If a boyfriend insists on an open relationship, he doesn't love you right?

[Anonymous]

I've expressed my dislike for that idea but he has insisted and has even said that if I love him then I would anything to please him. He said I said those words once (my words were ''Oh I'll do anything to make you happy''). I did but I feel that's too much, too far.

He said he believes in equality and that I can do the same too if I want to. I don't want to though. I never heard of this ''if you love me, you would agree to an open relationship'' proof of love before. Should I reconsider the relationship?

[ilikefrogsalot]

Nope, HUUUUUUUUGE red flag. He DOES NOT love you. A guy that loves you doesn't try to force you to do something you're uncomfortable with. Since this guy so is persistent, I assume there's already a girl he wants to sleep with, but he wants to sleep with her without the guilt of cheating on you. Hell, he might've even already cheated on you and he just wants permission to continue sleeping with and/or dating other women. An ex pressured me to be in an open relationship and I hated it. So much jealousy, insecurity, and anger had bottled up inside of me during that time. It tore our relationship apart. Over time, I learned that he never truly loved me because he only cared about the benefits he received, instead of how I felt. When a guy says he wants an open relationship, that really means "I want to cheat on you in an ethical way". Dump him immediately, don't waste another second of your time with a low-value man that doesn't respect you enough to give a shit whether you're uncomfortable or not.

[kyleelyn199723]

Yes. I would never ever ever take someone serious if they told me they wanted to see other people while dealing with me

[Gray-Wisp]

It's not necessarily that he doesn't love you, certain people want certain things. People that do that often have a "main" that they're emotionally invested in and loyal to. However, if you don't want that and he does and these are requirements for both of you, then it won't work out.

You already don't want an open relationship but I'm going to say this anyway. If you're jealous (which isn't bad) and/or a monogamous traditional type then an open relationship is a bad idea. Not to mention all of the issues even if you do want it. Him potentially getting a bad STD, him potentially getting another woman pregnant, and what if you want to have children? Raising children in an environment of that nature? That is assuming that marriage and/or children are a goal. There are people who do it, like it, and nothing bad happens. However, it's not what is going to create an ideal functional society or an ideal functional family environment for raising children.

[Mark83]

I agree with you. He cannot demand you do specific things based on a generic statement you made some time in the past. And when it's the permission to sleep with other girls that's a big red flag. Honestly I wouldn't be surprised if he has already has done so and he's trying to retroactively get your permission, or he's got someone else in mind already - because why else would he be trying to push you so hard? This is not a discussion about changing the terms of your relationship, this is him being selfish.

[Asker]

yes I find him being pushy on this and being nonchalant if I wanted to do the same (sleep with other guys) instead of the typical protective guy with a bit of jealousy at least soooo weird.
I don't feel good. I feel something is very fishy.

[Mark83]

Yes I think that sounds very dodgy. Has he ever been like that in the past?

[Asker]

He claims that I'm the only woman he asked for an open relationship but that he's never done it before.

[Mark83]

No I meant, has he given you any other red flags, anything that could explain why he's so keen all of a sudden?

[Asker]

Not that I know of. This was all of the sudden. Another thing I'm finding annoying is he's throwing it in my face the time he pay some money for my college tuition. He did that out of love and knew it would make me happy finishing college. I do admit that I wouldn've have graduated if it weren't for him. However, I didn't ask him to do that. It was from his own will.

He then was like ''see, that's what you do out of love, you do anything to make them happy''.

[Mark83]

That doesn't sound right at all. If he asked you at the same time he paid for you tuition it's like saying "I gave you money now you have to let me sleep with another girl". I don't know him so I'll give him the benefit of the doubt and assume that he's not even aware of how manipulative his behaviour is, but it's definitely a problem, and it sounds like he has some sort of hidden agenda like I mentioned before.

[RealMarek]

Run. Don’t walk. Run.

You are being manipulated big-time. The argument that if you love him you will do anything for him is completely false. That is not what love is. Love does not require you to compromise your moral beliefs, be false to who you are, or accept a partner who is intimate with others. This man does not know or care about love, so leave him as fast as you can.

If you stay with this guy you’re going to feel like you’re not enough. You sound as if you are very patient and kind. If so, there are plenty of men who would be more than satisfied in a relationship with you and only you, where you’re more than enough.

[God_of_Thunder]

Dump him, and run!

He's using that "if you love me" bullshit to manipulate you into doing what he wants. He's disregarding your feelings, in favor of his own selfish desires.

He clearly doesn't respect you, and he's too selfish to consider your feelings. Time to move on, and quit wasting your time.

[Asker]

At this moment I'm right now thinking this can't be a real, loving relationship. Adding other third parties takes away the meaning of uniqueness and loyalty to me. The fact that he's also not even one bit jealous at the suggestion that I can do the same thing too if I wanted and he wouldn't mind at all is very degrading to me as a person and as a woman. I feel as if I've been humiliated.

[princeofromance]

You are taking this too personal. It is a matter of preference. He prefers Open Relationships, You prefer a more intimate experience. Either have a threesome, or move on to find what you truly are looking for in a relationship.

[ilikefrogsalot]

@princeofromance Open relationships are probably his preference, yes, but he doesn't love her. He's trying to manipulate her, that isn't love. Regardless of preferences, this guy is an asshole. It just seems like he wants an ethical way to cheat on her. If he wanted an open relationship, why did he date a monogamous girl instead of a polyamorous girl?

[princeofromance]

I never said that he wasn't an asshole. What I am saying is, she needs to give him what he wants or move on. There is no need for this unnecessary drama.

[MTC29]

If you give into his claiming that if you love him you would do anything to please him, it opens the door for you being made to do things that I don't even want to think about- although I'm sure he has plenty of ideas on his mind. Get away from him, right now. This guy is toxic.

[Asker]

Thank you. I'm reconsidering the relationship at this moment. Other thing that hurt me even more was when he added the equality part and said that I could do the same (meaning sleep with other guys) if I wanted and he wouldn't mind at all. So he's asking for a full open relationship.
I felt so disgusted by that too. I've never felt that degraded before to be honest.

What guy would be pushy not just on an open relationship for himself but also not care if his girl did the same?

[Asker]

When I said that I would do anything to make him happy, it meant loving gestures such as cooking his favorite meal or dessert (even if it were an elaborated dish), get along with his mother if even the lady hates me and being there during the good and bad times. That is what I meant... not sharing each other with other people.

[MTC29]

Of course that's what you meant. Any normal guy knows that. We appreciate it when you make our favorite meal, put up with our mothers and letting us get together with our friends; even the ones that you don't like. I don't know how many relationships you've been in, but this guy is not normal. Get out as soon as you can.

[BakedBeanieBabie]

"If you love me, you'll do what I want," is a manipulative, abusive form of gaslighting that only shitbags use when they want to force someone into shit they don't want to do. That man doesn't love you, he's a dog.

[SomeGuyCalledTom]

It's fine to ask, but if he's still insisting after you declined, then he probably deserves the boot, coz he's not gonna wake up tomorrow thinking "gee, I totally DON'T wanna sleep around in the shadows now"

[Dchrls78104]

If your SO tells you that he wants an open relationship, he's opened the door for you to walk out of the relationship. Use it.

[serious]

Yes if he insists on open relationships then he doesn't love you. You should consider breaking up with him.

[Nicegirldaqui]

You should've said: why dont you do a thing to please me? Accept that I dont want an open relationship.

If he doesn't that that simple thing, it's clear his feelings for you.

[Dinosaursandanime65]

“If I love him then I would anything to please him” my ass. That is bullshit. No prisoners, only trophies

[MindYourEyes]

Stick to your boundaries. Respect yourself because he obviously isn’t respecting you.

[dudeinohio]

Yes, reconsider the relationship. Part of love includes loyalty.

[Asker]

I'm already feeling so degraded. Another thing that hurt me is the fact that he's not one bit jealous either if another guy were trying to flirting with me. He said I can do the same and he wouldn't mind. He was insisting on a full open relationship where both parties include other people and that as long as I'm still his girlfriend and he's still my boyfriend (while others are just people to chill with) then that's his definition of still being loyal.
I'm disgusted right now while typing his description of what he wants.

[2018life]

if you keep refusing him, and he keeps on bugging you about it, then im sorry but you should probably break up, he should ask your opinion instead of trying to get his way all the time. and the requests will only give you tougher choices to make from here on out if you agree to it when you don't want to

[princeofromance]

No, It means he likes to try new things in the bedroom with different women. Ask him if you can have a threesome.

[Asker]

He already said I can do the same if I want to. I'm just not ok with this type of arrangement. I don't feel good about it. I don't like it. I've already expressed my dislike for it and he keeps insisting.

[JRF21]

Leave him. People who say things like if you love me you'll do anything for are toxic af. Even if he stops asking for open relationships I'd still suspect him for getting what he wants the other way.

[Stevefiveo]

Give it a try and see if you like it. You can always ask him to change back or break-up with him.

[Philyouup]

most
likely. but some guys ans girls want an open relationship. but it’s not for everyone

[MissEm96]

He does not love you at all

[JesseJayNeak]

Yes. Same thing the other way around

[thimmslicc]

he's dirt.

[jahaims]

Correct

[Anonymous]

Get out