Based off your experience, when you fell for someones personality rather than their looks, did you last?

[DizzyDesii]

So i just dropped a new mixtape, I mean mytake, but I realized i left out one guy. He was the one person who had a personality that i was more attracted to than his looks. He was such a great guy and I do feel I loved him just as he loved me. But remember, I said I need to be IN LOVE to surpass such flaws. What I felt for him was sadly not unconditional. By month 3, I left him for someone who I was previously into before having met him. The person i left him for was someone I had wanted forever and someone who had the personality of the guy above, yet he also had the looks. He had one upped the man. Yea it probably sounds shallow, but I just have to go for someone who I am initially attracted to both the looks and personality of. Otherwise, i probably won't stick around for long. But after having hurt that man, I’ve chosen not to put another guy through that pain just because he may have had a great personality. So I’m asking this because I constantly see people saying looks dont matter. But have you lasted with the person who’s looks you didn't give a damn about? #FeelFreeToList #WhoDoYouLove #LooksDoMatter

Updates

+1 y

Its fine to fall for one before the other. But im asking can you date someone with only one and not the other?

Updates

+1 y

I never said their looks couldnt fade. I get that happens. Im saying i need to be attracted to them from the get go. With the guy above, we were dating but loved eachother or so we thought. He said it too early but i said it back because i felt it. Anyways, he was the one guy i dated for personality rather than looks. I truly cared about him. However, when he asked me to be his girl, i declined and asked to keep
Dating until i was for sure. After 2 months, i was for sure i couldnt see a future

[TruthBringer]

No, it did not last. Even though she isn't the best looking girl in the world, I still fell for her personality, it became more and more apparent that the persona she was showing me was not her true self. I fell for her bubbly personality, the (deep) talks we would have and the humor we shared. Only to find out that she has a depression, is extremely self-centered and living in the past. She was so focused on the people who had left her, that she was missing who was right in front of her. And worst of all, her actions became proof that she didn't love me, she only loved the attention, validation & hole I was filling inside her. She may thought she loved me, but looking back objectively, the things she said and did was proving the contrary. Add in other factors like racism from her family and some of her lies, that I had no choice but to break it off. In the end, I fell for her facade, only to be disappointed about her true-self.

With my current girlfriend, it was her looks that allowed me to talk to her. From the first date, it was an instant "match" for our personalities. So much that we had re-scheduled our second date a week earlier than planned. So it's thanks to her looks that I got to know her personality. So far I've not detected a facade. Her actions back her words flawlessly.

[DizzyDesii]

Dang that first half was heartbreaking and toxic. In just glad you net your match

[TruthBringer]

When it comes to people saying "looks don't matter". First of all, this is a flat out lie preached out of political correctness. The majority if not all people DO care about someone's looks. It's just not everything. There is a reason why "pretty-privilege" exists. Also, you don't want to end up in a relationship with someone you don't find physically attractive. This mistake has lead to many sexless relationships and marriages, which eventually lead to their end.

[DizzyDesii]

I agree. Looks are often the initial attraction while personality is the keeper

[ManOnFire]

@TruthBringer Wow, your experience with the unattractive girl is so much like mine with my ugly ex. That is scary.

[TruthBringer]

@ManOnFire Damn, this goes to show that even lesser attractive people don't necessarily have good personalities... My other ex, although I don't think she is unattractive, was highly insecure about her looks and thought I was way out of her league. And for that, she started to self-sabotage the relationship by keeping a backfoot within the door (stringing other guys along) in case I would break up with her. And I did because I got tired of her senseless drama and false accusations of me cheating. Now I only date attractive girls and take my time to make sure they have good personalities

[ManOnFire]

@TruthBringer That ALSO is a little bit like mine, yeah.

[Diodoro]

Never happened. I've developed feelings for girls that I was attracted to but wasn't the hottest girl I've ever been with. But I've never fell for a girl I wasn't attracted to.

Some people don't like to say it but you're not gonna fall in love with someone you're not already attracted to. Attraction always comes first. Men primarily choose on looks, girls primarily choose on behavior.

Which is why you'll see girls falling for guys that may not be conventionally attractive physically but he's attractive in ways that matter to girls based on how he is as a man.

But you're not gonna find a guy falling for a girl he's not already physically attracted to on some level.

[DizzyDesii]

And thats what im saying, i already wasn't physically attracted to the guy but he had a great personality so i wanted to give it a try

[Diodoro]

Honestly you don't need a month or a week to find this out. Just ask a couple questions

1. What do you do for a living?
2. I'm curious, what inspired you to get into X?

Then follow that conversational thread taking a genuine interest in the details. The trials and tribulations of his job or lack thereof. If he hates his job ask him what he's passionate about. Then what got him into that. Same deal.

That line of questioning will basically tell you if he's worth spending more time getting to know. If he hates his job and has no passions. Probably not gonna be into him. Sounds miserable.

If he hates his job but is passionate about something else you can see and feel his passion that he has inside. These natural responses and attitudes tell you more about a man than time

It's not about his job, it's about his identity and character as a man and that will come through in that conversation. And if he is an attractive man to you it will show through

Save yourself some time girly

[DizzyDesii]

He met all those qualities. His face is what did not

[Diodoro]

Did he have some severe genetic scarring or something?

[DizzyDesii]

It just wasn't a face i wanted to see for the rest of life together. He was such a nice guy and i tried not to be shallow and give him a chance for his values and personality but it just wasn't for me

[Diodoro]

Doesn't work if you can't get it up, I get it

[DizzyDesii]

And he was great at phone sex cause i loved his voice but didn't have to look at his face. Gosh im awful 💀

[Diodoro]

Na, just a sexual being lol.
I have zero attraction for fat women and at best find some kind of cute if they have a good face. Doesn't make them a bad person. Doesn't mean they deserve poor treatment or that I wouldn't give them time of day.

I'm just not gonna date them or pursue them sexually. You like what you like

[ManOnFire]

@diodoro "But you're not gonna find a guy falling for a girl he's not already physically attracted to on some level."
- I did. In fact when we first met I was totally turned off. Her face was not beautiful. She had absolutely no boobs. She had a funny figure and everything. Yet after we talked and met more I just became flaming mad about her, even though I knew she wasn't good looking. It does happen.

[Diodoro]

@ManOnFire I could be wrong in saying this, but I would argue that the more probable situation was that you weren't necessarily seeing other girls, and due to the lack of options you had available to at that point in your life when A option presented itself your feelings of neediness were misinterpreted for Love.

She may have been a lovely person. And I'm not suggesting that she wasn't a good girl or that she couldn't be a good girl to a man. I'm merely questioning the fact of whether or not you developed true love for her, rather than heightened needy feelings due to the situation

Because that actually happens God happens quite a bit. Same way some guys think they have strong feelings for a girl they just met when really they're only attached to having guaranteed consistent sex

If you could honestly sit there and say that if you had 3-5 attractive girls at that point in your life who were all into you and that you were playing the field a little bit and in that situation you would turn to this other girl instead to choose her over the other girls. Then I would believe it's love.

[ManOnFire]

@diodoro At the time she and I got to know each other and met I was actually interested in another girl who is 10x more beautiful than the ugly one. Shortly before meeting the beautiful girl I was pursuing another one, but she ended up with someone else. So later I became interested in the beautiful girl and we hung out a few times, and if things had've kept going forward with us I'm pretty sure eventually a relationship or sex would've happened.

But while I knew the beautiful girl I was already getting to know the ugly one. At that time there were no feelings there for her, and when we met I was actually disappointed that she wasn't cute and even had to honestly tell her later that I thought it was best we just stayed friends. She was okay with that, and said that was what she wanted anyway even though everything else she said and did said otherwise. But curiously enough I did start feeling really attracted to her, and I loved her personality and how comfortable she made me feel. Way more than the beautiful girl. So it got to the point where I lost all sexual and romantic interest in the beautiful one and instead felt all that for the ugly one. And it was her who was always texting and asking me to go places with her in the beginning, and I who became needy much later.

I get what you're saying, and I do know a lot of guys like that, but I can't say that it applies to my particular situation, especially when I had opportunities to have sex with other women around that time, but I just was not so attracted to them like that. I know looks mean a hell of a lot to a lot of people, but I guess I'm just different and know how to bond with a woman even if she's not the cutest fruit on the tree. That's not to say all unattractive women are my types, but if they really do have that personality factor and show me that there's something there that appeals to me for a relationship, then her unattractiveness really can be forgotten for me, yeah.

[Diodoro]

@ManOnFire I should clarify when I was saying a place of neediness, I wasn't saying that you were being needy with her in particular. I was saying that emotionally you may have been in a needy place and took an easy option, and as you said this girl she was really pushing for you. So she was easy

And you stated you "could have" gotten into a relationship or "could have" had sex with these other girls but since you never did it's really hard for me to say that my initial reaction isn't true. Because per your own words what I'm saying happened actually did happen, the only difference is the narrative you have behind it versus The Narrative I have behind it.

I was saying if you had other attractive girls who were interested as in actively pursuing you like this one girl, that the likelihood you would have fallen in love is if not impossible or damn near it. Assuming she is as unattractive as you say she is.

Because my initial point is that on some level there's something about her you found attractive even if it wasn't enough by itself, and that her personality allowed for you to go that route. But if there truly was nothing attractive about this girl at all in your eyes.

Like I just can't see it. Even if I try to think of guys who have fat fetishes or something, to them they're really into that. So I can't even say that they're going after girls that are unattractive, because the girls are attracted to them. You're trying to tell me that you were the one guy in creation that will be into a girl he's not attracted to at all. Like that doesn't happen

[Diodoro]

@ManOnFire like I get the emotional bond part. I have a lot of female friends, I'm close with my sister, I'm close with my mom, I've known a lot of females that I bonded with where nothing came of it. And there has been several girls that there was chemistry there but I would never take action on it because of the lack of physical attraction

Like I've been around girls where I was like I wish I could be attracted to you in that way, because of her personality. But just couldn't bring myself to do it. It was too much of an issue

[Diodoro]

@ManOnFire like I don't want to say show me some pics, but show pics LOL

[ManOnFire]

@diodoro "I was saying that emotionally you may have been in a needy place and took an easy option, and as you said this girl she was really pushing for you. So she was easy"
- Not really. At that time, and even when I was pursuing those other women, it wasn't out of any emotional neediness. It was because I liked them and felt like I should try to make something happen and not let them get away. Apart from that, I was still content doing me and being me. I was the one who talked the ugly girl into sleeping with me, which took time because she said she really needed to be comfortable with me, and which is how most girls are, so I can't say she was THAT easy.

You have to understand, as a guy who was in a relationship with a beautiful woman some time before the ugly one, it was refreshing to meet the ugly one who had generally good intentions and a great warm character until she ended things. The beautiful one was selfish, full of female ego, narcissistic, slept with everything under the sun, and only cared about money and if I would buy her the expensive bullshit she wanted. I no longer wanted a woman like that. I no longer wanted to meet one. I got tired of meeting these gorgeous chicks who are cruel and arrogant because of it.

No doubt, I would've never thought I'd be a guy who would like an unattractive girl as much as I did. But it happened. And it does with plenty of other guys out there, I'm sure. I suppose it could be surprising to a lot of people but I do know plenty of guys who are in relationships with women that I honestly cannot see how he is physically attracted to her, but they are, and I don't question his emotional psyche, needs, etc. for why he chose her. I just know that he did.

[ManOnFire]

So what I'm saying is after all the beautiful women you go through, who often are trash with no values and no real character, you begin to learn that true beauty and connection really CAN be found outside of looks if you really allow yourself to go for that. And that's what I did. You restrict yourself by focusing too heavily on looks, and you rob yourself of having a great future with the perfect person when it's your primary concern. Take from it what you want, but those are the facts.

[Diodoro]

@ManOnFire

Feel like we keep near missing eachother in our communication on this. Perhaps you feel the same. When I'm saying something your response comes across as talking next to my point/statement rather than on what was actually being said. And it feels like you're missing where I'm coming from/my intention because of this.

Because I said pretty plainly at the start that attraction comes before love and that even if someone is unattractive, that for you to fall in love you have to find something about them attractive.

You gave examples of others guys doing just that. Saying they're with girls that they find attractive even if you don't and are in love... that doesn't change the fact they find them attractive. Like I'm not sure where the disconnect is here. Maybe our interpretations of the word Attractive?

But to your point about limiting myself. 100%. I know what I like and I can find girls with personality traits I like who are also physically Appealing to me. Have a rather high regard for my personal life experience and I've never, even at a young age fucked with a girl who was cruel/bitch/whatever just because she was hot.

The hot/mean dichotomy in my experience isn't actually as big a deal as many make it out to be and today I know many girls who aren't hot and at the same time have those negative character traits you mentioned a lot of hot girls have.

Literally just the other day had a conversation with a cool who was well over 100 lb overweight talking about her superficial standards for guys, how she didn't like a guy because of his face. Made fun of different guys for different things that was honestly abhorrent behavior. Yet she wasn't exactly winning any spots in a catalog anytime soon.

So if just not wanting to fuck fat chick's is limiting. I'll take that lol

[Diodoro]

@ManOnFire it was a sad conversation because after she was talking about how she wouldn't date a guy "because of his face" (something he has no control over and can't change.

She called me shallow when I said I wouldn't date a fat chick (something she can change and has complete control over. And mind you. I'm not volunteering this. She's looking to get this info out of me by asking. Then gets offended because she knows she didn't match.

Is that one aspect superficial? 100%. But sex matters and my dick doesn't get hard for that 🤷‍♂️ not my thing

[ManOnFire]

@diodoro Yeah, it does feel like we're near missing each other. I guess it feels like I'm telling my story exactly for what it is/was, but you're insisting that there had to be some kind of elements of lack of options and desperation for sex for me to have chosen the ugly girl. And I can't see how that could've been since I was saying there were others I was into at that time and could've ended up dating or getting sex with, yet I made the clear, conscious decision to choose the ugly one instead.

In my experience and I think other guys' experience the snotty beautiful girl does exist a lot. Hell, I deal with some of them on my job. But your case about that super fat girl does ring true too. I will definitely say I do notice that a LOT of really overweight girls try to act like they're really in a position to be snobby and choosy. There is one girl on my job who is very fat and unattractive and she walks around like a complete arrogant princess. I never talk to the bitch. She is disgusting.

[Diodoro]

@ManOnFire

Wasn't my intention to steamroll what you had to say or say you were just needy. Wasn't trying to say "you only took her because you couldn't get hotter". I was more so saying the other options for whatever reason didn't go through. Maybe they got a boyfriend, you thought they were shallow or didn't think it was were pursuing, whatever. Because of that this others girl positive traits were heightened in your mind, which at this point is where I suggest you saw her attractive qualities to then pursue her.

So I was more associating your story to what I was initially talking about that attraction comes before love. I wasn't saying you were just needy or loved an unattractive woman but that you were attracted to something about her first. Kinda of like when someone dates a person who isn't their usual type. Something about them was different. If you're saying it's like this I get it.

But if you're nothing about her was attractive to you, even now. Then maybe you're just a rare breed in this. Like I've never met someone who can be like, "yea, she could use some work. But I love her" unless it was like an old man married to his wife for 50 years and said it more as a joke lol

[ManOnFire]

@diodoro "Kinda of like when someone dates a person who isn't their usual type. Something about them was different. If you're saying it's like this I get it."
- This is correct.

[Diodoro]

@ManOnFire okay, then I want hundred percent understand now lol. Took a second but we got there 😅

[ManOnFire]

@diodoro Just a misunderstanding. We're good, man.

[ManOnFire]

I have been with both ugly and attractive women, and those two were the ones who left. I never had any plans to leave them, and I loved and cared about them a lot, which they obviously took for granted, especially the ugly one.

When women finally get the love they always wanted, many will later on reach the break-up phase where what you showed them and how much you love them doesn't matter anymore because they begin to feel like they can do better than you. Until they regret it. The beautiful ex tried to pull me back awhile ago, and the ugly one stalks me on social media. But things will never be the same with either of them.

Having said that, the way I bond with a woman often has less to do with looks and more to do with the connection, because the ugly one is who I loved the most and even fucked her brains out more than the beautiful one. Looks can be great, and if that's what you're into then okay, but overall that primary connection should matter most.

[DizzyDesii]

Damn why she gotta be ugly tho lol. I dont find people ugly but i do find them unattractive. That means that although i am not into them someone else may be. So yea i need to date someone who i like both the looks and personality of. Yes looks will fade but looks is also the initial attraction. Personality is the keeper

[ManOnFire]

I say ugly just to make a point, but being gentler, she really was not a very attractive girl, no. She even told me guys never really approached her and whenever she went out with her girlfriends guys would talk to them and not her. She didn't physical attributes that I normally go for yet I was crazy about the girl because we clicked so much and she was so sweet. She ended it, ignored me, and has now been the one watching me relentlessly on social media but doesn't say anything.

[DizzyDesii]

Lmao creepy ass girl

[ManOnFire]

All my friends and family say the same lol.

[GoPhuckYaself]

Some people jus classify "not attractive" as ugly. It's jus a lazy brain response of labelling someone. Most people think if someone is unnatracrtive that means they look physically repulsing. But maybe this comment poster literally means he dated girls who actually was ugly, as in physically repulsing. Those sort of people definitely exist, my mirror can confirm

[jennifer_bloom]

There is an African proverb that character can make ugly people beautiful and bad hearts make beautiful people ugly. I only care about looks when the personality is good and if he is ugly but kind hearted, I will date him anyway, cause looks does not matter to me forever - it just gets me interested in the very beginning, before I get to know them.

[DizzyDesii]

Yea and i get that looks fade but i still need them for the initial in person attraction

[WhatTheHeckkkk]

My relationship where I fell for someone based on looks, did not last lol maybe a month or two. He turned out to be an asshole.
All my relationships where I fell for someone based on personality, definitely lasted way longer than expected.

[DizzyDesii]

I just need them to have both

[WhatTheHeckkkk]

Same here. At least decent looking lol

[Desconhecida]

I think for a relationship to last, we need to have more things involved. Sometimes we think we are attracted to someone's personality but we just admire them. Attraction needs chemistry and no, it's not just about looks. It's a package.

[DizzyDesii]

True

[red324]

I dated a girl for a couple months and she had all kinds of quirky one liners and you never knew what she was going to say. We had amazing conversations and I was actually excited to hear from her. Now she was cute as could be physically also, but I wouldn't care if she gained weight she was a beautiful person inside and out. For years I dated girls where I told myself I don't deserve to be treated like this where these girls complained about everything and it wasn't about me it was just their attitude in general oh life is so hard bla bla bla it's just a big sob story, then I stumble across this girl who's just a ball of sunshine. It didn't take long to fall fir her. She dumped me after 2 months for an unknown reason.

[DizzyDesii]

Yea not so much if the body but just face in general

[red324]

Everyone has their thing.

[DizzyDesii]

But im saying the body can be fixed with exercise. The face can't unless they go through the extremes of surgery

[red324]

Ehhh... people aren't necessarily likely to change their ways but inget it.

[Lionman95]

I think you did the right thing though might hurt the first guy because I came to the realization that both matter nearly equally.
Looking at my dating life I have to admit that personality doesn´t get things done. All the girls I started dating online ended after about 2 to 3 months when I didn´t feel attracted to them. I think it takes way more effort if you don´t find the other person attractive.

[DizzyDesii]

Yes absolutely! Thank you for understanding

[ChrisMaster69]

I think personality is only an aspect of the overall emotional connection you develop with a person.

example you see a fit guy, great bod playing beach volley ball, he’s eyeing up all the local talent.

there is another guy, he’s okay, just not mr perfect like the first guy, he is however doing a load of stuff to help people, everyone he interacts with is laughing and happy.

with both, you have not met either or interacted with them, however there is a clear difference in their perceived personalities. There is however nothing on their intellectual capability or emotional capability (connections for both).

These to me are what often decides if a relationship lasts and is more important that just personality.

i could not be in a relationship with someone based purely on looks or personality, there needs to be that intellectual/ emotional connection as well.

[DizzyDesii]

Yea i need both but i always count emotional connection as part of personality. But ig i see the difference between those two as well now

[mooky06]

Yes same situation. Back in freshman year i dated someone who had an awesome personality, looks not so much. We started out as good friends and then it developed into something more over time.

Around the 3 month mark we both agreed to break up. He knew I could do better then him and he needed to better himself in different aspects of his life. I didn’t want to be in the way of that and it was also a look thing aswell.

We are still close friends though ☺️ his a web developer and an incredible amount of weight. I’m proud of him. His happy which makes me happy.

[DizzyDesii]

Im glad y'all ended on a good note

[Still-alive]

did you think you could do better than him?

[mooky06]

@DizzyDesii yeah me too ^_^

@Still-alive it was a look thing, so in that aspect yes to be honest. We had business class with each other and he would save me a seat all the time in the back so we could just chat and muck around. The good ol’ days 😇

[Craftsman]

I lasted over 7 years with a woman who, by American Standards of Beauty and Attractiveness, was a dismal failure. She was kind, gentle, loving, and cherished my affection as much as I cherished hers. She was always looking out for us, for our respective families, people in general and cats in particular.
It did not take long after we met that I saw her as much more beautiful than I did when we first casually met. In my case, beauty was indeed in the eye of the beholder. My one great regret is that a minor misunderstanding by both of us blew into a storm that drove us apart.

[DizzyDesii]

Oh no i definitely didn't mean beauty by societys standards. I meant by your own

[CrixusOfCapua]

There's a problem if that I really look at a person -- like really look -- I'll find their personality beautiful even if tragically flawed. All the warning signs could be there like they hardly have any friends, their family wants little to do with them, and I find beauty in that as they express their dearest sentiments to me.

They bore their hearts to me and I have never found a heart laid bare to be ugly. I find it the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

I might have it simpler if I just paid attention more to looks. But most of the time, it didn't last because of either my faults or theirs. It was probably more often my fault since most of my exes didn't find beauty in a heart laid bare as I did.

[DizzyDesii]

Oddly enough, them being a lonewolf (bot to be confused with a loner) is what would attract me to them more. I've cut off plenty of friends and extended family for being two faced. So if those people wanting nothing to do with him, maybe there's a good reason. He may be smart enough to escape toxicity and not sit around and further sulk it in

[CrixusOfCapua]

I know you're a gambler as we've discussed in the past. Slots IIRC! :-D I actually think personalities are too beautiful and numerous to be hedging bets on anyone if you're counting on a win. People talk about nice personalities like they're magical things that are rare. I don't find that. I find nothing special about personalities in one way and everything special in another. All people are exquisite as I see it -- exquisitely disastrous. And we choose our poisons in life. My wife is my poison and she's not too bad. Being addicted to her is better than heroin, at least. She's more like weed. She only messes up your life a little bit.

[DizzyDesii]

I tend to gamble in terms of admitting my feelings sooner than later and hoping for the best outcome. In terms of personalities, they’re not rare but common interests and values are

[CrixusOfCapua]

I might just be a bad judge of personality. I have never found a single one that ugly. It reflects in the way I look at animals. I have had ones that gave me scars from bites and scratches. But I can't see them as ugly. I see them as beautiful. But they gave me scars, you know. I don't even know what "nice personality" even means except that maybe it conforms the best to societal expectations, like that cat who just sits and purrs and not a tiger who might send you to the hospital. But I don't see why a tiger has a worse personality. It's just different.

[DizzyDesii]

I only see a personality as ugly if its often rude, sarcastic, blunt, discouraging, hurtful, harmful, arrogant, cocky, and manipulative

[CrixusOfCapua]

I always had a difficulty there even with the metaphorical slandering prom queen or the prom king who literally bullied me at school and rounded me together with his football classmates and they all made me a tackle post with my nose and eyes all bloodied. Because I met the prom king's father, you know, and he was abusive. So no wonder his son turns like him.

But his son was bright, sorta. Spelling wasn't his strong point because he spelled, "enhanced", as "inhanced" while girls were cheering for him. But you know, he had a functional brain. And he had enough of a conscience to reach out and say he was sorry for picking on me so much.

Well, when I see the most manipulative, sarcastic, egotistical types these days, maybe they are the most hurt types. Well, I'm sounding like a hippie now but maybe it's because I've found a shortage of beauty in personalities, including my own when I thought mine could at least be beautiful. But it's not. It's sometimes impulsive and stupid and ugly like the rest.

So maybe I think all personalities are ugly now. At least some people have a nice face, nice body. That's not ugly for sure.

[CrixusOfCapua]

So it might sound extremely cynical but I don't believe in "nice/good personalities" anymore. I believe in nice bodies, nice faces, nice careers, nice educations, nice contributions to societies, to families, communities. But I don't believe in nice personalities. I think that is fairy tale stuff.

[Idontwantausername1]

I really don't need to date a model, but truth is. The eye wants something as well. So yeah, for me it's looks and personality. Personality is more important to me though, but if I don't find her attractive on the outside it's not going to work.

[DizzyDesii]

Exactly

[GoPhuckYaself]

I don't understand why people think it's one or the other.. a ugly person with good personality, or a hot person with shit personality, do we not know a middle ground exists?
There's definitely people with a bit of both,
I don't understand why anyone would date a person they find ugly jus cos they have good personality, that's stupid in my opinion, you have to be at least somewhat physically attracted to them.. otherwise somewhere down the road you're going to realise it was a mistake and you'll jus end up upsetting them for no reason

[GoPhuckYaself]

Anyway. Uh. I don't care about a girls personality to be honest. I jus want someone who looks pretty/hot. So uh. Never experienced that. Prob never will

[Idontwantausername1]

I totally agreed with you and thought it was well said. Until you replied to your own comment, I don't agree on that.

[MountAverage]

@Idontwantausername1 Haha I was gonna say the exact same thing! His post is pretty much spot on, but then he ruins it with that dumb incel comment at the end.

[melanieeeB]

I never fell for someone just cause of their personality. I always need to find him attractive to some kind, but in the end it's the personality that makes it last.

[DizzyDesii]

I agree with that fully

[cookiecrusher]

My wife, 11 years and going.
Would i like her to have a cute face like one of the gorgeous women roaming the streets unaware of their luck, sure, who wouldn't. It would even make her happy, as she often brings up the fact she isn't that good looking.

It's okay, she tries, she is fit, dresses nice, does her hair. Tried makeup few times, looked like an angry raccoon🤣

But she still looks cute to me, in her own way. And her personality is great, someone i can trust, and i don't trust people easily.

[DizzyDesii]

All that matters is that you find eachother attractive

[Anonymous]

Looks always diminish, yours included. For. most people this occurs somewhere between the ages of 30 and 45. This means that if looks are a deciding factor for. you, and it sounds like they are, your partner, assuming they're you're age, has at most 20 years with you before you're looking elsewhere.

It's a double edged sword, yours will diminish too and if he is as shallow as you are, you're likely to find yourself as a single mother at 40 trying to get dates with 30 year olds who are looking in the other direction...

[DizzyDesii]

I never said their looks couldnt fade. I get that happens. Im saying i need to be attracted to them from the get go.

[Anonymous]

Alright I am glad you acknowledged you hurt that guy because you certainly most likely did. It’s not like you left him because it wasn’t working out. No you left him because you lined someone else up which is extremely conceited.

I will admit I dated my last girlfriend more for companionship and compatibility then for attraction. I was trying to force myself to look deeper. This is even tougher when you are a man because I admit it’s true that we very visually stimulated. Also I did not break up with her to go to someone else. I just didn’t see it working out and I broke face to face and endured two hours of her screaming, crying and going ballistic. I wanted her to look back knowing she got to say everything she wanted to say. Closure.

Anyway I have been single for over 2 years now. I learned my lesson. It’s better to be single than to be in that situation. I hope you never do this again to someone else.

[DizzyDesii]

I didn't line up someone else. I initially liked this guy many months before. However, i didn't think he felt the same. So i met this other guy. I loved his personality but there were many red flags. At the same Time, he was a sweetheart but i had a hard time staying physically attracted to him. After 3 minths together, the other guy popped up saying he liked me and i told him i never knew he felt
The same. So i ended things with the red flag guy since i was only into his personality and nothing more. I no longer saw a future with him. But i was honest enough to tell him that i wanted to end things to return to pursuing someone who still had a piece of my heart. We ended on a good note. He was hurt. And we both cried. But we ended it on a mature note. And yes i dont intend to hurt anyone else like that

[Opinion Owner]

You still had this other guy lined up as an orbiter. And if I was the guy you just dumped I would of felt used because you he was. Reason being you jumped from one person to another thinking the grass is greener on the other side. Maybe it is greener for you. But again there was no downtime.

Don’t ever do this again to someone. Yes it’s great you were honest with him but being honest doesn’t mean your actions were the right thing to do.

[Opinion Owner]

Also realize this guy with a “great personality” might not continue to have a great personality when crap like this being done to him. Hey maybe he will bounce back quick but guy’s like him usually don’t have a plethora of dating options like you get to enjoy.

Does that mean you should of stayed with him? Of course not. Do what makes you happy. But the fact that you kept in communication with this other guy while in a relationship was shady. It wasn’t physically cheating but it was emotional cheating.

The guy you left feels betrayed because he was Different story if you just broke up and later ran into this other guy. So again don’t ever do this again. What is done is done so don’t try to self justify it either.

This one really hits a nerve with me because it’s been done to me on 3 different occasions in my life. It didn’t exactly leave me with a good attitude towards women.

[DizzyDesii]

Well i never agreed to be his girlfriend. He asked and i told him we could date until i decided if i wanted to make it official. I didn't start talking to the other guy until the last 2 weeks of deciding if i wanted to be official with the other guy. So i still call him an ex but i won't call him a boyfriend, so i didn't feel
Too bad leaving him. I think he’ll be fine. I hope he will. The only thing i hate is that he was in the military, and now i dont know if he's still alive

[Opinion Owner]

“Too bad leaving him. I think he’ll be fine. I hope he will.”

Alright do not ever assume dating is the same way for men as for women. It’s not even remotely close. Break ups usually impact us harder because we don’t get the luxury of expressing out emotions. I highly doubt he will be crying about when he’s on duty in front of his buddies. But a part of will want to.

Look I am not trying to guilt trip you over what you did. But you keep trying to rationalize it. Yes there are mitigating factors but you were definitely in the wrong about how you went about it. You quickly jumped from one guy to another. Just own up to that and vow to never to do it again.

[DizzyDesii]

I did own up to it. He and i have an understanding so im not guilt tripping myself. You date to find out if you want to be with that person. Thats the point of dating vs being official. Had we been official, i wouldn't have jumped so soon. But we were just dating for a few months. So i dont feel bad having left him for who i felt was better suited for me. I dont make vows to anyone but God or my future husband. But like i said, i hate i hurt him. I couldnt let another “one that got away” occur. So i made sure that both guys were aware of when this other guy came back into the picture. They both wanted me to figure out what i wanted. And i did. So yes we cried but we had an understanding

[Opinion Owner]

Just don’t do something like this again.

This is just bringing up a ghost of something that was done to me years ago. The girl kept on saying “oh I feel bad” vs just telling me “I was in the wrong on how I went about that”. That doesn’t mean her decision was wrong but how she did it was what bothered me the most.

[jillybeanns]

Yeah, my current boyfriend is pretty average i looks. Not super model hot but definitely not unattractive. But when I met him his personality drew me in and I naturally gravitated towards him. When I asked him what made me stand out he said my voice & my face but my personality made him want to stay. ❤️

[DizzyDesii]

Average may be beautiful to some

[jillybeanns]

Very much true

[ShaTTeredMasterpeace]

Looks are secondary to me and yeah I know I'm in the minority. Of course there has to be some attraction there, but personality is like 75% for me. And I think it stems from me being more personality than looks. I was head over heels for the guy I lost my virginity to. And I hated him at first and didn't find him attractive. But his personality won me over big time.

[DizzyDesii]

But at least you say looks matter 25%. Some say not at all and i just wonder how they do it

[ShaTTeredMasterpeace]

To some people it doesn't matter. Everyone is different. And people honestly lay too much attention to looks and wonder why they end up alone.

[t-8900]

I'll put it to you like this Desi... when I fell in love with her she emptied my heart of sadness and loneliness and my balls of all the cum... and I mean ALL of it. A girl just being attractive can't do that for me. Her personality has to be the first thing, our connection, our love, then it's better. Then my horniness gets turned into high gear and I'm ready to start up the baby manufacturing bid'ness. :3

[DizzyDesii]

y'all bout to make a baby on this vacay? Lol

[t-8900]

I never said that! XD

[Dragonpurple]

I got real serious with someone who I was very attracted to that had a terrible personality, as time went on she started to look ugly and I ended it.

I have never had a forever relationship, when you say did it last I cannot say any has. Does a 14 year relationship count? That one was based 80% off of personality, rather than looks. Looks fade as we get older.

[DizzyDesii]

Yea personality can make even the prettiest person ugly. And i get that looks fade but they still need a good personality and looks at the start for me

[Dragonpurple]

I get it, can't date someone with a awesome personality if you can't stand to look at them.

[YollyM]

Personally when I COMPARED the duration of my past relationships where I fell for the person's personality (and not necessarily their looks) and When I fell for the person's looks (and not necessarily their personality).
The relationships where I fell for the person's personality lasted longer. But honestly without comparison, they only lasted a little while. It's important to fall for both looks and personality.

[DizzyDesii]

Very important

[exitseven]

okay- I met somebody who was only average in the looks department. She was really talented and funny. We became friends and hung out a lot. The truth is that the more I got to know her, the better looking she got to me. I fell in love with her and we were together for 4 years.
I still have a picture of her from when we went to Montreal. I look at that picture today and I wonder what I saw in her in the first place.

[DizzyDesii]

As long as you found her attractive. Average can still be beautiful
To someone

[exitseven]

@DizzyDesii Yeah, she was sort of cute but I don't know what the big attraction was. We went to school together for a year and a half and then we both transferred to different schools 1500 miles apart. This was before email and Skype. I did this for another 3 years and we finally broke up.

[Likes2drive]

Looks matter, there has to be some attraction , just personality doesn’t work, I’ve tried that a couple of times and it didn’t last

[DizzyDesii]

I fully agree

[Lovesims3plumbob]

that I am not my ex boyfriend did change into a toxic after year of relationship broke up with him. after found guys that I wasn't attractive to in real life and another guy already has a girfirend. the guys on facebook. some werids other were not. other one guy didn't even borthing putting a time or date and day for it. I now been texting new guy and has called me more then once on the phone.

[DizzyDesii]

Oh wow

[Lovesims3plumbob]

The last one is the only one that asks the question. The other guy can burn in trash.

[lancecantee]

The longest lasting and best relationships I've had were with people I was mentally attracted to, which is a big part of how you live and function together, including shared hobbies. The times I was with someone mostly from physical attraction/chemistry, it may have lasted, but not as enjoyable.

[DizzyDesii]

I need both

[kellytheman]

I have fell for a girl personality more than her looks for awhile but for some reason we started to drift away. I feel maybe our personalities were still evolving and her was one way and my went another way and for awhile we didn't like each other as much anymore.

[DizzyDesii]

Oh yea walking two different pasts

[kellytheman]

Exactly

[MountAverage]

I couldn't and wouldn't ever date someone with only one or the other. I might hookup with someone based on her looks primarily, but even then I'd have to find her nice and get along with her somehow. Looks alone will never be enough. Personality alone will never be enough either, because I'm a visual person and I need certain visual stimuli to feel sexually attracted to someone.

It will always be some kind of mix of both things for me, never just one or the other.

[DizzyDesii]

I agree. I need both

[Quigly]

In todays world everyone is going in different directions with their life. Being in a relationship is easy, long term can be difficult. Most of my relationships have separated having nothing to do with not getting along with a girl, Just a bad set of circumstances in the way. Changing jobs, moving away etc, etc

[DizzyDesii]

Long term or long distance?

[Quigly]

Long term, I never really do long distance.

[ElvenMr]

Physical attraction needs to be there to some extent as well. I don't mean she must have big boobs and ass. I need to like her looks, not too muscular or not too fat. I prefer sportier looking girls i think still. And i'm happy lol.
And i need to like the girls's voice as well to be really into her. It seems like it's a big deciding factor for me.
Her personality is maybe a bit more important then her voice tho.

[DizzyDesii]

Yes face and voice are very important in my opinion

[JosyJosy]

I don't fall for looks. Sure looks do matter but if you're handsome I'm not going to be like "O GOD, TAKE ME AS YOUR WIFE" no. Time makes me catch feelings for you, so personality. A cute guy is just a cute guy and that's it.

[DizzyDesii]

I fall for either first depending on the guy. But i can't stay if he doesn't have both. I need like 50/50. I wouldn't be happy with a 60/40, 70/30, nor 80/20.

[JosyJosy]

Yeps if a jawline and big arms is all he's got, he's not the guy I'm after

[DizzyDesii]

Right. But i might stare at him for a while in a daze 🤣

[JosyJosy]

XD well ya

[menina]

I've never been on a relationship but I'm pretty sure that if I had a relationship based on personality it wouldn't last. Looks are 100% important to me.

[DizzyDesii]

Both are necessary

[menina]

Yes they are but I could never date someone I wasn't attracted to.

[DizzyDesii]

I agree

[Lynx122]

It's a difficult situation. I think it is possible but it can also not work. Sometimes no matter how much you like someone as a person you don't love them but sometimes it does work so you have to just figure it out.

[Shiningtempest]

@Lynx122 This is why I consider dating to be equivalent to playing Russian roulette.

[RobT312]

Yeah, fell in love with her personality before her looks. Liked her looks too but it was her personality that made me want to date her.

i guess it worked, going on 5 years...

[DizzyDesii]

Its fine to fall for one before the other. But im asking can you date someone with only one and not the other

[RobT312]

Yes, I have dated one without the other. It did not last.
For example, super attractive, sex was great, but there was nothing there but sex. I got bored and had problems eventually talking to her other than the basics ( how was your day, etc)

[jamesgoldman]

I fall for intelligence and personality, looks are secondary but I think beneficial because the smart ones who look good and have been focused on merely for their looks are glad someone actually realizes they have a brain

[DizzyDesii]

Very true

[NathanDavis]

all my relationships lasted years... and they were never based on the looks, not as a priority

they happened to be attractive though, but that was no coincidence either... lol

[Jessica405]

Been with my guy for 5 years 3 months. I became his partner because of his personality, thoughtfulness and kindness. Same values and interests.

[DizzyDesii]

But are you attracted to his looks at all?

[Jessica405]

Sort of, but I know he would be the first to say he is far from handsome. I just like the familiarity and being with him.

[DizzyDesii]

Familiarity as in like similarities between you two?

[Jessica405]

Just familiar with him. Tall, dark and average. Someone I want to be with for life.

[ItsMeElliana]

I love his personality so much rn that his looks are just a + to him

[DizzyDesii]

Oooo nice way to put it

[MysticDevice]

It did. She wasn't the prettiest but she was the coolest in my book. About a year and a half it lasted. Considering the average till then was 4 weeks that was pretty darn good.

[DizzyDesii]

Yea anything 6+ months is pretty good

[VarddaanKaushikk]

I Fell In Love with a girl's Personality 2 Years ago , Not that she isn't Good Looking , God She's Gorgeous ! But her personality was so Pure , Genuine and Positive that I couldn't help but fall in love with her. We've been together since then !

[DizzyDesii]

Well thats good that she had both

[VarddaanKaushikk]

Yeah. I can't believe it sometimes , vut I don't think that much and just enjoy the time I get with her

[VarddaanKaushikk]

But*

[weysally]

it was my husbands personality that attracted me first to him,

[DizzyDesii]

Does he have the looks too

[weysally]

yes I think so, you see we first met after sharing a table at a café, we just got talking and one thing led to another, how some of these younger ones will meet up I don't know, they seem to have things stuck in their ears all the time,

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

I've always dated girls who had a great personality and never went by girls looks and I find beauty that is skin deep

[DizzyDesii]

I see

[Yourfriend2021]

There has to be physical attraction but looks can't hold a relationship together, there has to be an emotional bond. It's too bad women break guys hearts like you did though.

[DizzyDesii]

Well he knew what the deal was early on when he asked me to be his girlfriend and I told him lets just date until I was for sure. So i ended things after 2 months of dating. I dont feel as much guilt. Had he been an official boyfriend then of course i wouldn't have left him for someone else

[Yourfriend2021]

Ok I understand. That's why dating sucks, lol

[Dargil]

Actually no. It ended in a fiery divorce. She's an excellent deceiver.

[DizzyDesii]

Damn. Was she at least cute

[Dargil]

I thought so at first. But that smile became a sneer.

[Wiredone]

I dated a woman for her personality. She was average looking. She did have a nice smile and beautiful eyes. I married her and we're still married.

[DizzyDesii]

But average is not unattractive

[Wiredone]

She grew on me. We were coworkers

[msc545]

I've done that, and it didn't last. I fell for someone with an interesting personality disorder and a lot of intellectual capacity which was very attractive for about two weeks.

[DizzyDesii]

Yea relationships need both physical and mental attraction

[msc545]

agreed

[Seangreen]

You only look at somebody so much but you will always have to deal with who the person is

[DizzyDesii]

True. But i need them to start off with both

[Seangreen]

One day you might realize you can't always have everything you can try nothing's guaranteed in this life

[Anonymous]

I mean, you should be at least somewhat attracted to the person but personality is what really lasts.

[DizzyDesii]

I mean... yea no, i liked his voice and personality. But i wasn't into his face.

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah. The face isn’t something you can really change and it’s kind of hard to ignore. That’s a non-negotiable.

[DizzyDesii]

Right like if it was just body, i’d consider but face is major and i dont need no dude on botox lmao

[Waldoe]

I did over 50 years ago... not sure how long it may last, still hoping...

[DizzyDesii]

Oh your wife right?

[Waldoe]

yes...

[Jerre]

Yes I could and have dated women with better personalities than looks.

[DizzyDesii]

Ahh okay

[Guido]

Yes. You need substance and not just beauty to have a relationship.

[DizzyDesii]

But this question is can you be with someone who has substance but not beauty?

[Guido]

Yes because thst is what lasts. Beauty can fade.

[DizzyDesii]

That is true but shit i still wanna start off with a little beauty 😂

[Guido]

Nothing wrong with that. I think your hot.

[DizzyDesii]

Lmao im not talking about me. Im saying that i still want the guy to start off hot even if he may lose his looks when we age up

[Guido]

Ok well as you know I'm your BP 2.0 so I'm already what your looking for. Lol 😆 😘

[Jamie05rhs]

I answered a very similar question a few days ago. I'd have to go back and find it.

[Rahul8124]

Both are important... but people don't fall for personality... it just plain lie there has to be attraction because of looks

[Taylawebb1900]

Well he needs to be cute so that even if we fight I would want to kiss his cute face

[DizzyDesii]

Lmaooo

[Jamie05rhs]

There is so much truth in what @Taylawebb1900 just said. I don't think this factor should ever be underestimated or disregarded.

[Taylawebb1900]

@Jamie05rhs yes exactly

[Anonymous]

I have to have at least some physical attraction for a relationship.

[DizzyDesii]

I agreee

[MCheetah]

The ones that lasted the longest for me had both.

[DizzyDesii]

Exactly thats how it should be

[TrueConfection]

Never started. lol. I think I was invisible.

[DizzyDesii]

What you mean

[TrueConfection]

I really really liked this guy and his personality. The Forrest thine I saw him I was shocked to see he was so... well, to put it mildly, not my type. I still admired him, but never told him.

[TrueConfection]

$#!×%=¡ this phone and the autocorrect!!!

Forrest thine = first time

[loveslongnails]

It lasted for a while !!

[DizzyDesii]

Did their looks just grow on you?

[loveslongnails]

I can always find something about a girl's looks that I'm attracted to, IF I'm attracted to her at all !!

[Anonymous]

Yes. Married her actually.

[DizzyDesii]

Do you find her beautiful now?

[Opinion Owner]

I do. As soon as I fell for her she became the most beautiful woman alive to me.

[DizzyDesii]

Love hearing that

[najekim]

Have lasted 26 years so far. . . .

[DizzyDesii]

And you dont find her face the slightest bit attractive?

[najekim]

Of course. But I didn't see her face until she sent me a pic a few months after we started chatting on AOL waaaaay back when. She didn't know what I looked like for over a year.

[DizzyDesii]

Oh no I've done that before too. But once we see eschother, if i dont like it, im ending it that same week

[Kiran_Yagami]

I have never fallen for someone's personality.

[DizzyDesii]

Insee it as more of a keeper