Why are people great at first then become unbearable overtime?

[BossLady16]

I understand that hormones make you feel happy and in love initially when you first meet someone and start spending time together. However, in my experience most people end up being way different than they were when you first meet them- usually in a bad way.

Why can't we just be ourselves from the start? Why do people introduce me to their representative then when I meet the "real" them it's such a huge disappointment?

[caring__1]

People are often afraid they won't be acceptable if they represent themselves accurately. They'll use a bait and switch to win someone over, but rarely do they maintain the aspects they used to win the person. Once they believe they've hooked their prey, they'll remove their mask and say, "If you loved me, you'd accept me as I am." This only leads to bitterness and resentment from the person being conned, as they would have chosen someone else had they known the truth.

Another thing is to look at the types of partners you tend to be drawn to. Sometimes, our preferences are superficial aspects that have nothing to do with what makes a quality partner. When it's new, we're totally satisfied. When the newness wears off, we're just left with a shell of a person... no quality or depth.

Another challenge is when we're drawn to people who are different than society's ideal. No matter how much we value these unique individuals, they usually also come with low self-esteem from years of being told they don't measure up. It can be draining to appreciate and compliment someone we care about and have that person constantly deny or minimize our compliments.

[WonderBell99]

Well-said.

This definitely needs to be selected as the MHO

[whitewolf]

My theory has always been people are almost always on their best behavior at the beginning but eventually they let their guard down when they start to feel more secure about the relationship, and thats when you start to see the real them, rather then the them they tried to show you up till then. That is when you really see wether you like the real them or not. It would be so much faster if people were honest and didn't try to do anything differently when they first meet someone but they change it up because they think acting one way is more likely to make the other stick around longer then how they usually are.

[Aerissa_Jade]

Expectations, same thing happens in job interviews. People try to be what you think they want them to be.

At the same time we (ourselves) have our own expectations and as time goes on notice how they do not align with them.

Just imagine if we could have zero expectations of anything how there might not ever be problems.

[random_girl95]

I think because they want to impress the other person and they are afraid that if they show their "true" face from the start they will be rejected.

[HawkPerception]

Honeymoon phase is great. You're learning about someone new. Their touch is new and exciting. There's more effort to share experiences with that person because you want to experience those fresh feelings. Then you fall into the "comfort zone" later where you know everything about them and there is usually less effort put into the relationship because you think they will just stay with you for you.

[Oigit]

A lot of it is fear of rejection. It can get a person will more or less put on a mask to avoid rejection. Also people having a strong sense of wanting to belong and be accepted pays a part in it as well. So we can go as far as changing what we think and feel to gain more acceptance and feel like we truly belong. We can even push that far enough we are willing to not be true to ourselves in order to be more accepted by others.

[lightbulb27]

question can mean a lot of things, what is unbearable?

Lets be clear... you are choosing them. is it possible some are more authentic, but you don't like them. you go for something that isn't sustainable in private?

[penteractgaming]

You see what people want you to see. And you answered your own question: would you have been interested in them in the first place if they showed you right off the bat who they actually were?

[BossLady16]

There are plenty of people that I like for who they are. I'd much rather someone be their truest self with me from the beginning. Honesty is a very attractive quality.

[qwert1234]

Because the honeymoon phase wears off - and the normal phase is back on.
At the beginning, you put your best foot forward - but that is not sustainable.

[dustybiker]

Be completely honest with them from the start yourself. People are more likely to reflect the same once they know you give it.

[AlwaysBelieving]

This happens because people are on their best behavior when you first meet them (on a date). Their true selves (slowly) show as time goes on since it takes a lot of energy to keep up "their best selves."

[Yucy_Gluttony]

To get someone you show the best of yourself. The right partner will keep trying even though you're together. The wrong partner will start slacking.

[exitseven]

People are on their best behavior when the first start dating. After a while they let the real person out and they are not always what you think.

[Anonymous]

Seeing how it's hard to get a single date, I gave in and found it much easier to act like the guy they would want. Yeah it's fake but getting sex maybe once a year is better than never getting it ever

[BossLady16]

I appreciate your honesty

[jasco]

Because most people put their best selves up front than slowly reveal their worst selves over time

[Iron_Man]

They get moody and too relaxed they need to work it out

[Bluemax]

My wife was not unbearable over time.

[Sam_The_Savage]

Even whether changes... than why not human?

[Imsmurter1]

WOW! Who is that girl? She's so beautiful!