Have you become less sociable during, the last 2 years? How do you deal with it?

Question

i will tell you about my situation and maybe it will help you post whats on your mind.

I am an introvert, but i am quite a social one. Never had a problem talking to people or spending a lot of time around other people, but wouldn't go out of my way to strike a conversation with random people.

Around 3 years ago i started dating seriously and i thought i was getting better with how to go about it and feeling more comfortable. and as you can guess, i didn't have a significant amount of experience with the physical side of it. I can count on two hands the times i have talked to a girl. last time i even talked to a girl i was interested in was march of 2020.

now i think i developed a mental berrier that repels me from making any kind of contact, even to the point that i sometimes feel pressure in my chest thinking of certain situations. last month was even a situation where i literally froze in place by the thought of talking to a beautiful girl i saw at a wedding.

i don't know how to go back to normal. I don't have any women at work or otherwise that i can talk to and get used to female company again. finding strangers through apps just ignites the stress and i end up forcing the conversation and driving it into an awkward place or just ghosting them. not to mention that my humor just vanishes in those situations. i thought about creating a facebook group or something that just let people talk 1 on 1 but i don't think people will feel comfortable with that since the internet is filled with creeps.

it is even more infuriating that all my friends are engaged or married and i am stuck at the highschool stage. and im sure that that self hatred just drives me further away from a healthy place...

do you have a similar problem?
any advice to me and other people on how to get out of this situation?

Naxwi · Accepted Answer

I don't think I've become more or less sociable during the pandemic but I do feel much more at ease with social interaction now than before. I'm definitely an introvert at heart as well and I get why this is a problem that can be all too difficult to unfold.

There are a couple of things I notice from reading what you wrote that keep you preoccupied and make interactions stressful.

The first might be that you really try your best to have some form of control over your interactions (I sense this in: trying to get 'normal', losing your personality/humor in first interactions and in the fact that you don't follow through with your facebook group idea because of how it might be perceived and the fear it won't make someone feel comfortable) while that might not be a very realistic or healthy way to view it. We don't need to like everyone and not everyone needs to like us, you know this, so don't rule yourself out trying to solely accommodate for someone else.

The second is that I notice a lot of shame. Shame from past experiences and not being where you want to be in life/romance (or where you think you are supposed to be (highschool classmates etc)). If you always feel like you're miles behind it isn't strange that it causes a ton of stress, it's actually quite logical because you're trying to make up for lost time. I urge you to let go of the shame because it doesn't help you in the now/future and from what I can tell you tried your best to the best of your knowledge so far, so don't punish yourself.

I'm willing to discuss these if you've got any questions by the way

bredtaleth · Accepted Answer

When I was in the final classes of primary school in Denmark (aged around 15-16), I was hopelessly in love with a girl, but didn't really know how to express it. I wrote poems and all kinds of stuff that would skirt around actually taking action on my feelings. So, it was all pent up, and this was a pattern that repeated itself later.

It sounds like you have trouble of viewing yourself as a social person, and in your mind, only a social person would hit on a girl. So, you try to place yourself in that "groove", but unless you hit the right rhythm or the right circumstances, you will feel that you're just not the right guy and that it's not your thing.

Trust me; it's all in your head. So, I only have one piece of advice, which annoyingly is: Just do it. Go out there, make a fool of yourself. Don't be afraid to be awkward. When you open up, other people open up. So, put yourself out there, or nothing will happen.

Finding strangers through an app sucks, and I would obviously advice on a different alternative if you can find one. However, if not, it might be the way forward. Don't chat for too long, get out there meeting people and try to get comfortable with it. Once you meet the other person, it's really no worse than meeting someone in a bar, only, they're just there for you.

The_Maphio · Answer

Never been a socialite, personally. I take time to vet everyone I meet, and most often than not I end up losing interest in the person pretty fast. As such, I have a rather restricted conclave of people around me, for whom I'd give an arm and a leg if deemed necessary.
Two years of forced isolation didn't change any of that.

Mikeysoda · Answer

Yes i have and it wasn't because of covid. Mainly because of how busy and focus I became on my work. Now that i have a different less stressful job... i am able to give more time to friends and being more intentionak on keeping up with them

Exterminatore · Answer

Yep. I have become profoundly asocial. I just avoid people as much as possible. I don’t even know why I’m on here anymore.

Ryfyle · Answer

I have never hated society more than now. I hope things get hopelessly worse, Hell's to good for us.

Anonymous · Answer

i dont like the human race much  gonna have to get rid of most of them in the end  they have forgotten the king

Waldoe · Answer

I am less sociable, I am just alone all the time

jimmy2 · Answer

Get that pressured out from heart to dick

Avicenna · Answer

No, not at all

In_Trance · Answer

No, more

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