remained there.

Anonymous · Answer

I'm actually surprised there are still guys who actually get 'offended' by that. I can understand some wanting to insist on paying even though she offers, and that's because it's a shit test a lot of women still use to evaluate a guy because they judge a guy harshly if he doesn't insist on paying when she offers. Yes, a lot women still do that. But in my experience most guys expect and prefer a women is willing to and offers to pay her half, EVEN on the first date.

For me personally, if a woman doesn't offer to pay at least her half, if not the entire bill (I would let me pay for all of it), on the first date, she will not be getting a second date from me. And if she judges me harshly because I let her pay her half and decides won't give me a second date, she has done me a favor by exposing her true colors right up front and saving me the trouble of finding out her true character after multiple dates.

I think I speak for most guys when I say I'm sick of the double standards women have today with respect to gender issues, especially in dating.

A_Nihilist · Answer

The men who are like are stuck in the past. I imagine they think things along the lines of; Oh no, if she pays for me, it means I'm not wearing the pants in this relationship! 
 BUT THE GUY IS SUPPOSED TO PAY! Me, I can't stand paying for everything, especially on new dates with a new person. You think money grows on trees? No. Split the cost and don't be stingy. If my partner wants to spend money on me... of course I'll take it. Not only is it rude to refuse a gift, but why would anyone say  no  to free stuff?

Pyrofox · Answer

Just tell them you want it too be an even relationship and show your evenly invested in the relationship. And that you don't want to come off as a burden finacially. If he still tries to refuse then tell him fine y'all pay for it all and watch him like like flail

As to the vaction part tell him its your like holiday gift XD. And watch him like sigh and then give in. XD.

DeeToPlay · Answer

I have no problem with a woman offering to treat me. It's not that big of a deal because I don't have any type of desire or need to prove who I am by displaying what's in my wallet. I dream of the day I have a woman who out earns me. That's just a comfortable thing because I know that if we're making it on my salary and then she comes to the table with more than I can show, then it's all gravy for us. My masculinity cannot be quantified with any material objects and if you have a different opinion, men, then you have been given a disservice and are badly in need of a reeducation as to what is a man.

Unit1 · Answer

Wow really? Men  don't get butthurt over it but  little boys  do. 🙄🙄🙄 I would be  DELIGHTED  if a woman offers to split the bill! 😍

WilliamO · Answer

Personally I want to be able to pay for a date if I go out with a girl because I was raised that way that a guy pays for the date it's just sorta ingrained in my personality because my father and grandfather both taught me it was how it should be, you treat a girl on a date with respect and pay for the meal. And I also personally will try to avoid going on a date if I can not afford to pay for everything because I don't want to be seen as cheap or a bum. I'd rather be seen as the guy who can pay for the full date so the girl doesn't have to worry about anything and can just focus on enjoying the date so hopefully she'd like to go on another

Kaneki05 · Answer

Because some men are weird. It's 100% illogical, it's just money no need for pointless pride to get in the way of someone paying for something for you which would make you happy. It's mostly Conservative random illogical thoughts is this one.

COMMODOREII · Answer

Of course i would let her pay. I have no problem with a girl treating me out. I like taking turns if i take her out i pay. If she takes me out she can pay. What helps also is helping each other if for any reason things get too expensive or things happen. The whole point for being in a relationship is to work together in life's situations.

winterfox10 · Answer

Men express their affection and care for a woman by providing things for her; that's literally the difference between how we treat a lover and a friend. So when a woman refuses to let you pay, it draws a line in the sand. There's this weird little "I don't want there to be any confusion about whether or not I owe you something" subtext, and that lack of trust kinda freaks us out. Honestly, I instinctively write a relationship off when the woman insists on paying her half, because she's just a friend if she won't let me express my affection for her.

Men grow up being told that they are expected to provide resources in relationships, and we literally have examples everywhere of what happens when the man can't do that. We've heard and lived through many many many horror stories of women insisting on paying their own way, and simply not respecting their man.

Vicky_7402 · Answer

I’ve always preferred to go dutch on everything. Whenever my boyfriend gets me something i either pay half, pay him back or get him something of equal value. I like to treat my boyfriend, and sometimes i let him treat me, but in the end it all evens out

Lonerontheplanet · Answer

Because they feel they’re superior idiots just be sure they paid the bills. Personally, I don’t mind my guy paying my bill, but it’s a massive turn off if he doesn’t accept presents from me. Or maybe if he doesn’t let me pay the bill at least sometime. Very stupid of such men.
And if we think of it? They only pay where they know they’re getting something out of it. We girls may end up paying even for our male friends.

StepLadder69420 · Answer

I dont get offended but it makes me feel weird like I hate having people buy things for me and if they do I always find a way to pay the back and I was always raised to think the guy pays for the date so it just kind of makes me feel weird and uncomfortable.

YHL6965 · Answer

Really? I'm personally totally fine with it. I guess it comes partly from the fact that society expects so much men to be providers so some men could feel weakened or emasculated because "they are not doing their job as men". I totally disagree with that expectation personally but some people hold this dear.

oddwaffle · Answer

If they pay then they will feel entitled to get into your pants eventually. If you pay then it's like a rejection "Thanks but no thanks" kind of feeling.

It's like one of those male spiders offering a meal to the much larger female spider and hope to bang and run before he becomes the meal himself.

hahahmm · Answer

He wants a traditional relationship & you might not be the right match if you don’t think his preferences matter.

I’m not saying it’s automatically bad for a couple to mutually agree to trade off on expenses but it’s a choice.

It’s hilarious that women go on & on about wanting to pay their way but when real expenses come along like a house, if he makes more money, she’s nowhere to be found. she forgot where she put her purse. There’s a reason why all (straight) women want to marry UP. It’s not because they want to share expenses 50/50. The women who marry down didn’t do it by choice. ‘Up’ men said nope to them.

genericname85 · Answer

i guess because they see themself in the role of the provider. if you take that away from them, they feel like they can't offer you anything and that makes them feel bad about themself.

Lycirian · Answer

See, it's this. If you let a men even pay by the first date of split the bill and he accept. That shows that that's a men who will mever can be the provider of your future family. Every men knows that. But you women let them go away with it and this will be a totally wrong start because the guy who accept that wiwll accept a lot of other things and one day this will backfire on the women. He doesn't want to because he wants to be your men and by his answer he will try anything to be your men. Now here is the thing. Either you force him and he maybe accept which is wronf in his eyes and this will 100% backfire on you or you let him try. Talk to him ask him when do you think we can go on a trip or vacation what is you plan about it. If he knows he will answer if not well then you can decide.

just_legit1998 · Answer

I'm not offended. I don't mind if a woman is independent, my pride has nothing to do with a wealth of a woman and if we decide to pay for ourselves or to treat each other, then we'll get along forever!!!

hellionthesagereborn · Answer

because if a woman offers to pay, 99% of the time its a trick. Either she is offering with no intention of paying (and if he goes along with it she flips out and doesn't want to go on another date with the guy because he is "cheap") OR she is offering to pay because she is signifiying that she is uninterested (and doesn't want to feel "indebted" to him).

scarlett774 · Answer

I think they get offended because they want to be the dominant one that’s taking care of you.

Lionman95 · Answer

Yes I would, because it shows to me, that´s she´s polite and not only for a free meal or drink. I think partners should be able to pay. For some guys it´s part of their upbringing that the men are paying the bills.

Anonymous · Answer

Probs because they assume she's a feminazi and gets all butt hurt. Also, maybe it's dueto them thinking they can't say she owes him something

jamesgoldman · Answer

They are afflicted with SDE  I'll only refuse a grand gesture I couldn't repay such as my ex offering to buy me a £5,000 watch

sandy343244 · Answer

I quite like it. It makes a nice change and shows she is not just wanting a free lunch. Also who does not like being treated by someone they like?

VanillaSalt · Answer

Opposite here if we’re out on a first date and she don’t offer at least half there won’t be a second. True I’ll tell her to put her wallet away but if you don’t offer then fuck that

nodnol32 · Answer

I don't get offended. Its just a bill. No need to make a fuss over it. Atmost i'll be like no its fine or offer a split. If she's really insisting on paying, i'll let her since why waste the energy on fighting? Its not about affordability at all.

Anonymous · Answer

It's funny. Men say that women need to lower their standards and split, and once she does men don't like it?

Men want to feel needed and manly in a relationship. All that talk is bullshit.

Whenever I asked guys out or gave them money like a strong black women, they treated me like shit and normally left me for another girl.

So...

abhirox1 · Answer

They just dont want to bother you... they just want to show you that they are capable and would love to pay...
The second reason is THE SOCIETY..
They will think that what others and friends will think if the girl pays..
THANK YOU 👉👈😊

AlexanderAnttila · Answer

Some men might feel that it emasculates them to not have to pay for anything, or feel challenged in their role as provider. That's just my guessing though.

jgokgotit · Answer

I do not mind if a woman offers to pay, but I would not let her on the first date. The first date is the man's best chance to show he can provide. However, it does not offend me if she asks and any date after the first one it can go however.

Anonymous · Answer

Some men are not confident in their masculinity, so they believe if a woman pays, they seem less like a man and it hurts them deeply. I offer to pay, but if she wants to split or insists on paying, I let it happen.

perfectchaos · Answer

If they really want to. Usually I pay with little to no fuss from my girl or we do a swap of I pay you pay.

Feelicks · Answer

You might be confusing my shocked expression with taking offence.

AdamPereira2 · Answer

we dont get offende we just feel bad that the other person is spliting ther money with you and they want u to keep it

Arabella_Rose · Answer

I have notice this too. Most young modern men under 30 have absolutely no problem with letting the woman pay for her own food on a date. It is usually the guys over 30 who have a huge problem with it.

triff · Answer

I think it comes down to the historic past dating as far back as earlyman Nature through life it's self shows the male of the ( in the majority of species )

Trooper205 · Answer

I feel that... Now, it's not really offensive for me, instead, it's more of a "No, no! Keep your Money, Babe! I'm sure there are things you've been saving up for!"

hopingforinsight · Answer

It would depend deeply on the situation. One might be offended if there was talk of how he can't support himself and he wants to, but a lady twists the knife by insisting to pay. Others feel obligated due to upbringing or respect to the lady and sometimes it's just ego

Edanurus · Answer

Because to many women it's a shit test. Will you argue or will you not be traditional and insist on paying. I personally dont give a shit and will let you pay but that has lead to not having a second date.

The short answer is that *some* women get offended if you accept going dutch.

jshm2 · Answer

Because it makes them feel like they just turned up to take advantage.  In my case, if it's a client, then they pay. If it's my date, then I pay.

R3DthatDude · Answer

What’s wrong with letting him pay. If he wants to pay, just let him pay. Yes you’re independent, but aren’t you tryin to get a man? It’s okay to be vulnerable for dating sake

bluetoblack99 · Answer

I don’t get offended at all. But if it’s a first date and it was my idea I will always pay UNLESS she is dumb enough to bring up feminism on date one.

b5fan · Answer

He wants to fulfill the traditional Male role and save face. You could... buy the ticket and give it to him for his birthday. Put money in his wallet after he pays. (That way he can act like he paid)

dustin255 · Answer

I love it if a girl, did that to me! I big turn off for women that I tell them is a must in relationships is that they have to pay for everything themselves. I believe highly in going dutch!

Anastacia1989 · Answer

And then there are guys that do get offended when a woman doesn’t pitch in

David_Kek · Answer

"I always try to pay my half -I insist especially when I'm not sure I'd like a second date- but men don't seem to like it"
-
Now, do you not see how you've sort of answered your own question there?
It's like asking why women don't like it when men turn down a BJ.
It's something you can bring to the table that nature has decided you have more of to trade with than the other, and when what you've brought to the table isn't good enough, then that is what we call rejection.

hbg84 · Answer

I'd welcome it if a woman wanted to pay. I've always ended up paying for everything

JayLiche · Answer

I don’t think men get offended lol
I don't know where that came from, but if anything
he’d probably assume you thought he was broke.

that’s probably why he’d get offended
can’t think of any other reason

Shiningtempest · Answer

I would be baffled at why a woman will offer to pay. In my experience, some men will lose their self-esteem & or confidence if she offers to pay.

ProfessionalMusician · Answer

It all comes down to being familiarized with each other's opinion of each other or vibes

Malik00 · Answer

How the hell should i know? it just makes things more practical if both parties can contribute.

mrArcher · Answer

I dunno, I do not get offended. I am actually relieved and feel appreciated.

acer44 · Answer

Its possible but in my case no if i pay they won't have to worry about it and if they pay I'd ask if there sure to confirm that they are gonna pay

Tiffyk · Answer

Would you like him to wear a dress too? Men like providing and paying for dates makes him feel good and successful. If you want to show your kindness, it's better to cook for him or give him massages.
If you aren't sure if you will like him, make it a coffee date or something cheap.

DeltaCharlieEcho · Answer

We don't. We know women keep track of everything they do for us and expect it to be repaid tenfold. Men don't keep track of kindness as an exchange of good or services, we are kind to women because we actually like them, instead women view kindness as currency and investments.

Alexandrubaschet08 · Answer

No, a gentalman is a gentalman to the very end. The man stand before the woman. Only in marriage we stay side by side.

Browneye57 · Answer

There's no such thing as 'equality'. Men and women are different, always have been, always will be. It's the lie of feminism. YOU ARE A LOSER.

BazookaTrouper · Answer

Because he's self-hating and she's depriving him of his masochistic supply by taking the financial hit for him.

pizzalovershouse · Answer

Cuz if they ask you out they want youto feel they can providw for a girl things they like

Why do some men get offended when a woman offers to pay?

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Why do *some* men get offended when a woman offers to pay?

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Why do some men get offended when a woman offers to pay?