Am I selfish for asking my boyfriend for a open relationship when I know he can't benefit from it?

Question

silvermoon84 · Accepted Answer

Yes and no. If that’s what you want then he has the right to know that, especially if it’s not what he wants. I personally don’t believe in open relationships or polyamory (not judging or bashing, but I don’t). With that being said, I’ve been in your boyfriends shoes years ago where one of my exes tried to encourage me to mess around with other men because he wanted an open relationship. I think after a while he just “downgraded” me (for lack of a better term atm) to platonic friends because he sensed that I wasn’t going to be down for that and he said he couldn’t trust himself to stay faithful. It hurt like hell because I really love him (I still do), but I also know if he didn’t I wouldn’t have been happy. In fact I would have gotten fed up with him fucking other girls and eventually would have come to hate him for it. I’m not trying to bore you with my anecdote. My point is your guy needs to here this speech too. If he’s like me and he can’t handle an open relationship, let it go and end it. You can still be friends (but give him space first), but he deserves to get what he wants. There are plenty of guys out there who actually prefer an open relationship (like my ex).

Miss_Laura · Accepted Answer

Wdym you know he can’t benefit from it. You don’t think he’s attractive enough to get other girls? If so that sounds like you want to dump him but you like the practical side of him being there for you and whatever. I don’t think it’s so bad though as long as you both agree and are honest. I’m in a cuckold relationship so I don’t let my boyfriend have other partners. There will be insecure guys below, ignore them, you’re fine to feel how you feel.

Dragonpurple · Accepted Answer

I am not exactly sure what you mean but If you mean that you are planning on having sexual relations with other guys cause it is easy for you to get but he won't be able to get any from other girls, cause it is hard for guys.

That is very selfish, as you are going to satisfy your desires while his get ignored, if he has the same desires to do things with other women.

Why not just end the relationship? is there some reason you want to stay with him? are you using him for stability, living together or something and don't want to lose that but want to have fun with other guys?

If your not wanting to end it for some reason, and you want a open relationship to mess around with other guys, the only fair thing to do is help him find other women to do the same with.

Otherwise just end it and let him move on and let yourself move on as well.

RearEntryGuy · Accepted Answer

Talk to him. "benefit" is a subjective word.

For example, To some guys, his girlfriend having sex with another guy is cheating. But to guys who like to watch, they may ask their (unwilling) girlfriends to fuck their best friends.

Good relationship (open or otherwise) depends heavily on good communication. There's nothing wrong to have fantasies. Telling each other about these fantasies is good, even when you both know that there's no chance of fulfilling them.

FlameZee78 · Answer

The answer to that is simple YES IT IS SELFISH there are girls out there who would love to be with a guy that isn’t open to the idea of open relationships… if you really feel that is necessary then breaking up does not seem to be a bad option… let him be happy with his life let him have a women rather then a girl…. I’m just being brutally honest with you stop playing with his heart relationships work both way..

if you are not into it then why stay with him let him be free

TonyV · Answer

Not selfish to ask the first time, if you keep asking then yes it gets selfish.
That is a big change and something you should have discussed before you were dating, not fair to him if he wants to be monogamous and that was what y'all agreed to from the get go.

Do you want a real relationship or do you want to sleep around with random men? Pick one you can't have both.

Anonymous · Answer

So you're basically asking for a license to cheat. If you're so tempted by other men, why even stay with your boyfriend? Sounds cowardly to me. You want the freedom to have sex with anyone you want, but don't want to give up the security of your relationship. Do your boyfriend a favor and leave him before you do such a horrible thing.

kyleelyn199723 · Answer

Yes 100%. Hope he broke up with you/ breaks up with you soon.

AviatorTom · Answer

In a relationship, it's important to be honest. If you want an open relationship, that means open for him too... that would be his benefit. It would not be fair to expect you to be able to gave sex with whoever you want and expect him to only have sex with you

MelonSoda · Answer

Yeah, you are. If your boyfriend has made it clear that he wants monogamy and you keep pushing non-monogamy, then you should do him a favor and break up with him. Spare him the mental damage and humiliation, please.

JSmuve · Answer

Yes, it's pretty selfish. The ironic thing is, you probably wouldn't be asking this question if you know he could benefit from it because you'd be too afraid he'd leave you for a better woman. You just want to find a better guy while still having the ability to go back to him if you can't. Monkey branching 101. Don't let go of one branch until you have a grip on another.

TheBMG · Answer

Yep. To be fair. Don’t keep him tagging along. If you have to have an open relationship then just end it with your guy. He doesn’t need to be drug along while you get all the benefits of a relationship style or into.

adidas0169 · Answer

Yes your being selfish when you damn well that he wouldn't benefit from having one. its suppose to be 50/50 not pne getting there rocks off and the other would be miserable. if your not able or want to screw other people either find someone that likes that idea or just not commit to anyone or find yourself a cuckhold.

MzAsh · Answer

Everyone can be selfish. If men could get away with what you’re asking then most of them absolutely would. Who cares what they think? Just ask him. If he’s not into it, he can always say no and walk away from the relationship.

Jintendo18 · Answer

Tried that once at the suggestion of my girlfriend at the time. As soon as she saw other girls talking to me, she suddenly wasn’t so very fond of the idea (shocker). You can do what you want, but don’t be surprised if what you’re asking for backfires on you.

prosmind · Answer

Your boyfriend doesn't like open relationship, it's clear. Contrary to it, you wish to have open relations, means that both of you are poles apart. The result is very clear: separation. If you can afford it, you will have to find a guy who is already, or desires, such a relation.

donnny2367764 · Answer

Not selfish but not wise. You may find he is a chick magnet at your own expense... and that would serve you right for wanting to be a whore in the first place

Srij23 · Answer

I am somewhat okay when my ex-gf asked for it as we both enjoyed but on later it becomes messy and people want stability. So in my opinion you can try to explore but its good only for short term or just for experimentation.

CarolineW · Answer

I would say Yes. It's not very respectful and it sounds like you're the only one that it would benefit. Break up with him if you want another relationship. So called "open relationships" rarely work without one partner getting totally pissed

Drumlin2001 · Answer

Why can he not benefit from it? Why do you feel the need, what is he not giving you?

humpbackjack · Answer

Pretty much but at least you’re giving him the option and not just sneaking around

ShyLeoGurl · Answer

I don’t understand open relationships if you truly love a person you wouldn’t want to be with anyone else

JCrockett · Answer

Yes. You're a bad partner and a bad person and a dumbass. If he has any sense, when you ask him for an open relationship, he'll dump you on the spot and never talk to you again.

msc545 · Answer

I'm not sure why you think he can't benefit from it but if you really believe that to be true then you should not be asking for an open relationship. If you want to break up with him just break up.

Am I selfish for asking my boyfriend for a open relationship when I know he can't benefit from it?

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