Is it bad to just say “hi” as a first message on a dating site?

[Flower7]

Yes, this is bad.

No, this is fine.

Updates

+1 y

The guy I wanted to message unmatched from me today… before I could figure out what to say to him. 😢

[Vegasrunner]

Assuming Hey is the same as Hi. It's the only intro message I've ever sent on a dating app. The truth is if a woman is interested, some form of hello is enough. Think about it, what would you say if u met a woman in person?

[Twalli]

It's just to let the other person know you want to talk.

[magiusX26]

many women seem to think so "because it's boring", but the thing is it is also a respectful greeting to new people and old aquaintences alike. hell we even have PSAs saying to start with some form of a hi/hello when meeying new people out there. why then do so many people (some guys are guilty of being like this too) think using that online is or should be seen differently from using it offline? to elaborate, many think you should comment via some of what is on a profile even though a large part of what people present online has often turned out to be an illusion or outright lies. as well, imagine it sort of like meeting up in like a bar. how would most react if you came up and started talking about many of the things expected to be used online but in person instead when 1st approaching/meeting someone new.

examples:

(online) "nice to meet you person123. so your favorite tv show is _____ and your family is in ____ business. you went to xyz college and got a degree in ____." "nice to meet you too otherperson 123. ..."

(offline) nice to meet you person123. so your favorite tv show is _____ and your family is in ____ business. you went to xyz college and got a degree in ____. "security. call the police. this person is stalking me."

[Phoenix-gb]

For me, Hi would be fine, at least you're indicating you're wanting to start a conversation, you know, like when you meet someone IRL.

Just because your doing it over messaging, I don't understand people who want half a stand up routine or a Shakespearian sonnet as an opener. Makes me wonder how they navigate conversations in real life.

[Flower7]

Very true, it really wouldn’t be as complex in real life.

[Almost10inch4funlol]

especially for us men it is because we have a big responsibility to be clever and witty lol but even for women “hi” doesn’t give the person anything to bounce off of. just read their bio and look at their pictures and say something, anything about that and you will be 10 steps ahead of most women🤷🏾‍♂️😂 because women suck so bad at gaming men but it’s understandable because attractive women never had to learn while even the most attractive men have to learn how to converse with women to get pussy, struggling through the pain of public and loud rejection at a young age when little girls are mean af lol but anyway yea just make a comment on something he shows on his profile make it easier for us ladies 🤷🏾‍♂️😂

[clampfan101]

I can’t really blame them too much. I’m certainly no good at starting conversations, let alone with that kind of subject. I’m sure I could think of something more than that one word, but it would probably just mean the same thing in the end. lol They should at least try to make the “hi” more interesting.

[clampfan101]

Update: Sorry to hear that. :(

[Flower7]

Thanks. I guess I waited too long!

[DonkeyDan]

I think that's ok. When I used them years and years ago before all the apps, I'd normally message a bit more like, "hi I'm DonkeyDan (didn't actually use that name lol) I liked your profile and your pictures and hoped we could chat a little." This was before the days of instant messaging on those sites, it was more like an email conversation back then so I guess you felt inclined to say more.

[Gagname]

Yeah it’s bad - one should say something about what they like in the other person’s profile, and maybe something about themself too.

[Gagname]

@Flower7
What did you mean by your update?…that he unfollowed you so you can’t message him anymore in pm?

[Flower7]

Yes. It was on OkCupid and we can only contact someone if we’ve both clicked like on each other. But he “un-liked” me, so now I’m no longer able to contact him or even see his profile at all. It used to show up in the section where it shows my matches.

[Gagname]

Ok, so he is the guy who just said “hi” and nothing else to you?

[Flower7]

No, neither of us had said anything to each other. I was planning to initiate a conversation with him, but couldn’t decide what to say beyond “hi”. I was trying to think of something better to say, but he unmatched with me before I got the chance to speak to him.

[Gagname]

Oh ok. Do you usually like your romantic interests to lead the way and reach out to you first?

[Flower7]

Yes, I do prefer that. But because I liked this guy a lot, I had been planning to reach out to him first, even though that’s outside of my comfort zone.

[Drumlin2001]

If I only ever said hi I'd not expect any replies. Maybe it's different for women, especially if attractive.
Also the site makes a difference. Met OH through bumble, where she had to start conversation. All I got was "Hiya", but it opened the door. On other sites I would have been less encouraged. Worked out for us, was nearly 4 years ago, we have 2 kids now

[desidoll]

I know this sounds ridiculous, but it is fine for us women to send the one liner text, but not the other way around.

[Flower7]

Lol, it does sound silly, but you’re probably right about that!

[GingerGuy]

Extremely bad. Would you like a guy to just say "hi" and nothing else? This is something women complain that we do a lot, but women are just as bad for it, even worse maybe lol. I wouldn't be surprised if you did that, if you never got a response back, but if that happens, but sure to say quite a bit more in your next message. Women want guys to put in "effort", but you must also show interest back. A two way street.

[Flower7]

Guys say “hi” to me all the time on dating sites. It’s very, very common.

[JSmuve]

Right! It baffles me that women can complain about guys' lack of originality in messages and then do the very same thing themselves

[faye_girl]

If they send me "hi"
I reply with "hi"
It's not my favorite way to start a conversation on a dating app.

[Flower7]

True, that conversation can end up going in circles!

[magiusX26]

thats why you dont end it on just a hi when you reply. for example, just ask the person "so anything in particular on my profile that got your attention?" he won't reply, he will reply with something superficial like "cause your hawt", or he will mention something more meaningful which in turn helps start real conversation/s later. the 1st 2 possibilities should help you weed out those you dont need anyways. and yes this applies the other way round too.

[magiusX26]

@ faye_girl at least your not the common "oh he only said hi. next" type i appreciate that, i really do.

[Jamie05rhs]

I agree with @magiusX26.

[TheBootyChest]

I don't think it's bad to do it. But I don't know if someone will take that and say "it's not worth it." People can be picky that way.

I once asked a lady "How are you handling the weather?" (It was summer and very hot.) We stayed together for 4 years.

[charlietom]

I like to go with "Howdy" if I go one word. The best first message to send is a question about them, based on their profile. Try to make it so they can't answer in one word- this is how you build repertoire!

[Jamie05rhs]

I think it's a great message! Because if they like you, they say Hi back. If they don't, no biggie!

[Jamie05rhs]

Re: update: Aww! I'm sorry!! 😨

[Flower7]

Thanks

[DeeDeeDeVour]

It's actually disappointing to only come up with "Hi" and nothing else.

[Jamie05rhs]

Do you mean as the sender or as the receiver?

[DeeDeeDeVour]

@Jamie05rhs The sender is a disappointment if "Hi" is all he or she has to say.

[Jamie05rhs]

@DeeDeeDeVour Some people just prefer to save their energy for things that will actually be profitable.
Matthew 7:6

[Adam1978]

Yes it's the lamest thing you can do. You start with it but there must be more effort and today you need to prof your not a bot.

[JSmuve]

Yes, it shows you lack originality and didn't even read my profile. Surely you can come up with something better than just "hi".

Lots of women complain that guys are boring and don't bother responding to messages from guys who just say "hi" or "hey" and then do the very same thing that they complain of! Talk about female privilege.

[dubcuda]

Lots of women are single

[JSmuve]

@dubcuda I don't know what that has to do with my response

[dubcuda]

Exactly!

[JSmuve]

@dubcuda 👍

[dustybiker]

If that is who you are, be you. Worst thing you can do is be someone you aren’t.

[Avicenna]

Women on Bumble do it all the time. But a guy definitely shouldn’t.

[Dragonpurple]

Dating sites, does not matter what I say, they never work. I could say I have a thousand dollars I give to any women to date me and I would still not get any hits.

[DarkWinterNights]

Depends on how many people are matching and messaging them. If they have a lot, then you need to stand out and “hi” usually gets skipped over.