I heard rumors about my boyfriend not actually loving me so I asked him about it and he broke up with me. What did I Do wrong?

[Bella213]

So basically my boyfriend and I were talking and I decided to ask him about the rumors I heard. So I asked him “ so and so are telling me that you don’t love me. Is this true what they are telling me?” So he got mad and told me that I believed them instead of him and that all those things that those people were saying were making me stupid. Then he said that later on I’ll reflect on the question I asked him and that it will be to late. All I did was ask him I didn’t assume it was true or anything. I don’t know what I did. I just asked a simple question and he just gets mad and dumped me over a simple question I asked him. He thinks I assumed that he don’t love me when I didn’t assume. All I did was ask him. I don’t know what I did wrong honestly I don’t.

[CallMeDave]

I think there are a few possibilities for why he broke up with you.

1. The rumors are true and once he realized he was caught, he figured he might as well move on to someone else because he wasn't going to be able to prove he did since he didn't.

2) He's controlling and didn't like you questioning him about it because he thinks you should not ever question him about anything.

3) He interpreted your question to mean that you didn't trust him and believe the other person/people over him and was very hurt by that. Trust is essential in a relationship and if he felt that you didn't trust him, he might have just decided that the relationship wasn't likely to work and you'd always be doubting him and he didn't want that.

If it's the third one, my personal opinion is that he overreacted assuming that's the first time you've questioned him about it. (If you've asked similar questions multiple times then he might have just given up because he didn't think you'd ever trust him,) Exactly how you asked the question might have been a factor in this case. If it sounded like an accusation to him (even if you didn't mean it that way), that would probably seem worse than if you just brought it up as something you heard but didn't really believe. Words and tone of voice are very important if you ever raise a question like that.

Have you personally seen any signs that he didn't love you? If not, then my opinion is that you probably should not have asked the question. It would be reasonable to keep an eye out for signs after hearing something like that (depending on how believable the person that said it is and whether or not they could have a personal reason for wanting to cause problems in the relationship) but if third party rumors is the only evidence you have I think it's too early to do/say anything about it.

If you've already seen things that had you doubting his feelings for you, then the question might be appropriate, but I think the best way to phrase it would be something like that you're feeling a bit insecure in the relationship because of (things you've noticed yourself) and that now someone else said this and it's shaking your confidence. Statements that sound like attacks/accusations tend to drive the other person away where statement about you feeling insecure tend to make the person more willing to try to reassure you (assuming that they really do care about you).

If he really wants to be with you in a real full relationship (not just for fun/sex), my opinion is that 1 or 2 is probably more likely because I think most guys that really cared would try hard to convince you of their feelings, though 3 could be possible if he's more sensitive than average and was very hurt by what he thought was an accusation based only on rumors and a lack of trust in him.

[OlderAndWiser]

1. The fact that you hear rumors like this from your friends says a great deal about the level of your relationship.

2. The rumors were probably true and he was probably looking for a way to break up with you that would minimize his guilty feelings. You asked a question and it gave him an excuse to get angry, put the blame on you, and break up.

3. It was going to happen sooner or later.

4. Being in a relationship where you need someone else to tell you how your partner is feeling is a big sign that there is a problem in your relationships.

[Anonymous]

He was looking for a reason to dump you. Maybe he was putting up with you and this was the final straw?

[NathanDavis]

You asked him to juatify himself and his feelings,
based on rumors from other people, and put him on the spot.
That would not go well with many people, including him. So he found that very wrong.

[spartan55]

You questioned his integrity and his feelings based on second hand information and you don't know that was wrong? Wow, you are really clueless.

[Sam_The_Savage]

Why should I be with a girl who tfsug so m so n question his love towards him? Dumbo

[Anonymous]

Thing you did wrong.. Believed rumors over your boyfriend.. id have broken up too. I dont play mind games..