What are your "Non Negotiables" in dating, relationships and life?

Question

WHAT ARE NON-NEGOTIABLES

Non-negotiables are the things you will not negotiate on. They follow your values and principles and define not only what you will and won’t accept from others, but also what you will and won’t accept from yourself. They are the big-time deal breakers. They are the promises you keep to yourself, your family and your team.

They are unique to you and your situation, only you can determine what they are, and only you can manage them. They are there to guide you through hard times when decision making is difficult. With predetermined rules set in place, your focus won’t waiver from what you truly believe. Non-negotiables can be anything. Here are a few examples:

not working on weekends – family time
having dinner with your family
analog Sunday (no email, no cell phone, no Facebook)
donating 10% to a charity or your church
not dating someone who doesn't want kids
not dating someone who doesn't want to get married
Not having sex on the first date

What are yours?

credit: Torie Mathis

Cynicaldreamer · Accepted Answer

This might turn into a long list so apologies in advance. Some people might say I'm "demanding," or have high standards.
I call it knowing what I want in life and refusing to accept less than I deserve.

No sex on the first date! Actually no sex until we're in a committed relationship together.
Absolutely NO cheating, or-
No "open/poly relationships."
No ex drama
No kids!!! Not happening. If you have kids from your past relationship, they better be adults, or old enough to understand you're dating another woman.
No criminal history (unless it's something minor like a speeding ticket, or fighting out of self defense)
Doesn't have his life in order- if you can barely support yourself, you don't need to be in a relationship. Yeah, I went there!
Not being supportive of my health and fitness goals. I don't expect my friends, family, or anyone interested in me to be an athlete, or be in shape. But I would at least like them to make an effort to either workout with me (even if it's just walking together), or take care of your health! I don't want to be around people that think spending Friday night on the couch eating cheetos, pizza, and beer, then complaining about why your pants feel tight on Monday morning! LOL
Not communicating issues!!! (this goes for all relationships in life, not just dating) Good grief, why do people think some of us are mind readers? Have an issue? Just say it! It's a lot easier than ghosting me, or getting upset, and assuming that will fix the problem.
Drama. I can't. I'm too old for that now- not that I've ever been a fan of it or able to handle it. I prefer keeping my life as stress free as possible.
Immaturity!
Being too lazy- I don't mean taking a lazy day. I mean people with little to no drive in life, or expect everything handed to them.
Not respecting my "me time." Everyone needs some time to be alone, do their own thing, and not be bothered.
No being rude or having an attitude. Yeah, I don't care how attractive you think you are, if you have a nasty attitude, or talk down to others? I don't want you in my life.

I have more, way more, but those are most of the important ones. Basically be a good, decent human with common sense and manners. Respect me and I'll respect you.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

1. I won't date someone who doesn't want kids. I want a big family.
2. I won't date someone with anger problems, or a history of violence. I was raised in a violent household and I'm never going back. The fear of it alone kept me from dating at all for years.
3. I won't date someone who strongly disagrees with me about how to raise kids. (I'm not okay with corporal punishment, for example). I won't repeat the mistakes my parents made with my own kids.
4. I won't date someone who makes rape jokes, or is friends with rapists. When I was a kid people would make child abuse jokes, and I genuinely thought that it was the norm. Jokes like that have a real impact.
5. I won't date someone who has a family farm. Because I would be miserable living on a farm.
6. I won't date someone who tries to force me to eat meat, or swear, or do any number of things that I've chosen not to do, which don't effect anyone but myself. (The one exception would be if the meat thing was out of genuine concern for my health).
7. I won't date someone who hates traveling. Just because I want to travel as a family.
8. I won't date someone who has a problem with LGBT people. Or who has any other sort of ridiculous prejudice, like racism, sexism, ableism, things like that. Homophobia just came to mind first, because I'm bi, and my little brother is gay.
9. I won't date someone who tries to cut me off from my friends or family. Again, if it's out of a genuine concern for me, that's one thing. But if they just don't want me spending too much time away, I'm not dealing with that. It's a big red flag for abuse.
10. I won't date someone who insists on holding positions which they can't support. Just because it drives me insane. If you can't back up your opinion, maybe your opinion is wrong.

I could probably think of more. I could also probably state these ones a lot better than I did here. But it's 5 AM, I have yet to go to bed, and I'm tired. So this is what you get for now.

Dchrls78104 · Accepted Answer

When it comes to dating, I would not negotiate on:
1. Unity of beliefs and values: I cannot date a girl who isn't a Christian.
2. Modest dress and grooming: overly revealing clothing such as thongs and the like would result in my immediately ending the date.
3. A clean looking body: tattoos and body piercings are an immediate turnoff and a definite nono for me.
4. Respectful speech and behaviour: I insist on being treated with the same dignity and respect that a woman would want from me. I could hardly imagine a woman wanting to date a guy who cursed or shouted at her or abused her in any other way and I would not want such a girl around me either.
5. Burning all bridges with your ex and being completely single: no man in his right mind would date a girl who is taken or hung up on her ex.
6. A healthy weight: if a morbidly obese or emaciated woman tried to date me, the first call I might make would be an ambulance to pick her up, because that's exactly where she belongs.
7. Transparency, honesty, and straightforwardness: if she keeps secrets from me, she's a liar. I cannot deal with liars. Let me know exactly what I'm about to get involved with (give me the choice to stay and live with it or not) or let me out of your life. It's the only way for me.
8. A natural born and fully heterosexual adult female: this one cannot be overstated. I'm not gay or a paedo; the idea of dating a kid would make me uncomfortable and, yes, I'm a bit of a homophobe. Pass me by if you are either of those.

Leavesbound · Accepted Answer

I will not date a smoker under any circumstance at all and I pretty much consider ex smokers as smokers since most will eventually take up smoking again. I also won't date a drug addict or a heavy drinker. I would not be compatible with a very religious person. While I am bi I don't usually date guys so they would have to be a female if marriage is on their mind. If they are a Republican then we would have to agree never to discuss politics as I don't like fighting with my lover. Most everything else could be worked around.

jennifer_bloom · Answer

1. Cannot use me for money or grudge me when he volunteers to do things for me
2. Cannot slander me or say bad things about me that are not true when he is angry
3. Cannot hit me or be physically abusive
4. Must express his anger without becoming abusive and cruel
5. Cannot flirt with other girls or value his female friends more than me when we are dating
6. Must make an effort to initiate contact every week and must talk to me when he has free time
7. Must respect my right to feel or think differently from him and not embarrass me intentionally

Brainsbeforebeauty · Answer

*no open relationships*No cheating*No lying*No sweeping issues under the rug, let's work through them so we can move past them

stormiigrl · Answer

I have a list too lol
☆No body shaming (it just bursts me every single time someone judges me how i look. I get it i am no model but i have zero plans to be one and i don't judge you on how you look so please stop judging me.
☆ No drama/whining/complaining if you wanna act like a child -grow up already!
☆ No freeloading: this is a big one cos i am not sure why people assume cos i have a job therefore i need to splurge on them cos they choose not to work.
☆ No lack of communication- communication is very important to me (we don't have it we don't have anything)
☆ No talking about your exes, your ex is your past not your future if you have to talk about it we will not last.
☆ No cheating, disrespect, dishonesty, arrogance (had enough of that thanks)
☆ No Jailbirds
☆ No Abuse of any kind, so mentally exhausting to deal with that
☆ Minimal Financial burdens if you $100,000 in debt best part ways
☆ No open relationships/3somes (not into that at all, I am a 1 straight woman for 1 straight man only)
☆ No Drama
☆ No video games, if that video game is more important that us going out on a date or spending time with eachother go hang out with your buddies.
☆As bad as it may sound but they must have a job and good hygiene (bad hygiene is just horrible)

electromagnetic · Answer

Apart from the no cheating, lying, theft, outrageous criminals history…
- No joint accounts. What’s mine is mine, what’s yours is yours. We can share to a certain degree.

- No family dramas please. If your parents/siblings, grandparents don’t like me, that’s your business. Dump my ass before it gets serious.

- ABSOLUTELY NOOOO “lets settle in (location) and start a family there. I like being able to move around the globe freely.

- golden showers or anything excrement related play. I’m all for kinky play but I refuse to have someone drop a turd on my head.

Azura_88 · Answer

NO lies, no secrets
No flirting or breaking of trust in any form.
No babies. I am the priority HERE! Babies are just a byproduct.
No half ass love
Shouldn't be below average looking because he won't have any options so he'll stay loyal because of that I don't want to do charity work. I wanna know if he can be good looking and loyal then I'll know he's for REAL.
No bad or shady past
Should be a virgin or had sex with NOT MORE THAN 1 GIRL.
No inconsistency
Shouldn't value his freedom more than a relationship (if he does then he's just here to use me).

thimmslicc · Answer

-in contact with exes. Old co workers count. Or anyone you've were/optional interested in.

- mamas boy.

- bad family history of abuse (drugs, alcohol, etc)

-insecurity.

-bad hygiene.

-bad temper.

-shorter than 5ft8" (would like to feel smaller than you.)

-no skinny boys. No fat boys.

-broke & cheap mentality.

-give me full attention when it is needed&wanted.

-faithful & loyal

-cocky but polite with it. (Competitiveness)

-no kids.

-independently smart with common sense.

-no flirting & being too nice with every female.

- Will add more when I can think of it.

Rosegold020 · Answer

A non negotiable for me is speaking up. If someone is doing something I dont like I'm going to let ir be known. I won't just sit there and take it. While some people prefer to be talked to in a pleasant way that doesn't always work for me. If they are being an asshole they will be called out on what they are acting like especialy if talking to them regular isn't seeming to register.

silvermoon84 · Answer

No sex on the first date
non-christians (sorry but my faith is a big part of my life, so it’s important to me)
criminal records, with exception to minor offenses like traffic violations
Neediness/clinginess
Not supporting my lifestyle choices
Lying
Entertaining/fucking other girls behind my back
history of cheating
Thinks women should be seen and not heard
drug users/substance abusers

Phoenix98 · Answer

No open relationships

Exclusive only

No cheating of any kind

I'm not being a secret partner if we can't be public then I can't be with you.

If marriage and kids aren't a possibility in the future then that's a deal breaker.

Fighting and drama kept to a minimum.

No alcohol around me and if you want to drink do it away from me.

No drugs.

Being cold and indifferent, I have no desire to be with someone like that and that kind of personality and attitude just irk me for some reason.

Clear communication especially regarding issues or problems is a must.

Those would be some of my non negotiables.

Cathy7734 · Answer

I won't date a narcissist. Someone who is self-absorbed and self-centered. I won't date someone who won't take responsibility for their own actions.

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

1. Has to be cute af female human person thingy within my country (USA).
2. Has to be an atheist who loves science and nature.
3. Has to not want kids.
4. Has to be std free.
5. Has to be completely drug free (including alcohol)
6. Has to like what I like (anime/cartoons, comics, superheroes, robots, sci fi, fantasy, dinosaurs, aliens, bugs, monsters and cats).
7. Has to be kind, clingy, overly affectionate, and monogamous.
8. Has to be random and silly.
9. Has to be an artist.
10. Has to be a hardcore gamer who loves difficulty.

Splatzonelover1 · Answer

Some people think I am easy to get in a relationship or be used but not. If you cheated on past experiences then I will just regject you on spot, cheating is on my blacklist , no open relationship, no sex on first date , no not force me of gult trip , these are also blacklist.. not having same iinstersted , not having same value. And if you not a Virgin I will not date that guy. Guys that I do not have learning disabilities I will also not date.

CisySpacex · Answer

Covid status. You wouldn't believe how many people who have/had covid are on dating apps now!!! BUT better to be upfront about it than lie, for sure! But a non starter with me. Also, being too cool for masks and hand washing.

GirlyGal20 · Answer

- no cheating, - time together, kids in the future, sex after commitment, and he should be nice and somewhat attractive.

PaynefulPleasures · Answer

✌️😎

ShadezMcgee · Answer

No hard drugs, no cheating or open relationships, clear communication, values and future goals, narcissist, lying, tries to have me cut out friends and family.

serious · Answer

For me the standards are very strict, both physical beauty and inner personality are equally high. There are lots of non-negotiables and things that are unacceptable to me. It is quite a long list.

However, it doesn't matter because I never wish to be in LOVE. I never wish to date and have relationships. One of my objectives in life is to remain single till death.

MCheetah · Answer

Dating and Relationships:

- No feminists/far-leftists.
- No Bisexual/queer (gay) partners.
- No open relationships or polyamorous creeps.
- No abuse in any way, shape, or form.
- No transwomen (men).
- No non-singles or cheaters.

In Life and Friendships:

- No (really, really) stupid people/idiots.
- No political radicals or extremists, no far-leftists/woke people.
- No smokers or drug users (tobacco, marijuana, vaping, cocaine, heroin, or others).

AddictedGirl · Answer

No third person No cheating  No lie No drama Dishonesty  No respect  These are my non negotiables. Otherwise i can deal with other stuff.

NathanDavis · Answer

"quit" your close friends, -because I'm that insecure- (implied) <<<<< I just can't do that.

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