I recently met this girl on the dating app Bumble who is very odd but extremely beautiful. She got a masters in peace studies, went around the world in different countries caring for the sick and needy, now she is in my home town as a school peace builder.
She is an odd girl because she has a very direct and confrontational style. LIke me she is very direct and blunt. She is a very extroverted personality that initiates dates and conversation. When we first started talking she kept asking question after question until I started disclosing past trauma.
Well, recently she was very direct again. She said that I was bringing up too many references to "sex" and that it was making her uncomfortable. I asked her if I was creeping her out and she said "Yes."
I was crushed. Not going to lie. I got a panic attack and started crying after I texted her. At the time she told me I told her that I was upset. "That's not a good sign at all. Creeping you out is not okay." She asked if it was tied to my past sexual abuse and I said that perhaps my fixation on talking about sex was because of that. She told me "I get it" and then changed the subject. "We are going to be okay. We are good." I still felt like shit.
It was over. We were done.
She messaged me the next day excitedly. "How is your day?" I woke up confused by her text. Does she like me or just with me to fix me? And how can she still be with me after I talked to her in such a dirty sexual way?
I started thinking about my dating life. I realized that my broken and tortured soul genius nature seems to captivate women. I see this in other broken celebrity males. The tortured musician or writer who has some fucked up issues but women are drawn to them. What's up with that?
I tend to do that, because I'm an empath, and that's our job. I've attracted a lot of broken people in my life. I love to help, but almost in every situation, I end up feeling broken myself. It's overwhelming when you completely open your arms to someone and love them with everything you have to help them become better. But it doesn't work that way. When broken people fall in love, they suck the life out of you. Not intentionally. But they do. They want more help, more attention. More advice. It never ends. Even though I feel obligated to heal these people, I've learned it isn't my job. Broken people should not be in relationships. However, if you find someone who is willing to be with you despite your issues, don't be overwhelming to them. Give them space if they ask for it. Do favors for them. Give them attention too. But to answer your question, women especially do this because it's in our nature to be caregivers. We are nurturing. But some people like me are extreme empaths and take on the most difficult people. Some do it for the ego boost. If they helped someone get better, it makes you look and feel like a more powerful individual.
I have a question. Is this something that you knowingly do? Or is this attraction something in the moment that you don't even realize?
I don't always realize it until I become overwhelmed.