Now I’ve read stories from men admitting and women saying: That their husband/boyfriend broke up with her. Because she was fat/obese. (This is the most common story of why a guy broke up with his wife/girlfriend. And cheating too.)
But…
I’ve never read/heard of a guy losing interest in his girlfriend because she lacks confidence.
Which is something I’m experiencing in my situation/ex relationship. ……………
As I entered in Long Distance Relationship. My ex boyfriend told me about his hopes and dreams about us starting a future together. I took this seriously and wanted to handle this responsibility. I was doing research about Long Distance Relationships, looking into k-1/k-3 visas, cost on travel, journal for emotions, talking to my parents about him. I was laying out a plan for a successful relationship in the future for us. But, I noticed he was not putting in the effort the way I was……
when I questioned him about it. His response was; “look, we both need to focus on ourselves right now. I need to finish school and you need to focus on yourself too. You are insecure and lack confidence. I do want a relationship with you, but not with you like this.” This broke me 💔 and killed my motivation of planning our future together.
Updates
+1 y
Thanks for everyone’s helpful opinions and it was really interesting to know guy users went through similar experiences with their partner insecurities.
I posted this question on my feelings and thoughts. Then confronted to my boyfriend about this. That he clarified he “never meant to push me away”. He just wants me to be happier and accepts me as I am. (my insecurities get the best of me. I don’t want to ruin our relationship. I aware I do need help 😞😢)
Is it normal for a guy to lose interest in his girlfriend because she lacks confidence?
You SO should build you up and not add to your issues while at the same time you should be able to do the same for him. It’s difficult to give sound advice on insecurities when you don’t know what they are and don’t know the person you’re trying to help but I can tell you this everyone is insecure about something to some level and I’d say do some serious self reflection and be fair and honest with yourself with the goal working through these insecurities cause 99.99% of the time you already know the answer and when you dig deep enough you realize that you’ve even known the way to get to where you want to be one last point on this. Who cares what other people think or even say cause usually the ones that are the biggest jerks pointing out other peoples insecurities are the ones that if they were discovered and called out on their insecurities they’d crumble so you’re the only one that counts here your opinion of yourself and know matter what you can be yourself and be accepted cause only the ones that except you as you accept them are the ones that you want around anyways all the others just walk away from them they don’t count anyways
Confidence is attractive. Also, if a man loves you and thinks you are beautiful, please do not call him a liar by criticizing yourself. Also, men cheat because their wives stop having sex with them. If women have sexual with their husbands every night (morning as well if he is under 30), they will not think of sex with anyone but his wife.
I was struggling with a reply then just decided to stop and tell how it is with me. I don't like to be around women that have "issues". I don't like to be spending half my time with her acting like some kind of an emotional crutch. This does not mean I am heartless when she is going through a crisis. It means I find things like co-dependency a turnoff. The thing is I spend so much of my free time working with men going through their wife's/GFs infidelity and after they get divorced. It's emotionally draining. This is why I date women that are successful in their careers. When I spend time with them they are smiling and help recharge my emotional battery. This also applies to women in my "friend zone". One last point on that obesity issue. I take time out of my life to stay active. I also eat right and limit my intake of junk. I run a lot. Right now there is fresh snow on the ground so I will be running in a local gym. I brought this up after speaking about obesity because I challenge my friends male and female to join me as I work out and run. I try to be a positive role model about the lifestyle changes that are CRITICAL in maintaining healthy body weight. However, if a person doesn't respect their body and physical health enough to make these changes why should I respect them?
Sounds like he missed out big time, doesn't sound like you were lacking any confidence given what you were planning. Takes a hell of a lot to be planning so far ahead so sounds like more of an excuse than the real reason based on what you've provided. (might be more to it from your other interactions, but sounds like you were plenty confident in what you wanted and were taking the steps to make it happen)
Take some time to recover, and then I wish you all the best going forward from this, whatever and wherever that takes you.
Oh that's an interesting situation, and I'm sorry. It sounds rough. I can understand it to an extent, but it tends to not be something I've really felt before.
Mostly I get almost a reflex to unconfident people, especially women, to want to be encouraging and boost their confidence. It's one of the reasons I loved tutoring subjects like math or physics. That and I get to use my metaphors to their fullest extent. But I liked helping people who think they are dumb realize they are smart. It just needs to be made relevant.
But yeah, I worry for my future relationships for the obesity reason you gave at first. Like, my attraction would slip if it change was drastic, and I hate that.
But no I get more of a consoling feeling towards people who lack confidence.
I don’t know why but reading your story it hurts my heart. People ask and expect so much for their love-life affected from environmental factors and man made terms like
“ confidence “. Sure he might have found someone else nowadays but he will never find someone like you and the love you wanted to give him. In a way you are lucky , you are very spiritual. I can sense it. I know when you might feel lost in love but babe you will find the one. Keep looking. Love is there for you too. It comes soon or late that’s your destiny you can’t control it but it’s there for you. I wish you lots of love and happiness 🌺
What is normal? And I wouldn't call it losing interest, but as a strain on the relationship. Any personal issues that persist, especially if professional help isn't seeked will keep adding strain to the situation until it feels unbeatable.
If you have insecurities but aren't willing to work on improvement will make it seem your partner isn't worth working on yourself. Notice I said improvement, completely fixing things is unlikely, more so on a short term situation, but improvement is possible.
As long as you keep having insecurities for whatever reason but won't do anything about it, a lasting relationship will be a pipe dream.
Not just insecurities, but any problem behavior like gambling, drinking, if it keeps going you won't be able to mend any relationship.
Eh, not unless it became a crippling issue directly affecting the relationship. One of my longest relationships was with a woman who was easily one of the hottest women I've ever known with a very likeable personality, but her self confidence was abysmal. No amount of me (or literally all of her friends) attempting to bolster her seemed to have any impact. It wasn't the main reason that relationship fell apart, but it was the longest, most persistent problem.
If a guy really loved his girlfriend, he would probably help her out with her confidence problems. My girlfriend helped me out of a lot of things. She stuck with me, even at my worst, and I strive to do the same for her.
I think it would be if it got to the point that it annoys even others. But simply not having confidence wouldn't annoy me. I only have confidence in my work because I put my all into it. When it comes to dating I haven't even had a date yet and have had some mean rejections so I have absolutely no confidence towards dating anymore.
That's like a long process for me, but short answer yes. Long answer still yes, because we all feel down sometimes or every once in a while, but if she or he is doing it all the time. That is very off putting and would eventually make me lose interest. I'd feel fatigued always trying to cheering her confidence up all the time.
I know a lot of people wouldn't too fond of this but I'd be more likely to lose interest if she gained it. That's not to say I won't her to he unhappy, but there's just something beautiful about delicate women. Strong, independent, confident women don't really appeal to me.
It's likely that he didn't see the relationship as 'real' the way you sound like you did. It's pretty uncommon for a guy to feel a connection is real unless you see one another regularly and do things together.
I can see that as an excuse he might say because he himself no longer perceives her worth. Or perhaps the existing relationship dynamic IS damaging to her independence/ confidence and he is failing to take accountability for his part in that.
For me no. But if she is verbally and or physically abusive. Then yes. Which majority of my past relationships have been. I forced to leave my ex years ago. Because i want marriage and children. She declined. I didn't want waste my life.
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