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Red flag. He's young and I understand sometimes you can go through a lethargic/ party phase before moving on in life. But there's no guarantee he will move on. And I would definitely advise not being in serious relationships with guys like that. Only be in relationships with guys who have or are tangibly getting their sh*t together.
If you do, you could become very attached and that will make it hard to leave. The worst part is that losers/ guys who don't have their sh*t together in life can begin to manipulate their girlfriends into staying with them (especially if their girlfriends have their sh*t together). I've seen it many times. You don't want to be stuck with a deadbeat. Most men feel that they should be the breadwinners in a family or at least be financially better off than their female partners. Most females feel the same (this is proven). Men feel the anxiety of having a partner who is doing better than them in life way more than females do, because they intuitively think that a girl who has her shit together more than they do is "out of their league". Realistically, they probably would leave in most cases.
And then these deadbeat guys end up spending their energy into making their girl not leave them instead of bettering themselves to the point that they wouldn't feel nervous about that anymore.
This is a huge red flag. I'd seriously advise you to reconsider this relationship. You also need to ask yourself why you're even dating someone at this stage of your life. Are you dating for dating sake? In other words, are you dating just to say you're dating? Or are you dating for future intentions?
Trust me, I've known several friends (guys) that have had deeper personal issues than they led everyone to believe. Their problems prohibited them to hold a relationship, a job or healthy habits for themselves. I recommended a few of them to see a therapists about their issues. None of them ever did. To this day, many years later, they are down and out in life. I keep in touch with a few of them still and one suffers clinical depression.
I don't know the reasons why this guy can't hold a job but let's just say that it isn't a good sign. Where there is smoke, there is fire. Look for the fire.
As an added bonus. Check this video about the value and seriousness of dating with purpose.
That's a huge red flag? You've never seen someone who's 21 party a little too much and go through a phase?
You grossly misunderstood the post and my opinion. Please read with care and detail and always think through your process.
Here, let me help you a bit. The red flag is that he can't hold a job. I've had my phase of partying and many of my friends have too but we all managed to keep our jobs and steady income. Why, you might ask? Because we we had, and still do have, financial obligations and responsibilities to meet.
Partying isn't the red flag. Holding a job is.
I think that it is not OK. I mean if he is struggling with something or if he is having a problem that's why he doesn't work then it's OK but if he is fine and he doesn't work bcz he doesn't want to then nope. people shld not be that lazy. U said he goes out with his friends and works temporarily and complains. Well then that is a problem. You can't always be like all fun and no work. Life's not that easy or u won't get anything like that.
Maybe talk to him and ask why he complaints about his job or why he doesn't work hard or sincerely or properly... UK those stuff. If he gives a proper reason then see what you want to do but if he gives vague answer or not a satisfying answer then think about it too. Ask all the question u feel like. IG that will help... A little.
Whatever it is just don't leave it like that. Confront him.
I have experience with this as well. I've been single for nearly a year now. I dumped my boyfriend of 6 months because he didn't do... anything. He talked about his dream career of being a professional athlete without lifting a finger to make it a reality. He never joined the service or got a job and I'm not sure he is continuing post-secondary school. After some attempts to help him better himself, I realized that he is a lazy bum that will never change.
To answer your question, I think it's bad if he's not doing anything with his life. My ex preferred to go out, drink, and have sex instead of work on moving out and working towards a career. I too am working while attending college, though I may drop out or just go for my Associate's. You're too good for him if you're that more ambitious than he is.
Opinion
63Opinion
It's not like back in the old days where you can go up into a store that has a help wanted sign fill out an application and you come to work the next day. Everything is computerized, some people are made to have jobs, I try applying to work at a laundromat for the past 2 years right across the street from my house, and the manager tells me that he will call me but he never did. Apparently the manager chooses the people he wants to work at the laundromat, regardless what their application says. If a fat chubby guy I try to apply for a job it's going to be cancelled, but a woman with perfect features is going to get approved to work at the job.
I live in California and have no issues with getting previously before that i lived in a racist city & got no work so if i were you i would find a place where blacks are thriving and get you a decent job instead of trying with bullshit people bro who ain't going nowhere in life being managers at a shitty low entry job for the rest of their life.
And you forgot to add did you are motivated you want things in life and you know what it's going to take to get it itchy when you start growing he's going to be sitting on that couch and you're going to grow and experience and want to experience and explore he's not going to go into as a matter of fact this is the start of it right now with you asking this question it's a way of you telling yourself I want more than this. You can only do what you can do for so long it is time for you to grow you're making an effort to become who you want to become in life he's not and you can't let anybody hold you back
Do you think it's a bad thing if he turns into a husband and you will have to go to work, pay for everything, and do most of the chores? Cause that's where this is heading. Unless he is looking for a job, (like actually looking and if he runs out of unemployment benefits willing to work minimum wage while he keeps looking type of looking) or going to school or doesn't need a job (wealthy, self employed and wealthy, owns a good business etc) ... he is a loser. You can keep him around if he makes your ego feel good but dont plan long term
It depends why he doesn’t is he between jobs is he going to school and focusing on school is he already rich is he disabled or does he just want to be a bum and thinks you are going to pay for everything? I promise you this there’s a couple of things you can’t fix in a guy and laziness tied for number one right there with stupid. You might think you can fix it or maybe he’s just burned out and needs to recover. I can say this if he’s younger than thirty and he’s already burned out then I’d be worried especially if it goes on for more than a couple of weeks before you see he’s at least trying to find a job and he should be working by three months at the most or you’re probably wasting your time unless you want to support a guy who wants to mooch off you or live off his parents his whole life
You are definitely not a match you have different goals in life he’s just going to drag you down you need to just dump him and find a man that has the same drive as you. Someone that you can build a future with
Depends on why he acts like that. If he's just lazy and lacks work ethic, it's a bad sign. However, if he's struggling with his mental health I'd do my best to support and help him, but only if he actively works on getting better or at the very least doesn't sabotage himself.
I'd be okay with him not working if it's something we agree upon, but not as a default.
You have a kind soul 😇
Depends on his current situation. If there’s no physical impairments holding him back... then, I’d start to question the length of time he’s been unemployed. If it’s been for far too long and he’s showing no intent of doing something with himself and he refuses to accept an extra push from people around him then it’s a lost cause.
That is called "a mooching motherfucker" or more formally "a fucking parasite"
Bag that shit up and kick it to the kerb, bill him for the expenses if he complains. Also, get a restraining order as them kind be worse than spunk on the mink, to get off.
It depends on how old the boyfriend is I guess... If he's between 16-21 y/o and is deciding to focus on school instead and gets really good grades then I'd be more okay with it. If he's not in school and is just sitting at home all day every day then I definitely would not be okay with that.
I've never been someone to casually date, so not having a job would tell me that he wasn't interested in providing and that he isn't a go getter... I am a go getter and I've never been okay with not having a job for myself and I like my partners to have similar ambitions
All adults should have a job if they are able bodied unless it’s agreed by both parties that it’s ok for you not to work and they’re ok with being the sole provider. I know a guy who expected his girlfriend to take care of him and pay all of the bills because she made 3x as much money as him. It became a big problem in their relationship and they broke up.
It could very well be a bad thing but then again it depends if they're an excellent student and very well focused I can excuse them not having a job temporarily while they get to school especially if they have a good family that's helping them sometimes focusing on education can be a full-time job but if they're not even applying themselves to an education and they're just lounging around then no that's not a good thing forget that drop it leave
Depends. If he just had a job and (for whatever the case may be) no longer works there, that’s not bad.
If he goes extended periods of time without one, problem.
If he fills applications, and makes an effort to get a job, not so bad but questionable.
i was working at his age. Only reason I'm not in the workforce currently is because i became disabled. But my girlfriend is pushing me to be my best self. If you can't get him to rise to the occasion out of his love for you then he's not worth the time
Yes ma’am. It’s a bad thing not having a job as a woman as well. You have to get your stuff together before getting into a relationship because if you don’t have base 1 put together then you just can’t jump over to base 2. It’s a lack of maturity. Hope he’s at least in college and has aspirations of some sort. But know your self worth girl 💖✨
No. Some people even are happy to have that arrangement. Some may insist on some household chores or helping about the home. You know. And the wealthier ones maybe are happy just to have a trophy husband who goes to gym and beach all day while she brings home the bacon every working day so to speak.
Sounds like he is a slob.
Or lacks the proper motivation.
Sit him down and ask him if he wants to be the man of the house or should you get him a dress?
Just talk to him and tell him it's not okay for one partner to work while the other just chills.
If he doesn't improve then just leave, not a great idea to waste your own life aswell.
Only if he's a useless couch potato. If he's not gonna work, he better be prepared to cook, clean, do the dishes and take care of the kids while im at work providing. Oh and ill want him to at least not get mad when i tell him to make me a sandwich.
How old is he? When I first got with my boyfriend he didn’t have a job. But after we made our relationship exclusive he was motivated to get a job so that he can create a better life for the both of us. So, from my level of understanding and experience I would think that if a guy really wanted better he would do better. Your boyfriend might just be lazy and yes I think it is a bad thing.
Of course it is. He sounds like a good for nothing lazy bum. As someone said he must be good in bed for you to bother yourself as most would've kicked him to the curb by now.
The exception to this is if he is injured or on disability. But personally he sounds like a deadbeat loser whose parents probably spoiled him & who knows nothing about the real world.
Only if he can't support himself. There's times I'm out of work, but I live off of my savings. I don't expect women to take care of me or worry about my situation.
As long as I pay my own bills and take her on dates she shouldn't ask. lol.
Well, I don't really care if he has a job but what is important is that he is willing to work and that he is searching for a job.
Honestly, I don't think a guy would like to maintain me and I wouldn't like to maintain him either.
Lazy.
I work full time (start of work day at 6:30 am and ending my work day at 4:30 pm) and am going to college online, completing 21 units this semester.
Depends on their situation. Before the pandemic, I'd say it was a bad thing, unless they were a trust fund kid who didn't need a job. During the pandemic, that's a much trickier question. It all depends on why they don't have a job.
It sounds like you are of a higher maturity level than him. Not saying he is a bad guy, but he hasn't reached a point in life where he has taken on much responsibility.
He cheated on you. Fuck that guy, if he cheated on you once he’ll do it again. Get the fuck out of there. I know it’s hard but you got this!
Even if he's inherently wealthy, I'd prefer him having an occupation.
Worse if he's broke or poor.
T here are people that just are not motivated to do anything with their lives. He most likely will not change. Date this guy if you want but dont; expect him to change.
Yes a woman needs a man to provide for her. If he can’t find a job and is looking for one don’t fault him for that. If he’s not looking and is lazy then dump em for a real man
It's certainly not a good thing. You really didn't know this?
I’m not so bothered that he doesn’t have a job I’m bothered that he complains and quits every job that he starts.
Yes, we wouldn't be compatible, and he would be bored with me, because I spend a lot of time on my studies.
every adult should have a job.
if ur boyfriend doesn't then you should move on. he has no intention of growing up anytime soon.
Yes unless they are actively pushing towards their goals such as somebody that is in school or building a business
It’s your fault if you allow it. You would be an enabler.
However if you enjoy giving free money and ass away… I could always use some extra of both lol
It is a problem.
Let me be clear if he was actually trying to get a job, then no problem. But from what you say he isn't. So you have a big problem in hands.
He needs to grow up and start making moves. He's still young enough to change.
Yes because he should be able to rake care of himself.
It depends on the situation. Does he have personal goal and is he proactive in them?
Yes. Don't you? How's he gonna pay for all his shit? And yours?
On update...
You picked a loser.
since I'm on disability, i worry women will see me as a jobless loser who isn't worth dating :/
That's another situation entirely man. There are women who are willing to date people who are on disability, don't get discouraged.
The problem i run into is when women hear I'm on disability instead of working like abled body/minded people do, they tend to become completely disinterested in any kind of possible relationship, or interest in me whatsoever TT_TT
Don't worry about that, there are lots of people like that in life, wanting to reap as many benefits as possible but barely want to put in any efforts. It's best to avoid such relationships
Women love men who can't or don't want to work. For them it gives them purpose to take care of their man child.
where i'm from both the guy and girl need a job, i've never been unemployed for over a month since I was 16
Apparently many , since nothing is getting done, place you eat are closed for inside dining , no workers
Well today yea it is bad, simply because their are plenty of places to work
Why is it that women demand a man do something besides sleep and fuck her yet a man will take a woman who only does that
But you must have fall for his personality, sense of humor, kindness etc.
You don't care about money, looks, status. You only care about good heart.
So what's the point of asking this question?
I work with about 8 teenagers and everyone else is in their 20s. I’m not in school but I have a job
Yes, unless homemaking or taking care of kids, etc. We all need to contribute.
Yes, that's a bad indicator, especially for a younger person.
That is a problem, you may want to try talking to him about it.
This is a terrible thing. Get a boyfriend that is an adult and behaves like one.
It's only a bad thing if he keeps asking you for money and asking you to pay for things.
Depending if it is long time or short term thing and Is looking for work
it depends on the situation. does he search? do you live with him? how old is he?
We brokeup once because he cheated on me but we are back together again and no we don’t live together but I have a job and I’m in college but he doesn’t have a job or anything I’m 19 almost 20 and he’s 21 almost 22
If he doesn't have job you should probably maim him
i bust my ass doing side hustles and investing i don't rely on a 9-5 job or a paycheck from an employer
when i was out of work for 2 or 3 months i had an ex who bitched her ass off because i wasn't working and when i asked her how many jobs she's had in her life she immediately shut up. and when she tried saying she babysits her niece and her mom pays her i remind her that's not a real job because she's not getting a real pay check or making real cash on her own without her family giving it to her. and when her mom heard that she and her dad made her get off her ass and get a job. after that she was pissed off at me to no end. then i got a friend overseas who's 47 and refuses to work. the lazy bum has been out of work for over 7 years now two when he was in the US and five while he's overseas.
and when i remind the lazy bum what's going to happen when he comes back to the US and has no place to go and no job or what happens when his mom aunt and uncle kick the bucket how will he afford the taxes on the house he's in and the electricity water sewer phone and other expenses that will pile up and he shuts up after that and starts saying i know i know.
Yes, if he can't keep a job he probably won't be able to support a family.
I think that some guys are living free and they become alcoholic or drug addicts. I would stay away
It depends A LOT how old he is…
Sounds like you are dating a bum.
Depends n the situation
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