Just found out the guy I am talking to is bisexual and somehow I have lost interest, is that bad?

[Anonymous]

Just to make it clear I am not mad at him for being bisexual. I fully support him and I still consider him a good friend but I honestly do not see myself dating him anymore now that I have found out he is bisexual (he had previously mentioned that he likes me). I am just not romantically attracted to guys who likes other guys. Am I a bad person for feeling that? I want to know your thoughts especially people from the lgbtq+ community. Thank you.

Updates

+1 y

*Edit: Please don't leave homophobic comments. This guy is still my friend and I don't like people insulting him

[SecretsofKB]

@PrettyPriya thanks for the tag!

Hi, lesbian here. Okay, so my question to you is, why is his bisexuality causing you to lose all romantic interest?

I actually had a friend in college who is a bisexual man. He had a lot of experience being rejected by women once they learned he was bisexual. It caused him a lot of issues and was extremely disheartening.

It would be going well with a woman and as soon as he brought it up, the woman's mood would change pretty fast... just like yours.

This is going to hurt him honestly. Because he is going to know that you are feeling this way because he's bisexual... even if you try to say differently.

So I want to you think really hard about why his bisexuality kills your attraction to him. Is it because you don't find him a good person (which you stated he is...), or do you have a problem specifically with his bisexuality? Are you worried about him being "a gay in waiting"? Worried he'll leave you for a guy?

Honestly, I don't think it's a good sign for you if you have a problem with dating him due to his sexuality...

[Asker]

Hi! Thank you so much for your response.

Just so you know more about our current relationship, he had mentioned before that he likes me and was thinking of going out on a date. I am attracted to him but I am still not sure if I 100% like him. He didn't specifically told me he is bisexual, I just found out on one of his old social media post that he is. After I found out, all that attraction just disappeared.

Regarding your question as to why I suddenly lost interest, I honestly don't know the exact answer to that. It is kind of like asking me why I am not attracted to other girls or why am I not attracted gays. I simply just don't see them as a potential partner. Again, I still like him as a friend but not as a romantic partner anymore.

I know this is not a good sign that is why it has been bothering me for a few days now. I can't just tell him straight that I do not want him anymore because he's bisexual. But I also cannot force myself to be attracted to him because I don't find him romantically attractive anymore. It would be unfair for him if I pretend to still be interested.

I honestly don't know what to do anymore.

[SecretsofKB]

It is pretty apparent the issue you have with him is his sexuality.

It doesn't necessarily make you a bad person per se. It is just a disappointing thing to hear. It's sad that that is a reason that people lose attraction to others.

As for what to do, like you said, it's unfair to him to pursue things with him if you don't have that attraction. You have to tell him... yes it will hurt him, yes it will be awkward, but you're the one who lost an attraction you had to a man simply because he likes both men and women. Not because he is a bad person or unattractive. Simply because he likes men and women (which you are one).

So if that's how you feel, you need to suck it up and tell him straight up. It's not fair to him if you lie to him, just like it's not fair to pursue a relationship.

[Asker]

Hmm yes maybe it is his sexuality. Again for me it is kind of like how I lose interest when I find out a guy is gay or when I see a "guy" and they turn out to be a butch lesbian. Just like lesbians and gays who prefer to date people of the same gender as theirs I think it is fair that we can also have our own preferences. I just don't like how you're making it seem like my feelings, which I can't even control in the first place, is sad and disappointing and it's not valid to feel this way.

[SecretsofKB]

You're comparing people that you have incompatible sexual preferences with (lesbian and gay) to this situation. Yes it's fine that you aren't attracted to lesbian or gay people because the sexual prefernces at incompatible with yours.

But this guy you are talking to likes women, which is compatible with your preference. He just also likes men.

And what about his feelings then? You were thinking about going on a date, but whoops sorry, not anymore. You like men too. Sorry, that you are also attracted to them.

[Asker]

So my feelings are only valid if I'm incompatible with them? And my preference are straight men. I don't find guys who are attracted to other guys, romantically attractive. I don't have any explanation to that just like how it's hard for you to explain why you're not attracted to guys as a lesbian.

He was thinking about going on a date. We didn't agree to anything and like I said I'm not even sure if I 100% like him in the first place (even before I found out he's bi)

[BlackTealLazer]

Hello! Friendly neighborhood bisexual and genderqueer, here😊

I think it's totally okay that you're not into bisexual men. I mean, I have a preference for men, though I have an interest in girls, too. (Hard to believe?) It's just not your taste, and that's alright. Whatever the reason that you no longer feel attracted to him, he should know so you're not leading him on. What's important is that you're totally honest and kind about it.

[Asker]

Hi thank you so much for your response! I really appreciate it. I'm just a little bit upset that some people here are acting like I'm treating him bad just because I'm not attracted to him. He's still my friend and I care for him even though I no longer see him as a potential partner. I am going to talk to him regarding this matter over the weekend I just hope it goes well.

[MCheetah]

Eew. I'm sorry to hear the dude you thought you liked turned out to be gay. I know the feeling. That's what happened with my first girlfriend. I'd be mad for the deception. Just like when this happened to me with a girl I *thought* was into me before she revealed she was 'bi.' Being conned by a lesbian made me feel so humiliated and angry.

"I am just not romantically attracted to guys who likes other guys."

Exactly! Of course you wouldn't be attracted to gay men. I don't even see why certain porn-addicted guys are attracted to weekend lesbians. Of course you're not a bad person for that.

A "bisexual" is just being gay with extra steps. And it's fine if people are homosexual (or whatever Current Year synonyms they want to call themselves). But if you're straight, then you don't ever want to be with an LGBT person. Those who date other LGBT's but aren't 100% gay themselves are called queer or "pansexual," but they're all just some minor variation of "not straight." Most women want straight men, not gay ones.

[DarkWinterNights]

Not at all. As a society we really need to start reinforcing the notion you can’t control other peoples opinions or feelings. Personally I would never want to date a bisexual because it introduces a lot more variables and drama into an already complicated relationship.


In your case I could understand how dating a guy who is also attracted to other guys would cause some hesitation.


There is nothing wrong with preferences. Just don’t be a jerk about it.

[Asker]

Yes I just want my partner to only be attracted to women. I can't force myself to be attracted to someone I'm not. It doesn't mean I don't respect them anymore, I do of course, I just don't see myself entering a relationship with them

[GaGirls]

That's not a preference. I know everyone else on here is telling you, you're a good person but you're shallow. I'll tell you the truth. Him being bi has nothing to do with you or his personality and character. He is still a man. It's shallow and deep down you know that. In 100 years they will look down upon people like you; just like we look down on our racist, pathetic ancestors now. That's the way it has always been. Everyone is telling you it's okay because they too are shallow. They cannot see it. Most people are. LOOK at our society and tell me that isn't true...

It's your life and you should do what you want but I just want you to know and admit to yourself, you are shallow. Don't pretend and hide like the rest of them. It's pathetic. At least admit. Don't walk around like you're some saint. We all think we're good... We're not. We just a so blind to it due to conditioning. That's why the world is so messed up. Doesn't take a genius to put the logic together, once you stop hiding. I'll even not go anon so you can block me if you wish. I just wanted to tell you the truth. Close minds get left behind.

[Asker]

Ok first, comparing romantic attraction to racism isn't right. And even if you think it is shallow it is still a preference. I prefer dating straight men because I am straight. I am not discriminating anyone just because I'm not attracted to them. Maybe preferences are shallow. Some people don't like their partner to smoke or do drugs or have a different religion/belief as them. But do I have the right to call them shallow, pathetic and close-minded? No. Because it's their preference and it has nothing to do with me. Him being bi has nothing to do with me yes but if he wants to enter a relationship with me then it becomes a part of my business too. I'm not saying he should not be bi, I'm just saying I'm not romatically attracted to him and dating someone bi isn't for me. Sure he's still a man but he's not straight and we're just simply incompatible.

If you're saying having a sexual preference is shallow then should people just date everyone regardless of their gender? It doesn't work that way.

[loveslongnails]

You're not wrong, but I have a few questions and please don't get offended, they're sincere questions:
First about what soured you on him. Was it the thought that he's had sex with other men (anal) and that same dick would go in you? Did that turn you off completely.
Second, if you were to date him, would he continue dating anyone else, either other women or other men? If he said " If we were to become long term, I'd stop seeing other women (obviously) AND stop seeing other men". Would that make a difference?
Or third, is it just plain knowing that he has no real PREFERENCE that he gets sex from a woman, and it's good either way, the thing that bothers you?

[Asker]

Hi thank you for your questions. I'll try my best to answer them.
1. I am not bothered by his sexual past. I don't really care if he had sex with another man. My issue with him is completely romantic, I just don't feel anything for him romantically.

2. We haven't talked about that. I haven't had the chance to talk to him for the past few days but once we do I'll definitely ask him about that. If I were to enter dating stage with him, I want it to be exclusive. But then again I don't even know if I want to date him because I don't feel anything for him anymore.

3. Again I'm not bothered by anything sexual. The best way I can explain it is when you're talking to someone let's say online and you don't know their gender you just assumed they're a man (or a woman whatever your preference is) then you get along with this person and you start "liking" them but then they tell you they're not the gender you assumed they are. The attraction just disappears.

[loveslongnails]

I understand your replies, except for one thing using the example of your expectation of gender. Your friend didn't change his "gender" - let me clarify - I don't consider bi-sexuality to be it's OWN gender, but rather a preference. He's still male, but when you learned he's attracted to males also, or would have sex with one, you lost "feelings" for him. It sounds like you're using the term "feelings" to mean both "interest beyond casual friendship" and " physical attraction", correct?

So I get that there's no point in even asking about what exclusivity would look like because you're not going to date him now, knowing what you know. I'll say again - NO, I don't think it's bad that you want a man who only wants women. It's not a sign of intolerance or prejudice, in my opinion, and certainly not insecurity.

[JCrockett]

No it's not. But it is bad that you feel the need to gain approval for your honest opinion. You're hedging and groveling and seeking support, when you should just be declaring what you believe. If you were an adult, you'd be satisfied with your own right to opinion, rather than needing it to be verified by the sanctified public. Consensus is irrelevant.

[Anonymous]

If it were anything else (another preference you have and something you can't control when it comes to who you're attracted to), would it be bad? No of course not. Personally if the subject came up though of you dating, or if/when you needed to reject him, I just wouldn't give that specific detail. He doesn't need to know that's the reason either. I'd simply say that you value the friendship and hope that doesn't change, but you don't see anything romantic there and leave it at that. Unless you've done things or given him signs of interest already? If so, then it makes it more difficult. But otherwise he doesn't need to know that's the reason. The bottom line is you're not attracted to him that way. That's all that matters.

[FlutteringFeelings]

If that’s not your cup of tea then you can gladly let him down easily and move on. No one can put a gun to your head and force you to date someone you’re no longer interested in for whatever reason.

[Asker]

Exactly, I'm just upset how some people are reacting as if my feelings aren't valid and it's my fault for not finding a bisexual guy attractive. But then again I did ask for opinions so I guess it's fair

[Seinna]

No, it's totally normal to not be attracted to that. I'm the same.

Also, no matter what anybody says don't let yourself be pressured to be with him or feel guilty about it.

To most of my friends, bisexual man is basically gay and that's how we view it. Sure, he could be good looking nothing beyond that.

[Kaneki05]

That is a view I want gone from this world. So yeah I see it bad. I do not think it makes you a bad person, just a bad viewpoint that needs to be wiped out for the future generations hopefully it will be most likely it will be.
Society is very much a cause of this kinda view.

One day more people will think like myself and know there is not actually a difference and it's weird to loss attraction based on Race, Sexuality etc.

[Asker]

Sorry I have to disagree with this one. People have the right to have their own preferences. I just simply prefer dating straight men, not that I don't respect other sexualities, I just don't see them as a potential partner. Your view kind of invalidates other people's feelings that they can not even control to begin with. Going with your logic, if I found out the guy I'm talking to is actually gay, it would be weird for me to lose interest?

[Kaneki05]

Plenty of gay guys are still attractive males with good personailtys. In fact many gay guys you can bet many women, wished they won't so they could date there rocking body and good personailty. Just the same way if I meet a nice lesbian girl.
To change that attractiveness just based on sexuality is a daft thing and a bad view. You would really think if i met a nice girl who was attractive but i found out she's lesbian now i wouldn't been attracted to her?
And people have the right to there own preferences don't mean there good ones for the world on a whole.

[Asker]

See, sexual attractiveness and romantic attractiveness are two different things. Sure there are gay guys out there who I think are sexually attractive but am I attracted to them romantically? No. And if you still find them romantically attractive, then good for you but that doesn't mean you can invalidate the feelings of those who don't. It's something uncontrollable, we just don't decide oh I don't want him anymore because he's gay. It's something we just feel.

[Kaneki05]

again still don't make it good point of view. What if someone's view was this example "I am just not romantically attracted to black people. Oh it's a preference and feeling i cannot help." That's not a good thing in anyway. You can argue that's it's just a preference and all that but that's not what matters here. It's a bad point of view no matter what.

[Asker]

Sexuality and race are two different things. But yes I think people can have a preference for race too. Having a preference doesn't mean you don't respect them. You just don't see yourself romantically inclined with them. And I don't like the idea of people dictating who you should be attracted to. Again people have the right to their own preferences and they're the only ones who can decide who they find attractive.

[Kaneki05]

You really don't understand my point and are just forcing me to repeat it over and over. So carry on living in your made up world were you think it's a good thing view for people to have feelings like "I cannot be romantically attracted to black people, I cannot be romantically to someone who is Bi."

Because it's not a good thing but you just cannot accept that humans can have preferences that actually are bad things and that one day hopefully humans will progress to not to have them and not worry about such things.
The rejection of not wanting to understand, is clear so there is no point me saying more to you after this.

[Asker]

It is their right and you cannot take way their right to have a preference just because you think it is bad. Stop invalidating other people's feelings. They're not forcing you to like who they like anyway. "Bad things" are subjective. Just because you said it's bad doesn't mean you're right and people should follow you.

[Kaneki05]

Bad is subjective? So is racism subjectively bad? lmao. What i am saying is bad has very good reasons for why it is. Therefore it's not subjective. It's factually reasoned to why it's bad. If you cannot date someone just cause there black that's bad, same for Bi and other things that do not change the person from been them.

Anyway done with you. Your an idiot who is just not getting it and keeps needed to validate her own feelings like no one can have negative prefrences. I know what ones i have for example i have some weird fetishes that are bad but you don't see me here saying, there good.
They will never be good and i wished that no one had such things in this world. But it's a fact of life that people do. Don't make it good. Or that bad is just subjective lol.

Smh.

[Aerissa_Jade]

No your not a bad person, everyone has their preferences. No one should feel bad for having specific preferences or feelings. This is how you feel and no one has the right to say your wrong. Your feelings are you own and they are perfectly valid.

Same goes with beliefs, a persons beliefs are their own and no one else should tell them they are wrong for believing that.

[Aurora1010]

No, I am not attracted to bisexual men either but I'm not anti lgbt.
Your exculsive attraction to straight guys isn't something you can really control, you have a right to choose a partner that you like.

[DanielBlack1904120]

Seeing as how they teach us that your technicaly sleeping with whoever the person your sleeping with has slept with your fuckin right you get a perference & dont let anyone shame you or tell you different... Its your body & if someone disagrees than tell them they can go fuck the dude if it makes them right... But would they? Probobly not. Cause of preference.

[Seangreen]

Simp

[DanielBlack1904120]

Godamn dude is that it? I wasn't gna go there dude but you talk shit like a little bitch

[Seangreen]

Come on you're sitting here licking or a****** so you could get attention from her like it's not that hard to see dude so I just why am I going to waste a bunch of words and now I will but I thought I would just make it simplified no pun intended

[Asker]

@Daniel he's obviously a troll. Ignore him

[DanielBlack1904120]

Hey guy you know your pushing 40 right? Talking random shit to a random guy saying whateverthefuck to someone other than you? Your life sucks. Dude keep going & im gna hurt your feels

[jspl90]

... please do tell where they teach that you are technically sleeping with the person you are sleeping with has slept😅😂that is such bullshit

[DanielBlack1904120]

So... Your with somebody for a good minute. You guys are in love. Condoms suck. Your implying that if someone they "loved" before you didn't leave everything behind... Like we get a reset button?

[Seangreen]

You're just a stupid b**** and you know it

[DanielBlack1904120]

You look kind of like a fish. Dude i never speak on someones face so... I would bring less attention to it... Or stand in a group of fishier looking dudes so you less fish.

[DanielBlack1904120]

& your godamn right im a stupid bitch... Did i say i wasn't?

[RealMarek]

You cannot control who or what you are attracted to and what you are not attracted to. Even if his sexual preference is what makes him lose attractiveness to you, you are not a bigot and nobody should imply that you are. It would be foolish and a disservice to him to pretend. This is not something that you should feel badly about.

[weebbutt]

The most important thing you can do is spend a long time asking yourself why that turns you away. Be serious and a bit aggressive, but non-judgemental to yourself while you try to find out.

The answer to the why will be the answer to whether or not it's bad.

[Asker]

Again like I said on the other comment threads, I can't exactly pinpoint why. It's kind of like asking me why am I not romantically attracted to girls? I just simply don't because I'm straight and I'm attracted to straight guys.

[Gwenhwyfar]

Not bad at all you like what you like but I’ve found that overall bi guys make better lovers (though I’ve had some very good straight lovers too).

[Randalama]

Tough one from a male perspective. Or just from my bigoted and phobic perspective. I don't have a problem with the muff divers but that's not exactly the same thing as a nice fella with a dick in his mouth. I empathize. Your confused and disconcerted question has left me disconcerted and confused.

[HighValue]

Nothing wrong with not being interested in him. Every time you talk to him, imagine another guy's thing in his mouth or in his @$$. lol That is how he is.

[HighValue]

And the same people on here that attack you for not wanting a bi guy are the type that hate Christians and anyone else that disagrees with their opinions. They are so "open minded" that unless you think exactly like them they will hate you for it.
Just ignore those people and do what makes you happy.

[sheikalana]

No, is not bad. If you've lost interest means that's not for you and that's absolutely fine. Being in a relationship with a bisexual person is not for everyone.

[melanieeeB]

No you're not, I wouldn't date someone who is bi either.

[disgustingweebtrash]

Ironically the people who support LGBT dont want to date LGBT members themselves
Why are most girls like this? Do they fake the support just to be not seen as bad?

[Asker]

Supporting someone doesn't mean I have to be attracted to them. People are free to love who they want. Isn't that what the lgbtq+ people promote? But why is it when straight people say they prefer other straight people they suddenly turn homophobic? I thought people can love who they want? I have never once insulted nor degraded someone from the lgbtq+ community I am just not simply attracted to them because I am straight. You're saying I need to date someone from the community to show support? Is that it?

[disgustingweebtrash]

You're obviously insecure that they'll leave you for a man and using this benevolent reasoning as a front

[Asker]

Not really. Why would I be insecure when I'm not even attracted to them in the first place. They can date whoever they want it has nothing to do with me anymore. And obviously your logic is flawed because you can't even answer all the questions I asked and just accuse me of being insecure.

[loveslongnails]

You're wrong. I totally agree with the asker. You can support gay rights without being gay. You can support lesbians wanting to marry without actually BEING a lesbian or wanting to date one. Her preference is a man who likes only women. For one thing, maybe she doesn't want to deal with getting into a relationship with a guy who might also want to fuck other guys while they're together. Or maybe... wait for it... she's just straight !!! She's not insecure because she's straight and won't date others who aren't - she just knows what she likes.

[disgustingweebtrash]

I just find it so intensely ironic that the most zealous, fervent LGBT supporters are the ones who don't actually want anything to do with them romantically.
It's a front, i'm not falling for it.

[Asker]

You know with your logic, animal rights activists should date pigs to show support. See how foolish that is. You can show support without having to involve yourself to them romantically. I am straight who prefers straight men. I'm not a part of the LGBT community but I support their rights. How's that a front?

[TadCurious]

There's nothing wrong with wanting to be with someone who has the same sexual orientation as you.

[Asker]

I understand, I just don't know how to tell him.

[Seangreen]

I'm never telling anybody I date for now on about my sexual past I'll tell you that much. I can't believe how judgmental everybody is

[Asker]

I personally think being transparent with your partner is important especially if you want a strong and honest relationship, but it's still up to you if you want to hide your sexual past. People aren't judgmental, they just have preferences and it's important to respect that as long as they're not straight up insulting you. I just think is you don't tell your partner your sexual past you wouldn't know if you are compatible with them or not.

[Seangreen]

No because if I had a threesome when I was 19 and now I'm 40 and someone's going to hold that against me f*** that s*** but you don't maybe that's not somebody I want to be with but I guarantee you that same person would have s*** that they did that I wouldn't like to know about and you know if I said something it'd be a f****** problem I'd be the a****** that's f****** why take me as I come or leave me as I stand

[Seangreen]

And I love however most every other guy he was sitting here at licking your ass because I can tell they're f****** thirsty as f*** Society is sick it's going to take a thorough cleansing to remove this sickness from our souls I use the analogy of a threesome cuz someone posted something I'm here if they wouldn't date someone if they ever had a threesome I don't ask people too much about their past and the reason being is cuz sometimes you're just better off not knowing because maybe you could have had a maybe this guy might be bisexual but when he finally settles down with a woman you know that's going to be up and that chapter will end in his life Maybe and you know it was just something he did in college and maybe you're missing out on a real great opportunity because you're being judgmental but when I said the statement I'm not telling anyone about my past it really doesn't have to do with your situation and has to just do with how people like you are shallow

[Asker]

That sounds like an attitude problem. If you and your partner respect each other, you can have a civil conversation with them without having to act like an ass

[Asker]

Ok you dont like asking about other people's past got it good for you but you can't force other people to not do it too. For some people knowing their partner's sexual identity is important

[Asker]

You're like saying I should just force myself to be attracted to him cuz if not I'd be judgmental? I prefer dating straight men. That's my own preferences. It doesn't mean I don't respect them, I just don't see them as my partner. If you can date bisexuals then you do you go for it but I can't force myself to be attracted to them.