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I work midnights. Most women don't seem to even want to give dating a try just because I won't be available all day on weekends. Kind of ridiculous. I am getting up around the time most day shift people are getting off work. I am off every Friday, Saturday and Sunday. So on Sat, Sun and Monday, I am up anywhere between noon and 2pm. When I was on day shift, I always slept in until at least 11am if not noon.
But frankly I was so sick of online dating that I haven't even tried dating in the last 2 years. It has been 5 years since I was actively trying to date. Over the last 5 I just get online once in a while, which ends up in a few of those "lets meet for drinks" dates and that is it.
I was with my ex-wife 25yrs. I never lived on my own when I was young, going from living at home to living with her. So I am very much enjoying being by myself. I can eat what I want, when I want. Watch what I want, when I want. Do what I want, when I want. I am not sure I will bother dating again.
Confusion and uncertainty
Well, a few of the main reasons I don't want to date are:
1. I'm asexual and not a fan of any sort of sexual physical touch, and that's a requirement of almost every relationship.
2. I love living alone, and a relationship that eventually turns serious would most likely put a damper on that.
3. I'm really content being alone and enjoy my life as is, and I'm just not sure a relationship would improve it. If anything, I think it would make me less happy, considering I require plenty of alone time and feel smothered easily, as well as the reasons listed above.
Struggle to connect with someone. They could have all these amazing qualities, but if that something just doesn't click I wouldn't find them sexual attractive
Opinion
91Opinion
I am in a relationship, but my answer would be: trying to read the other person. People are rarely completely straightforward, honest, forthright, about their intentions and what they're feeling. Which is partly understandable because it takes time to get to know each other. But for several months at least, there is a lot of guesswork, and that can be frustrating.
About 20 years ago, I made the conscience decision not to date American women, instead only dating primarily east Asian women, only offering my attention to them. And since then, every 6 years or so I would put my toes in the water to see if things have gotten better and have they? No, they have not, in fact they've gotten progressively worse each time around. The only females that are available are the ones who are in their mid to late 30s who want me to be a father to their children or be their play toy behind their husband's back. And I've encountered too many American women who want a man to maintain their delusions, as someone who has is severely adverse to maintaining other people's lies, it's just not going to work for me.
And as an aside, something I've noticed about American women, unlike their east Asian counterparts, is when an American woman claims she wants to talk WITH someone she really means she wants to talk AT someone. Something I've noticed w/ American women is they talk AT people even when there's a gaggle of women together, they just talk AT people much like how a cat uses a scratching post. It's just an object to be used and abused until it's time to discard it. Talking WITH someone naturally implies that you have 2 willing participants that are actively engaging in the conversation.
It's mixed feelings, emotions.. or maybe just having emotions at all.
I wish i had Telepathy, so i could see into girl's minds to see what they want, so i can act accordingly.
My current situation with a girl:
It seems like she likes me, she wants me, she is talkative, she wants to meet up and everything.. Then she doesn't respond sometimes. Then i message her, and she doesn't reply for a few days. Then i think to myself.. have i messed up somewhere? Did i ruin everything with her in one single conversation? (One of our conversation recetly didn't go so well recently..) I know it's not advised to message her constantly, but to let her message you. This makes me think of her all the time, no matter what i do.. will she ever message me again, or did i screw up everything with her?
Some may say i'm overthinking, but it's so hard to not overthink everything, when you start to see something developing between you and her, which is rare. Online dating really sucks, even if you have her attention one day, she could've easily "met"(matched) with some other guy already, who she thinks is better then you, especially if you kind of messed up a bit somewhere with her.
Bitterness and resentment toward the female population as a result of experiences when I was much younger.
Women, as a collective, rejected me when I was young because they wanted sociopathic bad boys.
By the time that women were into their 30s they were hitting on me.
Women still make eyes at me and often.
Why should I take an extreme legal risk to provide a white picket fence and a retirement plan for someone who would have told me to FOAD when she was 20?
They can go back to the exciting bad boys in the welfare housing projects.
u it's just my own choice to remain single... not really a problem
but there's a main reason why, that's part of the situation as a whole...
because of the pandemia, the business has been struggling, and in order for me to deal with it, I do have to dedicate a lot of time, effort and attention to it... and, there can be a lot of stress and drama associated with
so, it would be kind of difficult to also have a relationship to maintain at the same time, which of course it can be done, and I know many people do it and I've done it myself time ago however... I just didn't feel like doing it this time
better times are ahead, -hopefully- and there will be better chances to give it all and more, to really have something more to dedicate into a relationship which is the way I like it anyway...
Initiating. I work a lot and my workplace is an overwhelmingly male dominated field. And I’m over nights. And I work 5-7 days a week… hobby wise. Fishing, hiking, family time, playing video games, watching movies, hunting, going out to the movies or to eat… not places you meet women.
Close second is lack of effort. Every interaction between a man and woman judged Almost legally now. Besides this the success rate of relationships is abysmally low as is the average quality of the women these days. I don’t want some hooker from onlyfans or some slut from the corner… I see no reason to exert effort for attracting something subpar that’s likely to fail and cost me thousands along the way.
Both sides are to blame for this but a severe lack of maturity, lack of patience, not knowing the meaning of loyalty, not being able to trust, selfishness, mental health issues, fast paced living, materialistic, lack of good communication skills, and growing up with bad or no role models. This has lead to poor dating potential and possibilities. I'm looking at women older than me now I think. Who understand life is about more in this world and who won't take me for granted.
Trauma.
More specifically, patterns of triggering and insecurity and fear which are unhelpful in all relationship contexts, including friendships.
Currently 'doing the work' - through talk therapy, craniosacral therapy, and yoga (especially yin & nidra) - in order to settle back into my body and out of my head, so as to properly be able to be open-hearted and vulnerable, and therefore to be able to love and be loved without fear.
I refuse to inflict myself on a partner, or especially future children, until I properly sort myself out.
I wish my mum had taken the same approach.
I absolutely hate the social rules women enforce on men.
I hated approaching but did because as a man in this misandrus culture the entire responsibility for starting any relationship was entirely mine.
Any missteps, awkwardness etc was entirely my problem.
And dating is expensive.
So I gave up and started to avoid women like most guys I know. I wanted a wife and children a partner not a demanding burden with ten tinder hookups waiting to trade up at the next opportunity.
Only the players and sociopaths still approach women , normal guys understand that it's inappropriate now and have become disgusted by the women in online dating sites.
Relationships between men and women are completely broken in the USA. Men should avoid women at this point. It's just not worth it anymore.
I think I've just done everything I've worn everything out and if you go out on a date it's just what people do and I'm tired of doing what people do I would rather just need somebody a random person stranger and just be myself and go out and have fun and explore and experience when you're on a date I feel like you have rules and regulations and things you have to do and you must do and you shouldn't do and I don't want that I want something spontaneous Something Beautiful something crazy I don't want the same old normal stuff I want different I'm different LOL
Personal Problem: Too short, overweight, ugly face, and unwilling to be egotistical or an asshole ("in the good way girls like") just to get a woman.
Societal Problem: Women are way too arrogant, picky and entitled nowadays, and men are way too often simps, submissive, or lack any self-respect and dignity.
My personal annoyance is that too many women are entitled and arrogant AF, asking for several times more in a man then they themselves can bring into any relationship. It's so one-sided and BS. I myself am not the type to only go after 8s and 9s, either. I don't even care that much about looks. As long as she's feminine, hygienic, and looks and dresses with class, I'm not picky about looks.
So it annoys when other girls assume I must only be going after supermodels and that's why I'm single, as if ugly, ratchet, and smelly women don't also think they're entitled to perfect 10/10 men, as well.
Even getting a date. Most of the guys I know are car guys and their car is their sweetheart. To them I'm just "one of the guys" because I am kind of tom boyish and because I drive a fast car. They don't see me as dating material, just someone to hang out with and maybe go to a Cruise In with. Extra minus points if I know more than they do or if my car is faster than theirs.
I have a hard time meeting new people for some reason it that's maybe I don't try hard enough I also have believed for some reason women hate me for the most part and the reason to me is unknown. I have low self-esteem so I don't know how to receive a compliment let alone know if I'm being complimented until way later. If someone is flirting with me I don't even realize that they're flirting or if I do it'll be somebody I'm not interested in or it'll be somebody that I think I'm not good enough for
That i suck at make up, wearing fancy clothes, styling my hair etc. I have to straight my hair, otherwise my hair looks frizzy, unhealthy and "unhygienic". I dont look homeless but i still dont like my appearance. I dont believe that men like natural women. Maybe western men do but not middleeastern men. My family would not allow me to marry any western guy. So i will try to improve my clothing style. I also realize that American men also care about such things. Lol in austria both austrian men and women look "homeless" which i kinda like it since you dont have to worry about your appearance according to my experience. I mostly see imigrants wearing make up, owning luxury goods/branded clothing etc. Whatever.
Just getting my foot in the door. Online dating is for shit during the pandemic, it seems like even with people I connect to, texting back and forth is all the further it goes and meeting in person makes them nervous. I guess I just attract other socially anxious people. Maybe they don’t like the fact that I have 3 kids, who knows. I guess the other annoying thing is getting texts like once a week. Hard to have a conversation at that rate.
Not that I wouldn’t date an overweight person but it sure seems like the lions share of who like me are women that are quite unattractive. I can’t imagine that literally none of the attractive women wouldn’t like me especially if I spent 20 minutes talking with them. I can carry a conversation better than most guys and am not completely unattractive, but I seem not to be sought out either. My social network just kind of sucks - it’s tied to my work and that’s no way to meet women.
Some women who like me the most love how I treat women and how I carry myself, and think I'm really smart, talented and interesting... but are insecure and sell themselves short, and don't think they're good enough, and don't think they have what it takes to hold my interest. They tend to self-sabotage. Thing is, I'm non-judgy about insecurity, since everyone has insecurities no matter their age.
It sounds dumb, but when women are really interested, it often has the same result as if I repel. It makes some sense, because high interest can make someone idealize the person. So I might need to work on attainability.
Myself, no one else just plain old me.
I don't actually have a problem dating, I have to actually try not to.
Even so, I blame no one but myself for things when it doesn't work out, for whatever reason.
When things don't work out, it is almost entirely due to my past, not always though.
It really doesn't change the end result who's fault something is, just have to work on myself to do better next time.
Because i dont tolerate the little bullshit ass games that i tolerated back in HS. Come correct or get tf back
Well there's a reason why I'm 35 and a virgin, plain and simple women don't find me attractive, I turn them off but that works in my favor, I'm honestly not and never could picture myself being someone's boyfriend I literally have to laugh just thinking about that, I can't picture myself having sex even if a woman was interested but I don't have to worry about that because look past me to other guys which is fine, I'm just a boring guy homebody don't drink or smoke dosent do anything fun, and I rarely go out, I hate being out in public around people I just do, so I leave all that creepy relationship stuff to all the rest of u guys and girls this subject literally does not apply to me cheers.
Finding the right person who's all in for a real relationship; finding someone who looks at love with mature eyes and not just momentary interests; finding someone I can trust; finding someone who's willing to tough it out through the bad times; finding someone who will treat me the way I treat them--with respect, love, and value beyond expression.
Other than that, nothing. I'm totally free.
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