Am I selfish for asking my boyfriend for a open relationship when I know he can't benefit from it?

[Anonymous]

[silvermoon84]

Yes and no. If that’s what you want then he has the right to know that, especially if it’s not what he wants. I personally don’t believe in open relationships or polyamory (not judging or bashing, but I don’t). With that being said, I’ve been in your boyfriends shoes years ago where one of my exes tried to encourage me to mess around with other men because he wanted an open relationship. I think after a while he just “downgraded” me (for lack of a better term atm) to platonic friends because he sensed that I wasn’t going to be down for that and he said he couldn’t trust himself to stay faithful. It hurt like hell because I really love him (I still do), but I also know if he didn’t I wouldn’t have been happy. In fact I would have gotten fed up with him fucking other girls and eventually would have come to hate him for it. I’m not trying to bore you with my anecdote. My point is your guy needs to here this speech too. If he’s like me and he can’t handle an open relationship, let it go and end it. You can still be friends (but give him space first), but he deserves to get what he wants. There are plenty of guys out there who actually prefer an open relationship (like my ex).

[Miss_Laura]

Wdym you know he can’t benefit from it. You don’t think he’s attractive enough to get other girls? If so that sounds like you want to dump him but you like the practical side of him being there for you and whatever. I don’t think it’s so bad though as long as you both agree and are honest. I’m in a cuckold relationship so I don’t let my boyfriend have other partners. There will be insecure guys below, ignore them, you’re fine to feel how you feel.

[Dragonpurple]

I am not exactly sure what you mean but If you mean that you are planning on having sexual relations with other guys cause it is easy for you to get but he won't be able to get any from other girls, cause it is hard for guys.

That is very selfish, as you are going to satisfy your desires while his get ignored, if he has the same desires to do things with other women.

Why not just end the relationship? is there some reason you want to stay with him? are you using him for stability, living together or something and don't want to lose that but want to have fun with other guys?

If your not wanting to end it for some reason, and you want a open relationship to mess around with other guys, the only fair thing to do is help him find other women to do the same with.

Otherwise just end it and let him move on and let yourself move on as well.

[RearEntryGuy]

Talk to him. "benefit" is a subjective word.

For example, To some guys, his girlfriend having sex with another guy is cheating. But to guys who like to watch, they may ask their (unwilling) girlfriends to fuck their best friends.

Good relationship (open or otherwise) depends heavily on good communication. There's nothing wrong to have fantasies. Telling each other about these fantasies is good, even when you both know that there's no chance of fulfilling them.

[FlameZee78]

The answer to that is simple YES IT IS SELFISH there are girls out there who would love to be with a guy that isn’t open to the idea of open relationships… if you really feel that is necessary then breaking up does not seem to be a bad option… let him be happy with his life let him have a women rather then a girl…. I’m just being brutally honest with you stop playing with his heart relationships work both way..

if you are not into it then why stay with him let him be free

[TonyV]

Not selfish to ask the first time, if you keep asking then yes it gets selfish.
That is a big change and something you should have discussed before you were dating, not fair to him if he wants to be monogamous and that was what y'all agreed to from the get go.

Do you want a real relationship or do you want to sleep around with random men? Pick one you can't have both.

[Anonymous]

So you're basically asking for a license to cheat. If you're so tempted by other men, why even stay with your boyfriend? Sounds cowardly to me. You want the freedom to have sex with anyone you want, but don't want to give up the security of your relationship. Do your boyfriend a favor and leave him before you do such a horrible thing.

[kyleelyn199723]

Yes 100%. Hope he broke up with you/ breaks up with you soon.

[Asker]

Wow that's a little harsh... It's not like I'm cheating on him. Chill.

[kyleelyn199723]

It’s a sign that you would like to cheat. If he isn’t for it, he deserves a woman that’s all about him.

[AviatorTom]

In a relationship, it's important to be honest. If you want an open relationship, that means open for him too... that would be his benefit. It would not be fair to expect you to be able to gave sex with whoever you want and expect him to only have sex with you

[MelonSoda]

Yeah, you are. If your boyfriend has made it clear that he wants monogamy and you keep pushing non-monogamy, then you should do him a favor and break up with him. Spare him the mental damage and humiliation, please.

[MzAsh]

Everyone can be selfish. If men could get away with what you’re asking then most of them absolutely would. Who cares what they think? Just ask him. If he’s not into it, he can always say no and walk away from the relationship.

[Anonuser838383]

you're a huge narcissist. With autistic vibes too

[MzAsh]

Rude.

[JSmuve]

Yes, it's pretty selfish. The ironic thing is, you probably wouldn't be asking this question if you know he could benefit from it because you'd be too afraid he'd leave you for a better woman. You just want to find a better guy while still having the ability to go back to him if you can't. Monkey branching 101. Don't let go of one branch until you have a grip on another.

[TheBMG]

Yep. To be fair. Don’t keep him tagging along. If you have to have an open relationship then just end it with your guy. He doesn’t need to be drug along while you get all the benefits of a relationship style or into.

[adidas0169]

Yes your being selfish when you damn well that he wouldn't benefit from having one. its suppose to be 50/50 not pne getting there rocks off and the other would be miserable. if your not able or want to screw other people either find someone that likes that idea or just not commit to anyone or find yourself a cuckhold.

[Jintendo18]

Tried that once at the suggestion of my girlfriend at the time. As soon as she saw other girls talking to me, she suddenly wasn’t so very fond of the idea (shocker). You can do what you want, but don’t be surprised if what you’re asking for backfires on you.

[prosmind]

Your boyfriend doesn't like open relationship, it's clear. Contrary to it, you wish to have open relations, means that both of you are poles apart. The result is very clear: separation. If you can afford it, you will have to find a guy who is already, or desires, such a relation.

[CarolineW]

I would say Yes. It's not very respectful and it sounds like you're the only one that it would benefit. Break up with him if you want another relationship. So called "open relationships" rarely work without one partner getting totally pissed

[Heartache0405]

Very true ^^^

[ShyLeoGurl]

I don’t understand open relationships if you truly love a person you wouldn’t want to be with anyone else

[jerdanro]

You hit the nail on the head.

[Ez-Bri-Z]

I dont love my wife any less than the day I met her, there are just things she can't or won't do and there are things I can't and won't do that the other need.

You can love someone dearly and still love someone else. I mean, you don't dump out all your love on your first child and leave none for the second, right?

If anything, it shows a larger amount of trust to even be ok with a relationship that allows for others and incredible communication and respect for the other.

[Heartache0405]

@Ez-Bri-Z, loving someone romantically is not the same as loving to ur children 😂

How can cheating on your partner and knowing they’re doing it for many trust?

You don’t NEED a certain type of lovemaking from another individual just because your original lover won’t give it to you. Does that mean that sense I don’t and won’t ever have sex that if I ever have a partner who wants sex they should have sex with other guys? What if she gets pregnant? Would I have to raise this other dudes fucking children?

[hi8sm3]

Anyone with self respect would not do that. Only horny immature shits would keep options open. It's stupid people even think this is normal.

[Heartache0405]

Agreed, @hi8sm3

[Ez-Bri-Z]

Lmao I have no idea why someone who has me blocked responded to me, but I can answer you @hi8sm3

It shows how little you know or understand about poly relationships to make a comment like that.

Horny and immature are people who cheat.

Responsible and mature adults actually communicate with one another. It makes no difference if I'm dating someone else or if her and I share a 3rd. We are both involved every step of the way. If one of us is uncomfortable, then it ends. That's respect for one another. In my case, I'm not even looking for sex anyway.

[hi8sm3]

Let's say it's just to avoid someone calling you slut or a man whore.

Don't you think it is better not involving with relationship if you want to fuck around? Seriously these people are not responsible and not focused on having a family. Simply it would be similar if dogs knew about using contraceptive... any way, hence the name.

I have seen birds staying together as a family till death with only one partner. And here we are... the developed minds!

[Ez-Bri-Z]

Lmao I've been with my wife between dating and marriage for 20 years and we have 2 kids, but please do go on about how we are not family focused.

[hi8sm3]

Wife?

[Ez-Bri-Z]

Yeah. My wife. Im married to another woman.

[hi8sm3]

Well that explains it. No offense, by the way.

[Ez-Bri-Z]

Explains what exactly?

[hi8sm3]

no, it is for myself.. for my own understanding.

[JCrockett]

Yes. You're a bad partner and a bad person and a dumbass. If he has any sense, when you ask him for an open relationship, he'll dump you on the spot and never talk to you again.

[Heartache0405]

If you want an open relationship and know that he doesn't than break up. Otherwise it'll lead to cheating. Unless you want to be heartless like majority of people in open relationships.

[KatanaSlice]

Honestly yes if he's not into it and you're the only one getting something out of it then it is pretty selfish. If he give you the ok then fine there's no harm done but, if he objects you need to respect his position.

[Wester1967]

Yes. Let him go. Open relationship means open to STDs all day and night. If you actually like him and are not just using him selfishly, then let him go.

[Adam1978]

If you ask that question, don't be surprised if you get dumped. You just disqualified to be a partner after all.

[hi_it_is_me123]

It is your preference. He can leave, if he does not like it. I would leave a guy who wants an open relationship

[hi_it_is_me123]

Why are so many guys hypocritical bastards on gag? There was a similar question but genders reversed aka the woman was the cuck and every guy find it cool how cuckified she was but when a man is expected to be a cuck all of them insulting the asker