Can someone please explain my ex to me?

[Misskris05]

In November he ended our relationship of two years because we were no longer on the same time frame for marriage and kids. Anyway, we didn't talk for about a month and then I reached out to him about exchanging our things. He said he was too busy before Christmas but could the week after. Well Christmas day he texts me and we talk until midnight, same thing the next day. We didn't talk Monday, I text him Tuesday and he doesn't respond until Thursday night.

We got a lot of snow the week after Christmas so the exchange didn't happen. We talked a bit on new years with me sending the last text at 830. He then replies 3 DAYS later! I brought up the exchange to him again (he hasn't) and the new excuse is his tires are not good in the snow and ice, yet he said he hung out with a lot of friends and family during his week off. When I told him how much stuff of his I have, and that my hall closest is full, he completely blew me off and we haven't talked since Tuesday. This is what I don't understand:

1) what's with the hot and cold with texting? Maybe this is just a transition but I've never taken a day and a half to 3 days to respond
2) why is he putting off the exchange? He said he doesn't mind meeting up but he's making no effort to do so, I have to keep bringing it up. The snow has been gone since Tuesday and we haven't talked.

[devilish-cutie]

girls, let him go
1) you have no business to chat with him expect direct messages like the ones about stuff exchange; he doesn't text you cause he doesn't want to talk to you as he is not in a relationship with you anymore
2) he may not be yet ready to face this or he doesn't care about that stuff
if you want stuff business over and done text him this:
tell me a date and time to come for my stuff or i will show up at that date and time
tell me when will you come and get your stuff, ifyou dont do so in 2 weeks, i will trow it away

[Misskris05]

1) if he doesn't want to talk then why even reply? I mean waiting 3 days then to text back is just stupid and whats the point? That almost pissed me off more then just blowing me off.
2) with the stuff I have I'd be shocked if he didn't want it. Half (if not more) of his wardrobe, a guitar, gaming systems etc

[devilish-cutie]

1) well he is obisouly torn, he wants to detach emotionally from you yet you keep contacting him
2) then he doesn't want to face it yet and i told you what to do then

[Misskris05]

I dont text him unless he says something
If he hadn't text me Monday morning I never would have said anything to him. Same with Thursday; I had no intention of texting him but he replied

[devilish-cutie]

Well i know ending a relationship is hard, the way he is handling the breakup really shows he isn't boyfriend material and you are actually better off without him. Give it time, i wish you to recover and find someone respectful worthy of your time! :)

[Misskris05]

The way he's handling?

[devilish-cutie]

well not getting his stuff and texting like a normal person but as a person that is ghosting you after you spent 2 years together

[Misskris05]

I just don't understand why he just doesn't want to get the exchange overnight. You'd think it would make it easier on everyone, its almost going on 2 months

[Misskris05]

* sorry overwith

[kyleelyn199723]

There could be a series of reasonings


1. The exchange doesn’t really mean much to him enough to make effort
2. Holding onto that stuff is the last part of you he has with this relationship and he may be unsure of his conclusion of breaking up with you (I mean after all it’s been 2 years)

[Misskris05]

he's also really bad at procrastinating so I thought maybe that was part of it. We haven't seen each other since that night and we just recently started texting a few weeks ago

[kyleelyn199723]

I mean what’s your agenda here? Do you actually want your stuff back or are you trying to convince him to see you so you can further try and stay with him?

[Misskris05]

I have things at his house that I want back too. I told him I wasn't going to fight the break up. He's 31 and not ready for marriage and kids. He lives with his sister and couldn't move in with me after 2 years

[kyleelyn199723]

Hmmm understood. Eventually time will go on and he will probably budge. I would hold off on texting him for a little while. Maybe by you texting him a lot , he thinks he still has access to possibly changing his mind

[Misskris05]

It's not like we've been talking every day and I don't understand the delays. Why reply after a day and a half or 3 days. When I sent the last text on new years he didn't have to reply

[kyleelyn199723]

You are talking everyday, but he isn’t. Maybe he needs time to digest the break up. Just because he did the breaking up, doesn’t mean he isn’t hurt and probably upset , and didn’t want it to end like that

[Misskris05]

And honestly I don't think he knew the break up was going to happen that night. I was mad at him for something he did the night before and the conversation led to that. If he hadn't text me on Monday I wouldn't have said anything, same with Thursday. If he blows me off I don't say anything, hence we have not talked to each other since Tuesday.

[kyleelyn199723]

I mean either way. You mentioned you want your stuff back, and he knows that. Just let some time go. You are putting materialistic things before necessarily understanding how he is feeling

[Misskris05]

And when I've tried to ask he doesn't say much. Before it was he was hanging in there, the holidays were good at keeping him busy. Then this week he said " I've been doing good overall " which makes it sound like he's over the break up

[kyleelyn199723]

Just because someone says one thing doesn’t mean they aren’t feeling another. Him keeping busy away from his feelings may be doing him well, but it doesn’t mean he isn’t over things

[Misskris05]

You could be right, if he asked me how I was doing I would lie and say good, I wouldn't tell him the truth

[kyleelyn199723]

Bingo. As most exes in your situation would too.

[Misskris05]

It just sucks because after being with him for 2 years I feel like I should know why he's doing what he's doing. Us texting is one thing, seeing each other is a whole different ball game. It could be in my heart of hearts but with him making no effort, I feel like he's not ready yet

[kyleelyn199723]

I think it all comes down to the fact that this break up wasn’t planned and he is trying to figure out things and if the break up was really worth it or not.

[Misskris05]

He had been having doubts since October but neglected to tell me that. I told him if anything was wrong in our relationship tell me now. He was silent and thats when I asked if a break up was what he wanted and it went to hell from there

[Misskris05]

We broke up mid November

[kyleelyn199723]

Been there and done that with my relationship. What he shouldn’t have done is pulled the trigger on breaking up. Maybe wait some time, and then ask if he wants to talk. Maybe that’s the answer he is looking for more than asking for your stuff back. Sounds like both of you aren’t over things

[Misskris05]

I mean I'm for sure not because I didn't see it coming. It hurt when he was having doubts but didn't come to me. He said part of the reason for breaking up was he got scared and supposedly he doesn't love me the way I love him. Our year was in Dec and I got the 'I love you' in July; he didn't say it to the last girlfriend. I tied for his longest relationship

[kyleelyn199723]

Yikes 31 and his longest relationship is only a year.

[Misskris05]

I got the I love you after 18 or 19 months into the relationship

[Misskris05]

His longest relationship is 2 years

[kyleelyn199723]

😬😬😬😬 oh girl even my man that isn’t into relationships told me I love you like 2 weeks into our relationship after knowing each other for some months. He sounds rather not understanding of what love is. I am sorry. Just give some time, maybe talk for some closure and then that may give him room to be open to give stuff back

[Misskris05]

So you don't think he's over this?

[kyleelyn199723]

Possibly not, but he sounds incapable of understanding your expectations for the relationship you want. I would possibly try seeking some closure though before demanding for your stuff back. I think you relationship left off on abruptly just ending and I think both of you are hurt from it

[Misskris05]

I just don't understand the hot and cold with the texting. I'm just getting frustrated at this point. He wanted the break up yet doesn't want to deal with the after math

[slatyb]

What does he have of yours? How badly do you want it back?

[Misskris05]

Clothes, make up, straightener, boots, gaming system, starbucks tumblers. Things I want back

[In_Trance]

No... move on. It doesn't matter now