Am I selfish for asking my boyfriend for a open relationship when I know he can't benefit from it?

Question

silvermoon84 · Accepted Answer

Yes and no. If that’s what you want then he has the right to know that, especially if it’s not what he wants. I personally don’t believe in open relationships or polyamory (not judging or bashing, but I don’t). With that being said, I’ve been in your boyfriends shoes years ago where one of my exes tried to encourage me to mess around with other men because he wanted an open relationship. I think after a while he just “downgraded” me (for lack of a better term atm) to platonic friends because he sensed that I wasn’t going to be down for that and he said he couldn’t trust himself to stay faithful. It hurt like hell because I really love him (I still do), but I also know if he didn’t I wouldn’t have been happy. In fact I would have gotten fed up with him fucking other girls and eventually would have come to hate him for it. I’m not trying to bore you with my anecdote. My point is your guy needs to here this speech too. If he’s like me and he can’t handle an open relationship, let it go and end it. You can still be friends (but give him space first), but he deserves to get what he wants. There are plenty of guys out there who actually prefer an open relationship (like my ex).

Miss_Laura · Accepted Answer

Wdym you know he can’t benefit from it. You don’t think he’s attractive enough to get other girls? If so that sounds like you want to dump him but you like the practical side of him being there for you and whatever. I don’t think it’s so bad though as long as you both agree and are honest. I’m in a cuckold relationship so I don’t let my boyfriend have other partners. There will be insecure guys below, ignore them, you’re fine to feel how you feel.

Dragonpurple · Accepted Answer

I am not exactly sure what you mean but If you mean that you are planning on having sexual relations with other guys cause it is easy for you to get but he won't be able to get any from other girls, cause it is hard for guys.

That is very selfish, as you are going to satisfy your desires while his get ignored, if he has the same desires to do things with other women.

Why not just end the relationship? is there some reason you want to stay with him? are you using him for stability, living together or something and don't want to lose that but want to have fun with other guys?

If your not wanting to end it for some reason, and you want a open relationship to mess around with other guys, the only fair thing to do is help him find other women to do the same with.

Otherwise just end it and let him move on and let yourself move on as well.

RearEntryGuy · Accepted Answer

Talk to him. "benefit" is a subjective word.

For example, To some guys, his girlfriend having sex with another guy is cheating. But to guys who like to watch, they may ask their (unwilling) girlfriends to fuck their best friends.

Good relationship (open or otherwise) depends heavily on good communication. There's nothing wrong to have fantasies. Telling each other about these fantasies is good, even when you both know that there's no chance of fulfilling them.

FlameZee78 · Answer

The answer to that is simple YES IT IS SELFISH there are girls out there who would love to be with a guy that isn’t open to the idea of open relationships… if you really feel that is necessary then breaking up does not seem to be a bad option… let him be happy with his life let him have a women rather then a girl…. I’m just being brutally honest with you stop playing with his heart relationships work both way..

if you are not into it then why stay with him let him be free

TonyV · Answer

Not selfish to ask the first time, if you keep asking then yes it gets selfish.
That is a big change and something you should have discussed before you were dating, not fair to him if he wants to be monogamous and that was what y'all agreed to from the get go.

Do you want a real relationship or do you want to sleep around with random men? Pick one you can't have both.

Anonymous · Answer

So you're basically asking for a license to cheat. If you're so tempted by other men, why even stay with your boyfriend? Sounds cowardly to me. You want the freedom to have sex with anyone you want, but don't want to give up the security of your relationship. Do your boyfriend a favor and leave him before you do such a horrible thing.

kyleelyn199723 · Answer

Yes 100%. Hope he broke up with you/ breaks up with you soon.

AviatorTom · Answer

In a relationship, it's important to be honest. If you want an open relationship, that means open for him too... that would be his benefit. It would not be fair to expect you to be able to gave sex with whoever you want and expect him to only have sex with you

MelonSoda · Answer

Yeah, you are. If your boyfriend has made it clear that he wants monogamy and you keep pushing non-monogamy, then you should do him a favor and break up with him. Spare him the mental damage and humiliation, please.

MzAsh · Answer

Everyone can be selfish. If men could get away with what you’re asking then most of them absolutely would. Who cares what they think? Just ask him. If he’s not into it, he can always say no and walk away from the relationship.

JSmuve · Answer

Yes, it's pretty selfish. The ironic thing is, you probably wouldn't be asking this question if you know he could benefit from it because you'd be too afraid he'd leave you for a better woman. You just want to find a better guy while still having the ability to go back to him if you can't. Monkey branching 101. Don't let go of one branch until you have a grip on another.

TheBMG · Answer

Yep. To be fair. Don’t keep him tagging along. If you have to have an open relationship then just end it with your guy. He doesn’t need to be drug along while you get all the benefits of a relationship style or into.

adidas0169 · Answer

Yes your being selfish when you damn well that he wouldn't benefit from having one. its suppose to be 50/50 not pne getting there rocks off and the other would be miserable. if your not able or want to screw other people either find someone that likes that idea or just not commit to anyone or find yourself a cuckhold.

Jintendo18 · Answer

Tried that once at the suggestion of my girlfriend at the time. As soon as she saw other girls talking to me, she suddenly wasn’t so very fond of the idea (shocker). You can do what you want, but don’t be surprised if what you’re asking for backfires on you.

prosmind · Answer

Your boyfriend doesn't like open relationship, it's clear. Contrary to it, you wish to have open relations, means that both of you are poles apart. The result is very clear: separation. If you can afford it, you will have to find a guy who is already, or desires, such a relation.

CarolineW · Answer

I would say Yes. It's not very respectful and it sounds like you're the only one that it would benefit. Break up with him if you want another relationship. So called "open relationships" rarely work without one partner getting totally pissed

ShyLeoGurl · Answer

I don’t understand open relationships if you truly love a person you wouldn’t want to be with anyone else

JCrockett · Answer

Yes. You're a bad partner and a bad person and a dumbass. If he has any sense, when you ask him for an open relationship, he'll dump you on the spot and never talk to you again.

Heartache0405 · Answer

If you want an open relationship and know that he doesn't than break up. Otherwise it'll lead to cheating. Unless you want to be heartless like majority of people in open relationships.

KatanaSlice · Answer

Honestly yes if he's not into it and you're the only one getting something out of it then it is pretty selfish. If he give you the ok then fine there's no harm done but, if he objects you need to respect his position.

Wester1967 · Answer

Yes. Let him go. Open relationship means open to STDs all day and night. If you actually like him and are not just using him selfishly, then let him go.

Adam1978 · Answer

If you ask that question, don't be surprised if you get dumped. You just disqualified to be a partner after all.

hi_it_is_me123 · Answer

It is your preference. He can leave, if he does not like it. I would leave a guy who wants an open relationship

InYourHead · Answer

Why can't he? I don't think it's wrong but he can always say no. If he doesn't want to, that's his call. You both have a right to be happy.

msc545 · Answer

I'm not sure why you think he can't benefit from it but if you really believe that to be true then you should not be asking for an open relationship. If you want to break up with him just break up.

Dchrls78104 · Answer

If I had a girlfriend that asked me for an "open relationship", the door would indeed be open---for her to go out of our relationship and never come back in!

sheikalana · Answer

If you know that's not for him maybe you should reconsider your relationship.

Billlewis · Answer

Is it selfish? Probably. Should that stop you from doing it? I would say, no.

donnny2367764 · Answer

Not selfish but not wise. You may find he is a chick magnet at your own expense... and that would serve you right for wanting to be a whore in the first place

Srij23 · Answer

I am somewhat okay when my ex-gf asked for it as we both enjoyed but on later it becomes messy and people want stability. So in my opinion you can try to explore but its good only for short term or just for experimentation.

rienna888 · Answer

Do you love him? If so how come u wanna open relationship?

Anonymous · Answer

In other words you wanna hop on some other man's dick and be exploited and still run back to him. I hope for his sake he won't agree to it and tells you "we are over".

275153 · Answer

Why are you in a relationship with him if you want to be intimate with other men?

2021biguy · Answer

If he doesn't want an open relationship find someone who does. You should just break up with him since you don't love him enough to be with him only.

Seangreen · Answer

No you're not selfish not at all you're just a piece of shit

humpbackjack · Answer

Pretty much but at least you’re giving him the option and not just sneaking around

emperor90 · Answer

Yes it really depends i think that you should stay loyal with him

Drumlin2001 · Answer

Why can he not benefit from it? Why do you feel the need, what is he not giving you?

MickHardin · Answer

You already cheated and you want to know what he'd do if he found out.

Anonuser838383 · Answer

An open relationship isn't a relationship at all. I hope he dumps you. you're just making another red pill guy

888theGreat · Answer

I would dump you like trash you are

AnthonyJ01 · Answer

Why would. he not benefit from it? Are you not wanting to be exclusive yourself, but know that he does.  How would you feel if it were turned the other way and he wanted the open relationship?

Anonymous · Answer

No. I think you did him a favor. Now he can dump you and find someone else.

Yourman19 · Answer

Sounds like you aren't attracted to him if you want other guys AND dont think he would benefit from it.

Ryfyle · Answer

Yeah it is. Fucking break up with him or don't be surprised when he just bounces.

Surely · Answer

Why can’t he benefit from an open relationship too? Can’t he get an erection?

JesseJayNeak · Answer

Yes, you are. Really selfish. You don’t deserve to have a boyfriend in the first place

Wise4myage · Answer

I think you are to some degree, but at least you're being honest.

ojmetal · Answer

If he can't score girls then I think you should find him a girl for every guy u get.

GoofyGal · Answer

Ow, poor guy. It doesn't seem fair. Do not be surprised if he falls for someone else. He deserves happiness too...

Anonymous · Answer

Yep. Very much selfish. You want to keep him around for stability but want to fool around with other guys. You are the perfect example of why I honestly can't stand a lot of women.

OddBeMe · Answer

Why? Is he not pleasing you? Would it be best to just to break up?

Tstrbrainer · Answer

Kind of, but it doesn't matter. He can always say no.

Prettygurl12 · Answer

Why don't you just break up?

Flower7 · Answer

Why wouldn’t he benefit from it also?

spartan55 · Answer

Just stay single you Jezebel

TallAnon · Answer

Yeah, that's the definition of selfish.

slatyb · Answer

Doesn’t matter. If that’s what you want, tell him.

grega239 · Answer

Yes it's selfish. Break up and go be a hoe

exitseven · Answer

I do not see how he could not benefit from it.

Slip_slidin_away · Answer

Yes you are. Just break up

bamesjond0069 · Answer

Wow trashy. You just want to cheat basically.

Snakeyes7 · Answer

Thar seems pretty selfish to me.

Am I selfish for asking my boyfriend for a open relationship when I know he can't benefit from it?

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