If you have to make honest self-criticism, what flaw would you highlight?

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

For myself, I'd say that I tend to be too focused on myself and don't dedicate enought time and attention to others.
What about you?

Updates

+1 y

I have really enjoyed reading the answers on this question, thank you all for putting forward your input!

[AmandaYVR]

I see a fair bit of humble bragging here. Not actually admitting flaws, but redirecting blame onto others.

I'm generally a mercurial person who has to fight my natural tendencies towards highs and lows. I can feel great one day, because something small but really nice happened, and I really appreciate that in the moment. But sometimes, often, the following days, that happiness just sort of slips away and I can feel flat again. And I tell myself to stop looking for something good/great again, because that's not life, and that's not realistic. But my intellectualizing of this doesn't always help. The only tactic I have found is to remind myself that this is a pattern, that I've reverted back to the mean (which is normal/normalcy), which is ok. Then... I go and try to feed my soul again. But instead of just waiting or wishing for something nice to happen, I recognize the power of action. So I may go read a book, or article, or try to learn something, or seek out some new music, or reach out to someone I know who would appreciate the contact, even though I have to push myself a lot to do so. Inaction, inertia, is slow death. And a waste of one's days. I know this now.

Another issue I have is that I am so much of the mind, I find it really, really challenging to connect it to my body, or prioritize my body, as one needs to do. I don't trash my body, by any means, but I just have so little interest, and get so little, mood-wise, out of being active, exercising, being out in nature, etc. It doesn't ping my brain. I appreciate nature quite a bit, I think, but it doesn't alter my mood, like I often wish it would. Changing my inertia, without a goal, or accomplishment that's tangible, is just not that fulfilling. If I'm in a certain state of mind, and I go for a walk, it generally just gives me more time to ruminate about whatever was on my mind; if I work out and I'm angry, I will get more angry, not less. I think there's sort of a disconnect, or just a lack of a connection that some more kinaesthetic people have. I envy them.
We all want to do what satisfies us, we gravitate toward those things, and for me it's really sinking my teeth into, and deconstructing, whether that be social, psychological, abstract, conceptual, and to a lesser degree, the design of things. (A favourite book of mine is 'The Design of All Things.') This is my world, where it's all comfortable and familiar and I feel most capable.
But I see my mother, who is similar, and she is a cautionary tale of why one must not ignore their body (though she also drank her mind to near death, too.)

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

I hope I'm not the one who's humble bragging, but it could be very well that I'm doing it at least somewhat subconsciously. After all I still tend to draw attention to myself so that's something I must work on.
Your answer is really in-depth and critical, like I've said on another person's opinion it reads like a self criticism letter.
If I can say it, the issues you described seem to be those that typically plague intelligent and inquiring individuals such as yourself. It seems to be a combination of reaction to external stimuli and deep thinking and elaborating that can end up in the high or lows you described.
I'm susceptible to similar to highs and lows but they are more like instantenous mood swings that I admit I have yet to learn to fully control, or at least make sure they don't affect others.

Please pardon my digression. Back to what you said, I admit I had to look up the word ''kinaesthetic'' because I admit I didn't know what it means as I had never seen it, but the concept now seems very simple and fascinating at the same time. If you feel this lack of connection, I'm sorry as I wouldn't know what to exactly say to be frank, but I can say I do find admirable that you find strenght and willingness to take action in those situations. It must not be easy as inertia can really drag you down and you need to put up a lot of resistance against it. In your case the challenge is that you don't need to ''just do something'', but you need to do ''something that matters'', right?
I don't remember much about Philosophy but I can say that surely you aren't a Determinist or are even an anti-Determinist as it seems you are very much driven by your own will in both actions and thoughts and if I can say it, it seems to me that some of your frustrations may come from the fact that your will directly clashes with your emotions. You are free to tell me if I'm saying something stupid here.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

As for your mother, I think her case of drinking could have been a way to ''drown out'' all the thinking and self-reflection?
I ask this because by talking with my own mother I'm getting surprised by how intelligent and knowledgeable she is about a huge lot of History, Art, Philosophy and many other topics now that she's drinking much less and has sworn off other substances. It's like she was ''bombarding'' herself with those things as to not think too much I fear.

Anyhow, I really enjoyed reading your answer and I'm always here if you wish to talk about it, Amanda!

[AmandaYVR]

Yep, you get it.
No, I didn't mean you humble bragging. It's more of a pink trait.
Exactly. My mother (and me) probably play brinksmanship with the flood of stimuli, and self-reflection. We're both (and her mother was too) prone to it. Though I described something akin to 'chasing the high', because feeling good... feels good, right. I don't seek the high in other ways that some people do - like extreme sports, rollercoasters, sex with many strangers, etc etc. I don't have an addictive personality, either, thankfully (my mother does.) For me, I can start and stop things relatively easily (not easily, but with very conscious effort.) I have, what I call, 'tunnel vision' in a cerebral way. I'd delve into things (if I have enough focus that day), and I'll not have any appetite (or be able to ignore it completely), as my energy is focused on that thing. I like (almost need) closure. That in itself, is a type of high (satisfaction.) If someone asks me a question, I often give too-long an answer. But it depends on the person, if they think it's fascinating, or me droning on. I have taught myself to begin with a topic header, or a punchline, or a purpose, otherwise it can be excruciating for the other person to have to live it, as I did, sequentially.
Anyway, I could give lots of answers to your q. It could list in the hundreds. But mostly I just like to write spontaneously, and for it to be organic; my thoughts stringing together quickly, and I just try to catch them (usually, write them down, because I'm most coherent in the written form) before they disappear, often replaced by some other sentence, idea, or way to phrase it. I do edit (it's not possible on gag, and I don't honestly care anymore, I'm over it), but I find it very tedious, sometimes torturous. As Sean Connery's character said in the fabulous 'Finding Forrester' film, "You write the first draft with your heart. You write the second draft with your head." You can see I'm probably about 60/40 nowadays, F:T.

[AmandaYVR]

Where was I... oh yes, I do like alcohol. For this exact reason. Especially, at night. I don't drink until the sun goes down, typically. And then it's one, or two drinks at most. Unlike my mother, who goes on from sunrise to sunset, basically. She and her mother are/were both agoraphobic. So you can see I'm slightly down the evolutionary line here. Tortured, but not a disaster/paralyzed. I don't think she tried hard enough, or either of them did, to fight their natural yet destructive tendencies. And she had a victim mentality, which I believe really stunted her growth, personally.
Correct. I am definitely not a determinist. I think many things about philosophy are interesting (except for the endlessness of it), but I know very little in that department. But what you said is definitely right.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

I'm glad I understood well.
It's a good thing and a big sign of maturity to not have an addictive personality, as it's a trap that ensnares many intelligent people - maybe exactly in virtue of their intelligence in some cases.
If I can make a respectful observation, the tunnel vision is a good quality in many areas as like you explained it helps in never losing sight of the goal and what it's necessary to do in order to achieve it, but in some situations it can be an hindrance as it can make you lose sight of what's around the tunnel and that while it may seem unrelated it can instead be helpful or even decisive in reaching the goal. So maybe it could be worth to focus on a sort of ''tunnel with openings'' vision? Like one of those highway mountain tunnels in my area that have scenic openings on the lakes and countryside - when driving through them you get to cross the mountain and get your destination, but you can also admire the scenery - naturally if you are driving also keep an eye on the road!

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

I think it's good that you have made steps forward from your mother so to say - as in keeping her positive qualities while lessening the flaws. That's what evolution is after all.
In my family too some kind of mental issues must be genetic - my grandmother was depressive and had an ''heart attack'' - which we reasonably believe was a cover for her taking her own life as at the time people who did so couldn't be buried in graveyards so the families gave this ''excuse'' - and both my mother, one of my sisters and I exhibit similar issues. But we are still here and trying to improve and like my mother once told me, it took her to reach age 43 to start making steps forward, while I ''have an advantage of 20 years over her''. Her words.
As for the victim mentality, it's evident you don't have it, so that's one of the traits that definitely died down with you, but saying that wouldn't be entirely fair as it would imply you didn't do any effort to reach that goal, while I believe you did some deep work to make sure you don't have such a mentality.
I think I've already said that although my parents might not be good people and have done bad things, it doesn't make them scapegoats for the bad things I myself willingly choose to do.
So if we can't blame our negative traits to our genetics, neither we should award our successes to them.

[AmandaYVR]

True, what you said about tunnel vision, "tunnel with openings" but by its very nature, that's not how it works (I'd like to see that tunnel you're referring to! Sounds great), so it's very difficult to get out of.
Although, I probably should say, I do often say or write, "I'm sorry, I'm rambling, this is too much, this it too long", but more and more, the next day (s) when I re-read, I don't exactly think it's all garbage or not potentially of some interest. It sort of does also depend on who you're writing it for, and if you and they have the focus to absorb it. Not everyone does, and no one has that same level of focus at all times. So, for me, I just accept that the more I write, the less likely, or less quickly, I will get a response. (And many readers, if strangers, will drop off. But I don't really care about that anymore either. I'm mostly interested in fewer, and deeper, conversations or interactions, so it's fine.) Some might get irked, or hurt, seeing it as an investment, but I have decided that for me, writing in itself, is beneficial to me.
See, this is a good example of why my stuff is long. Because it becomes associations with yet another topic. (Though they are loosely related... usually.)

Thanks, you're being very sweet.
And I think this is very wise, "So if we can't blame our negative traits to our genetics, neither we should award our successes to them."

That's good news your mother is starting to change her ways. Her saying that you've got 20 years over her... well that can go both ways, right. 20 years not to be so entrenched, but also -20 years to reconcile one's demons and issues and family genetics.

[Biancam13]

Agreed. People don’t like to self-reflect or admit to their flaws. It’s a threat to their concept of self that’s why it’s so common for people to play the victim

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

Maybe I understand - if the tunnel has windows, you might be distracted and get sidetracked - so you lose sight of the end - the goal - and the "tunnel vision" loses its value.
So I'd say maybe consider when to take the tunnel and when not? In some cases it might necessary, in others you might want to take the "scenic route" - as to not overthink.
By the way, you can find those tunnels on the Lario lake here - biggest lake in the area of my region.

As for the long answers, I understand it might put off some users as they don't feel ready or have the energy to reply in kind - I sometimes answer much later because I either want to re-read, understand well and/or need to gather the reply to reply well.
I don't write particularly long answers but now I take the time and effort to write more if the question is a detailed or complex case.
Sometimes I take it in PM if I feel it would work better there.
I find it admirable that you enjoy writing and answering for the intellectual output and effort' sake and not just to get a reply - I admit I still lack this patience and width of thought, I really wish to develop those qualities.

As for your mother I hope your relationship is doing well and being positive even in the current situation.
On this I'm a bit conscious to admit I feel privileged as I don't have yet lost or risking to lose relatives in the near future.
My mother is surprisingly hardy as despite her issues, drinking, smoking and abusing meds she's still very healthy and young looking.
Breaking the ice with her I found out she was a bit like when they say about dealing with some people or animals - I was scared of her when she was equally scared of me. So talking really helped out.

Also, thank you for your kind words. I believe that your accomplishments and qualities as woman are and remain your own achievements - naturally people and life helped you along the way, but developments and growth ultimately are up to you.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

@Biancam13 exactly. Playing victim is very easy and addicting, I know that because I often do it. It's a comfortable way out of dealing with who's often your biggest enemy - yourself.

[Cynicaldreamer]

Just one flaw? I mean if I'm being honest here, I have several flaws that irk even me!

I have trust issues with others, and letting others into my life. Why? Supposed friends not keeping their mouths shut when you confide in them. Flaky, unreliable people not available when you need them, yet they expect you to help them anytime they need a favor. Being ghosted by people that supposedly like you... the list goes on.

So nowadays I'm wary about getting close to people, much less calling someone a "friend," unless they prove it.

I'm also cynical, but honestly that's not so much a flaw as it is a precautionary measure to keep from getting screwed over by life all the time, lol

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

Wow, that's a really in-depth and critical analysis, it truly reads like a self criticism letter! Excellent answer!

[Cynicaldreamer]

Haha, well thank you.
Everyone has their flaws; you might as well recognize them so you know how to deal with them!

[MCheetah]

According to what others have said (that I don't necessarily disagree with but have a hard time accepting):

"You are too harsh on yourself. You seem to be your own worst enemy. There is nothing wrong with you or the way you look. Sure, maybe you could stand to lose a couple pounds, but that's literally it. You seem to get in your way more than anyone else and self-sabotage to the point everything you say becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you just got out of your own way and developed confidence in yourself, you'd be drowning in pussy by now. Girls like confidence in guys above all else and we get turned off by insecurity above all else. If you think you're too short, that's all you'll tell yourself and you'll talk your way out of success by convincing a girl everything you're saying is right. Especially since we tend to take guys' word at face value. If YOU think you're too short, then all you'll do is convince others you're too short. If YOU think you're the sh*t and an awesome guy to be around, then that's also what you'll end up convincing girls to believe. So stop getting in your own way, already!"

[NathanDavis]

I can be quite stubborn sometimes, and sometimes that's the worse for confrontations, because when they're hurting both people (a little of a lot) the ideal is to connect and defuse the confrontation and move on, get over, to solve such conflict.

However, sometimes people will be openly confrontational, dismissive or even try to hurt you, get you a little bit, and sometimes when I feel this, I just let it happen, the distancing that is.

And that's when I can be my worst, as I can take distance very "easily", and all the negativity that it can bring, When someone tells me "don't want to hear you anymore" I do take their word for it, and if they can't bring themselves to reach back to me again, well, whether is days, weeks, months, I'll just be very dumb about it. And I know this is very wrong but I've still done it sometimes. But the good thing is that I am not alwaks like this, the vast majority of the times I do the right thing to do, and I am not a dumbass about it.

[jennifer_bloom]

I guess you could say I’m careless with physical details or overreact to bad situations, such as getting anxious if a boss yells at me or becoming depressed if a few people insult me at work or becoming unsatisfied if I go long enough without contact from somebody I like.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Sometimes putting other's feelings above my own... The people that don't deserve it.. kids, SO, sometimes you have to, but others don't deserve that from me, I need to learn in those situations to put myself first

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

Taking care of others it's very noble but naturally you also have to take care of yourself.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

It can be, but it can also be how people try to take advantage, take for granted, mistake kindness for weakness

[ragequeen]

Im an overly sensitive person. I sense moods, lies, I smell bullshit, I feel what everyone else feels. It hurts like hell. I hate being like this. I'm also an overthinker.

[ShadezMcgee]

My desire to be great results in me being a perfectionist and very OCD that I know trickles down into my personal life and affects my relationships with friends, girlfriend and family.

It is not intentional by any means and I feel terrible when it is pointed out. It is irritating in the sense it is a self fulfilling prophecy on my end. I try hard to not mess up and make mistakes and it results in it happening for both my goals and relationships. I wish I could turn that off. I wish I wasn't like that. I hate that I am like that. Being raised and feeling like I have to prove myself to others manifested itself into me in a very negative way and trying to break free from it is hard as shit.

In short, hatred of failure.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

That's a really well thought and in-depth answer, thank you for sharing! It reads like a proper self criticism letter.
I find that your determination is really admirable, but I also think that for your own wellbeing you should relax a bit and maybe be a little - just a little - more indulgent with yourself?

[DizzyDesii]

Absolutely nothing wrong with focusing on yourself. I do the same because these days, most people are not worth giving the time of day to. I guess my greatest flaw is lack of motivation if i dont have someone other than myself to do it for. Like i would exercise like crazy when taken but when single, i’d just lay around. Or like, i only want to work to be able to afford future kids, future dream wedding and the future house i want to build. If i didn't want any of those things, i prob wouldn't even work 🤷‍♀️ I dont like asking anyone for financial help

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

I agree that self-care and focusing on self is important, but I tend to do that by overstepping on others and making them feel bad to feel better about myself, so that's a definite flaw I want to amend.
I think it's good that you want and work for others, but I also think you should do things for yourself and your benefit, not just others.

[DizzyDesii]

Oh yea that is bad if you make them feel bd to feel better. I dont do that. I just show that they aren't more than a temporary conversation. I basically lack commitment to anyone that im NOT dating. And yea im working on wanting to do things for myself without others motivation. Its just not as fun if i feel it has no purpose

[FilmGuy93]

I don't care enough about anything. Like stuff that should bother me, just doesn't. I don't really want anything. Then it's weird because I'm also a super high achieving person, but I'm not trying to be. So there's my natural state of being super easy going and not really caring much about anything, contrasting with the achievements of someone who you would think probably cares a great deal, and it's just a strange look. Like someone who earns a professional doctorate should probably wake up in the morning with more drive than "fuck it... I mean, I guess I'm here, right?"

[KingdomForAKiss]

My anxiety is a huge flaw, in my opinion. I have trust issues but my anxiety makes those worse.
I really like how @AmandaYVR phrased her response. I too deal with daily highs and lows, mostly from interactions with people or seeing ugliness of the world. The emotions that come along with these experiences can often be exhausting.

[Lina26]

Ok please sit and take a drink while reading this.
Trust issues
over thinker , always analyzing, (hey hey I saw that dont move your hand lol ) emotional (at times over emotional)
Sensitive
I may say naive even at times
I always worry 24/7
Perfectionist (yes thats my flaw)
If something doesn't go by plan I get irritated and frustrated.
Probably my timid side could also be counted lol
And if im really close to someone than my brutal honesty.
Its never just one flaw

[JosyJosy]

I'm reserved in general. And when I'm sad, I won't tell anyone unless they notice it themselves. Cause I don't see the point in sharing it, and I don't see how they can help. Some words of encouragement. But just cause I don't see it, doesn't mean that I don't need it, I feel like.
Or telling people how much you appreciate them. I don't do that. I think people sometimes want to hear those words as well. And I don't tell them.

[scooogy]

🥺🥺

[Diversity_Hire]

I can be quite narcissistic; knowing I am allows me to try and keep an eye on it, but it's a constant battle. I think I'd be happier if that trait wasn't there.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

Well the fact that you recognize it's a great first step, it means that you aren't so narcissistic!

[Diversity_Hire]

I've spent many years working on my mental health; between my parents and the Army I was quite a clusterfuck, and I knew it. 😂

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

The fact that you are aware of this speaks volumes about the fact that you want to improve! Keep it up!

[Diversity_Hire]

Thank you, I am trying. From what I've seen of your posts you also seem to be quite conscious of your own thoughts and actions, as well as those around you. It seems it takes some sort of jarring negativity for most of us to reach this point. It's a shame, because if more people were conscious of their behavior we'd all be better off I suspect.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

I'm sure you are doing your best!
I'm coming to terms to this bad side of my myself after some days ago I argued with three people who cared for me and I cared about and two made clear they were giving up on me after I took them for granted for so long. So I understood that people's patience is not endless and I have to start giving back and not just taking if I want to keep those people and other people like them in my life while also enriching their lives as well in a positive way.

[Diversity_Hire]

I wish you the best; understanding yourself may be the biggest hurtle, but it still is a rough road from there. Just keep pushing

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

Thank you, I wholeheartedly agree with you.
I too wish you the best!

[genericname85]

i would say my general lack of a bigger life goal xD i just don't know how people find those.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

I think you should find something that strikes deep into your heart and makes you want to reach or get. Like a light in the distance..

[genericname85]

thanks captain obvious. and how would one go about finding that? XD

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

This both very simple and very difficult at the same time, for the simple reason that you don't know what it might be! A way to make things easier would be trying out new things and experiences every day.

[Alyssa11]

I am a sensitive person and mean words or actions, especially from people I care about, can seriously upset me. I’ll cry about it for way too long. I also won’t show that side to anyone.

[Anonymous]

Me to myself: you're a low life drop out that failed to make your prarents proud and you're a fucking skinny and short no wonder why girls never like or even find you attractive, you will live alone and die alone you worthless piece of shit. And don't let me talk about fuck tiny 5 inch (4.1 girth) dick that a girl can't even feel. I'm disappointed in you but i will always forgive you.😧

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

That's a bit harsh, you should also give yourself some encouragements!

[Opinion Owner]

I did encourge myself in the end by saying i will always forgive myself.

[Anonymous]

I’m too trusting and fall in love too easily. I always put my heart over my head, which makes me impulsive and I have very bad self control. I have low self esteem, don’t respect myself and I’m a pleaser that is always trying to make others happy. When in a relationship I’m kind of a doormat and let the guys I’m with do anything they want until they finally get rid of me and find someone more worthy of being loved.

[Biancam13]

I can be selfish, I can also be needy and possessive and I get very jealous when I’m in a relationship and feel threatened. And I can be annoying as well.

[Hannah_le]

Hmm I get distracted a lott since I have ADD which teachers or my friends would notice n get frustrated sometimes , and I make Poor decisions a lot I’ll admit so.

[Anonymous]

I don't take care of my physical appearance or wellbeing enough

I don't sleep enough
I either overeat or undereat
I let myself gain a bit of weight but I'm currently in the process of losing it
I rarely do my makeup
I dress for comfort over style to most places including my classes, previously my church, to visit family and friends

I'm obsessed with hygiene, smelling good, getting lots of exercise and fresh air and doing skincare though, so ig that makes up for it

[just_a_potato]

I tend to trust others too easily, I've gotten better at not doing so especially since I finally acknowledged it. But I'm just kind of naive when it comes to my faith in others.

[JSmuve]

I'm pretty passive and choose to isolate myself instead of putting myself out there. For an average-looking guy, that's kind of a death blow in the dating game. I've missed multiple opportunities over the years due to my failure to act.

[rxm_bxl]

I'm very well aware, that I listen with a trigger, nor do I take criticism well. I'm trying to wok on it. Not yet actually. But I eventually will.