Clueless? Not thoughtful? Different love languages?

[guest2625]

Hi so I've been seeing this guy for like 5 months and although we've gone on dates (and he's paid), he hast bought me flowers or small gestures that he thinks of me.

flowers are literally like $10
he knows i love flowers but still nothing?

im triggered because my ex never got me any gifts, birthdays, Christmas, flowers, anniversaries, etc and he did not care about me. i dont think this means my love language is gift giving but just show me you care and think of me

this new guy didn't get me anything for my birthday and hasn't gotten me flowers either, is he just clueless? does he not care about me? should i tell him something or just say whatever and buy my own flowers?

[PeacefulRainDrop]

Its a hard call on this one... there's a few situations that could be going on that I see

1. he's broke.. he loves you but is starting small showing his affection cause he might thing he always has to get something better than last year. So he's getting rid of his debt first since intense demands might come on later in the relationship. he's thinking ahead.

2. he's saving up for a ring for you. Paying one off I dunno depends on how long youve been dating or how comfortable you guys are around each other. I dont need the answers you know.

3. Does he say he loves you on a consistent basis? Does he not just say it but show you through his actions.. also that doesn't mean just buying gifts!!! Does he try and get things fixed that broke on you? If your not sure how to handle something is he a listening ear and a non judgmental sound board that helps you come across a solution?

4. Some guys think flowers are pointless dont understand the need for them!!

5. He might not care... he might think if she wants flowers she can go buy them herself. Might be afraid of picking out the wrong ones.

6. He might be allergic

7. He might be from a family background that doesn't believe in gifts

8. He might be upset with you over something so he's being spiteful therefore he didn't get you a gift.

9. He might be unhappy in the relationship and want you to break up with him.

10. He might think you dont want him you only want his money so he's testing you.

11. He might have forgotten it was your birthday or restricted on getting you a gift cause of covid.

there's probably more things it could be your best option is to sit him down cook him dinner his favorite meal with candle light.. Ask him how his day was? Let him know something is troubling you. Say how its bothering you he didn't get you a birthday gift (by the way if your birthday is today it might be still coming) It even upsets me even more I spent over $100 on you and you can't even give me a card? I want to know why? Are you upset? Did I do something wrong? Are you happy in this relationship? Let him speak.. dont cut him off and say no that didn't happen! ( I always remembered two people can fight looking at a 9 and both be right.. one can say its a 9 the other say its a 6 and you know what? They are both right.. it depends at the angle you look at it.) So listen to him fully dont jump in and correct anything you feel is wrong.. this his version of how he feels.. let him feel it try qnd understand it. When he's done hug him and thank him for opening up say you know I am not after gifts its just the principle of gift giving on a birthday and especially cause im your girlfriend when I didn't get one I was disappointed. If its a miscommunication issue say I didn't feel the same about that event.. to make sure I understand how you feel and then try and sum up what he just told you. He will say yes exactly or correct you in places of he does just answer ahh I understand more clearly now and then say this is how I felt in that situation... cause you could rack your brain all day its a lot better going to the souce I dont think your going to figure this one out without that if you guess you cpuld get it wrong.. feel like a fool for example if you think he doesn't love you and he's planning a proposal.. also expecting a proposal when he wants to break up.. best things is too ask him

[zagor]

I'll assume you mean "hasn't" and not "hast", which sounds kind of Shakespearean.
Some guys - like me - think flowers are a waste of money. I mean, they're the sex organs of plants. What would you think if he showed up with a bouquet of goat penises? Is he showing he cares for you in other ways? Can he afford nice gifts? I think you need to look at the whole picture. And of course make sure he's not just looking at the hole picture...

[spartan55]

So, what have you done for him?

[guest2625]

bought him a birthday gift worth over $100, usually when we dine out he pays which is not often but if we pick up food or get take out i get it (which is 80% of the time), i make food for him, i drive over sometimes, thats some of it from the top of my head, so why am i not getting flowers

[guest2625]

i get the take out/pick up food*

[spartan55]

I assume he has a job/money?

[guest2625]

yes! he does and although he makes time, im just assuming he isn't thoughtful? but i would assume if you're interested in someone you would be so?

[spartan55]

He just seems to have problems showing his feelings for you. How old is he?