How do you deal with an emotionally unavailable woman?

Question

I have been talking to a woman for a little over 3 weeks and we hit it off really strong, she recently pulled away and said she can't date anyone cause of her emotions.

When we talked about it she told me she likes me so much but is afraid she can't give me what i need and that wouldn't be fair to me, i told her i dont care all i need is her but she is cemented on the idea i will leave her.

How do i deal with this, she won't work at my job anymore so im afraid i would lose contact with her and end up losing her aswell.

Anyone been through something similar that can give me advice on how to ease her while also respecting her decision?

PeacefulRainDrop · Accepted Answer

she's hurt she's damaged from what life has forced upon her. she's had guys lie to her so she can't believe your words you have to show her by not demanding her to be your girlfriend but to just be there for her emotionally (not sexually yet might be apart of her trauma ex. If she's been told she's horrible in bed or her body isn't perfect that no man will ever want her) She has triggers she can't explain weather that be a random song that comes on in public and she just gets up and leaves or doesn't go certain places cause of memories.. so if your somewhere and she takes off follow her slowly dont ask whats wrong just ask if she needs a hug... if she's anything like me growing up with abusive parents didn't choose great boyfriends at the beginning... dated to please everyone else.. I was numb didn't feel anything and was determined to please my parents... I was told as a child when I cried do you want me to give you something to cry about everything was always my fault no one would listen to my side of the story.. but I didn't see it as abuse until recently because it was the only love I knew.. I thought I had love figured out.. that love fades it doesn't last forever if it does its control fighting and yelling.. Some people today aren't interested in building with the same person when troubles arise. They just find someone new so its hard to keep believing in love when guys just say what they want to just get in your pants.. so she has some skeletons in the closet.

HollyK21 · Accepted Answer

I’ve been this woman at different instances in my life, and all I can say is that in a way, you’re playing yourself by holding out hope for her, and it’s also a bit selfish. What you’re asking for help with from this community, which is essentially how to change her mind, is only beneficial to you and what you want. When she’s flat out saying that she can’t be a girlfriend or date right now, rather than accept her decision and move on, you just see it as an obstacle to surpass when it’s probably far more complicated than that. It takes a good amount of past trauma to make someone emotionally unavailable. Lucky for you, she’s honest about this rather than dragging you along, making you think patience is the answer when deep down she knows she can’t give you what you want. It would suck a lot if she were that person, but she’s not. Moral of this is, put your personal feelings for her aside, understand that she is telling you her mental state is not where it needs to be in order to be a girlfriend, and move on. It’s the most fair outcome for you both, even if you don’t want that, it isn’t just about you, dude.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

You accept that she’s just not into YOU and move on. There are multiple people anyone can be happy with. But if she’s not into you the relationship will always be lopsided and eventually she will cheat on you and ultimately dump you. Move on. You cannot compel a female to be attracted to you. It sucks when you’ve invested a lot of time and sucks worse if you’ve invested a lot of money in trying to woo her but consider it the cost of an education. If you get the hint and move on easily and with dignity you might even run into her a year or so later and she might see you with new eyes. Women sometimes need to sew wild oats first or maybe she needs to concentrate on academics right now. But whatever it is, at least for right now - she values it much more than you. I know it’s not what you wanted to hear. But 51% of people have vaginas so eventually you’ll meet a woman who wants you and that is paradise -

perssy · Accepted Answer

Yeah may be it's like that for many women who are really emotional cold may b bcz not being loved before or had broken and change th attitude towards the people

But In your case if she is saying that to leave her don't leave her bro , bcz she is saying that bcz she don't wanted you to hurt bcz she care for your, don't leave her stuck with her like shadows she will be opened up to you step by step , don't expect stupid things from her like you know , respect her , make her smile and laugh , may be she will ingnored you sometime time but be her bro she will be your 😉

AmandaYVR · Answer

Then tell her you'd still like to keep in contact and get to know her as friends. For many girls, that's how their relationships start.

Sebass620 · Answer

I'm was on the same situation as you, but one day I just felt tired of feeling that nervousness and uncertainty of the future, that feeling can fuck your mind if you feel it for a long time. So at that moment I just wanted to feel good with myself again, I didn't wanted to feel so fucked up anymore, so I called her and told her I just wanted to feel good with myself and we acknowledge that bringing to the present feelings of the past isn't healthy, so at the and we agreed that I will give her time and space for her to overcome her emotional issues, and hope that at the future we can be just friends again, once she were emotionally stable. I think that's the best thing for both of you brother, just let her heal and look after yourself.

crazy8000 · Answer

Don't bother.
Unavailable people must take themselves out of their own way. not others.
Waiting around or any other thing's is a waste of your life.
Personal would I put her in friendzone and treat her that way without benefits or making stuff for her. seeing others and date.
If she takes herself out of her own way she will show it by trying to make me her partner. if she tries make it hard and show her I have hard time taking her seriously. if she gives up she wasn't really that much into me for something longterm for the right reasons.

akvalleygirl · Answer

She's trying to protect herself from fear or guilt? She's probably been cheated on before, or possibly cheated on her past boyfriends and doesn't want that repeated. She might not feel deserving of your care and attention or she may just have trouble trusting? Or she just might be trying to let you down easy and honestly isn't that into you. That stings, but it's better to know sooner than later. Good luck!

rjroy3 · Answer

"but is afraid she can't give me what i need"

Sadly she's not that into you. At some point you came across as too serious than she is ready for and she's not attracted to you enough to act on it.

The way to deal with her is shift your focus elsewhere. Keep a positive vibe for sure. But you have to dial back the seriousness by 10. Girls only say things like that if they feel you bring too clingy for a relationship or something serious when she feels she barely knows you

alex199123 · Answer

I hope you made the right decision because I was in a similar situation where I tried to be friends and her true colors started to show and she was toxic and I'm left hurt. I shouldve moved on the second she said she was emotionally unavailable but I didn't know what that meant. Move on to someone else people like this need professional help, they always find themselves in toxic relationship. They push the good ones away because they can't let go of the past then the one person they settle with hurts them so its a continuous cycle that never ends of being hurt

TwinkleLily5 · Answer

I’ve been this type of women myself, don’t waste your time. I’ve did tons of guys like this not to hurt them intentionally but I was just not ready. If you really like her don’t be to pushy. Give her time and space but remain in contact, don’t be to friendly with her or she will friendzone you and you won’t stand a chance 9/10.

jshm2 · Answer

Son, ditch that drama ass, and save yourself the hassle. You want a relationship, not a mental health project.

She's probably one of those "fear to start" types. They're hard work as you have to jump through hoops to gain their trust. but any small thing could "break" it for them. Such people are never worth the emotional stress.

Miristheiss · Answer

I don't think I would be happy with someone like that.
Since there over 3.5 billion women on the Earth and I have lots of options and wouldn't want to settle with a situation I'd be unhappy in and since I've only been talking to her for 3 weeks... I would just keep looking and date someone else.

Kaamraj · Answer

She has given you an answer, that she's not available for a relationship with you. Now whether it's you or her, meaning she's just like that or she's just not into you now is only known to her. Best thing you can do is move on and don't waste your time. You've already wasted three weeks.

Angelo75 · Answer

Well be ready for a rough ride.
She's got issues.
IF her issues are related to another guy, just RUN forest RUN. Or you'll be the rebound guy.
IF her issues are depression/anxiety/etc... well try to find out which of them and decide how to act further.

Either way, just start by knowing she's not gonna be an easy relationship.

garykingg · Answer

Dating is just a zero sum game.
Learn to be alone and be happy without women.
Work on yourself, your purpose and your legacy. Forget women and their emotions.
Don't waste the most valuable currency you have right now. Time. Spend it well and wisely.

Your older self will thank you.

pleasestopthis · Answer

I'm like her: walk away. People always try to sweet talk others into doing things even after being warned. You "only need her" now, but you'll probably figure down the road that what she is willing to give is not enough.

Anonymous · Answer

You should move on and forget about her. When a girl says she is not ready for a relationship again is because her heart has still someone else in it so you beimg there will just make the feeling for him get stronger because she will start to compare and you will end up losing anyway. If you like her so much you should stay away completely until she forget him and is ready to date.

MzAsh · Answer

Well, first this not not what it typically means to be “emotionally unavailable.” Secondly, I think she’s full of shit and just doesn’t want any to tell you she’s not feeling it with you.

ThatNoUVAtYourEyes · Answer

You only find those if you are also stuck in some unresolved story. To find which and deal with it is a huge effort/very very difficult (depending on who screwed it up for you and why - typically it is your foster parents (of course no one was adopted...)

Khanqueror · Answer

You DON’T deal with her and move on. I am speaking from personal experience. I used to like a girl and held on to her for 7 years. She kept saying she is not ready for a relationship. 7 years later i found out she secretly had a boyfriend and fucked him.

Omario2049 · Answer

Q: How to deal with an emotional woman?
A: U don't!
Just by the way u sound in ur post I can tell u come off as desperate and will make her feel like she's the only girl u can get. WOMEN DON'T LIKE THAT AT ALL!!! She's probably freaking out thinking u're gonna kill her and wear her skin. U need to relax and calm ur hot ass down and play it cool. Make her feel like u don't NEED her and that u just want her.

foundational23 · Answer

Honestly you’re setting yourself up for a failed relationship. That relationship will probably mentally break you, but teach you some when it ends. It’s best to just be her friend. Pretty sure the best start offs are usually the worst ends. Just saying…

spartan55 · Answer

This is the same as the guy who tells a girl he "doesn't want anything serious" etc. She is telling you she is a potential psycho. Listen to her. Believe her. Don't think you make things different.

Username371 · Answer

sounds like she's cheating a lot.
women behave like this when she doesn't respect you as a man and have a more masculine dude to bang her properly (but that dude doesn't want relationship or is broke, that's why you still are in the picture)

Strayedsoul · Answer

I would say that you have been too nice. Turn up the "Bad Boy" factor a little bit... maybe go "I guess sex is out of the question" in a humorous way. Her response will define if it is what she said, or if she is just being too polite in her disinterest of you.

Massageman · Answer

Sounds as though she may had a big hunk of baggage in the past and is still trying to resolve that.

If you want to help her work through that, more power to you.
Personally, I would stay to move on. It's your choice, though.

Mofunfour20 · Answer

Never peruse a woman that has low interest in YOU. How would it even work out, move on. If she is your only option you should work on yourself

FilmGuy93 · Answer

Eh... you can try being friendly, but don't expect much. My ex was pretty unavailable emotionally, and it taught me a lesson to not date another emotionally unavailable woman.

DWornock · Answer

Look pay no attention to her reasons. Only her actions matter and her actions are telling you that she doesn't want you and is trying to let you down gently. Should she meet some hot guy that she wants, her actions will be completely different.

ToastyOats · Answer

Dump Her! Make sure she knows, that your, dumping her. It will be hard on you but you'll find someone else and she'll realize that she can't get anything from a guy that's looking for a wife but a husband!

KWill90 · Answer

Ignore her until she opens up. It'll drive her crazy and she'll let it all out. After that argument she'll be available.

Anonymous · Answer

That woman sounds like me and ik i am toxic. So run

One thing you can do is reassurance over and over. But for that ask yourself if this woman is worth it and if you really can see a future with her. If you looking for short term, don't

MoonStalker · Answer

Express the pain it's causing you. She might not have any idea.

hahahmm · Answer

Listen to what she said and move on. Stop being a simp.

supercutebutt · Answer

I'm afraid the only way to deal with the type of woman you have described is with your turgid penis.

cth96190 · Answer

Move on. Forget her. You are not her therapist.

es20490446e · Answer

Life is this easy, there is two kinds of people: the people that want the same as you, and the people that don't.

rcljr · Answer

Throw my worldly belongings in my tote bag, fire up the truck and hit the road.

DarkWinterNights · Answer

You don’t. You move on. No matter how much you like her you will be miserable with her. Trust me.

TheFlak38 · Answer

the usual female shit tests. dirty tricks and entitled behaviour. women want the attention of the whole world and refuse to give anything back.

WhiteWolf69 · Answer

I don't deal with them. Personally I want a woman who is emotionally available because I don't want to be the only one to be putting emotion to a relationship.

joeblow123 · Answer

Dump her. She's a headcase, Don't be captain save a ho just cut your losses and be rid of her.

Anonymous · Answer

Move on from her, she's too much of a coward to end things with you, she's hoping you'll do it for her. Find a real woman who has her life together and can communicate like an adult.

Hairylegs222 · Answer

There's a billion other women out there. Don't let just 1 get to you. Explore more fish in the sea.

Iron_Man · Answer

You find a woman that’s not an emotional wreck and is single

captain_voidwalker · Answer

like this

OddBeMe · Answer

As an emotionally unavailable man, I can say it’s not that we’re sociopaths. Opposite actually. We’re such empaths we’ve learned to walk it off.

In_Trance · Answer

This is a huge red flag and if you ignore it it's going to cost you dearly in the future. Walk away

Anonymous · Answer

You don't. This is a chick that is either: 1) not in to you, or 2) a total whackjob. Either way, you don't want to be there. Find someone else.

anylolone · Answer

Same way you deal with any emotionally unavailable person. It varies, a lot.

msc545 · Answer

This is easy - forget her. She is involved with someone else and isn't telling you about it.

Anonymous · Answer

Lol sounds like she friend zoned you.. She's not Worth your time, move on.

Anonymous · Answer

you don't. you walk away and tell her to go fuck herself

aqua0101 · Answer

She's not ready for a relationship. Move on.

EaterPeter · Answer

By becoming permanently unavailable for her.

Anonymous · Answer

I’d say you should have already moved on….

StunningANDbrave · Answer

Deal with other women are aren't unavailable

Jamie05rhs · Answer

You don't. You dump her.

ronaldo75 · Answer

YOU DONT. DONT. LET HER GO DUDE.

LoveIsFake · Answer

Treat her like an object and she will come around

Anonymous · Answer

How hard can you slap?

Anonymous · Answer

Get rid of her ass. She has other priorities

Anonymous · Answer

she's not interested...

How do you deal with an emotionally unavailable woman?

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