If someone has depression, should they refrain from dating?

[Flower7]

Yes

No

[KEC203]

I would say yes. In my opinion it made it worse.


I was depressed about two years ago. I met this guy started liking him and every time I was with him I was happy. It was like the only relief to constant misery. Well after six months of doing any and everything to be with or see him it didn’t work out. I was hurt and depressed 10x for six months. Hell I still haven’t started dating again and probably won’t for at least another year. About two months ago I was actually able to find a guy physically attractive again, but feelings no still terrified.

[Flower7]

Why didn’t it work out with that guy?

[KEC203]

Well long story short I liked him and wanted a relationship. He wanted friends with benefits. This happened when I was 16 (I’m 18 now) but I was just convinced he liked me for me how he was flirting and I basically lied to myself for six months. Than finally I couldn’t do it anymore emotionally and I confronted him and he told me he never wanted anymore than friendship or sex. I was extremely hurt since this was the first guy I really really liked and after six months of feeling really depressed I finally got over him. Which it has been a year and a half and I’ll be honest I still think about him time to time. But I graduate in May and honestly unless I meet someone I probably am going to wait until college to date.

[KEC203]

Also I left that a little vague. We never had sex but he wanted me to. Like he never pressured it but he told me he wanted to. I told him up front i was a virgin and my first time would be in a relationship with someone who wasn’t using me.

[Flower7]

It’s interesting that it took you 6 months to get over him. I’ve heard that however long a “relationship” lasts, it will take that same amount of time to recover from it. Your situation seems to be a perfect example of that. Because you said you were involved with him for 6 months.

[KEC203]

I’ve heard that too, but I never really thought about it. But in conclusion I just feel that the fact that I was depressed when everything started changed everything. I was already a 16 year old girl hoping for some fairy tale high school romance and he became the high in a low period. I portrayed all my happiness and hopes onto a guy who just wanted to have fun and when it didn’t work out I sunk. I sometimes try to look back and think of my mistakes. I’ve wondered was it all me or was it all him. In all honesty I put too much on emotionally and believed what I wanted. After thinking through it I will be honest he is partially to blame too because I know he knew how I felt and all he did was tease me and flirt or flirt with other girls in front of me and anything else to get my attention. One thing he would do would be talk to me one day and ignore me the next. It was extremely toxic and really played with my emotions. Afterwards I felt like I was desperate and pathetic but the truth was I placed all my happiness onto him and I felt he was the only person who could make me happy at that time. When in reality only I can make myself happy. Now being single and focusing on myself in the last year and a half I have grown for the better. But I honestly want to wait until I know I’m ready before I have feelings for another guy.

[Katebfun]

I believe so because dating is fun but also rejection hurts and you might cling or Like the wrong guy

[Flower7]

Dating can definitely be very painful!

[TruthBringer]

Absolutely!

Imagine holding a glass of water for 20 seconds - No problem.
Imagine holding a glass of water for 20 min - Your arm starts aching
Imagine holding a glass of water for 20 hours - Your arm becomes numb

The weight of the glass has not changed. But the effects on your arm were getting more and more serious. This is exactly the same thing with dating someone who suffers from depression. The longer you’re dealing with their mood swings and negativity, the more it will hurt you in the long run.

I have been there in the past and I regret it. NEVER AGAIN will I date a depressed person. Hurt people will always hurt people. I ended up in depression for 2 years after I ended my relationship with a chronically depressed girl who I’ve been with for 1.5 years. I’ve never had any problems and was always happy prior to the relationship. But that relationship had DRAINED ME. I’ve spent these 2 years single and wasn’t dating. I wanted to sort out my own issues and not bother someone else with it. Now that I’m over the depression caused by my ex, I am in a healthy & depression-free relationship with a wonderful girl.

Stay away from depressed people, no matter how cruel it sounds. ‘Happy’ people should seek out other ‘happy’ people. And those who are suffering from depression should sort out their issues before turning their lover into a daily personal therapist. Which is exhausting. People aren't obligated to give them something as personal as a relationship. Wish them the best, but don’t drown with them.

[GoldenAxer]

I think it tends to work out better to feel happy first on your own or maybe with friends. I don't think it's ever good to feel like you need a lover to feel happy. I think better is to feel pretty happy already with your friends, pursuits, hobbies, etc, and find a lover who makes you even happier.

[Flower7]

That’s good advice.

[GoldenAxer]

I sometimes relate it to "need" vs. "want" and addiction vs. moderation. If we feel like we "need" a lover to feel happy, we become dependent on them to feel normal like an addict to a drug, and the result usually isn't so much happiness as an unhealthy dependency that is prone to withdrawal symptoms.

It's like my turbulent relationship now with alcohol which I've grown a bit too dependent upon to avoid feeling bored at home, especially over COVID lockdown (something I'm improving upon and hoping to gradually overcome). Instead of seeing alcohol as a way to have an even better time, I've become somewhat dependent on it to even have a good one in the first place. I'm starting to almost need it, and I think to need in this way starts to become unhealthy.

I think it's a similar case with lovers.

[Flower7]

Right, I understand the difference.

[little_bird1]

Anything can cause a depression. And honestly we are all depressed, we are all suffering from something bad in our life. It depends what it is that is triggering the depression. If it's a non-existent love life (like in my case) then I think I should definitely date! The goal is to fix your depression, so if I restrain from it my non-existent love life will stay non-existent, but if I date then there is hope.

[Flower7]

I mean a situation when a person has chronic, lifelong depression.

[little_bird1]

Yes in that case too. Just because you have a condition doesn't mean you're not allowed/able to enjoy dating. Well if you don't enjoy it then don't date, but if you do then you should! In the end, it's not up to you to decide if you're dateable or not, it's up to them.

[Interstate]

Nobody should be punished from finding true love because of a mental health condition. The right person will stand by them and see them through it. I suffer from it through my Anxiety disorder. But I especially experience it as the initial "high" from my Adderall wears off. I try and take it regularly so the amphetamine doesn't have too much time to wear off.

But I digress.

[chrissykerdock]

actually giving oral sex can cure a girl of a depression... the cum itself has 7 components of treating depression... being on your knees and smiling to widen your mouth puts an instant smile on your face... giving oral is nothing to be ashamed of do it whenever you can.

[Jake99999]

Yes they should not date. You are not ready for a healthy relationship if you have a serious personal problem like depression. You won’t be your best self, your perspectives will be all off kilter, and it’s a lot to expect from someone you just met…to deal with all that. Your issue is going to mess it all up. Work on yourself, take the time to heal yourself, focus on yourself first - and then start dating.

[Pasiton5]

Only if she goes out with some one who is mature responsible caring have her situation in mind not push her to do anything against her will, the date should be, casual relaxed non threatening surroundings ever she's comfortable secure let the evening be pleasant joyous have patience if she wants to talk about her condition listen to her let her just t be respectful a gentleman

[DonkeyDan]

No not necessarily, but I would say that will depend at which stage of depression they are in an the cause of their depression. It can be quite healthy for some people to date and help with their depression, but they need to understand that they can't use the other person as an emotional crutch as that is a sure fire way of ending a new relationship. And that they have chosen to date for the right reasons, and that they are not doing it as a fix for their depression.

[Dragonpurple]

A good portion of people in the US suffer from Depression, should they also get on disability and avoid working until they are better? It isn't something people can just snap out of.

There is different kinds of depression too, victims of rape and vets suffer PTSD which can lead to major depression.

People who get laid off from work suffer from it, or lose a loved on. There is all kinds of triggers.

[RealMarek]

It depends on the circumstances, the nature of the depression, what the person is doing for treatment, and whether the treatment has shown any effectiveness.

[Starman5]

yes, because he/she may deliberately or unknowingly exhibit negative behavior towards his/her partner.

[Flower7]

That’s a good point.

[Rawkman]

Yes and no.. You focus on yourself first hunnie cause at cliché as it is it's true that no one else can love you before you love yourself but at the sametime depression can be a good thing because it's your inner self telling you it needs something.. It needs to recharge..

[Flower7]

Some people have chronic depression and it’s a lifelong problem.

[Rawkman]

And I would know because I have depression.. that's one of the reasons I know it's not just "being sad"..

[Flower7]

That would mean the signal to recharge would be there constantly. It doesn’t seem like anything could satisfy that.

[Rawkman]

Yeah, Gotta recharge regularly lol and sometimes I'm in a very good place and occasionally the depression is intense.. use to be more frequent

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

This is puzzling I think if someone is taking medication for their depression they may have a chance to date or be in a relationship it is hard to tell

[t-8900]

I found dating took away my depression. You need to find the trigger of the depression first and then come to a decision after.

[exitseven]

No, but if it is real, clinical depression, you need to tell her after a while. Keeping it a secret will not help anything.

[Jamie05rhs]

No. Because it doesn't matter. They won't be selected anyway, because people aren't attracted to depressed people.
(Not trying to be mean; that's just the way it is.)

[Yaharro]

You want someone to give you all kinds of support in your bad times so it's a best way to test your partner and see If they capable to be your perfect one

[Flower7]

I mean for someone single who has depression. Would it be best for that person to not even look for anyone to date? Like starting a NEW relationship.

[Yaharro]

I think if being single make you depress you should definitely reach out to someone I believe when you are depress you become more transparent about your feelings which helps building good connection between you and the person

[Jamie05rhs]

@Yaharro ^I think you're right.

[ChrisMaster69]

No definitely not lol.

As long as not too severe then dating can actually be a bonus.

[Jamie05rhs]

Unless it's a girl with low self-esteem. Because then she could pretty easily be taken advantage of by the guy that she's dating.

[Voulezvous]

As someone who has dealt with depression, I think its better to focus on yourself and overcoming it before thinking of dating.

[genericname85]

i think "not doing something because you're depressed" will reinforce your depression... but this seems like more of a medical question so maybe ask a professional.

[Wise4myage]

I think that would be wise, so they could focus on themselves.

[fwbss]

I want to give friends with benefits a shot. Up for some thrill?

[clampfan101]

Then they’ll just get more desperate over time.
The key is self control.

[Gwenhwyfar]

No! Dating can be very healthy.

[Flower7]

But wouldn’t they bring their partner down and be a burden? Like if they’re always talking about sad things?

[Gwenhwyfar]

It requires some self-discipline and empathy for your partner to date when depressed. But I’ve done it.

[Flower7]

Empathy is an interesting way to look at it. I guess it is necessary to imagine how the partner feels about it.

[Gwenhwyfar]

By empathy I mean knowing not to overwhelm your partner with your depressive moods.

[Flower7]

Yes, that’s what I meant.

[Jamie05rhs]

@Gwenhwyfar I agree with you. As long as you know how to manage your emotions, then you can still be a blessing to someone and they can be a blessing to you. It's all about channeling your energy into positive expressions of feelings and love. (I hope that makes sense.)

[Jamie05rhs]

Like, you can still be somewhat depressed inside, due to things you're dealing with personally. But you don't have to let that affect others.

[Gwenhwyfar]

@Jamie05rhs makes a lot of sense

[Jamie05rhs]

Thanks :)

[Sketti2021]

Depending on how bad it is

[Slim57]

Not im sure mostly everyone goes through it

[Flower7]

I mean clinical depression. Like a lifelong problem.

[Lonely888]

It really depends