Do you think it's more: "People being immature" or "People being selfish" that's ruining dating/relationships these days? (Page 2)
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Both , usually when someone is selfish they are immature as well , so it seems most people today carry both those traits and don’t know what it means to be in a relationship , they only really care about themselves
People that are selfish certainly are immature, but not everyone that's immature is selfish... But I definitely agree people seem to care more about themselves than their partner or relationship as a whole
Yes people nowadays want someone to sacrifice for them in a relationship but won’t sacrifice for them , I been dealing with this nonsense ever since I started dating again , I blame so much of it on social media and how people are brainwashed to what they see or hear that no one really trusts anyone anymore and only do what’s best for them
And why I've stayed single since my husband died, seems people think dating means instant sex, communication means texts, noone takes the time to get to know someone, don't wanna invest the time and care into building something meaningful, they rather spend more time on social media blaming their dating failures on the opposite gender🤷🏼♀️
Yes, it’s a sad world we live in but for some reason I keep waking up to it
You and me both
Immature is probably #1. Good example is instead of speaking up, someone bottles things up until things explode is the worst thing you could do to your partner. They can't read your mind, you're supposed to navigate a path together.
Very true
I would say ignorant and delusional. Their parents never told them how a good relationship works and what it takes to be in one. That includes what you can expect from a partner and at what stage.
Good points
Immature or Insecure. Problems that could have been resolved by communicating gets ignored until it becomes a bigger deal than it should have
That's very true
I think it's people not knowing the first thing about personal relations. I swear! so many just don't know how to talk to someone—let alone the opposite sex!
Because people too busy texting to really talk
Well, I don't like blaming texting itself. You know, back in the golden era of "writing," letters were just as big as texting. We passed notes in class, had friends hand our cute girl a note. It's more like because of all the gaming and indoor recreation that we have this century, we have dropped too much personal time together. There is just no substitute for personal interaction with other humans, but especially with the opposite sex. You can't know people without spending time with them, more specifically, spending time one on one with people.
I agree with the people don't spend enough in real person tone together
Yeah, I grew up isolated from people, anyway. My parents believed you didn't mix with the public, so I only knew my relatives until I left home for college. It was then that I realized that I didn't know people, and I truly believe that I was handicapped by not undertanding people better at an earlier age.
I hope that's gotten better for you
Thanks, @Brainsbeforebeauty, re: I truly believe that I was handicapped by not understanding people better at an earlier age... I learned how to cope many years ago. I didn't know anything about the outside world (past my family,) but it's also true that having an established family gives you a basis to do so. I had the family, but exposure to the world when I was young—and parents who could reason with me on issues rather than dictate policy—could have given me 100% of what a teen needs to know.
Good question as you can grow out of immaturity easier than you can grow out of being fundamentally selfish. I'd go for selfishness is the biggest hindrance to dating success as there's a natural cause to Immaturity (eg. get older lol)
I would agree
Immaturity. People play games and hide things from both themselves and others rather than face their emotions and work to improve. They're stuck in unhealthy patterns of lashing out and miscommunicating.
I so agree here!
In many cases if you're one of them you're both of them for some reason nowadays it's all about the me me me world and what I really hate are these people are going to be our next politicians
I agree the me me me mindset is getting more and more prevalent, which is fine if you single, not so much to maintain a healthy relationship
Immaturity is the bigger problem in my opinion. People need to figure themselves out before getting into relationships. Otherwise it's easy to get into toxic, codependent relationships where you end up blaming the other person for changing you. You need to know who you are and what you're willing to compromise on before getting into a relationship, and a lot of people aren't doing that
That is very true
People BEING immature and people BEING selfish is fairly much the same, at least in genre.
Kind of like the adult version of the 5-decade-old "Marshmallow Test", but you knew that, Brain! ref Stanford
What did I know🤔🤣
Everything, Brain, everything. (The Marshmallow Test of delayed gratification for kids).
Even I don't know everything🤣
Try the Time Management "Mayo Jar" test too. This is a second good analogy for life!
BOTH! People today that enter relationships are often a bunch of bratty, entitled, and temperamental kids who want to play with penises and vaginas when they should really be playing with dolls, Lego sets, and plasticine.
Love love this answer♥️♥️🤣
My ex was extremely selfish and that's why I broke up with him. I think people break up because of selfishness more often. But I confess that I was very immature because I used to slap his balls all the time as a joke lol.
Yeah, selfishness don't work in a relationship
Hedonistic pursuit that is strongly promoted in modern societies together with disdain for family and monogamy is basing entirely on egoism.
I can certainly agree with that
maturity is more difficult than selfishness so i vote dat. people can mean well and still be irresponsible
👍👍
Oh gosh. This is tough. From my experience it’s a mix of both.
It certainly can be
Being selfish and immaturity sometimes go hand in hand, therefore it could be a bit of both.
Than can be true
@Brainsbeforebeauty If you ask a question that features the word 'immaturity' in it, that is just going to encourage muppets from numpty world to get involved!
Hahaha 😂muppets from numpty world 🤣 love that, might have to "borrow" that lolol
@Brainsbeforebeauty It's yours whenever ya want it :)
Aww thanks 🤗
Obviously it's a combination of both. But for years I said the main problem is lack of commitment. And then all of a sudden a new study came out in America that said the biggest cause of failed relationshops is lack of commitment, something I was saying for years. In the olden days a man and woman would start dating and if they liked each other they would get married, have children, and spend the rest of their lives together. Only a small percentage got divorced. But these days as soon as people get a bit bored they just move onto something else. People today are seeking pleasure rather than happiness. Yes there are some people who stay together and make it work, but it's a fact that people aren't as committed today as what they were 50-100 years ago. And yes, I do put most of the blame on women.
I was with you till the blame women part.. Because as a woman, I can agree women are ruining things, but also see men doing the same, you know the guys that day women are good for just sex and nothing else, the guys that want just sex, but will lie, lead multiple women on, think it's okay, and then blame feminism, instead of the fact they just a shitty person...
But it's women that tend to go for these kinds of men. Been saying this for years. Men are the chasers and women are the choosers. And if women are choosing the bad boys or assholes because they enjoy the fun and drama, then the good men who are seeking commitment just get left behind. Of course not all women go for bad men, but a large percentage do. And remember, the vast majority of divorces are initiated by women. In my experience what I've experienced and witnessed over many years is that women tend to cheat on or leave the good men and be more attracted to the bad men. These are the reasons why I put most of the blame on women.
Oh because men don't cheat or leave the good women behind, or Chase the gold diggers or bad girls, yeah okay🙄
No, most men don't.
This wasn't a post meant to gender bash.. You wanna bash women take it to a post meant for that or create your own.. I remember you from when I first joined this site and every post no matter what the topic was, you left a reply taking negatively about all women... I'm not on here for that, but thanks for your reply
I have a right to say what I believe to be true. I couldn't give a shit if women get angered or offended at what I say.
And I have a right to not listen to guys who just want to bash any woman on here just because of their gender... So again, done here.. Kindly move on, thank you
Then don't listen. I'll just continue saying what I want.
There's a lot of both ^^ I can't say which one there's more of :)
True true.. I do see a lot of immaturity, but I think people are becoming more and more selfish, more me, me, me mindset than the "we" it should be in a relationship
its decadence; we live in a society with too much wealth and safety and too many luxuries
people don't know how to sacrifice, haven't experienced hardship. hardship makes us grow up
That's true
Both. They're similar.
People that don't mature often have no greater ideals to aspire to other than hedonism, and thereby can think of no greater act than selfishness.
/They're similar -> They're strongly related./
As for the reason why this is happening, I'd blame poor philosophy.
The greatest problem with pure individualism and subjectivity is this very devolution into isolation and selfishness.
It should be tempered with a well-trodden path that can provide security and satisfaction; traditional norms, the ones we're continuously abolishing in favour of this continuing ideological and cultural revolution, much like the four olds of China.