I work midnights. Most women don't seem to even want to give dating a try just because I won't be available all day on weekends. Kind of ridiculous. I am getting up around the time most day shift people are getting off work. I am off every Friday, Saturday and Sunday. So on Sat, Sun and Monday, I am up anywhere between noon and 2pm. When I was on day shift, I always slept in until at least 11am if not noon.
But frankly I was so sick of online dating that I haven't even tried dating in the last 2 years. It has been 5 years since I was actively trying to date. Over the last 5 I just get online once in a while, which ends up in a few of those "lets meet for drinks" dates and that is it.
I was with my ex-wife 25yrs. I never lived on my own when I was young, going from living at home to living with her. So I am very much enjoying being by myself. I can eat what I want, when I want. Watch what I want, when I want. Do what I want, when I want. I am not sure I will bother dating again.
What do you do for work
@newfreshstart I work on the network/server side of operations for an investment company.
Confusion and uncertainty
Thanks for the MHO.
Well, a few of the main reasons I don't want to date are:
1. I'm asexual and not a fan of any sort of sexual physical touch, and that's a requirement of almost every relationship.
2. I love living alone, and a relationship that eventually turns serious would most likely put a damper on that.
3. I'm really content being alone and enjoy my life as is, and I'm just not sure a relationship would improve it. If anything, I think it would make me less happy, considering I require plenty of alone time and feel smothered easily, as well as the reasons listed above.
Okay.
@t-8900 😂
Struggle to connect with someone. They could have all these amazing qualities, but if that something just doesn't click I wouldn't find them sexual attractive
lets click dear ;)
This recently happened to me too. If there's no romantic connection on the first date do you never want to try again? All the other girls I've dated in the past the romantic connection built up over time and wasn't necessarily there on the first date.
Opinion
91Opinion
I am in a relationship, but my answer would be: trying to read the other person. People are rarely completely straightforward, honest, forthright, about their intentions and what they're feeling. Which is partly understandable because it takes time to get to know each other. But for several months at least, there is a lot of guesswork, and that can be frustrating.
About 20 years ago, I made the conscience decision not to date American women, instead only dating primarily east Asian women, only offering my attention to them. And since then, every 6 years or so I would put my toes in the water to see if things have gotten better and have they? No, they have not, in fact they've gotten progressively worse each time around. The only females that are available are the ones who are in their mid to late 30s who want me to be a father to their children or be their play toy behind their husband's back. And I've encountered too many American women who want a man to maintain their delusions, as someone who has is severely adverse to maintaining other people's lies, it's just not going to work for me.
And as an aside, something I've noticed about American women, unlike their east Asian counterparts, is when an American woman claims she wants to talk WITH someone she really means she wants to talk AT someone. Something I've noticed w/ American women is they talk AT people even when there's a gaggle of women together, they just talk AT people much like how a cat uses a scratching post. It's just an object to be used and abused until it's time to discard it. Talking WITH someone naturally implies that you have 2 willing participants that are actively engaging in the conversation.
It's mixed feelings, emotions.. or maybe just having emotions at all.
I wish i had Telepathy, so i could see into girl's minds to see what they want, so i can act accordingly.
My current situation with a girl:
It seems like she likes me, she wants me, she is talkative, she wants to meet up and everything.. Then she doesn't respond sometimes. Then i message her, and she doesn't reply for a few days. Then i think to myself.. have i messed up somewhere? Did i ruin everything with her in one single conversation? (One of our conversation recetly didn't go so well recently..) I know it's not advised to message her constantly, but to let her message you. This makes me think of her all the time, no matter what i do.. will she ever message me again, or did i screw up everything with her?
Some may say i'm overthinking, but it's so hard to not overthink everything, when you start to see something developing between you and her, which is rare. Online dating really sucks, even if you have her attention one day, she could've easily "met"(matched) with some other guy already, who she thinks is better then you, especially if you kind of messed up a bit somewhere with her.
When you go long time periods between messages it seems like we are their #5 or so option on their list. You can see they are online and when you do get a message while they are online and respond right away, it still sits. So how bad do they really want to talk to you. If you like each other it should feel like a natural conversation that both want to continue but often it seems like they’re just stringing you along.
Bitterness and resentment toward the female population as a result of experiences when I was much younger.
Women, as a collective, rejected me when I was young because they wanted sociopathic bad boys.
By the time that women were into their 30s they were hitting on me.
Women still make eyes at me and often.
Why should I take an extreme legal risk to provide a white picket fence and a retirement plan for someone who would have told me to FOAD when she was 20?
They can go back to the exciting bad boys in the welfare housing projects.
I'm really sorry about that.
But don't you think bitterness and resentment towards those women is too great a burden all this years?
Why not let go and do what makes you happy... you deserve that much
@JCrockett
I do not get your point
@FelicityChi
Bitterness and resentment are not a burden, as such. It is unpleasant, but I know nothing else.
Add to that a deep distrust, based on my experiences with women.
After my first two girlfriends played me for a fool and broke my heart, I became incapable of feeling romantic love for a woman.
Odd how female preference in men changes about the time that they turn 30.
For a good number of men, they have been hurt so much that they have walked away by that time.
Then the women bleat where did the good men go. The female lack of self awareness is huge.
m it's just my own choice to remain single... not really a problem
but there's a main reason why, that's part of the situation as a whole...
because of the pandemia, the business has been struggling, and in order for me to deal with it, I do have to dedicate a lot of time, effort and attention to it... and, there can be a lot of stress and drama associated with
so, it would be kind of difficult to also have a relationship to maintain at the same time, which of course it can be done, and I know many people do it and I've done it myself time ago however... I just didn't feel like doing it this time
better times are ahead, -hopefully- and there will be better chances to give it all and more, to really have something more to dedicate into a relationship which is the way I like it anyway...
Initiating. I work a lot and my workplace is an overwhelmingly male dominated field. And I’m over nights. And I work 5-7 days a week… hobby wise. Fishing, hiking, family time, playing video games, watching movies, hunting, going out to the movies or to eat… not places you meet women.
Close second is lack of effort. Every interaction between a man and woman judged Almost legally now. Besides this the success rate of relationships is abysmally low as is the average quality of the women these days. I don’t want some hooker from onlyfans or some slut from the corner… I see no reason to exert effort for attracting something subpar that’s likely to fail and cost me thousands along the way.
Both sides are to blame for this but a severe lack of maturity, lack of patience, not knowing the meaning of loyalty, not being able to trust, selfishness, mental health issues, fast paced living, materialistic, lack of good communication skills, and growing up with bad or no role models. This has lead to poor dating potential and possibilities. I'm looking at women older than me now I think. Who understand life is about more in this world and who won't take me for granted.
Trauma.
More specifically, patterns of triggering and insecurity and fear which are unhelpful in all relationship contexts, including friendships.
Currently 'doing the work' - through talk therapy, craniosacral therapy, and yoga (especially yin & nidra) - in order to settle back into my body and out of my head, so as to properly be able to be open-hearted and vulnerable, and therefore to be able to love and be loved without fear.
I refuse to inflict myself on a partner, or especially future children, until I properly sort myself out.
I wish my mum had taken the same approach.
I absolutely hate the social rules women enforce on men.
I hated approaching but did because as a man in this misandrus culture the entire responsibility for starting any relationship was entirely mine.
Any missteps, awkwardness etc was entirely my problem.
And dating is expensive.
So I gave up and started to avoid women like most guys I know. I wanted a wife and children a partner not a demanding burden with ten tinder hookups waiting to trade up at the next opportunity.
Only the players and sociopaths still approach women , normal guys understand that it's inappropriate now and have become disgusted by the women in online dating sites.
Relationships between men and women are completely broken in the USA. Men should avoid women at this point. It's just not worth it anymore.
I think I've just done everything I've worn everything out and if you go out on a date it's just what people do and I'm tired of doing what people do I would rather just need somebody a random person stranger and just be myself and go out and have fun and explore and experience when you're on a date I feel like you have rules and regulations and things you have to do and you must do and you shouldn't do and I don't want that I want something spontaneous Something Beautiful something crazy I don't want the same old normal stuff I want different I'm different LOL
Personal Problem: Too short, overweight, ugly face, and unwilling to be egotistical or an asshole ("in the good way girls like") just to get a woman.
Societal Problem: Women are way too arrogant, picky and entitled nowadays, and men are way too often simps, submissive, or lack any self-respect and dignity.
My personal annoyance is that too many women are entitled and arrogant AF, asking for several times more in a man then they themselves can bring into any relationship. It's so one-sided and BS. I myself am not the type to only go after 8s and 9s, either. I don't even care that much about looks. As long as she's feminine, hygienic, and looks and dresses with class, I'm not picky about looks.
So it annoys when other girls assume I must only be going after supermodels and that's why I'm single, as if ugly, ratchet, and smelly women don't also think they're entitled to perfect 10/10 men, as well.
Even getting a date. Most of the guys I know are car guys and their car is their sweetheart. To them I'm just "one of the guys" because I am kind of tom boyish and because I drive a fast car. They don't see me as dating material, just someone to hang out with and maybe go to a Cruise In with. Extra minus points if I know more than they do or if my car is faster than theirs.
@MCheetah A Dodge Challenger Hellcat.
I have a hard time meeting new people for some reason it that's maybe I don't try hard enough I also have believed for some reason women hate me for the most part and the reason to me is unknown. I have low self-esteem so I don't know how to receive a compliment let alone know if I'm being complimented until way later. If someone is flirting with me I don't even realize that they're flirting or if I do it'll be somebody I'm not interested in or it'll be somebody that I think I'm not good enough for
That i suck at make up, wearing fancy clothes, styling my hair etc. I have to straight my hair, otherwise my hair looks frizzy, unhealthy and "unhygienic". I dont look homeless but i still dont like my appearance. I dont believe that men like natural women. Maybe western men do but not middleeastern men. My family would not allow me to marry any western guy. So i will try to improve my clothing style. I also realize that American men also care about such things. Lol in austria both austrian men and women look "homeless" which i kinda like it since you dont have to worry about your appearance according to my experience. I mostly see imigrants wearing make up, owning luxury goods/branded clothing etc. Whatever.
Just getting my foot in the door. Online dating is for shit during the pandemic, it seems like even with people I connect to, texting back and forth is all the further it goes and meeting in person makes them nervous. I guess I just attract other socially anxious people. Maybe they don’t like the fact that I have 3 kids, who knows. I guess the other annoying thing is getting texts like once a week. Hard to have a conversation at that rate.
Not that I wouldn’t date an overweight person but it sure seems like the lions share of who like me are women that are quite unattractive. I can’t imagine that literally none of the attractive women wouldn’t like me especially if I spent 20 minutes talking with them. I can carry a conversation better than most guys and am not completely unattractive, but I seem not to be sought out either. My social network just kind of sucks - it’s tied to my work and that’s no way to meet women.
Some women who like me the most love how I treat women and how I carry myself, and think I'm really smart, talented and interesting... but are insecure and sell themselves short, and don't think they're good enough, and don't think they have what it takes to hold my interest. They tend to self-sabotage. Thing is, I'm non-judgy about insecurity, since everyone has insecurities no matter their age.
It sounds dumb, but when women are really interested, it often has the same result as if I repel. It makes some sense, because high interest can make someone idealize the person. So I might need to work on attainability.
Myself, no one else just plain old me.
I don't actually have a problem dating, I have to actually try not to.
Even so, I blame no one but myself for things when it doesn't work out, for whatever reason.
When things don't work out, it is almost entirely due to my past, not always though.
It really doesn't change the end result who's fault something is, just have to work on myself to do better next time.
Because i dont tolerate the little bullshit ass games that i tolerated back in HS. Come correct or get tf back
That meme is just bad arrogant behaviour. Hopefully it doesn't represent you its just bad and unattractive trait women have these days.
@Honesttguy well not everyone can be what you want. Have a great day :)
You are right, thats why we have different layers of society. Some have higher IQ some have lower, some do well in school some dont, same with relationships some struggle some dont. I aggree with you 100% thanks I will have nice day indeed, wish same for you.
not sure what that means. you mean like someone confident, knows what they want, committed?
@lightbulb27 yea someone whos certain of what they want and not indecisive. I need someone who states their intentions from the get go rather than misleading me
Well there's a reason why I'm 35 and a virgin, plain and simple women don't find me attractive, I turn them off but that works in my favor, I'm honestly not and never could picture myself being someone's boyfriend I literally have to laugh just thinking about that, I can't picture myself having sex even if a woman was interested but I don't have to worry about that because look past me to other guys which is fine, I'm just a boring guy homebody don't drink or smoke dosent do anything fun, and I rarely go out, I hate being out in public around people I just do, so I leave all that creepy relationship stuff to all the rest of u guys and girls this subject literally does not apply to me cheers.
Finding the right person who's all in for a real relationship; finding someone who looks at love with mature eyes and not just momentary interests; finding someone I can trust; finding someone who's willing to tough it out through the bad times; finding someone who will treat me the way I treat them--with respect, love, and value beyond expression.
Other than that, nothing. I'm totally free.
I would say expectations, in this era dating has changed a lot most, people see dating on monetary so it's hard to please anyone because they will always think "if you can't I know someone that can" and that's the perks of being a woman is that they do know someone. But also as you get older more women have higher expectations so pleasing them gets even harder to the point where it's best to just be single.
Finding someone that is compatible morally, has compatible long term life goals, has an acceptable past, has some similar interests to enjoy together, and is attractive to me. (at least a 5 in my opinion). Finding that combination is the problem. Plenty are interested in me, but I find them unacceptable.
Sure you do. You’re the guy who talks shit about women all the time. Yeah notice they may be interested at first but they don’t stick around.
@Cheechee4me And you are mad because you hate real statistics and want to be a victim due to your race. Why do people give bad information? ↗
No actually I’m kind, fair, pretty and a great person. I don’t look at people as inferior. Inferior people think that way. Actually inly a fool would call me that. I’m also engaged and am head over heels for the guy. What’s your relationship status again? What’s your opinion of the opposite sex? Didn’t you say lots of women like you? Yeah but nobody still around. See people like you are a dime a dozen. A lion wouldn’t have the screen name lion. Only a wannabe would. But keep thinking everyone is wrong but you. It’s your life that you’ll have to spend alone. At least I tried to warn yku.
No I’ve never said that at all. Lol you do know anyone can look at that and see you’re full of shit, right? I’m not a victim of anything- that’s more like what you are- especially considering you’re willing to copy link that shows I didn’t focus on my race. What I said was true. Sorry red pill. Nobody buys your story anymore. Maybe had you been a better person, they would have. But you blew it.
Lol
Omg you are incredibly stupid. Lol I’m sorry. That’s all.
Hahahahaha!!!
My number one problem with dating is that I can't find a woman I want who isn't some e-girl cosplayer, esports gamer, or twitch/youtube streamer.
Every other girl who likes the stuff I like, either wants to stay hidden, or is already taken, or wants/has kids, or I'm not attracted to them physically, or they are outside my country.
And the ones I mentioned who are famous are so swarmed my men that I'm not going to bother.
If I had one it would be "if I need your friends or parent's approval before I'm with you, I'm not interested.".
other than that, saving or sharing our private conversations.
other than that, feminist/woke beliefs or the other extreme, extremely conservative.
Honestly as a guy, i'm not shy to go up and talk to a girl it's just that I don't want to bother her or she may already have a boyfriend. I can take rejection and move on. But my reason is that I don't drink, I don't do drugs, I don't party, I don't hang out with stupid people and it seems to me there are tons of people in relationships who post their life and you have to behave or act a certain way. I don't know but I'm not about that life style.
Well, I'm in a relationship but when I was dating, the hardest parts were finding someone I genuinely clicked with and getting over my relationship anxiety from bad past experiences. Luckily, my boyfriend has always been really good about making me feel secure in our relationship.
I’m in a relationship, but used to have massive problems with dating and was perpetually single 😂 haha
it was because I have trust issues and push people away when they get too close, and also guys seemed to only like me for shallow reasons/ shallow guys wanted me so I couldn’t form a deeper connection.
Im only atracted to the looks of the girl. No girl or guy can choose who or what they are atracted to. They can only choose wjat they do with others.
This evolutionary mistake puts all avarage looking girls put of the question. That limits my options by far. Telling the absolute truth on a date will leave any girl's intrest in me if there ever was any.
I have made my peace with the truth and prepared to be single for my entire life.
I think people judge too much a book by its cover. I’m guilty of this too, sometimes it works in dating sometimes it doesn’t. Sexy woman who’s not right for you but you still try and make it work. Average guy who’s everything you’ll ever need but you turn him down because you think you can do better. I mean it’s tough, the choices are not always easy to make. Ratings supposed to be fun and light, but too often it can get a little messy.
The desire for a relationship will come when the girl comes. The girl will not come because of my desire. First of all because i dont have a desire for a girl. Really, a "girl" is a concept, it isn't a real person. And a relationship is made with a real person, not a girl. I haven't met anyone that has created that much of a desire in me
The woman I want to date is a different religion than I am. So we're trying to figure that out
You’ll find a way ❤️❤️❤️
it is hard to find someone who I can vibe with that is genuine and ready to be in a committed relationship.
Yeah, I get that, there are like 0 women on the dating market who are single and want anything serious. The women who are willing to date you only want to use you, and the rest are so busy fucking with men who are only using them that they don't have time for genuinely good men.
@devilman666 wow that’s like the opposite where I’m from. Sorry you haven’t met a good woman where you are.
Girl answers: "All these guys just want to bang. It's so tiring dealing with all this attention."
Guy answers: "No woman gives me the time of day."
you go on a date have a decent time pay your own way and a person assumes they are getting sex at the end of the date. dating is very backwards these days
@zeitgeist057 LOL, we all know pizza is way waaaay better
@readyplayer001 I don't know my comment got deleted, but I love all kinds of food <3 I even used to get these Mexican pizzas that had a layer of beans, cheese, peppers, etc damn it was good I forget where I got it though.
@zeitgeist057 who knows with GAG, haters. im pretty easy to please pizza and a fountain soda lol
Costco, that's a $4 date. Plus you get a free hot dog. That's not an innuendo, I'm pretty sure the only way to get a drink is if you order a hot dog. The free sex comes later XD
@zeitgeist057 im vegetarian :(
That's awesome. but no Costco pizza options for you. Actually, they would probably make us a cheese only by request, but we'd have to get a whole pizza. At that point, I think it's better to get a blank and make your own at home. My half:
Spinach, shiitake, green and red bell, red onion, garlic, artichoke hearts, sun-dried tomato, kalamatas, mozzarella and brie.
I'm black, I'm mostly attracted to white men and I live in a racist country. If I was only attracted to black men or if I lived in a different country I wouldn't be single now.
I have a lot of number one problems:•My work schedule•My hobbies aren’t sociable•Previous experiences•Don’t put myself out there•Don’t know any single women•Refusal to use dating apps•Don’t understand women•Seen too many divorces
The lack of effort that people aren't caring to put anymore, I've always felt like im giving more but not getting the same in return and of course finding the connection is hard.
I don't like the concept of online dating, I don't go out to bars or other social functions, and I quit using Facebook. I know that is more than one problem but they all could be number one problems so I'm not sure which is worse
Try using Meetup. com. It's a site that gets people to meet for things like bowling, hiking, or whatever. You meet in a group, for socializing and you have that icebreaker in that you all get together for an activity that you all enjoy. Then if you meet someone, great. If not you still have some fun.
Lack of seriousness from the opposite sex… no consistency, no honesty… all games
people who aren't honest are scared. and fear is the love killer.
https://youtu.be/BqCWZLToZoQ
Same
What are they afraid of?
Afraid of being honest, afraid of being judged, afraid of being considered weak, afraid of allowing themselves to get hurt emotionally, there are many possible culprits, but regardless, he's right that people who can't be honest are scared, and they're typically scared of themselves/the way other view them. They lie because they're afraid and need to feel like they're in control.
@linadagoddess it varies with the person, but generally they are afraid that if they show who they are, they won't receive love/acceptance. To be rejected is one thing, but it cuts deep if it's for who you really are deep down.
One simple example is the kid in the cookie jar. He takes a cookie, mom asks who took the cookie, and he lies because he is afraid (of consequences).
For relationships, similar example. Take a person who has a bad habit like drinking, temper, cheating, lazy, whatever. They are gonna try to hide it rather than change it because they know it's not desirable. But it takes effort to fix it and honestly laziness is a human trait, imho lol.
Wow thank you both! That was very helpful.
im not in a financially stable situation right now. also not living by myself still
Lack of trust, Trust isuse, mind games and lying. being a learning disabity. is very hard to find common instested in a guy. that is not from another city but live near my area. having big fragic ego.
Mind games … I meet men with anger issues and they feel ashamed of it. Many women complain of it , its a real problem
for sure. we need a lot more help for males in society on intimate relationships, training, handling their emotions, conflict. it go a long way...
@lightbulb27 too much pressure on men and people and general
The modern woman is the problem. They only get a reality check after 30, often times after they have a child. Basically once they are no longer desirable they'll stop being entitled thots. By time of which it is too late.
Lose interest pretty fast because most guys coming my way bore me they aren’t doing anything with their life especially to benefit their future and now is the time to put in that work. They also want to hookup and I’m not interested.
too many moo moo cows where i live lol, working on moving to the coast where women actually care about their appearances
all the men are hounding over half decent women
millions of simps out here...🤦♂️
People that have strong ideals for a relationship yet lack the responsability to communicate/build them with someone.
For me its trying so hard to cover all bases and points that sometimes I forget to check in and make sure she is okay, I guess life gets busy but that's no excuse is it
I never meet anyone anymore. Covid hasn't helped, but it pre-dates that. And I've found online dating to be a waste of time and money.
I am not good at socializing and I get extremely stressed when I try to. I come across as a just a friend that isn't interested in dating. Even though In my head I'm showing affection.
I don't just simply want to date literally anyone, I at least would first want to spend time as friends or something before making a jump in asking a girl if she is interested in me.
First impressions are easy, and I'd say I'd do pretty well there. It's winning her trust and confidence to move deeper that's a little more difficult. Especially when you can't see each other too consistently.
I've never had feelings for anyone and I don't feel like I need anyone.
Don’t you psychology of women in men.
Guys don’t look for girls to go in relationships with!
If you want to know the answer why dating apps sucks it’s because 90% of guys who are their worship pussy!
@Justneedtokno My problems with dating are it is volatile, it interferes with my goal of being the best bro, & filled with multiple landmines.
Losing myself in a relationship because I always try to keep everyone happy 😩
Hope you bump into a guy or gal that makes you happy😁
Being annoyed, some of them don't know the limit and they think that u belong to them, like they own us. My ex even looked down on my parents because he thought he owned me.
Guys, in case u don't know, girls hate to be seen as an object to be owned. Even u two r in a relationship, everyone has their own life tho 🤝
Getting in that kitchen and making hot turkey sandwiches with gravy for me. And I like cranberries on the sandwich too.
Well for me dating apps just suck. I message and like so many women. No success. And I'm lost on how to find a date, out in the real world. I'm so fed up. I get no opportunities.
Married 15 yrs…so take this with grain a salt.
But breaking out of my bubble was an issue. We all have bubbles, the same pubs, the same people we talk to. Changing things up helped a lot.
No one wants a date with me so why even try.
Also , women make no sense to me. Some of the things they say are contradictory which just increases my confusion.
Its too much to bother
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