When a guy says I don’t think I can have romantic relationship with you?

[Anonymous]

I was talking with a guy for some weeks and at first he seems interested about me and wanted to meet me once I come back from my trip in our city. Recently I asked him we can meet together as he suggested and his reply was that :
“ I don’t think I can have romantic relationship with you but it would be great if we can continue to be friends.”
I am honestly very hurt and sad extremely sad. Could it because I told him that I have never had a boyfriend at 30 years old! Or could it be how I look I don’t know but I’m extremely heartbroken. This guy is 38 years old I thought maybe because he is already so mature he wouldn’t play games.
I don’t know what to do about this I only keep crying even typing this post.. I’m sad because I really liked this guy and I am even so stupid and loyal thinking about him..
why would a guy say I don’t think I can romantic relationship with you without meeting in person and simply by video chat so far
Should I continue to be fiends with him and meet him for a coffee?

Sorry this is a repost I feel numb and sad

[SteveSmith1985]

The thought of you crying while writting your question hurts my heart. I can see that you're in a tremendous amount of pain, and are at a loss to understand why. I am NOT claiming to understand why (especially not without knowing a whole lot more about you, him, and how things have gone between you so far.)

However, I would be glad to help you understand anything that I can glean from what happened here. I think it'll require a bit of back-and-forth, so, if you're comfortable doing so, please shoot me a message, and we'll chat one-on-one. If you aren't comfortable with that, no problem, just let me know, and we can continue replying back-and-forth here.

I can tell you right now, for sure that it is not likely to be the way you look. I say that because I am assuming that he has known what you look like from a dating profile or some-such. It wouldn't make sense for him to suddenly have an issue with your appearance that he didn't have before. Unless he didn't know what you looked like, and rejected you shortly after first finding out.

I also doubt that it was because you were 30 years old and have never had a boyfriend. Now, I'm more speaking personally here. I can't claim to know that this view is generally shared by men (I tend to think it is though).

Now, I want to tell you how I stumbled upon your question:

I used the 'search box' on GAG for the very first time to look up "never had a boyfriend"

... Because, the other day, an anonymous woman asked something like "Is it a red flag if a woman is 36 and never had a boyfriend?"

At the time, I didn't have time to write her the reply I wanted to write. So I was trying to find her question again to reply to it now.

I won't give you the long version. But I was making a specific point to find this particular question JUST so I could tell this woman (and now I'm telling you)...

Personally, I would have no problem whatsoever with a woman in her 30's never having had a boyfriend. THere can be SO many different reasons and circumstances that could be the case. Don't get me wrong... I WOULD want to know why. But... I think I would be perfectly fine with MOST possible reasons I can think of.

I don't know if I would go so far as to say I'm MORE attracted to hear a woman has never had a boyfriend. Again, it depends on why. But I am DEFINITELY intrigued, and interested to at least find out her story, and whether or not we might be compatible.

Secretly, I would be hoping that the woman had never had a boyfriend, because she hadn't met anyone who seemed right... but hopes to. THAT is extremely attractive (with the super Disney-esque idea in the back of my mind that perhaps it's me you've been waiting for all along).

So I can't speak for all guys on this part of things. But personally, I wouldn't think he has a problem with you never having had a boyfriend.

So, message me if you'd like. Or let me know and we can try and hash it out here.

I'm sorry you're going through such a painful time right now. I wish there were more I could do aside from offering to (hopefully) help you figure out what happened.


And no. You should not try and be friends with him. You are not seeing him in that 'light'. He was never someone you considered for friendship. You were considering him for a romantic partner. You have strong feelings, and had high hopes for what might develop between you two. Trying to stuff-down all of those feelings and attempt a friendship is a sure recipe to prolong the pain you're going through right now. Friendship with him is not what you want. It will be a constant stab-to-the-heart to attempt a friendship... while feeling the way you do about him, and the loss of the potential romantic future together

Hope to talk to you soon. Hang in there 🙂

[Asker]

Thank you for your help. I messaged you.

[Guy13]

He’s not comfortable with the idea of sex with you.

[watercolor_lions]

Don't feel dumb and sad. I'm sorry he did that. It happens to everyone...

What were your texts like? Did you two get to know each other well?

[Asker]

Our text was our daily life. He said we met in December and see where it goes because I like you. That’s all. And today when I mentioned about me meeting him he said “ I don’t think I can have romantic relationship with you but it will be great if we can continue to be friends and we can still meet and have a coffee together”

I know to tell the truth I really like him. When he said that then I didn’t know what to reply so I said I also don’t have romantic feeling for him I want someone I can connect and grow our love together. And that I’ll let him know when i go back to have a meeting together

[Asker]

He then relied “ thank you so much I’m looking forward to seeing you in person”