My dad says "don't look for the perfect man, because you'll waste a lot of time trying to find him. When you do, you won't be the perfect match for him so he won't want you."
Attraction is so much more than just physical looks, while that helps to get things going it isn't what keeps things going. Personality and how well you mesh are more important in keeping things going.
I have a friend right now, who has all kinds of offers to date but she rejects them all cause she isn't interested in any of them. Instead she keeps asking out guys that she says look like Johnny Depp or Orlando Bloom. She won't accept anything less and has been single for a couple years as a result. She is choosing to be single and rejecting all the others because she won't even give any of the others a chance to get to know them.
In a way you either have to settle or at least give someone a chance to get to know them better to realize you might actually like them beyond how they actually look.
This might make you angry to read right now but from my experience when someone you like doesn't like you back its a blessing in disguise. That means that person is not meant for you! there's someone better in store for you! So be thankful he didn't lead you on! there's someone out there that will adore you the way you are!
So look at it as a blessing in disguise.
Two main reasons.
One is just math. If you are attracted to one out of a hundred people, what are the odds they will be attracted to you back?
The other main reason is that large numbers of people are attracted to a small number of people. So that person that everyone is attracted to has their pick. It means they can be highly selective.
But don't worry, the large majority of people end up with someone. Most crushes when you are young are not based on anything solid. Over time it works out. This is why 95% of the population ends up getting married.
I'll add a third reason, sort of. Guys tend to be shy, especially young guys. There are probably guys who are attracted to you but you have no idea they are because they give no indication.
The problem is you're aiming higher than your market value. That's why this keeps on happening.
The reason 2 people get together is 1 thinks the other person is attractive. And the other just isn't repulsed by the other. Virtually never do 2 people meet where they are mutually attracted. At least not in the beginning.
My advice is aim a little lower. And if you don't want to aim lower (which is understandable) then learn to accept being single.
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I believe we tend to act more like ourselves, more confidently around people we don't like making them attracted to us. The same way, we can't seem to attract people we like most of the times because of the lack of confidence we show.
u If the people to whom we are attracted never felt the same toward us, then no one would ever be in a relationship.
I'll tell you a situation -
An ugly guy (it is study from home coz of covid so we belong to same MBA batch) loves me, lives in another state and is not of my standards. He is selfish as well because when I told him that i don't feel anything for him as you do not fit into what kinda guy i want, he still decided to pursue me way too much to trying to be the best. It was tiring and i tried my best to set boundaries and maintain them while he was disrespectful of my privacy and was trying to invade it, making me uncomfortable. I was too tired to deny but managed to maintain friendship, despite me not wanting to even be a friend. I don't block people coz i don't want anyone to feel hurt, as i believe in good deeds.
I want a guy who i am attracted to and visa versa. Why would i go to just any random guy? Why would I go to a guy who loves me while I don't love him? I can't force myself to love him. love should come from within. I can't fake love. I take matters of heart very seriously. Hearts are treasure for me so I'll give my heart to just one as my heart is only one.
So now you understand?
People can't fake their love.
So me in a relationship,
This guy was disrespectful and rude few many times. I blocked him and my heart was broken because I loved him but self love comes first. So after a month, he realised his mistake. He and his mom called me too many times all day. He wouldn't have come back if he didn't love me. I was happy again.
So now you understand?
Self love is important. Otherwise how will anyone love you if you don't love yourself?
How did you let these people know that you were crushing on them? Did you let them know how you felt? For you ladies out there nowadays a lot of guys are gun shy and a lot of the guys that aren’t gun shy aren’t the kinda guys you want to wind up with because they’re probably players so I would say if you’re a young woman that likes a guy and aren’t sure what he thinks just grab up your purse and go talk to him you can start with some small talk and if the situation allows for even just have a couple little conversations with him over a couple days to feel him out a little then if you’re still interested ask him for coffee or just go up ask the dude if he’s seeing anyone and if he says no ask him for coffee. Most guys are gonna at the very least be flattered and if for some one in million chance he’s not interested he’s gonna turn you down gently which unless he’s already seeing someone gay or you have a giant booger hanging off your face he’s gonna say yes dudes are way more likely to say yes than a girl being asked out is. So it’s looking like nowadays it’s the ladies turn to be more aggressive when it comes too first dates. Now of course not every dude that asks a girl on a date is a player there’s still some of us that would but we’re a good bit older so if you’re interested in a guy say from teens to mid twenties your best bet is to be the aggressor this is just what I see happening these days
I believe it’s usually one of two reasons:
1) we tend to act really unnaturally around people we find attractive. Whilst with people we don’t fancy at all we are free to be our relaxed, authentic selves. So therefore, the people we find attractive don’t see our best personalities or we mess things up because we feel awkward around them/afraid of rejection. Yet the people we don’t like start to like us because they find us funny, charming etc.
2) if this happens to someone continuously, they might just be aiming “too high” in terms of looks or shallow attributes. Either they raise their own level so they’re on the same level as the people they’re interested in, or they aim “lower.” This is only about shallow things of course, like looks, money etc.
I think it has a lot to do with volume.
If your reference for making to statement is one failed crush or 2 or 3 you haven't tested enough of the population to make the conclusion that mutual attraction doesn't exist.
That's not me saying go become a slut, but just keep in mind that there are plenty of people out there and many you will find attractive as well as many who will find you attractive, eventually you will meet someone who meets both conditions but for that you have to be able to get out there and put in the effort.
Happened when I was a teenager with this girl Lindsay back when I was like 14. 13 or 14.
Puberty him me like a brick and I improved myself radically over a few years so by the time she saw me again at 17-18 it flipped around.
I could tell how attracted she was to me and more so when I walked in with my girl who was looking better than Lindsay. Very proud moment for me lol. Found out from others she was asking them about me. Wanted to get details on what I'm up to.
Nothing came of it. I had long moved on and done better since
It is not never but most people are attracted to the top 0.1% such as movie stars, models, the wealthy, and Olympic medalists. They in turn are going to be attracted others in their elite groups. They have no reason to be attracted to the 1,000 times as many average, below average people, and undesirables that are far below their league.
People are attracted to those above their league but must settle for someone within their league. People are not attracted to those below their league because they are undesirable and have nothing to offer.
Yeah it sucks.
i Have a thing where I need an emotional connection, even if I thinks she’s gorgeous, I know unless we click emotionally, then it’s pointless even trying to take it forward.
a lot is trying to avoid getting a crush on someone until you find out if you have anything in common, some element of emotional / intellectual connection.
Also everyone gets a bit hung up on social media ideals of people, it’s also a case of being realistic about the types you are comfortable with and not aim really high all the time, also don’t get knocked back if you don’t meet someone straight out.
One factor at that age is lack of confidence and maturity. Many boys are confused, unsure, and in skilled. Girls mature faster generally. People don’t know what they like, may harbor emotional wounds, may like you and lie to avoid the fear of unknown, or like you and never express it.
I could not be honest w girls then. Learning to communicate well may help get over the hurdles. Or just accept some are not ready or not interested now and move on.
Because to people with options, those who like them easily come off as "low value" or "desperate" (mainly, what women think). The less someone wants you, the more you want them, because you subconsciously think of them as "high value" and "having plenty of options." The opposite of supposed "clingy and desperate" that someone who likes you, is.
Please don't think or feel in absolutes, as nearly nothing is permanent. Sorry you feel down that those you attracted to aren't attracted back at this moment in time. You never know what they're feeling or what events are impacting them. You should always have dreams, which is sort of what attraction is. Don't you see your mind wander?
Aim as high as you want, but don't expect... just hope. Keep up the positive feelings and you will attract what you want.
One of three reasons...
1. That person is out of your league could be (looks, personality, social class, or something else).
2. Bad luck or you just haven't found the right one yet. Meaning that the person you like right now isn't meant for you or there's someone else out there waiting for you.
3. The person could already like someone else or already be in a relationship.
I stopped acting that way 2 years ago. It’s. A waste of time. Same goes with when a guy has interest in me but I’m not feeling it with him I just don’t let myself catch any feelings for that guy even if he’s cute I just don’t let “lust” take over me anymore, I learned to put it aside and open my eyes to see what’s really there.
Start talking to guys that you can say "okay I could see it happening". Then see if you have things in common and if he is nice to you. You don't need someone to turn the heads of others. Yes u need someone who is going to love and cherish you always and protect you and just be there for you.
I'm not really for sure about that I know for me if I'm hanging out with the person and I like them did I like the a lot of different reasons I think sometime timing is just off a little bit you have to remember this is just a moment in time this moment passes and anyone starts but I do understand what you're saying it's happened to me many times before
It's simple statistics you can say a person have three positions. They dislike a person, they don't have a opinion or is neutral or likes them. So when you like someone and they are completely unaware of you. They are most like in the no opinion or neutral position. While they themselves have the eye for someone else. So they don't feel the same thing for you as their crush. That's why many try to warm up their potential partners with presence and small talk before they make their move.
I came to Colombia to meet a gorgeous and brilliant young woman. With a full business plan to help her family import to the USA and make them all filthy rich by Colombian standards and retired in their mid 50s. Guess what? She wants some young dude with no self confidence that she can control and lord it over. I can't bro. I just can't anymore.
That's not always true. What happens is that 90% of people are attracted to the hottest 10% of the opposite gender (sticking to straight people for these purposes). Thus the people you are attracted to are probably in the top 10%, so unless you are also you will likely be disappointed.
Yes, this happens to me every time. Very frustrating!
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