Girls, Is it bad to be passive?

[SamIAm28]

Im 27 year old male going on 28 in 2 days and all my life I've kind of been a passive person, never had a girlfriend and also a virgin. I've met girls in my life, but never really asked them out or anything. I ignored it and just forgot about them because I was told to "stop looking". For 8 years I had to focus on myself with work, hobbies and even developing social skills and I've gotten better. But sometimes I wish I could read girls' minds to know what they're thinking. Should you be friends first? Is there a right time to ask someome out? Should you play mind games? This girl I used to know from HS met her boyfriend in college and they never even dated. She moved upstate and ran into him and now they're together like wtf? I'm so used to seeing how it happens in romantic comedies (When Harry met Sally, Pretty Woman, Fifty Shades of Gray, the American Pie movies and even sitcoms). There was a time when I met two girls at a bar and I wasn't expecting this but they invited me over to join their friends because it was a party. Then an 80s song comes on and we all danced lol. One of the girls I took a liking to but I left without ever seeing her again. I didn't really do anything. As they say "let life happen", which causes me to be passive. I feel like I'm just watching myself age here. Its when people say to let things happen naturally, it just sounds like to watch the days go by and that's why I never ask a girl out or even to just hang, because that's probably the opposite of letting things happen. Seriously, what else is that supposed to mean? No wonder I'm living in groundhog day, doing the exact same thing over and over again. I might as well stare at a wall 24/7 while listening to Radiohead. How did you meet your boyfriend? Did you just stand around and look pretty? Also is there such a thing as a friend zone? Sorry for the long post by the way.

[Ez-Bri-Z]

Well, I think you mostly answered your own questions here. You don't sound happy with how things are working for you by being passive. How will anyone know you are interested if you don't say anything?

You asked how we met our boyfriend, but in my case it was my then girlfriend now wife. I have always been shy in person and usually took a pretty passive stance myself when it came to social interactions, but when I saw her it was like it is in the movies with the soft filter effects and sparkles around her. I thought she was the prettiest girl I had ever seen. Being the awkward person I am, I approached her and asked if I could write about her. I felt like an idiot the moment the words came out of my mouth. She stared at me like I was crazy but said yes. I went back and wrote her a poem that she still keeps today.

I stepped out of my comfort zone to find what I wanted. It sounds like you might need to as well. Also for the record though I don't like the term, the friend zone is totally a thing.

[SamIAm28]

The friend zone is actually real? How do you avoid it?

[Ez-Bri-Z]

Sometimes you can't. Everyone has a specific type that they might like and you are starting off in the category of interested or not interested. I know when I was still dating I could tell if I was interested in a girl usually within the first few minutes. The looks weren't as important as the personality and if I wasn't feeling it then it just never happened.

... yes, I totally friend zoned girls too...

It's not a bad thing on the whole. Just because I don't want to sleep with someone doesn't mean we can't be close. It also doesn't mean I can't change my mind later.

[SamIAm28]

I remember I dated a girl who I met on Match and the first time we talked we really hit it off. Too bad she wasn't feeling it unfortunately, but I really liked her too

[Ez-Bri-Z]

Aww sorry to hear it, but it just means she cleared the way for the one that was meant to be 😊

[SamIAm28]

She had a nerdy vibe to her which I liked. Movies are such a tease. Its the way females are portrayed. The kristen stewart types

[Ez-Bri-Z]

I definitely would not be trying to learn what to expect from women at the theaters.

[SamIAm28]

And not just women, how they stereotype the socially awkward people, like Jesse Eisenberg or Jonah Hill. Always the Jewish.

[Ez-Bri-Z]

It's just a typecast and a stereotype that everyone has to fight through and show their individuality

[devilish-cutie]

You should just go out there, get out your comfort zone. Meet girls, risk it bit by bit, step by step. Forgwt movies. Just be ysf n do what u think is best. Every person os different and so you are ok the way you are. There is no education like real life experience with it. Girls arwnt that different than guys, most it depends on their personality.

[SamIAm28]

I just dont want to mess anything up so even if I did meet a girl and ask her out and she said no, it'll make me think I did something wrong

[devilish-cutie]

A girl can reject you for numerous of reasons, you shouldn't take that personally. Just take it as somekne not being interested as like when someone doesn't want to be your friend. Go for girls you like qnd feel you have some connection with n they also seem to bw interested in you.

[SamIAm28]

Maybe life is one big trial and error. We can't be perfect. Im so used to seeing how romance happens in movies and the way sex is portrayed

[devilish-cutie]

Forget movies and porn. Real lofe is something else. And yes, we r all humans, can't expect to be perfect from the get go. Failing is normal. Noone learned to ride a bike or swim on the first try. But if you dont try you won't ever experience it.

[SamIAm28]

Is the friend zone a real thing? If the best relationships start off as friendships, how would I avoid the friendzone?

[devilish-cutie]

I don't know about friendzone. didn't really happen to me or people i know. If the girl really likes you shed want you even if you are friends. I wouldn't worry about it. I do also thinks friendahip is base for more. If a girl friendzones you just take it as rejection

[SamIAm28]

Social media/movies make me so desensitized