What's the best way to find a girlfriend?

[SeanshterMonster]

It's so difficult and everything revolves around looks. When is the point where I can get past looks and get to personality and hobbies and actually forming a relationship? Why does it always have to be about appearance and height. Sorry I'm not jacked and super rich. I just want a 50/50 relationship, like casual but longterm and serious. Where we can have fun together, or just do things for eachother, or even by ourselves. Why does the guy have to do 80-90 of the dating and the approaching and asking and giving and loving while he gets almost nothing cause it's expected of him and not her. That's how it always seems like and makes dating not worth it. I don't want sex, I just want to spend my life with someone and make them happy. It makes me feel fulfilled.

[lightbulb27]

tried any of the girls out here? There's girls clearly looking. don't think there's a best way, I really think it's about being on your best and making the most of when you engage with people. sort of like what it takes to ignire fire, right conditions. So always be prepared, create lots of opportunites wherever you are or go, and make the most of them. take a lot of no's and such. it's just what it is.

you are similar in makeup to other women on this site... granted those are usually ldr's and may not be what you want.

[SeanshterMonster]

I don't want to get 100 Rejection just for a chance to have one say yes

[lightbulb27]

I think as you get to a better place, you get a lot of positive and them coming to you some. Until then, it's high rejection. It's high rejection for some women as well. Your other option would be a dating service (e. g. both parties are serious) that is paid and matched by personality, maybe get a few matches and maybe those go well. at your age not sure they are.
It really sucks to spin wheels, but it's part of the adventure. once you are dating or married or kids, it's different challenges.
have you seen some of the girls on this site "put themselves out there" for months and its slow going. it's just what it is. the more happy you are in yourself and have good energy to offer, the more you'll draw others to your world. a simple truth.

hope you figure it out. I didn't at your age, I was lonely, affraid, lost, clueless and hopeless for a long time...

[SeanshterMonster]

I don't think I'll ever find someone

[Anonymous]

What you want is all over the place.

If you want someone who's even decently attractive then you too are going after looks. If you don't want someone who's not after looks, then start going after the girls you don't find attractive at all.

You want a 50/50 relationship that's casual, but long-term, but serious? Are you kidding. This is a lose lose for most women. Having to pay half on everything yet, being committed to you without the title of a relationship. Worst deal ever.

Sex plays a part here. A woman will eventually end up risking her body. The stakes have to be worth it. That's why men are expected to bring more.

50/50 may be happiness to you, but for most women 50/50 is a nightmare. What's fulfilling to you, isn't fulfilling to those you are trying to date.

[SeanshterMonster]

Seriously? 50/50 is a nightmare? Anything different then I just prefer to be alone. Why should I put more into the relationship and get nothing back, why should I dedicate my heart and soul only get get almost nothing back. That's an unfair relationship. A relationship where I'll get exhausted of and never truly fall in love and never have a special moment. So saying that's a lose lose for wemon is just saying they are all materialistic and care about how rich is the man and what he can buy her.

Sex is worthless to me, nothing more than a selfish desire to satisfy one's self.

All a relationship sounds like it can only be fulfilling to one person. If it's really true, 50/50 is miserable for a woman, and 80/20 is miserable for me. Than a relationship is nothing more than a chore and a drag on life. Not like life is very grand anyway

[Opinion Owner]

How is dating going for ya? Is 50/50 working? NO. That's why you're asking this question. If most women wanted what you wanted then, you would be in a relationship and not on here asking this question. No woman wants to go on dates having to pay her half over and over.
The whole point of a man paying more is to be a provider. You should want to naturally be a provider as a man. If you don't want to provide, you're a red flag for a lot of women.
If you are dating expecting failure... then why are you dating? You're getting in a relationship expecting exhaustion , to never fall in love, and to never have a special moment. Most women do not want relationships like that.
Sex may be worthless to you but at some point sex WILL come up or happen.

[SeanshterMonster]

What's the point of a relationship if I'm the only one putting anything into it. Of course I like to provide and make the lady happy, makes me happy. But if all I'm doing is giving and providing and getting nothing back. Then it's draining and not worth it. Why should I waste my time in a relationship if I get nothing. I swear relationships are only about how mich stuff a man can buy for the woman. And that's it. It's depressing and pointless.

I had it work once, but she dumped me cause she was dealing with a lot of stress in her life. What I mean with 50/50 is like emotionally, time, and doing what the other person wants or trying how the other persons hobby, going out and having fun TOGETHER. Not some relationship where he's like a servant to her. Not exactly money.

[Opinion Owner]

What is it that you want back? You keep saying you don't want to give to get nothing back. What is it you want back?

[SeanshterMonster]

Love, care, time. Spending time together and her caring about me, her wanting to spend time with me and do hobbies together and have fun. Watch movies, go out biking, go to the beach. Just someone who gives back the same amount in emotional support, love, and care. Someone who would do kind things just because they want to and not because they need to.

[Opinion Owner]

Then when you talk to a girl, you need to ask her what are her interests. Is she adventurous? Is she open to trying new things? What's something new she's tried? Questions like that will tell you.

[Smoke-n-Growls]

"like casual but long term and serious".

Make up your mind, and you might have better success.

Do you want it to be casual, or serious? You don't get both.

[SeanshterMonster]

Why not? Why can't I have like a relaxed serious.

[Smoke-n-Growls]

Because those are diametrically opposed ideas.

That's like saying you casually wanna be the best in your field. It takes effort.

Decide what you want, and find someone willing to match you. Or, if you're finding no one wants such an ambiguous and vague relationship, figure out what it is you *really* want.

You can just do friends with benefits if you want something casual.

[SeanshterMonster]

Friends with benefits isn't a relationship though. It's not even Friends. It's just using the other person to satisfy your selfish sexual primitive drives.

I want to have someone close like a bestfriend but more. Someone I can show all of me and someone I can trust 100% and be in love

[Smoke-n-Growls]

That sounds like a serious relationship to me. You can't expect a commitment and care from someone else if you're not willing to give them the same.

[SeanshterMonster]

Of course I'd give the same back. I guess I don't understand what a casual and serious relationship even mean.

[Smoke-n-Growls]

That's a good realization, and something you need to figure out for yourself in order to find either.

They can mean different things to different people, so take some time to really think it through.

Knowing what you want and being able to clearly articulate it will help you find someone else who matches that and can help you find it.

It also helps you avoid people who won't be a good fit.

[SeanshterMonster]

I always thought casual as you two could just chill together, watch a movie, and have fun without the need to go on super expensive dates

[Smoke-n-Growls]

You're describing activities most couples do on a regular basis. Casual or not.

That's literally what living with someone is like. Staying in most days, watching TV, and chilling. And on occasion going out for a nice dinner.

Just be up front with whoever you're dating about what you wanna do with your time. But also recognize that the other person will have wants and needs, too. Not everyone is happy just sitting at home every day - most people will want to get out and do something like a walk or visiting some sights.

You also don't need to spend a lot of money on dates. Just budget for some fancy stuff and for the rest find cheaper things to do. Or split the bill to afford more expensive things more often.

[SeanshterMonster]

Yeah. Now the hard part is meeting someone. I don't look the best and I'm short. Not rich and not very talented. It's gonna take me years and years to find someone.

[Smoke-n-Growls]

You'd be surprised. Focus on making yourself happy, and improving your own life and happiness.

When YOU are happy and whole, you'll find it easier to attract others. In fact, they'll be attracted to you and you won't need to do much. Just be yourself, happy and whole.

People tend to avoid others who feel desperate or like they need someone else in order to live their lives. Codependency isn't that high on most people's "want" list.

[Sevenpointfive]

it would be nice to have a friend at the end but it doesn't always work that way. mediocrity is not attractive