Should you start off as friends with a girl you like?

Question

I really don't understand this. Almost everybody said they got a girlfriend/boyfriend as friends first, or they were friends before they started dating. I dont get it. is it like When Harry met Sally all of a sudden, that same concept? If you really like someone, why would you want to be their friend just to date them? One of my friends who's a girl told me she met her boyfriend as friends and then they became a couple. Just like that? how the f*** did she not get friend zoned? (If thats even real) And even if i did ask a girl out, would she think just grabbing coffee would mean "hanging out as friends", not a date? I dont get it. Im this close to punching someone repeatedly

btbc92 · Accepted Answer

Yes you should. You learn to be friend and to love that person. Guys who have your attitude automatically get so cold friend zone even though there's no such thing as a friend zone, because we know exactly what you want. Sex. That's it. We know you just want booty. You know you basically want to tap that. So why again should we date somebody with your attitude. A lover should also be a best friend. Many of us wants relationships that those in their 80s and 90s have. 50 years of marriage. And many already were friends or were childhood lovers.

If a girl basically wanted sex, of course she would give you her #on the fly, automatically date you. Unless she is just seeking entertainment, she's more like we're just looking to hop in bed with you automatically. But then if you don't want say you got a romance them first. At the end of the day again, if you just looking for sex, then just go out to anybody that Weekly want sex. But when you looking for a relationship, don't complain about why you have to do certain things. Relationship takes work. Everything isn't all about sex. And if your first priority is basically about sex. Then of course you're not going to be a great partner. You just going to be a sex partner.

I believe in being friends first because I need to see compatibility. I would rather weed out the good ones from the bad ones instead of wasting my time dating multiple guys and have all this baggage. If he doesn't agree to that then obviously he already showed what kind of person he is and he already made room for somebody else that's more acceptable and worth my time.

Plus you can't just like somebody without even really getting to know them. So it's obvious your primary focus is sexual in nature. You might as well just say that you want sex and that's it don't lie to a girl. So again if you basically just want sex, continue to do what you're doing. But if you're looking for something serious, then you better learn to let go of those selfish desires and actually learn to build Relationships with people.

sejla · Accepted Answer

To me hanging out as friends when you want to date someone feels a bit off especially if there is a strong attraction. I do think friendship is a component of a good relationship. One has to have enough like for the person not just love. The question is would you be friends with this person if you weren't in love with them. If the answer is no then the relationship is kind of doomed.

Now all that said friendships that happen naturally can transition to more but that has to kind of happen due to common interests and a large amount of time spent together.

Dongtai · Accepted Answer

I’ve dated plenty and have been in a fair share of relationships. None of them started out as friendships. I’ve never saw a girl I liked, went up to her and asked to be friends and ended up dating her later. It’s a waste of time and a good way to have another man sweep her from you while you’re “acting” like the friend.

People who say they started out as friends probably had no prior thought to “date eachother” before they ended up together and the attraction developed the more time they spent together. This can happen with coworkers, friends of friends, childhood friends, sibling friends, classmates. They know eachother but don’t see eachother romantically until they’ve actually spent time “together”. These aren’t people who see eachother while they’re running errands and “meet”.

But if you see someone out of the blue during your daily life, not presenting yourself as a person they could date but instead a friend is a bad idea. You can’t listen to girl advice about this because girls rarely are the ones to start a relationship. They aren’t approaching the guys and getting phone numbers. If you present yourself as a friend she might think of you as “just a friend” and end up dating a guy who presents himself as more than a friend.

Yes. It’s important to get to know someone. But people say that as if dating doesn’t happen. After I meet a girl I take her out and get to know her for a bit before I can decide if I like her. Being in a relationship is a form of friendship. You have all the characteristics of friendship but it’s deeper. It can lead to marriage and a family and of course exclusive sex is usually invoked. Most spouses will tell you that they’re best friends.

Tell her you like her from the beginning. Make it clear you want to date her. You will form a friendship as you’re dating but she will see you in a different way than her other friends.

Searlas · Accepted Answer

Same question asked here today.

Depends with the nature of a friendship, and in this argument, when I talk about FRIENDS, I MEAN AT LEAST ONE PARTY BEING ENTIRELY PLATONIC OR BOTH. Its different in friendships where parties are attracted to each other but aren't into a romantic relationship yet because of circumstances (e. g. still in other relationships) or where friends aren't ready to be in a relationship but they are attracted to each other.

Romantic relationships that could be realized between FRIENDS often end up stuck in friendzones by one or both parties. AFTER-FRIENDS relationships are normally based on conditional love and have a higher rate of failure. Proper romantic relationships start where at least one partner is sure of what he/she is after and brings the other on board building that friendship along. OR, two people who are already attracted to each other but non committal on terms. In respect to how our minds work, it very important to view the would be partner in a romantic way (being sexually attracted) not a brotherly or sisterly image if you seek a romantic relationship.

TooDrunk4Sex · Answer

i think the sweet spot is when there is some chemistry there and a connection so that the prospect of friend zone is not so likely and u hang out and have fun. but u dont jump directly into something exactly called a date with the vibe of a date and maybe even hang out together in social groups and not just one-on-one. there's something to that which seems to improve the odds a bit. i dont see it working without any chemistry tho. i think its because there's a social group and structure around it. it might also depend on the person becuz i always find that things heat up quickly once u date. its like u build something together over warmth before u set things on fire with laughter and fun and mutual friends and that seems to lay a foundation that lasts more often than diving right into the date

Bfly004 · Answer

Well people usually start off as a friends because it makes people feel less pressured. a lot of people have walls from previous relationships so someone asking someone out makes others want to run. This is why just being their friend showing you can be there for them usually allows growth creating a bond which allows you to want to see each other more which than turns into love.
Also, some people might just not be attracted to the other but once they become friends they do start liking each other

Vicky_7402 · Answer

My boyfriend and I met in March. We started talking in instagram video calls with a couple friends and then eventually went off on our own and started talking by ourselves. We were just friends for a while after that. Then eventually we decided we both lacked physical intimacy and decided to become friends with benefits. That, as I'm sure you could tell, backfired a couple months later, but now we’re in a nice relationship and we’re both pretty happy. You have to learn about a person before you date them preferably. If you wanna have the intention of dating from the start, by all means go ahead it could work out great, but sometimes that could backfire and you realize you didn’t truly know the person. Either way, the best relationships aren’t meticulously planned. Just roll with it, vibe with her, and if things work out, thats great, if not you can always find someone else.

winterfox10 · Answer

Yes, you definitely should start as friends; that's how you get to know the person and develop closeness with them. This idea that love is somehow instant is horrible in today's culture. YOU JUST DON'T KNOW AFTER MEETING SOMEONE ONCE. You can't know if someone is a lover that quickly, you just can't. In the months leading up to dating, you leave something unsaid in your interactions with the person; that builds up the love and tension. You don't get friend zoned because you feel chemistry with the person.

Bandit74 · Answer

Its great when it works but I think it's a bad strategy overall. I don't think starting out as friends will make a girl more likely to sleep with a guy she otherwise wouldn't have considered fuckable. This means you are delaying the rejection even though the girl probably knew within 15 min of meeting you if you were fuckable. So the success rate is low and you are investing a lot of time, emotions and potentially money before getting your answer which makes it even harder to move on if she turns you down. I'd almost say you're better off trying for fuckbuddies first. Sure approaching for sex first has an even lower success rate but at least with that you get your answer immediately and can move on quicker.

lifelearner011 · Answer

There's no right or wrong answer to this. I'd think will depend on "timing" and each person's personality and characters. Some women prefer friends first and others "chemistry and attraction", it will vary. The majority of guys I've met don't say I want to become your friend, they just are there. I only consider them friends once time has passed and have seen who they are by actions.

sheikalana · Answer

Absolutely. That's the best way to start a potential relationship, getting to know each other first see if you truly share anything in common, become friends and then as time goes by you'll realize if you want things to develop into something serious or just remain friends.

NewlonBett · Answer

Everything is very difficult and not everyone goes so smoothly.
you can communicate, but personally I do not believe in friendship between a guy and a girl. It is possible only after they had something.. or it will definitely be later.
If you like a person, you do not need to hide it, and you will know the answer and will not be tormented by guesswork.
It's my opinion

SphynxUK · Answer

Start with the intention of dating if that’s what you want. Make your intentions clear so you do not become another friend.

Sometimes people meet as friends and then date. They didn’t fancy someone, and then become friends with the intention of dating, if you know what I mean.

Anonymous · Answer

I think it's super risky to do so actually. IF you were friends with someone and eventually feelings emerged that's different. BUT if you're into someone and you plan on asking them out do NOT go for the friend route because you will be stuck there forever. I've made that mistake far too many times. Get to know them yes but make your intentions clear earlier on because it might get too late if you wait for a friendship to develop first.

happy9 · Answer

That's true, you have to kind of know them before you enter into a relationship I think! As personalities most important to me! It's not all about looks to me! and it's going to be something there something special connection! and you normally do find a special connection with a friend!

blutwolfe · Answer

Ya but the friend phase is iffy, there was always chemistry there, it's like an extended flirting phase, like its a different kind of friends, like y'all basically learn about each other without commitment, hard to explain

R3DthatDude · Answer

To be honest that is a very good foundation, probably the best. The risk of course is that you just might lose your friend trying to start a romantic relationship. Make sure you have a very strong friendship.

Jersey2 · Answer

I’m old school, I hit on them and then date them. But... I’ve been married for a while so maybe things have changed. Wifey didn’t even like me when we met which made my attraction to her even stronger 😊

Slime95 · Answer

Depends on you, its risky if you have the wrong approach because you might fall in the friendzone.. But no, you dont have to.. You can be straight up.

Truthatanycost · Answer

Treat her like a celebrity, and she will treat you like a fan...

Minahh · Answer

I mean if you are already friends and it develops into a relationship it's kinda cute but starting off as friends when you are clearly into each other is weird

Posterboy56 · Answer

I don't get it either. If you really like someone romantically, they should make that known to each other. Not pretend to be "just friends."

Rangers · Answer

No, that's a stupid idea, that's how you get friendzoned for good. Never become friends with someone of the opposite sex

COMMODOREII · Answer

I usually do. I always become their friends first. It is easier to get to know each other and easier if we want to go the next step.

Should you start off as friends with a girl you like?

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